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The crap Book Evading the Iscue. A a old woman who entered a coun tr; wings h:i;,2-: was ar-!:ed ?.vlietaer the warned to draw ur deposit ? "JCaytliey Oi wants to put some mou ey in." The clerk entered the amount and pushed the slip toward her to sign "Sign on this line, please," he said. "Above or below it?* "Just above iL" "Me whole name?" , "Yes" .y "Before 01 was married?*' t i "No; just as it is now. "Oi can't wroite." GOLD. Gold, gold, gold, gold! Bright and yellow, hard and cold. Molten, gTaven, hammered and rolled, Heavy to get and licht to hold. Hoarded, bartered, bought und sold, Sielen, borrowed, squandered, doled. Spumed by the young, but hugged by the old To the very edge of the churchyard muld! Price of many a crime untold, Gold. sold. koU* gold! Good or bad a thousandfold 1 How widely it3 uses vary To save, to ruin, to curse, to bless, As even its minted coins express. How stamped with the image of good Queen Bess And now of a bloody Mary! -Hood Sweet Revenge. A little boy came into a dentist's office and had a troublesome tooth re moved. The boy asked for the tooth The dentist gare it to him and asked why he wanted it "I'm gcln' to take the old thing home an' stuff It with sugar an' watch It achel"?Lippincott's. A Cause For Thanks. A camp meeting was in progress in the wire grass region of Georgia. The afternoon service was conducted by Uncle Mose Brodford, an exhorter of deep piety, but Innocent of book learn ing. He took for his text on this occa sion the words of St. Paul, "For I have learned in whatsoever state lam there with to be content." After talking about fifteen minutes on the beauty of couteutment from a Christian's point of view, he announced that he was going to "throw the meet ing open." His invitation was, "If you've got anything to be thankful for, git up and soy so." One after another rose and spoke of peace and contentment under circum stances that seemed impossible, Judged from a worldly standpoint. Some said they were thankful for things they had missed, and at last an old lady arose, pushed back her sunbonnet and With a beaming '.-ountenance triumphantly exclaimed, "Well, Brother Mose, I hain't got but two teeth, but thank God, they hit!" A Choice of Two Evils. "I think I can quiet little Flora," said the professor. "There's no use la humming to her in that silly way. What she wants Is real music. The fact that I used to lead our glee club at college may make a difference too." He took the child and, striding up and down the room, sang in his best scanner. After awhile a ring was heard, and the door was opened to ad mit a little girl. "I'm one of the family that's just moved into the flat next to yours," she said. "There's a sick person with us, and he says would you mind letting the baby cry instead of singing to it?" ?Ladies' Home Journal. Lots of Weather. "I want to do some shopping today, dear," said a fond wife?"that is, if the weather is favorable. What is the forecast?" At the other end of the table her husband, consulting his paper, read aloud, "Ram, hail, snow, thunder, light ning and floods." Guilty Consciences. The following advertisement recent ly appeared In a London morning pa per: "The person who stole my umbrella last Sunday in St. Paul's church is per sonally known to me, and unless he shall return It before twenty-four hours he will see -his name printed In this aame paper. Address X. Y., 10 High street" A dozen silk umbrellas were received by the advertiser the following day, each accompanied by a note of apology for the Involuntary mistake made. voice exclaim, 'Where are you going with that bed?' " 'I'm going upstairs wltb it ma'am.' says Jack, whose backward position favored his lie, and he began to walk up rgaln. ?? 'Come down here.' said the lady. 'We want no beds here, man.' " "Mr. Sullivan, ma'am, sent me home . with It himself, ma'am.' said Jack, stiil i mounting the scairs. " *Cou:e down here, 1 tell you,' said I the iady in a great rage. 'There's no Mr. Sullivan lives here. Go out of this with your bed. you stupid fellow.' " 'I beg your pardon, ma'am,' says Jack, turning round and marching off with the bed fair and aisy." Little Reason, Big Fuss. Robert G. Ingersoll used to relate an anecdote of a Hebrew who went into a restaurant to get his dinner. The devil of temptation whispered in his car, "Bacon." He knew that If there was anything that made Jehovah real white mad it was to see anybody eati:ig bacon, but he thought, "Maybe he is loo busy watching sparrows and counti;:~ hairs to notice me." and so he too!: a <MI<*p. The weather was de lightful when he went in tu !he res taurant, but when he came out the sky was overcast, the lightning leaped from cloud to cloud, the earth trem bled, and it was dark. He went back Into the restaurant, trembling with fear, and, leaning over th* counter, said to the clerk, "Did you ever hear such a fuss about a little piece of bacon?' _ Not a "Birth" in His Language. A commercial traveler is on friendly terms with the porter of a sleeping car that he uses frequently. "Well, Lawrence," announced the salesman one morning gleefully, "1 have good news for you. We've had a birth in our family?twins." "Dat am no birth, sir; dat's a sec tion."?Ladies' Home Journal. Crowded. In the Berkshire hills there was a funeral, and as the friends and mourn ers gathered in the little parlor there came the typical New England female who mingles curiosity with sympathy, and as she glanced around the dark ened room she said to the bereaved widow: "Where did you get that new eight day clock?" We ain't got no new eight day clock." "You ain't ner there?" "Why, no. clock: tbaVs him on end to mourners." What's that in the cor that's not an eight day the deceased. We stood make room for the Honors Were Easy. A congressman's secretary, thinking he heard burglars in the house, woke the congressman. "Sir, sir," he whispered sharply, there are burglars In the house!" "Well," he mumbled drowsily, "so there are In the senate."?Everybody's. No More Room. Once In Dublin toward the end of the opera Satan was conducting Faust through a trapdoor which represented the gates of hades. Fis majesty got through all right?he as used to go ing below?but Faust, who was quite stout, got only about halfway in, and no squeezing would get him any far ther. Suddenly an Irishman In the gallery exclaimed devoutly, "Thank God, hell Is. I-II!" How Jack Got the Bed. "A sweetheart of his was longing for a feather bed," said Goggins, "and Jack determined to get it. Well, he marched into a house, the door of which he found open, and went up stairs and took the best feather bed In the house, tied It up in the quilt, crammed some caps and ribbons he saw lying about into.the bundle and marched downstairs again. But, you see, In carrying off even the small thing of a feather bed Jack showed Opinion Based on Knowledge. A physician who has some practice among the colored population was awakened, hi the middle of the night by a frantic ring at his bell. Putting his head out of the window, he in quired, "Will's- there?" "It's me, doctah. It's Dinah. I wants yer ter come quick ter see my ole man. He's pow'ful sick." What seems to be the matter with] him?" "It's indigestion ob de kidneys." "You mean congestion of the kid neys." "No, 6ab: It's indigestion ob de kid neys. He done eat four platefuls ob em, stewed, fer supper, and he ain't done slep' a wink since."?Lippin cott's. What the Nose Couldn't Do. A Sunday school teacher tried to J make the little ones understand differ ent verses in the Bible by letting them finish each sentence. "The idol had eyes," she said, "but it ouldu't"? "See!" cried the children. "It had lips, but it couldn't"? "Speak!" "It had ears, but It couldn't"? "Hear!" "It had a nose, but it couldn't"? "Blow It!" As Lincoln Might Have Put It. A naval officer once went to Presi dent Cleveland, laying before him a request for the appointment of a nephew to the Naval academy at An napolis. "His father, my late brother, our father, grandfather and great grandfather before him were all In the service," the officer added. The president did not speak for some moments. When he did he said: "As a matter of fact, I a:u ra&sr disposed to grant the appointment, knowing as I do the young man's mer its, but what you have Just remarked with reference to the long service of the family in the navy fills me with some doubt I am tempted to ask whether you do not think that It is about time that one of the family went to work for a living." A Conscientious Constituent. Congressman Hull of Iowa sent free seeds to a constituent In a franked en velope, on the corner of which was the usual word's, "Penalty for private use, $300." A few days later he received a letter which read: "I don't know what to do about those garden seeds you sent me. I no tice It is $300 fine for private use. I don't want to ise them for the public, the skill of a high practitioner, for he j I want to plant them In my private descendhered the stairs backward." garden. I can't afford to pay $300 for "Backward! What was that for?" the privilege. Won't you see if you "You'll see by and by. He descen- j can't fix It so I can use them prlvate dhered backward, when suddenly be.iy? I am a law abiding citizen and do heard a door opening and a faymale not want to rommit any crime." The Times and Democrat IS NOW PUBLISHED Twice-a-Week AT $1.50 Per Annum. FEW KNOW THIS. Says Homemade Treatment Cures Rheumatism. Shake the Ingredients Well in the Bottle and Take a Teaspoonful Dose After Meals. When an eminent authority an nounced in the Scranton (Pa.) Times that he had found a new way to treat that dread American disease Rheumatism, with just common, every day drugs found in any drug store, the physicians were slow in deed to attach much importance to his claims. This was only a few months ago. Today nearly every newspaper in the country, even the metropolitan dalies, is announcing it and the splendid results achieved It is so simple that any one can pre pare it at their home at small cost. It is made up as followst: Get from any good prescription phar macy Fluid Extract Dandelion, one half ounce; Compound Kargon, one ounce; Compound Syrup Sarsaparil la, three ounces. Mix by shaking in a bottle and take in teaspoonful doses after each meal and at bed time. These are all simple ingred ients, making an absolutely harme less home remedy at little costj Rheumatism, as every one knows, is a symptom of deranged kidneys. It is a condition produced by the failure of the kidneys to properly filter or strain from the blood the uric acid and other matter which, if not eradicated, either in the urine or through the skin pores, remains in the blood, decomposes and form.? about the joints and muscles, caus ing the untold suffering and deform ity of rheumatism. This prescription is said to be a splendid healing, cleansing and in vigoraing tonic to the kidneys, and gives almost immediate relief in all forms of bladder and urinary trou bles and backache. He also warns people in a leading New York paper against the discriminate use of many patent medicines. CHRISTMAS WEDDING. Two Young Couples United in Holy Matrimony. ! On Christmas Day Mr. Elisha Hughes was united in wedlock to Miss Lizzie Harley, the charming daughter of Mr. Pink Harley, of the Bull Swamp section. The ceremony was performed at twelve o'clock by Rev. J. H. Graham. The bridesmaids and groomsmen were Mr. Robt. Har ley with Miss Nealie Brown, Mr. Wroton Livingston with Miss Eula Cook, Mr. Victor Stuckey with Miss Leila Hughes, Mr. Luther Brown with Miss Gertie Fogle, Mr. Pink Harley, Jr., with Miss Mamie Living ston, Mr. Geo. Davis with Miss Es sie Lou Harley. The bridesmaids were dressed in white costumes. Then came the bride and groom to face Rev. J. H. Graham, who j stood waiting to unite these young | hearts. After the solemn ceremony j was over the young couple were con- j gratulated by a host of relatives and friends, who were present to witness the ceremony. Then a bounteous wedding dinner was served, which was enjoyed by all. After which the young folks returned to the parlor and enjoyed some sweet music on the organ by Miss Leila Hughes. Un cle Reece also gave us some old time music on the violin. The same afternoon I stopped ov er to witness the marriage of Miss Lottie v- gle to Mr. David Bolen, all of the fork. Miss Lottie is the charm-, ing daughter of Mr. P. W. Fogle. j The young couple start life with the best wishes of many friends. After a wedding supper, we wended our way home, after attending two wed dings the same day, the first event of the kind in the life of your cor respondent. On Thursday, 26th, T attended tho infair at Uncle Ned's. The day being bright and fair in came friends from far and near. Some from Red Bluff, some from the Fork, some from Or angeburg, some from Columbia, Lake City. Newberry, and many from the neighborhood came to partici pate in the fet. ities. Over one hundred guests were present at the infair. All were cheerful and live ly, but none had too much tea. Thus we spent a delightful day in com pany with many relatives and friends Some of whom we will probably nev er meet again. F. J- D A Home Wedding. A pretty home wedding, which oc curred on Thursday afternoou, Dec ember 26, at five o'clock, at the res idence of Mr. and Mrs. R. E. Ed wards, Creston, was that of their daughter, Emma, to Mr. C. T. Rast, the ceremony being performed by the Rev. W. C. Walker. The lovely home looking very attractive. The room, where the marriage vows were said, was beautifully and artistically deco rated in white and green. The cou ple was married under a large bell, which suspended in the centre of the room. The bridal party marched to the strains of music rendered by Mrs. Owens. Miss Vesta Summers attir ed in white cashmere with Mr. B. D. Edwards, Miss Pearl Edwards dressed in white brilliantino and silk with Mr. John Owens. Miss Maude Dantzler dressed in white silk, with ?Mr. Marion Edwards, then came Miss Bettie Steedley, maid of honor, dressed in white brilliantine and silk, with the bride, charmingly at tired in lace netting, beautifully trimmed over white silk. Mr. Jamie Owens acted as best man. After the ceremony tho guests were invited to the dinning-room, v here a tempting supper was served. The rest of the evening was very pleasantly spent by the young folks. Wo wish the young couple much happiness and God! speed. A Guest, j MARRIED AT SELWOOD. Two Young Hearts Which Now Beat as One. Selwood, Dec. 27.?Special: The marriage here at noon yesterday of Miss Rosaline Shuler, second daugh ter of Dr. and Mrs. J. L. Shi.ier, tc Mr. William Charles Stoudenmire of Elloree, was one of the most inter esting social functions this commun ity has witnessed in many years. The marriage ceremony was held in St. Michael's Lutheran church, Rev. W. P. Cline, the pastor, officiating, and was a very brilliant affair. The church was tastefully and elaborately decorated with ever greens and potted plants in the great est profusion. The windows were all darkened and a soft mellow light was furnished by many candles ar tistically arranged around the altar, the whole making a charming set ting for an occasion so'solemn and I so sacred. At the hour appointed the wed iding march, played by Miss Ethel j Cline, gave notice to the large au dience of invited guests that the brl J dal party had arrived and was enter ing the church. * Preceded by the ushers and at tendants the bride entered one aisle with the maid of honor, her sister, Miss Katie Shuler, while the groom entered the other with his best man, Mr. Cleveland Uimer. With the ushers and attendants grouped around the bride and groom, who stood under an arch of green ferns from which a wedding bell was sus , pended, the scene was beautiful and ?impressive, and will be long remem i bered by those present. The foltpwing couples were in at tendance: Mr. Thomas Shuler with I Miss Annie Lou Stoudenmire, Mr. Stirling Stoudenmire with Miss An I na B. Dreher, Mr. Shuler Houck with Miss Lizzie Dreher, Mr. Lucius Dreher with Miss Carrie Halti wanger. The ushers were: Messrs. Thad deus Houck, Shedrack Arant, Jas. Izlar Sims and Ollie Dreher. An ele ' gant reception was given the bride ' and groom by the parents of the former from 12.30 to 3 p. m., dur ing which such a wedding dinner as is seldom seen anywhere was served to the large number of guests pre sent. A beautiful array of wedding pres ents attested the popularity of the bride and groom and the esteem in which they are held by their many friends Mr. and Mrs. Stoudenmire left on the four o'clock train for El Inree their fv ,-c home CHURCH ENTERTAINMENT Given by the Ladies Proves a Grand Success. Vances, Dec. 3 0.?Special: The en tertainment at Gerizum Methodist Church, near Vances, came off on schedule time on Friday, December 27th. At an early hour people from far and near began to assemble, the ladies of the church having had pre pared for the occasion a most sump tuous dinner, which, with a bounti ful supply of sweetmeats, was par taken of and enjoyed by every one present. Cake walks also added greatly to the pleasure and profit of the occa sion. At half-past two o'clock the assembly was called to order by Mr. W. A. Dantzler and the following ex ercises of the program were entered upon, which consumed at least two hours. Prayer by Rev. J. W. Neeley. Welcome address by Master Mar ion Dantzler. I Recitation, Donts, by Lizzie Dukes Recitation, Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine, by Lizzie Bannister. I Recitation?Mary Ann, by Lottie Dukes. Dialogue?Ralph Benton and Cou sin Laura, by Master Dantzler and Rubie Bannister. Recitation?No Boss for Me, by Master A. Z. Bannister. Recitation, Little Black Eyed Reb el, Miss Corine Bannister. Recitation?Christmas Down in Dixie, by Master X. O. Bunch. Recitation?Mice at Play, by Miss Beulah Bannister. Recitation?Bored Chimney, by Miss Ceulah Edwards. Recitation?Mother's Story, by Miss Minnie Felder, of Elloree. I Recitation?Wife Hunting, by Miss Lena Ballard, of Elloree. The above was followed by Capt. F. W. Symes, of St. Matthews, with an able address on the impor tance of education. The exercises were closed with a few appropriate and touching re marks by Rev. J. W. Neeley. The net proceeds of the entertain ment was $40.f>0. Upon the whole the affair was one of the most pleas ant and profitable that this commun ity has ever witnessed. The funds raised is to be expended for the re pairing of the^church. Misses Nina Dantzler. of Carlisle Fitting School, Mollie Avinger. of Confederate Home, Beulah and Lui lee Bannister, of Lcesville, are home for Christmas. Misses Lula Westbury and Lizzie Smoak, of Branchville. are spending a week pleasantly as the guests of Mr. an^ Mrs. W. A. Dantzler. Wishing you and yours a happy aud prosperous New Year.' Adonis. I A Box Party. On the evening of Dec. 27th the hospitable home of Mr. and Mrs. C. P. Reed of the Sawyerdale neigh borhood, near Salley, was the scene of a most enjoyable social event: be ing a Church Fair, in the form of a box party, for the benefit of Rocky Grove Baptist church. The popularity of the Reeds as also the popularity and clever man agement of Misses Minnie Lee Cooper and Sarah Estelle Reed, who pro moted the event, is only made the more apparent by the immense as semblage from the surrounding towns and country as also the phe j nominal financial success. Numbers ! preclude personal mention of other [than Mr. T. Gobler, who created a Ask any fair-minded doctor and he will tell you that golden seal, cubebs and oil of copaiba (contained In Pe-ru-na) are valuable remedies In the treatment of catarrhal diseases. And every honest doctor will concede that colllnsonla canadcnsls, corydalls formosa and cedron seed (contained In Pe-ru-na) are tonic remedies of high value. With this opinion all the leading medical text hooks agree. Arithmetic Boiled Down. The difference between tiie cube of any number and the number itself is always the product of three consecu tive numbers and is also divisible by 6. Thus the cube of 4 is CA. The dif ference is GO, which is the product of 3x4x5 and which also contains G ten time3. A prime number Is one that cannot be divided by any other number ex cept Itself and 1, without leaving a remainder, such as 3, 5 or 7. If any prime number is divisible by 4 with a remainder of 1, the prime number will be found to be the sum of two squares. Thus 13 is the sum of 4 anil 9. which are the squares of 2 and 3 respectively, and 29 is the sum of 4 ard 25, the squares of 2 and 5 respectively. The sum of the odd numbers begin ning with 1 will always be found to be the same as the square of the num ber of terms added. Thufi the sum of 1. 3. 5. 7 and 0 is 25. We used five terms and the square root of 25 is 5. It thus will be easy to tell the sum of any number of odd numbers In success sion if the first term is 1, for all that is needed Is to square the number which indicates the number of terms taken.?St Louis Republic. He Knew. There Is a well known federal official at Washington whose family stoutly maintain that he Is absolutely color blind, a contention as stoutly refuted by the official himself. On one occasion at cable his wife re marked a new tie her husband was wearing. "I'll wager you don't know what color the tie is," she teasingly suggested. "It's blue." snid the husband. "Right! But how on earth did you know ?" "Well." said the husband, with the same assurance, "when I bought it yesterday I told the clerk that if he didu't give me a blue on? I'd throw him out of the window."?Ilarper's Weekly._ Silenced tha Sultan. Sir Charles Euan Smith was once the British minister in Morocco. On one occasion he found it necessary to make some strong remarks, which gave great offense to the sultan. "I could kill you for less than that." exclaimed the dusky potentate, with a grin smile. "Of course you could." replied Sir Charles pleasantly, "but if you did there would never again he a sultan of Morocco." The sultau said no more. Welter WE FEEL FLATTERED AT THE SUCCESS OF KOHN'S BIG MILL END SALE. DO YOU NOTICE THAT PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY, "GO TO KOHN'S FIRST?" There is a reason. We mention here a few bagains that are bargains. You can save many a dollar at our store and still get first class stylish and season able merchandise. SEVERAL OF THE MANY LEADERS. Silk at 15 cents. 200 yards Good Dress Silk, in dark shades. Wool Mittens at 10 cents. 100 pair Children's Fine Mittens, all colors. Silk Windsors at 10 cents. 100 Fine Silk Windsor Ties, all good colors. Outing at 7}? cents. Extra good quality nice dark shades. Union Suits at 20 rr Both Ladies and Children's wll knit, all sizes. Die Ri' i 'aids at 9 cents. itch Plaids, all the go. Weight?Did you hear the awful dresafng down the master gavo your friend Crasher? By Jove, he di.l let him have it! Thruster?Clad of that. What did he pretty colors, say to him ? W. W. -S 'id he was nearly as bad as you!?Punch. Klbow Length Gloves 02 cents. Handsome Silk Lisle Gloves in all Best Calicos at 5 ccnte. Splendid lot guaranteed best quality. 600 Suits at $4.08 cents. Splendid lot of stylish Colored Suits. Wash Suiting at ?i? cents. Fast color Cotton Suiting all splendid colors. Bett Drilling 7& cents. Standard Drill heavy and good. Ladies Fine Shoes $1.48 cents. Guaranteed Godman's shoes, the best yet. Satin Linen Damask at. 48 Cents. sensation iy appearing dressed in red pants, blue coal, white vest and tie and red cap, as compared with the conventional dress of celery and grand value, ranberry. He was qui ie the dandy j f the evening. The parlors were decorated with! evergreen : ud the grounds lighted: ?y the fire stand in accord with the j approved i ? '.hods of ye olden times ? and the evening was prolonged in to the "wee -all" hours, by an old time cake '.ilk, in which you walk for the cake, and The Virginia Reel, in which you reeled to the music of an improvised band of five pieces, led by the veteran fiddler, Mr. Tom Lamar, who played firtit violin. Veritas. Full 72 inches wide, rich designs, C. B. Corsets at 02 cents. Splendid, Stylish at this little price. Bicycle Hose for M cents. Children's Real Heavy and strong Hose. Armour's Soap 12c a Box. Sweet Violet and Glycerine Soap, 3 cakes. i THEODORE KOHN ECONOMIST FOR THE PEOPLE.