The Camden chronicle. (Camden, S.C.) 1888-1981, May 16, 1913, Image 3
Sympathetic,
"I enjoy a genuine, old-fashioned
WlMJird," the Grouch Man. "I
Hkc to nee the weather get buay, und
rock the uteeples and rattle the win
dows, Instead of loafing around in the
valleys, aw If life were nothing
l.ut a High in a dream. The weather
miilH me hebt when the mad wind
ahakeu the old earth to its Very founda
tions."
"But?how about the poor in that
sort of weather?" asked the Old Phi
losopher.
"Oh," Kuid the Grouch Man, "I never
fnll to aHk I'rovldence'to pity them!"
Ah Offset.
They both hud sections of the pa
per.
"Here's a New York man gives hia
wife a diamond necklace," Bald she.
Nothing like that' ever happens to
iue.M
"Weil," aaid he, "here's a Chicago
mail gives his wife a black eye. Noth
ing like that ever happens to you
either, my dear."
? His Disability.
VrofeHuIonal Beggar (In Hardup's
?office) ? I've been out of work for over
a year, iniater, and ain't got th' price
of a night'B lodgin'. Can yer do any
thing to help me out?
Hardup (sardonically) ? I'd like to,
but I sprained my foot on a collector
yesterday.
? Then He Was Elated ? Perhaps.
Hub? Why are you so elated?
Wife? I picked up a horseshoe to
day.
Hub? Huh! Old superstitioua non
sense!
Wife? Don't jump at conclusions,
iear ? it was a diamond horseshoe and
picked it up at a bargain.
ALWAYS SCRAPPING.
Customer ? Will you please tell me
wliat is tin? difference between "shop
girl" and "saleslady?"
Floor Walker ? I don't know ? but .
the differences between the aaleBla-?|
?dies are often fierce.
Sudden Change. ,
"A lUilo ray of Bunshine
That's just my style," aaid he;
Hut seemed more like a thunder storm
When tackled by a bee.
His Ambition.
"My son, I hope you aspire to leave
& name behind you that will go ring
ing down the corridors of time."
"Well, dad, I'm afraid I'll never be
a great man, but I hope some daiy to
hear a bellboy shouting my name in
'he corridors of a hotel patronized ex
clusively by millionaires.'-*
Wifety Sympathy. ~
"Hr-rr-r!" exclaimed Mr. Dorkins,
peeling off his overcoat. "Gee, but It's
<old. Maria! It was all I could do to
work the front door key. My fingers
ft re all thumbs." ~ ?
"Then suppose you open this pocket
knife for me, John," said Mrs. Dorklns.
"My thumbs are both fingers."
Tragedies Told In Headlines.
"Imported Jersey Cow Unused to
American Ways Chokes to Death on
l^ar of Corn."
Stage Desdemona, While Being
> mothered, Spoils Scene by Jerking
Othello's Wig Off."
Procession ef Transients.
She ? Jack, when we are married I
must ha to three servants.
He ? You shall have twenty, dear ?
hut not all at th? same time.
Not Her Fault.
Mr Robinson ? What a alngwlar *irl
you are, Miss Jones!
Miss Jones ( coyly )-r-Well, that can
be aiterocj( you Vuuw. ? atray Stories.
Chemically 80.
Physician ? Nurse, is the pattest
?;tit headed? '
New Nurse ? Yea, doctor, but I don't
think it Is its natural color.
AS lo . ,,U EDUCATION
Gladstone's Advice and Summing Up
Are Worth the Careful Consld- ?
cratlon of All Reader*.
And now 1 coinii.t "id you ttgttln to
your books. I took h are dullghiful so
cloty. If you go into u room and And
It full of bookH oven without taking
them from tholr shelves, they seem to
spouk to you, to bid you welcome,
i h s teem tO UU you that they have
foiiK'tliiiiK insido their covers that will
bo good for you, and that they are
willing and desirous to impart to you.
Value them much. Kndoavor to turn
thorn to good uccount and pray recol
loot this, that tho education of the
mind Is not merely a storage of goods
in tho mind. Tho miud of- man, stoma
people seem to think, is a storehouse
which Hhould bo nilo^ with a quantity
of useful commodities which may be
tivkon out ltka^packeta from a shop
and delivered and distributed accord*
ing to tho occasions of life. I will not
Bay tbut thin in not true as far as it
goes, but it gooe a very little way;
for commoditioH may be taken in, and
commodities may bo taken out, but the
warehouso remulnu just the same an It
wan before, or probably a little worse.
That ought not to be the case with a
man'H mind. No doubt you are able to
cull- knowledge that 1r useful for tho
temporal purposes of life, but never
forget that the purpose for which a
man lives Is tho Improvement of the
man himself, bo that he may go out
of the world having, In his great
sphere or his small one, done some
little good to his fellow creatures, and
labored a little to diminish the ain
and the sorrow that are in the world.
? Gladstone on tho Uae of Hooks.
ECHOES LOUDER THAN SOUND
Probably Hard Thing to Imagine, But
Science Ha* Proved It a Fact
Jleyond Doubt.
To most persons it would seem fin
possible for an echo to be louder than
the sound that produced the echo, but
under certain rather peculiar condi
tions this is really true.
When a revolver is tired from a bal
loon the report Is sliurp, but not so
loud as It would be if the gun were
fired on the surface Of the earth.
If the balloon Is up something like
2,000 feet or higher, there will be a
few seconds' alienee after the revolver
shot and then a roar or deep rumble
will rise up from the earth.
If an explosive Is lowered from the
basket of the' balloon until it hangs a
few hundred feet below, and It is dis
charged with an electric spark from
a battery in the hands of one of the
aeronauts, there will come to the
ears of those above a report like a re
volver shot and then a few seconds
of silence, followed by a peal of the
loudest thunder ever heard.
There is no solid background about
or above the balloonists to produce a
rebound of the atmospheric sound
wave and the air is more dense below.
Thus, when tho sound-waves pene
trate tho denser lower strata of air
and then the solid earth, the echo pro
duced seems to the ears of the occu
pants of the balloon far louder 4han
the original sound. ? Harper's Weekly,
Advice About Reading,
I3e sure, then, to read no mean
books, shun the spawn of the ptess fh
the gossip of the hour. Do not read
what you shall learn, without asking,
in the street and the train. Doctor
Johnson said he 'always went into
stately shops," and good travelers
stop at the best hotels; for though
they cost more they do not coat much
more, and there is the good company
and the best information. In {like
manner the scholar knows that the
famed books contain, flrat and last,
the best thoughts and facta. . . .
The three practical rules, then, which.
I have to offer are: First, never
read any book that Is not a year old;
second, never read any but famed
books; third, never read any but
what you like. ? Emerson. i
Best Wishes in the World.
; He was an author, but an author
without authority ? which means,
using the vernacular of the street, his
stuff never got across. If his ability
had equaled his industry, he would
have had every novelist looking like
an idler. , ? ?
On this particular morning he
walked into the office of a publisher
who had rejected two or three bales
of his manuscripts.
"Now, look here," said the author*
"on the level, how can I sell a good
book?','
The publisher's advice was excel
lent. He said:
"Write one." ? Popular Magazine.
No Mystery About It.
Travelers in Europe are familiar
with the sign "English Spoken," which
is so often displayed in shop windows.
; In a small town in the south of Ger
many a traveler noticed in the window
of a small shop the sign "Christian
Spoken." He studied it for a moment
and, being of a religious turn, he con
cluded that ho would step inside and
inquire about this new language. The
?joke was on him, for he discovered
that the sign was none other than
the name of the proprietor ofi the ,
shop.
Anxious to Be Firm.
"Now. Rufus, I hope I have con
vinced you that there are Ho such |
things aa ghosts."
"Yassuh. You has convinced sss."
"You are absolutely sure?"
"Yassuh, an' all I hopes is dat no
ghos' am g'inter oomc along an' forco
me to change mr mind "
.iblfcHY OF OCEAN
c. Strange Looking Vessel Con
voying # Submarine for
the Allies?
i'roin A]|i|i'r?j <. ,'ims the story of a
mysterious- ehip, which entered the
port a few days ago, tl'? London Tele
grnph stated If v. an u flne two-fun
nelod vessel with < nglnes so power
ful hh to Ik* out of character w|tl? ItH
appearance, which was that of a pri
vate yacht It entered the port Mil
der the pretext of coallug, hut did not
take in coal To tho port authorities
the captain stated that he was car
rying a cargo of salvage to Constant!
nople. Requested by the customs au
thqrltles to open the eases In the
hold, he refuged, and tho vessel left
I harbor hurriedly without a pilot.
The following night an English
steamer passed the same ship at
some distant! from Algiers. All Its
lights were out and It was in the com
pany of a smaller vessel. Next morn
ing a coaster, returning to Algiers,
came upon a large number of floating
benzine tins.
It is suggested that the mysterious
ship was acting as an escort to h sub
marine ordered by one of the lately
belligerent powers, and that it had
entered the port of Algiers to supply
Itself for the submarine, which had,
remained outside the port. This
theory fits In with the report of the
Mngllsh steamer and the story of the
floating tins told by the captain of the
Algorlan coaster. It Is remarked that
the mysterious submarine must have
been crossing the line between Mar
seilles and Dona ut the time when the
French mall steamer Marie Augustin
sank after a collision, the circum
stances of which are still inexplica
ble.
MAN WAS EASILY CONTENTED
Friend's Commiseration Qver Un
pleasant Situation of His Horn#
Was Lost.
Dr. John Van Doren Young, secre
tary of the County Medical Society of
New York, was talking, at a dinner,
about the unhealthlness of brooms
and dusters, and especially, of
household pets.
"They who keep dogs and cats In
apartments," he said, "claiming that
the charms of these animals overbal
ance their unhygienic qualities, re
mind me of a man whose residence
had a gas plant to the north, a tan
nery to the east, and a soap factory
to the west.
"A friend commiserated with this
man on his home's unpleasant situar
tlon, but he answered with a con
tented chuckle:
" 'Why, it's fine to live here. I
don't need to go to the expense of a
j weathercock to tell which way the
wind is blowing.* "
L ' ? ???? *
Women in Finland's Parliament.
There are fourteen women in the
Finnish Diet, as there the parliament
is known, and one of their number,
Dr. Thekla Ilutlin, on a recent visit
to London, expressed surprise that in
enlightened England women had not
yet been accorded the parliamentary
franchise. She added some interests
ing facts about Finnish women M.
P.'s. All members are paid a salary,
but they lose it if absent without
special leave, and are also lined 15
shillings a day. "I may say/' she
went on, "that the wora6n attend the
sittings more regularly thbn the men.
The women members have endfcavdfr
ed to bring about improvements in 1
women's position, especially in it* ;
legal and economic aspect; Bills in*
troduced0 by women have been con- j
cerned with the rising of the age of ]
consent, securing equality of the wife
with the husband In the control of the
children, motherhood insurance, the
right ofr women to enter the legal pro
fession, and so forth."
I English-Hlnywha Bible.
I The latest example of Chinese pref- j
erence for western types of education
al and other literature, especially those
In which the English language is used,
Is found in a "Romanised" edition of
the entire Bible in the Hingwha dia
lect, used in the FuhklQn provinoe. It
has just been issued by the American
Bible society, and is being sold at one
fifth the cost of publishing.
The work is not Romanised doctrln
ally or ecclesiastically, but by the use,
of the Roman (belter known as the
English) alphabet, instead of the diffi
cult Chinese characters. The trans
lation was m^de by four Chinese schol
ars, under the direction of Rev. Wil
liam N. Brewster, and Is having a
ready sale, but ftot so large as tho de
mand for the Scriptures in Hunan
province, where not more than one in
thirty of the business men fall to pro
cure a copy when offered by the soci
ety's agents.
Had Not Progressed Far.
A reporter was sent around to make
some inquiries concerning a new play
that David Belasco was engaged in
writing.
"Yes," said Mr. Belasco, "I am writ
tog a play. What do you want to
know about it?"
"Anything you can tell me will be In
teresting," was the reply;
. "Well/'^waa Hglasco's response, "It
1^-te -have four Acts and three inters
missions ? and I've just finished the
tnteratBfilona.~? The T*3Iea' Home7
Journal.
Not Taking Chances.
"Drought your wife a vacuum clean
er yet?"
"Nope. I'm 'used to the broomstifck.
Ill wait about the vacnum cleaner tilt
some man's wife has soaked him with
or'* rir.<? T reo *icr- bt llv b? lt?
Any dealer or prospective purchaser that
is interested in a good proposition on
COLE AUTOMOBILES
- ? . . . ? ' . ? ? *; . .. ' > .. : ? ?" ii
should write us for further information.
CAROLINA MACHINERY & M'FG. COMPANY
SUMTER, SOUTH CAROLINA
Our coupon books give you more ice for
the same money. They save you the an*
noyance of making change, waste of time,
and the handling of wet and dirty money.
Phone us for a coupon book ? give the ser
vant the coupons, as needed.
Sunday hours, 7:30 to 10:00 A. 'M.
CAROLINA PUBLIC SERVICE COMPANY
L. S. BAXTER. Manager. Ice Platform, Phone 165
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