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: THE JEDGE’S JOSH ; !♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦ Every Fellow To His Trade Amateur Astronomer: “The sun is more than 93 million miles from here.” New Car »Owner: “Does that in clude detours?” An Example Meek Mel: “I just do the best I can, day by day, and let it go at that. No man was ever perfect.” Boss: “Oh, yes, there was.” Meek Mel: “Who?” Boss: “My wife's first husband.” den produce, finally fell in love, and this was r ‘what he wrote to his lady love: “Can you learn to carrott all for me?. My heart beets for you, the apple of my eye. Lettuce marry and be a happy pear. I have bean wait ing long for you.” Obliging “How much are your eggs.” “Thirty cents a dozen.” “Goodness! How reasonably- You know down our way dealers are charging twice that much for them.” “Sixty cents per dozen is all right with me, stranger—if it will make you feel any more at home.” THE CLINTON ^ CHRONICLE, CUNTON. S. C. DIPAOVED UMFOUT RVTERNAHONAL PAGE E At Training Camp Officer of the Day: “The liberty of the camp is denied all for the day.” Rear Rank Voice: “Gimme liberty ( or gimme death.” Officer: “Who said that?” Another Voice: “Patrick Henry.” In Her Stepe Visitor: “My, but you are a fine little girl. What are you going to do when you grow big like your mother.” Dorothy: “Diet.” the Reason Enough » Judge: “Why did you strike telegraph operator?” 7 Defendant: “I handed him a tele gram for my girl and what did he do but start reading it.” —- The Boy Waa Right „ Teacher: “Spell ‘shirt’.” Littie Boy: “Sh-h-h-s-h ” Teacher: “Yes—yes—the next let ter is easy. What have I on each aide of my nose?” Little Boy: “I can’t hardly see from here, but I think it's powder.” That’s Fair Enough Father: “You heard me when I called you this morning!” '• Son: “Yes'ir.” Father: “Then why didn't you an swer?” Son: “Well, sir, I couldn’t think of a thing to say.” A Sporty Course First Flea: “Where did Sam and Pete go?” Second Flea: “Over on the lynx to play golf.” watch ' Just Like That Jeweler: “When did your stop?” Customer: “When it hit the floor.” Purdy’s Philos “Only a pin can get av/ay with a double course—of being pointed one way and headed another.” Convicted Professor: “A fool can ask ques tions that a wise man cannot an swer.” Student: “Now I know why I fail ed in the examination.” Blonde Bess Opines “I should worry—even a mighty oak was once a nut.” Back At Him Phlipp: “A-little knowledge is a dangerous thing, you know?” Stedy: “Man—your shoulders are sure supporting a ton o’ gun-pow der.” Ah—A Man’s Man Mother: “Was your husband cool when the burglar was discovered in your homo?” Young Bride: “Oh, yes, very cool. Why—'er—he was actually cold. I could see him shivering.” Forgers Baffled living man can forge Funeral Held For Aged Laurens Man W. Benton Fuller, of Cross Hill, Dies At Ripe Age of 84. Was Con federate Soldier. Laurens, Aug. 17—Funeral servi ces were held this afternoon at Cross Hill Baptist church for the late W. Benton Fuller, Confederate soldier and prominent Laurens county citi zen, who died Saturday afternoon. Following the church service, which was conducted by Rev. Jodie A. "Mar tin, former pastor of the Cross Hill Baptist church, of which Mr. Fuller was one of the leading as well as one of the most useful members, in terment was made at Liberty Springs church cemetery. Mr. Fuller, in an accidental fall Thursday, sustained a broken hip and he never recovered from the shock. Pomp: “No „ my name to a check and get it cash- ! He was 84 V**™ of *8® an d ha d s P ent >» ; his long and useful life in the Cross Wyman: “You must have an unus- section, ual signature.” I For many years Mr. Fuller was Pomp: “No—no money in the magistrate of Cross Hill township. bank.” Definite Tourist": “Hi, neighbor, does this road go?” Native: “Oh, first one place then another.” Where an Vegetarian Courtship Benjamin Burdick, a dealer in gar- He is survived by his wife and the following children: Mrs. Dick Young, of Milton; Mrs. Lila Austin-, Mrs. Conway Dial, Hugh Fuller, and Mrs. Henry Rasor, all of Cross Hill; and the following step-children: J. W. Spearman of Greenwood; Mrs. J. B. Leverefte of Starr, and Mrs. J. J. Poole-of Greenville. Assistant November JOHN M. DANIEL GREENVILLE, S. C. CANDIDATE FOR Attorney General OF SOUTH CAROUNA Am Asking Advancement Endorsed by Greenville Bar Asso ciation and Greenville County Dem ocratic Convention. Your influence and support will be 8"*% appreciated. Political Advertisement Paid WHOLE BODY SEEMED IN ONE AWFUL PAIN Morse, La.—Mrs. L. P. Lam bert, who has been a popular school-teacher here for several Fears, recently told a visitor of her interesting experiences with Gardui. “Just before my . • . came on,” said Mrs. Lambert, "1 would ache all over. My feet, my toes, my arms, hands, head—my whole body seemed to be in one awful pain. I would grow so nervous that I could not hold a cup in my hand. My husband would have to hold my coffee for me to drink., Last fall I was in such a bad condition that J had to spend about three days in bed every month. It seemed to me that I was on my last go-round.” Then one day, said Mrs. Lam bert, she happened to read about Cardui and the experiences of some women who had been helped by it 4 T felt that Cardui wight help m# if I tried ft,” she lit continued, “for I had been suf fering with similar troubles to those mentioned there. I had heard of Cardui all my life and I knew many women who said they had been helped by it The very next day I began to take it “Very soon after, I began to notice my improvement I kept on till I felt like a different woman. I gained in weight from 98 pounds to 115 and felt better than I had in years. I took six bottles right along and found, It a splendid tonic. My suffering was partly due to a run-down condition and the Cardui stimu lated my appetite and helped me to gain the strength I needed. . . . I take a bottle every now and then, even now, just as a tonic to keep up my strength, but I am in better health than I have been in for years.” All druggists sell Cardui. Try Lesson (By RBV. p. B. PITZWATBR, D.D.. D**a of the Evonlng School, Moody Bible Insti tute of Chicago.) «P. 1»I4, W. it era New.paper Union.) Lesson for August 24 ; * JESUS TALKS 3 WITH NICODEMUS LESSON TEXT—John 1:1-11. OOLOEN TEXT—"For Ood bo lovod tho world, that Ha gava His only be gotten Son, that whosoever belleveth In Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."—John f:lt. PRIMARY TOPIC—Nlcodemua Vlelte Jesua. JUNIOR TOPIC—The Vlelt of Nlco demua INTERMEDIATE AlfD SENIOR TOP- JC—What It Means to Bedome a Chris tian. YOUNO PEOPLE AND ADULT TOPIC —Tile New Birth. Tho subject of the conversewith Nlcodemua waa the new birth. Thla topic had peculiar significance In the light of Nlcodemua* station In life, He waa a learned rabbi, a doctor of the law and presumably a man of good character. Hla coming by night Indicates hla timidity. Like Joseph of Arimathaea le waa afraid td &penly espouse the cause of the new Teacher of Galilee lest be be put out of the synagogue. . 1. The Necessity of the New Birth (tv. 1-T). It Is not a matter of choice as to whether one la to be bofn again but of neceaslty If be Is ever to see the Kingdom of Ood. Regeneration Is tha first demand tha Gospel of Christ makes upon men. Tbs reasons for this art: L The Kingdom of God Is a spirit ual Kingdom; therefore there must be ■ spiritual birth in order to enter It (v. 8). Aa we enter the phyalcal kingdom by a natural birth, so we en ter the Kingdom of God by a supers natural birth. 2. The nature which we get through the natural birth Is radically and es sentially bad. Christ declares that that which Is born of the flesh is flesh (v. 6). In Galatians 5:19-21, Paul gives a catalogue of the works of the flesh. The flesh cannot be improved (Jer. 13:28). Culture and educate, do all you please, and It still remains flesh. Furthermore, in order to enter into the kingdom of heaven there must bo a nature fitted for heaven. There Is nothing that can be substituted for the new birth. Men are trying to Sub stitute morality and education for the new birth. Nicodemns possessed these; yet Christ declared that he needed something more. Regeneration Is the act of Ood through the Holy Spirit which quickens a man from spiritual death and plants within him God’s own nature (II Pet. 1:4). II. The Mystery of the New Birth (w. 8-13). Ils process is mysterious, but Its re sults are definite. You may not be able to discern from whence the wind cometh or whither It goeth, hut you know that It blows by Its effects. The fruit of our lives demonstrates our nature, whether It Is heavenly or car nal. We need not he told that we have a physical birth for our bodies with their various faculties In exercise prove It. Even so the presence within us of a nature which has no affinity for ttie things of the world, a strong affection for God and a disposition to yield prompt obedience to His com mands. proves that we have been born from above. Galatians 5:22, 23, is an Infallible test. III. Tha Ground Upon Which ths Now Birth Reata (vv. 14-18). ^ Christ's atoning death on the cross makes regeneration possible, lie took the place of sinners. His Infinite merit was placed to their account. He suf fered In the sinners’ stead. Just as the Israelites had only to look on the brazen serpent In the wilderness so the sinner must look to Christ rpllfted upon the cross. See Num. 21:4-9, John 12:32, II Cor. 5:21, I Pet. 2:24. Our salvation cost on the part of God the giving up of His only begotten Sou and on the part of Christ the suffer ings and shame of the cross. IV. For Whom Salvation Was Pru- vidod (vv. 16, IT). “Whosoever be lleveth on Him.” These verses give In a condensed form the whole plan of salvation. Ob serve: 1. The Source—God so loved. 2. The Ground—the death ot Christ. 3. The Recipients—whosoever. 4. How Appropriated—believing in Him. 6. Results—should not perish ; ever lasting life. V. Men's Attitude Toward Christ (yv. 18-21). 1. Some Believe and Are Saved. Those who believe are now free from condemnation (John 5:24). 2. Some Will Not Follow and Are Resting. Therefore, Under ths^ Con demnation of God. The cause of their unbelief In Him Is tbelr love of sin. The Confidence The I 1 1 1 in 1 No institution can gain the confidence of the com munity without becoming an inherent part of it, liv ing its life, sharing its interests, taking part in its acti vities and working for its welfare and prosperity. From the time of our establishment we have striv- en to justify the confidence placed in us by our cus tomers. Qur organization is such as to enable us to serve financial requirements of the utmost magnitude with the same ease and efficiency with which we han dle the most modest savings account. In commercial banking, in personal banking, check ing and savings accounts, our facilities are more than, ample to meet your requirements. There is no service too small and none too large within the province of our business which we are not ready and willing to per form for any individual in Clinton or this community. If you have no account with us we especially invite you on our record of national banking service and safety. 3 i Tlie First Nations “CLINTON’S STRONGEST BANK” “Speculation Vs. Certainties” When they unked the dying Fara day, “what are your speculations?” he replied that be was not “pillowing his head on tny^Hpeculatlons.’’ Bald he, ‘T know whom I have believed, and •m persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him against that day.”—Exchange. hi Lead tbe Way Wie best way to lead your boy te heaven Is to go that ayiyt youreeltr- Wdktera Christian Advocate 1 ;=j r=J r=i •» r-r~-i j ir=J r^i r=-J r=J r=Jr nr Lit rente our Clutch" Buy the best oil but buy it by name, and the name is "Standard” Polarine of sight, out of mind, lady^, says the old- time Fleet Boss. “You've got to remember to keep your clutch collar lubricated, keep your clutch adjusted right, and have the clutch cleaned out occasionally, even if you can’t see it work. If you let it slip along, you waste power. If it grabs, you strain your whole car. Adjustment and the right oil will cut down these trips to the shop.” “Standard” Polarine oils in the motor also lubri cate most clutches properly without extra atten tion. A little neats foot oil on your leather cone clutch will ease the grabbing. There are other "Standard” lubricants for clutch collars and wet type clutches. While “Standard” Polarine motor oils deservedly outsell every other brand in thl* state, they are by no means the only “Standard” products you need to know. “Standard”-izc your lubrication throughout for real satisfaction. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) STAN DAR D Three one correct for your motor. Goneult your dealer's Polarine chart —ahreya Oilsjou can (Trust I