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mmm v ? xEBr. - • ■' ■*' % • * mSSS-^'-'" >, ‘; •*■' OUR BUDGET OF HUMOR LAUGHTER.PROVOKING STORIES FOR LOVERS OF FUN. Tit* Laxy Man’* Plaint—Willin B _A Fellow Feetlnc—Her Reply-By Infcrencc_An Aunrance—Easily Answered—Just In Time-Mean—The Cheerful Idiot. Etc. To^day will dawn, ah, never more, 'Mb not this which makes ns sorrow We’ll fluht its same old battle o’er. In getting out ot bed to-morrow. —Chicago Record. Willing. ‘I never censure lazy people.” — not?” WILD BIRDS’ EGGS AS FOOD. Many That Are Eaten and i In In Europe Regarded A* Delicacies. Germany and Holland crows a : From the Mrs. John Ta Detroit, Mlchtga tU P e g8 oo::° n T lered a 1 ? xur y among who always kno ... poorer classes, and on Prince Bismarck’s eighty-third birthday a present of one hundred of these was made to him. The eggs of the rook are also looked upon as delicate food by the Germans and Hollanders. The Chinese are not only fond of swallows’ nest soup, but they eat the eggs of this little bird with great relish. Among the South Sea Islands the trouble and sickni to those in d: I *’I am the moth have raised eight ago we bad a serioi ter, which began j teen years old. Sh ous illness but »e?ai away. Having novel in our family, ns we and Scotch stock, v that. Our doctor cn Why —i — —- — xui “The laziest man on earth isn’t half tlieni in nests, and so important is the natives depend largely npon this kind ; odd name, which, of food, which the birds prepare for lud Art. Detroit, Mich. ISO Baker Street, those women to do in all that is a mother iporter she said: n children and Heveral years rith my daugh- wivs about six- t have any seri- jrnduaUy waste ny consumption ' good old Irish t think it was disease bv an as lazy as I would be if I could afford it.”—New York World. Her Reply. He asked if he coaid kiss her, and naturally she blushed very prettily. “I don’t know whether you can or not,” she said; “bat if you can’t you’re not a very strong man.” Is it necessary to say what pened?—Chicago Post. hap- A Fellow Feeling. “Why do yon persist in looking at the moon and sighing?” she asked while gently steering their course to ward the candy emporium. “Pure sympathy,” in an absent- minded way. “It’s on its last quar ter.”—Detroit Free Press. By Inference. “Women must find it a hardship sometimes not to be able to swear. ” “Oh, I don’t know. They have their own ways. When they want to be particularly nasty about another woman they say ‘she means well,’ and it really conies to the same thing.”— vPick-Me-Up. The Cheerful Idiot. “H’m!” said the Cheerful Idiot. “Here is a clothing firm advertising their best boy’s suits at $2.50. “Well, what of it?” asked the Ir ritable Boarder. “Oh, not much; but I doubt if any body’s best girl ever wore a suit that cheap.”—Indianapolis Journal. Mean. “Why do you dislike Mrs. Bed- mond? You used to be schoolmates, I believe. Did yon ever have any trouble in those days?” “No; but we never get together now that she doesn’t find some excuse to mention the fact that I, being the older, was, of course, in a higher grade.”—Chicago News. Jn*t In Time. “I didn’t want to keep you waiting, Mr. Westend. so 1 came down just as as,” Dartlngton, sweeHyT as she entered the parlor. “Oh, what a whopper'.” exclaimed her small brother. “You know you only had on ” And then Tommy was violently hustled out of the room.—Harlem Life. source of this food considered that they will rarely destroy the birds. On the great rookeries they have found the eggs supplied abundantly for them for ages, and they gather them so easily that there is no disposi tion to destroy the birds. It is only when civilized man comes, intent upon destroying the birds for their feathers and plumes, that these great island rookeries have been depopulated, lu the markets of Holland—the greatest centre for wild birds’ eggs we find displayed for sale the eggs of nearly all large wild birds, such as the crow, rook, gull, plover, peewit, red shanks, guillemot, blue heron, wild duck, sheldrake and many others. The eggs arc gathered for these markets from the largo colonies along the coast. The Isle of Texcl supplies many of the wild birds’ eggs for the Hollanders. This island is given up largely to sheep grazing, and the shepherds make a little extra pocket- money in gathering the wild fowls’ eggs from the rocks and broad heaths. In Friesland the farmers have almost tamed the sheldrakes like domesticated fowls. The sheldrakes have laid their eggs in count less numbers on the heaths of the Dutch Norfolk, and the farmers, in stead of killing the birds or frighten ing them away, cultivate their acquaint ance and build artificial burrows or nests iu the grass for them. In these nests the sheldrakes go on laying their eggs, despite the fact that they are almost daily robbed of them. In some instances the female birds will even permit the farmers to handle them to remove the eggs. In return for all this the farmers protect the birds, and after a certain season they permit the birds to sit on their eggs and hatch out young ones. The young shel drakes are protected just as much as our young barnyard chickens are. Egg-gathering has become a legiti mate vocation on the Irish and Scot tish coasts and on all the islands along the shores. The men w meant lack of blood. ‘ It is impossible to John and I bad as we slowly passing away found, however, a mod' as Mr ward learned. Ibe the feeling our daughte: is. We finally hat seemed tc The New Boy. ••Been anybody in?” asked the grocer. “Mr. Brown was in and left his meas ure.” said the new boy. w ^ i “Left his measure? Does he take this for a tailor shop?” “Naw. He left a gallon measure to be filled with molasses."—Indianapohs Journal. • tOO Reward. aiOO. The reader* of this paper will be pleased to learn that there i* at least one d rvaded di•«'a•* , ' that science has been able ^atarria stages, and that is atarrh. Hall s c alarm tune is the only positive cure known to the medical fraternity . ntarrh t ioii'il tliNfcnw. cottutitutiouAi t-r •v tneut H all's Catarrh l ure is taken Internally, acting directly on the blood and mucous sur- faces of the system, thereby destroying the foundation of the disease, and giving the pa tient strength by building work The and assisting nature iu doing its f ork. Tm> proprietors have so much fa th in lts i orati'® powers that they offer One Hundred Dollars for anv case that it fails to cure, send for list ot testimonials. Address F. J. i’hbnky A t <•., Toledo, O. Sold by Druggists. 75c. Hall’s Family Pills are the best A man full of himself is as disagreeable a» a full of whiskey. • • ATUND TH£ • • COMMERCIAL School, HPAIlTtSBb’Ka. *C. COMMERCIAL School, CH UtLliaTON. 8. c. Kargvat. Ile.l llquipped and only ii*-te-daa Business College lu »Ue male of®. C. Writ* for Catalogue. SAW MILLS. If you need * saw mill, any slif*. me belore buying elsewhere. I hav, the most complete line of mlUsofanj dealer or mauutacturer ta the obutn CORK MILLS. Very tdgheet grade Stones, at unusual Iv low prices. ned Most of the Time She Ha* help her, and from the flrstl decided change for the bet! three months’ treatment herM'Jt greatly improved you woiildl) cognized her. She gained it" and soon was in perfect healt cine used was Dr. Williams’ 1 Pale People. I have always k< in the house since and have rl them to many people. I hav mothers about them and they some wonderful cures. “Every mother in this land these pills in the house, ns they many aliments, particularly from impoverished or diseased weakened nerve force.” to Bed. noticed a and alter [th was so have re- rapidly he medi- j Pills for heso pills imended Id many effected mid keep good for arising lod, and WOOD-WORKING MACHINERY, Planers, Mouldere, Edger-*, Re-Saw* Baud Saws, Laths, etc. ENGINES AND ROILERS, Talbott and Liddell. Engleborg Rice liuller, in stock, quiet delivery, low price*. V. C. BADHAM, No. 1320 Main St., Columbia, a C. — -W. .90. .w*. HjjoNEY iii chickens! Send 25 cents in stamps for Book. BOOK PUBLISHING HOUSE. 184 Leonard Street, - - New York. Chiming Be. s on Hie A couple of dozen young gentlemen of Galveston are n for a most unique idea In Just who thought out the s not known, for the credit is shared. The company Is t< “bike bell ringers,” and it spn existence after the passage of dinanee requiring wheelers b lamps and to ring bells at crossings. These bikers have their wheels with lamps of di a. es and s&nsilile ycling. rae is erally the into e or- carry treot tied ent An Aasurance. “I hope,” said the girl’s father, “that you expect to surround my daughter with all the luxuries to which she has been accustomed.” “Oh, yes,” was the prompt and cheerful response. “Wo have talked it over, and we agreed that we would just as lief come right here to live as not. ”—Washington Star. Spectacles nn<l Tea. Edith—“She lost Freddy through her own stupidity. A girl should never permit herself to appear more intelli gent than the man who is talking to her. That is the rale I always fol low.” Bertha—“But then it is so easy for you, you know. You ought not to be too harsh upon poor Hettie.”—Boston Transcript. jt Easily Answered. 4 “J suppose you have devoted much ftime to studying your country’s ’needs?” “I have,” hum. “What, in your opinion principal one?” And without a moment’s hesitation the Senator replied: “Me.”—Washington Star. assented Senator Sorg- is the Geometrical. “I seem to have a very unfortunate manner of saying things,” remarked Willie Wishington. “What has happened now?” in quired his friend. “I remarked to Miss Cayenne that there was one point upon which I had jmade up my mind, and she said she thought that a point was quite large enough for the purpose.”—Washing ton Star. _ _ The Haunted Man. Again that ringing in his ears! It was the warning he had dreaded. He knew his time had come. Yot, al though he started at the sound, ho seemed half dazed and wholly careless of the consequences. But still the»ringing in his ears! “Drat it!” he finally said; and, springing from his bed, the careworn commuter shut off the alarm clock and proceed to dress for the 7.10 train.— 'Puck. daily in their hands, for the sea-birds build their nests among the most in accessible peaks and crags of the mountains and on ledges and rocks overlooking the sea, where sure death awaits the one who makes a false step. The men swing Gown from the top of the cliffs by means of ropes, and while dangling in this insecure position be- | tween earth and heaven they gather the eggs of the ducks, vultures, golden eagles, cormorants and similar birds. The ; egg-collector descends the face of the cliff in his bare feet, and provi ded only with a stout stick and egg- basket. A companion from above gen erally helps him'’, iu his descent and guides him in his perilous movements along the face of the mountain. The chief eggs that are sold for eat ing in Holland and other European cities include those of the wild ducks and fowls, gulls, plovers, sheldrakes, meadow-hens, guillemots, peewits, red-shanks, turnstones, snipe, curlews, dunlins, crows, rooks, cranes, herons, coots, storks, pelicans, vultures,hawks, owls and many of tLo smaller land birds. These wild birds’ eggs are cheaper in many countries than hens’ eggs, and they constitute the chief egg diet of both rich and poor.—Bos ton Transcript. ‘ , Owl Attack* Two Men. It was an owl that caused the great est recent excitement in Waldoboro, unless the Opinion’s correspondent al lows himself to exaggerate. The bird first swooped down on the head of Mr. Moses Newbert, lacerating his head and face severely, and making off with Mr. Newbert’s hat, which was found a few days afterward back of Mr. Alden Burnheimer’s barn. He afterward at tacked Mr. Elmus Shuman in the same manner, nearly knocking him over. Mr. Shuman in his excitement made a grab and caught the wise old owl by the legs. He has him now in close confinement. In the fracas Mr. Shu man’s face was somewhat mangled.— Lewiston (Me.) Journal. hues and with bells of different lines. The idea is to comply strictly wi^j the law- and at the same time to have a little theatrical effect. The object of the law- being to have wheelmen rive notice of their coming, that object will certainly be attained in the case o: toil ti^ii ltMu, i,; 1 iwroVouiiof sweet music. They have been pmc- tieing on the shell road out near the county bridge, and thus far have given no exhibitions in town. A News man who had occasion to go to the westin part of the city last night was fort »n- ate enough to meet the “bike bell rl»g- ers” on dress parade. Afar down he road came the silent steeds with evjr- changing lights. First a group of ti lights headed the procession, tl»n came a group of red, white and bli», then a group of green lights, fianlcd by red and blue. And so the whe|s and lights were constantly cbangll;, making beautiful effects. As qe wheels drew nearer the chiming has coulr be heard. First, a few bars w b played from “The Chimes of N - mandy,” then came “Annie Lauri ’ the “Tinkle, Tinkle Bells” song fr i “Olivette,’’ and as the bikers passed i and were lost in the distance the no; i of “Home, Sweet Home,” were he«j The idea is a pretty one, and if ado* ed by others the bikers will be w{ corned on the streets for the harrno of sounds they bring in lieu of ha and Indiscriminate clanging.—Galv ton News. ©ICE 3SICJOV® Both tho method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the K idneys, ' Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys tem effectually, dispels colds, head- aches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is tho j only remedy of its kind ever pro duced, pleasing to the taste and ac ceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50 cent bottles by all leading drug gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand w*il jpro- accept any substitute.' CALIFORNIA FIO SYRUP CO. SAM FRAMCtSCO, CAL umviuE, n. new york, M.r. They Are Still Here. “They say that poetry is dying.” “Yes, but, unfortunately, the poe| aren’t.” T T • T ' r W" T ~T NORMAN’S NEUTRALIZING >rcr>i^ CURES DIARRHOEA. NORMAfTS NfUTRALK CORDIAL CURE5 DYSENTERY. NORMAN’S NEUTRALIZING CORDIAL CURES CHOLERA MORBUS. MM'S CORDIAL CURES CHOLERA INFANTUM. IL3R.WS miZIHG CORDIAL Absolutely Cures NORMAN’S Indian Worm Pellets. THC BEST LIVER PILL MADE. Safe, sure and quick in their action. PNICE, ID AND 25 CENTS. SULD EVERYWHERE. I:. Queer Restaurant Sijrn. In Sweden the railway stations where meals are served are known by e picture of a crossed knife and fork Opposite the name of the station. , Sensation in Stationery. The latest sensation in stationery, says tho New York Commercial Ad vertiser, is paper and envelopes of the same size. Instead of folding the sheet of note paper to fit into the en velopes, as civilized nations have done since envelopes were invented, the entire sheet is slipped into the outer covering without folding it even once, The paper is linen bond, mottled blue in tint, and comes in various sizes. A quire of paper is thirty cents, and a package of envelopes is the same price. The problem of getting these huge envelopes into the ordinary letter box • is going to be a serious one of the new j i fashion. * “Rust,” the dread of the cotton grow< can be prevented. Trials Experiment Stations and tlj experience of leading growej prove positively that Kainit is the only remedy. We will be glad to send, free of char Interesting and useful pamphlets which tre of the matter in detail. i GERMAN KALI WORKS. 93 Nassau St., New Ya l-g’S. •5101 e ^ * J £ k la J! ■ ? * TIRTTZE. * lice'sGoosc Greats Liniment i -Iways «old under a kuhranter to cure all n A? d pnin*. rhcnmntinni, neuriiluln, oral on, brnkte* and burn*. It!*also n-armnt- h. iT 0 w-. a . r ,* cold *’ C ?> U P- *nd La «ri pi* piicker than any known remedy. No cure f' ' ,a r- by all drutfirlst* ami general '•OOSK UREASE 1MMF NT CO.. GFiE.vnBoito. N. C. SEEDS Garden ft F!owe j with n worjd-widl reputation. Catalcl free to all. JAMBS J. H. RRESOKT A HON. Marti* head, C ^lARLOTirCO MMERC IAf OLLEGE, CMBtOm, II. 6. KiiVscattom—PosUkina Guaranteed—Catolopie 1 H. N. U.-No. G—*98. 'OTATOES ft'.: POTAT..,.w.„ la Aaurlea. Moral N«w-\ erkrr” al.t. e.Uer'. Lari. H 1 *—•?.» ef T*r taehri, j*r >«i 4lrt .«*<■»». Oar areal Sea4 Ml LADIES. w ISjtATU^fflOTilARHlESS. I J PMATMJLE,VEGETABLE 1 4 ACOTf^ClIROniC fEHAt Convulsions,CRAjfjl JrSTERICS.ItfTERItALl SPASMS,^ & AfiO OTmKi.Oi^TLi^’Ah^CA 'prepared( ST. LOU IS. M0., PRICE-OWE notZXR- “ALL WOMEN JsJiNE-Tnrms of all the pain andsicknessfrom which women suffer is caused by weakness or derangement in the organs of menstruation. Nearly always when a woman is not well these organs are affected. But v/hen they are strong and healthy a woman is very seldom sick. M'urk? |o| Is nature's provision for the regu lation of (he menstrual function. It cures ail “ female troubles.” It Is equally effective for the girl In her teens, the young wife with do mestic and maternal cares, and the woman approaching the period known as the “ Chang They all need it. 1 bcncflttsd by It. tne pe-iod of Life.” ey are all For adrfc* In cases requtrtne special T^C^iinoora Medicine Co.. r.h.>4- dMoM TH0S. J. COOPER, Tupelo, Miss., jaytt •* My slcter stillersd from vary Irregular end palnlul menstruation and doctor* could not relieve her. Win* of Carded entlroly cured her and also helped ray author through tho Change ol LHo." * "V- "wm i