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Sympathetic, "I enjoy a genuine, old-fashioned WlMJird," the Grouch Man. "I Hkc to nee the weather get buay, und rock the uteeples and rattle the win dows, Instead of loafing around in the valleys, aw If life were nothing l.ut a High in a dream. The weather miilH me hebt when the mad wind ahakeu the old earth to its Very founda tions." "But?how about the poor in that sort of weather?" asked the Old Phi losopher. "Oh," Kuid the Grouch Man, "I never fnll to aHk I'rovldence'to pity them!" Ah Offset. They both hud sections of the pa per. "Here's a New York man gives hia wife a diamond necklace," Bald she. Nothing like that' ever happens to iue.M "Weil," aaid he, "here's a Chicago mail gives his wife a black eye. Noth ing like that ever happens to you either, my dear." ? His Disability. VrofeHuIonal Beggar (In Hardup's ?office) ? I've been out of work for over a year, iniater, and ain't got th' price of a night'B lodgin'. Can yer do any thing to help me out? Hardup (sardonically) ? I'd like to, but I sprained my foot on a collector yesterday. ? Then He Was Elated ? Perhaps. Hub? Why are you so elated? Wife? I picked up a horseshoe to day. Hub? Huh! Old superstitioua non sense! Wife? Don't jump at conclusions, iear ? it was a diamond horseshoe and picked it up at a bargain. ALWAYS SCRAPPING. Customer ? Will you please tell me wliat is tin? difference between "shop girl" and "saleslady?" Floor Walker ? I don't know ? but . the differences between the aaleBla-?| ?dies are often fierce. Sudden Change. , "A lUilo ray of Bunshine That's just my style," aaid he; Hut seemed more like a thunder storm When tackled by a bee. His Ambition. "My son, I hope you aspire to leave & name behind you that will go ring ing down the corridors of time." "Well, dad, I'm afraid I'll never be a great man, but I hope some daiy to hear a bellboy shouting my name in 'he corridors of a hotel patronized ex clusively by millionaires.'-* Wifety Sympathy. ~ "Hr-rr-r!" exclaimed Mr. Dorkins, peeling off his overcoat. "Gee, but It's <old. Maria! It was all I could do to work the front door key. My fingers ft re all thumbs." ~ ? "Then suppose you open this pocket knife for me, John," said Mrs. Dorklns. "My thumbs are both fingers." Tragedies Told In Headlines. "Imported Jersey Cow Unused to American Ways Chokes to Death on l^ar of Corn." Stage Desdemona, While Being > mothered, Spoils Scene by Jerking Othello's Wig Off." Procession ef Transients. She ? Jack, when we are married I must ha to three servants. He ? You shall have twenty, dear ? hut not all at th? same time. Not Her Fault. Mr Robinson ? What a alngwlar *irl you are, Miss Jones! Miss Jones ( coyly )-r-Well, that can be aiterocj( you Vuuw. ? atray Stories. Chemically 80. Physician ? Nurse, is the pattest ?;tit headed? ' New Nurse ? Yea, doctor, but I don't think it Is its natural color. AS lo . ,,U EDUCATION Gladstone's Advice and Summing Up Are Worth the Careful Consld- ? cratlon of All Reader*. And now 1 coinii.t "id you ttgttln to your books. I took h are dullghiful so cloty. If you go into u room and And It full of bookH oven without taking them from tholr shelves, they seem to spouk to you, to bid you welcome, i h s teem tO UU you that they have foiiK'tliiiiK insido their covers that will bo good for you, and that they are willing and desirous to impart to you. Value them much. Kndoavor to turn thorn to good uccount and pray recol loot this, that tho education of the mind Is not merely a storage of goods in tho mind. Tho miud of- man, stoma people seem to think, is a storehouse which Hhould bo nilo^ with a quantity of useful commodities which may be tivkon out ltka^packeta from a shop and delivered and distributed accord* ing to tho occasions of life. I will not Bay tbut thin in not true as far as it goes, but it gooe a very little way; for commoditioH may be taken in, and commodities may bo taken out, but the warehouso remulnu just the same an It wan before, or probably a little worse. That ought not to be the case with a man'H mind. No doubt you are able to cull- knowledge that 1r useful for tho temporal purposes of life, but never forget that the purpose for which a man lives Is tho Improvement of the man himself, bo that he may go out of the world having, In his great sphere or his small one, done some little good to his fellow creatures, and labored a little to diminish the ain and the sorrow that are in the world. ? Gladstone on tho Uae of Hooks. ECHOES LOUDER THAN SOUND Probably Hard Thing to Imagine, But Science Ha* Proved It a Fact Jleyond Doubt. To most persons it would seem fin possible for an echo to be louder than the sound that produced the echo, but under certain rather peculiar condi tions this is really true. When a revolver is tired from a bal loon the report Is sliurp, but not so loud as It would be if the gun were fired on the surface Of the earth. If the balloon Is up something like 2,000 feet or higher, there will be a few seconds' alienee after the revolver shot and then a roar or deep rumble will rise up from the earth. If an explosive Is lowered from the basket of the' balloon until it hangs a few hundred feet below, and It is dis charged with an electric spark from a battery in the hands of one of the aeronauts, there will come to the ears of those above a report like a re volver shot and then a few seconds of silence, followed by a peal of the loudest thunder ever heard. There is no solid background about or above the balloonists to produce a rebound of the atmospheric sound wave and the air is more dense below. Thus, when tho sound-waves pene trate tho denser lower strata of air and then the solid earth, the echo pro duced seems to the ears of the occu pants of the balloon far louder 4han the original sound. ? Harper's Weekly, Advice About Reading, I3e sure, then, to read no mean books, shun the spawn of the ptess fh the gossip of the hour. Do not read what you shall learn, without asking, in the street and the train. Doctor Johnson said he 'always went into stately shops," and good travelers stop at the best hotels; for though they cost more they do not coat much more, and there is the good company and the best information. In {like manner the scholar knows that the famed books contain, flrat and last, the best thoughts and facta. . . . The three practical rules, then, which. I have to offer are: First, never read any book that Is not a year old; second, never read any but famed books; third, never read any but what you like. ? Emerson. i Best Wishes in the World. ; He was an author, but an author without authority ? which means, using the vernacular of the street, his stuff never got across. If his ability had equaled his industry, he would have had every novelist looking like an idler. , ? ? On this particular morning he walked into the office of a publisher who had rejected two or three bales of his manuscripts. "Now, look here," said the author* "on the level, how can I sell a good book?',' The publisher's advice was excel lent. He said: "Write one." ? Popular Magazine. No Mystery About It. Travelers in Europe are familiar with the sign "English Spoken," which is so often displayed in shop windows. ; In a small town in the south of Ger many a traveler noticed in the window of a small shop the sign "Christian Spoken." He studied it for a moment and, being of a religious turn, he con cluded that ho would step inside and inquire about this new language. The ?joke was on him, for he discovered that the sign was none other than the name of the proprietor ofi the , shop. Anxious to Be Firm. "Now. Rufus, I hope I have con vinced you that there are Ho such | things aa ghosts." "Yassuh. You has convinced sss." "You are absolutely sure?" "Yassuh, an' all I hopes is dat no ghos' am g'inter oomc along an' forco me to change mr mind " .iblfcHY OF OCEAN c. Strange Looking Vessel Con voying # Submarine for the Allies? i'roin A]|i|i'r?j <. ,'ims the story of a mysterious- ehip, which entered the port a few days ago, tl'? London Tele grnph stated If v. an u flne two-fun nelod vessel with < nglnes so power ful hh to Ik* out of character w|tl? ItH appearance, which was that of a pri vate yacht It entered the port Mil der the pretext of coallug, hut did not take in coal To tho port authorities the captain stated that he was car rying a cargo of salvage to Constant! nople. Requested by the customs au thqrltles to open the eases In the hold, he refuged, and tho vessel left I harbor hurriedly without a pilot. The following night an English steamer passed the same ship at some distant! from Algiers. All Its lights were out and It was in the com pany of a smaller vessel. Next morn ing a coaster, returning to Algiers, came upon a large number of floating benzine tins. It is suggested that the mysterious ship was acting as an escort to h sub marine ordered by one of the lately belligerent powers, and that it had entered the port of Algiers to supply Itself for the submarine, which had, remained outside the port. This theory fits In with the report of the Mngllsh steamer and the story of the floating tins told by the captain of the Algorlan coaster. It Is remarked that the mysterious submarine must have been crossing the line between Mar seilles and Dona ut the time when the French mall steamer Marie Augustin sank after a collision, the circum stances of which are still inexplica ble. MAN WAS EASILY CONTENTED Friend's Commiseration Qver Un pleasant Situation of His Horn# Was Lost. Dr. John Van Doren Young, secre tary of the County Medical Society of New York, was talking, at a dinner, about the unhealthlness of brooms and dusters, and especially, of household pets. "They who keep dogs and cats In apartments," he said, "claiming that the charms of these animals overbal ance their unhygienic qualities, re mind me of a man whose residence had a gas plant to the north, a tan nery to the east, and a soap factory to the west. "A friend commiserated with this man on his home's unpleasant situar tlon, but he answered with a con tented chuckle: " 'Why, it's fine to live here. I don't need to go to the expense of a j weathercock to tell which way the wind is blowing.* " L ' ? ???? * Women in Finland's Parliament. There are fourteen women in the Finnish Diet, as there the parliament is known, and one of their number, Dr. Thekla Ilutlin, on a recent visit to London, expressed surprise that in enlightened England women had not yet been accorded the parliamentary franchise. She added some interests ing facts about Finnish women M. P.'s. All members are paid a salary, but they lose it if absent without special leave, and are also lined 15 shillings a day. "I may say/' she went on, "that the wora6n attend the sittings more regularly thbn the men. The women members have endfcavdfr ed to bring about improvements in 1 women's position, especially in it* ; legal and economic aspect; Bills in* troduced0 by women have been con- j cerned with the rising of the age of ] consent, securing equality of the wife with the husband In the control of the children, motherhood insurance, the right ofr women to enter the legal pro fession, and so forth." I English-Hlnywha Bible. I The latest example of Chinese pref- j erence for western types of education al and other literature, especially those In which the English language is used, Is found in a "Romanised" edition of the entire Bible in the Hingwha dia lect, used in the FuhklQn provinoe. It has just been issued by the American Bible society, and is being sold at one fifth the cost of publishing. The work is not Romanised doctrln ally or ecclesiastically, but by the use, of the Roman (belter known as the English) alphabet, instead of the diffi cult Chinese characters. The trans lation was m^de by four Chinese schol ars, under the direction of Rev. Wil liam N. Brewster, and Is having a ready sale, but ftot so large as tho de mand for the Scriptures in Hunan province, where not more than one in thirty of the business men fall to pro cure a copy when offered by the soci ety's agents. Had Not Progressed Far. A reporter was sent around to make some inquiries concerning a new play that David Belasco was engaged in writing. "Yes," said Mr. Belasco, "I am writ tog a play. What do you want to know about it?" "Anything you can tell me will be In teresting," was the reply; . "Well/'^waa Hglasco's response, "It 1^-te -have four Acts and three inters missions ? and I've just finished the tnteratBfilona.~? The T*3Iea' Home7 Journal. Not Taking Chances. "Drought your wife a vacuum clean er yet?" "Nope. I'm 'used to the broomstifck. Ill wait about the vacnum cleaner tilt some man's wife has soaked him with or'* rir.<? T reo *icr- bt llv b? lt? Any dealer or prospective purchaser that is interested in a good proposition on COLE AUTOMOBILES - ? . . . ? ' . ? ? *; . .. ' > .. : ? ?" ii should write us for further information. CAROLINA MACHINERY & M'FG. COMPANY SUMTER, SOUTH CAROLINA Our coupon books give you more ice for the same money. They save you the an* noyance of making change, waste of time, and the handling of wet and dirty money. Phone us for a coupon book ? give the ser vant the coupons, as needed. Sunday hours, 7:30 to 10:00 A. 'M. CAROLINA PUBLIC SERVICE COMPANY L. S. BAXTER. Manager. 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