The times and democrat. (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1881-current, January 10, 1908, Page 5, Image 5
The
crap Book
Evading the Iscue.
A a old woman who entered a coun
tr; wings h:i;,2-: was ar-!:ed ?.vlietaer
the warned to draw ur deposit
? "JCaytliey Oi wants to put some mou
ey in."
The clerk entered the amount and
pushed the slip toward her to sign
"Sign on this line, please," he said.
"Above or below it?*
"Just above iL"
"Me whole name?" ,
"Yes" .y
"Before 01 was married?*' t i
"No; just as it is now.
"Oi can't wroite."
GOLD.
Gold, gold, gold, gold!
Bright and yellow, hard and cold.
Molten, gTaven, hammered and rolled,
Heavy to get and licht to hold.
Hoarded, bartered, bought und sold,
Sielen, borrowed, squandered, doled.
Spumed by the young, but hugged by the
old
To the very edge of the churchyard muld!
Price of many a crime untold,
Gold. sold. koU* gold!
Good or bad a thousandfold 1
How widely it3 uses vary
To save, to ruin, to curse, to bless,
As even its minted coins express.
How stamped with the image of good
Queen Bess
And now of a bloody Mary!
-Hood
Sweet Revenge.
A little boy came into a dentist's
office and had a troublesome tooth re
moved. The boy asked for the tooth
The dentist gare it to him and asked
why he wanted it
"I'm gcln' to take the old thing home
an' stuff It with sugar an' watch It
achel"?Lippincott's.
A Cause For Thanks.
A camp meeting was in progress in
the wire grass region of Georgia. The
afternoon service was conducted by
Uncle Mose Brodford, an exhorter of
deep piety, but Innocent of book learn
ing. He took for his text on this occa
sion the words of St. Paul, "For I have
learned in whatsoever state lam there
with to be content."
After talking about fifteen minutes
on the beauty of couteutment from a
Christian's point of view, he announced
that he was going to "throw the meet
ing open." His invitation was, "If
you've got anything to be thankful for,
git up and soy so."
One after another rose and spoke of
peace and contentment under circum
stances that seemed impossible, Judged
from a worldly standpoint. Some said
they were thankful for things they had
missed, and at last an old lady arose,
pushed back her sunbonnet and With
a beaming '.-ountenance triumphantly
exclaimed, "Well, Brother Mose, I
hain't got but two teeth, but thank
God, they hit!"
A Choice of Two Evils.
"I think I can quiet little Flora,"
said the professor. "There's no use
la humming to her in that silly way.
What she wants Is real music. The
fact that I used to lead our glee club
at college may make a difference too."
He took the child and, striding up
and down the room, sang in his best
scanner. After awhile a ring was
heard, and the door was opened to ad
mit a little girl.
"I'm one of the family that's just
moved into the flat next to yours," she
said. "There's a sick person with us,
and he says would you mind letting
the baby cry instead of singing to it?"
?Ladies' Home Journal.
Lots of Weather.
"I want to do some shopping today,
dear," said a fond wife?"that is, if
the weather is favorable. What is the
forecast?"
At the other end of the table her
husband, consulting his paper, read
aloud, "Ram, hail, snow, thunder, light
ning and floods."
Guilty Consciences.
The following advertisement recent
ly appeared In a London morning pa
per:
"The person who stole my umbrella
last Sunday in St. Paul's church is per
sonally known to me, and unless he
shall return It before twenty-four
hours he will see -his name printed In
this aame paper. Address X. Y., 10
High street"
A dozen silk umbrellas were received
by the advertiser the following day,
each accompanied by a note of apology
for the Involuntary mistake made.
voice exclaim, 'Where are you going
with that bed?'
" 'I'm going upstairs wltb it ma'am.'
says Jack, whose backward position
favored his lie, and he began to walk
up rgaln.
?? 'Come down here.' said the lady.
'We want no beds here, man.'
" "Mr. Sullivan, ma'am, sent me home
. with It himself, ma'am.' said Jack, stiil
i mounting the scairs.
" *Cou:e down here, 1 tell you,' said
I the iady in a great rage. 'There's no
Mr. Sullivan lives here. Go out of
this with your bed. you stupid fellow.'
" 'I beg your pardon, ma'am,' says
Jack, turning round and marching off
with the bed fair and aisy."
Little Reason, Big Fuss.
Robert G. Ingersoll used to relate
an anecdote of a Hebrew who went
into a restaurant to get his dinner.
The devil of temptation whispered in
his car, "Bacon." He knew that If
there was anything that made Jehovah
real white mad it was to see anybody
eati:ig bacon, but he thought, "Maybe
he is loo busy watching sparrows and
counti;:~ hairs to notice me." and so
he too!: a <MI<*p. The weather was de
lightful when he went in tu !he res
taurant, but when he came out the sky
was overcast, the lightning leaped
from cloud to cloud, the earth trem
bled, and it was dark. He went back
Into the restaurant, trembling with
fear, and, leaning over th* counter,
said to the clerk, "Did you ever hear
such a fuss about a little piece of
bacon?' _
Not a "Birth" in His Language.
A commercial traveler is on friendly
terms with the porter of a sleeping car
that he uses frequently.
"Well, Lawrence," announced the
salesman one morning gleefully, "1
have good news for you. We've had
a birth in our family?twins."
"Dat am no birth, sir; dat's a sec
tion."?Ladies' Home Journal.
Crowded.
In the Berkshire hills there was a
funeral, and as the friends and mourn
ers gathered in the little parlor there
came the typical New England female
who mingles curiosity with sympathy,
and as she glanced around the dark
ened room she said to the bereaved
widow:
"Where did you get that new eight
day clock?"
We ain't got no new eight day
clock."
"You ain't
ner there?"
"Why, no.
clock: tbaVs
him on end to
mourners."
What's that in the cor
that's not an eight day
the deceased. We stood
make room for the
Honors Were Easy.
A congressman's secretary, thinking
he heard burglars in the house, woke
the congressman.
"Sir, sir," he whispered sharply,
there are burglars In the house!"
"Well," he mumbled drowsily, "so
there are In the senate."?Everybody's.
No More Room.
Once In Dublin toward the end of
the opera Satan was conducting Faust
through a trapdoor which represented
the gates of hades. Fis majesty got
through all right?he as used to go
ing below?but Faust, who was quite
stout, got only about halfway in, and
no squeezing would get him any far
ther. Suddenly an Irishman In the
gallery exclaimed devoutly, "Thank
God, hell Is. I-II!"
How Jack Got the Bed.
"A sweetheart of his was longing for
a feather bed," said Goggins, "and
Jack determined to get it. Well, he
marched into a house, the door of
which he found open, and went up
stairs and took the best feather bed
In the house, tied It up in the quilt,
crammed some caps and ribbons he
saw lying about into.the bundle and
marched downstairs again. But, you
see, In carrying off even the small
thing of a feather bed Jack showed
Opinion Based on Knowledge.
A physician who has some practice
among the colored population was
awakened, hi the middle of the night
by a frantic ring at his bell. Putting
his head out of the window, he in
quired, "Will's- there?"
"It's me, doctah. It's Dinah. I
wants yer ter come quick ter see my
ole man. He's pow'ful sick."
What seems to be the matter with]
him?"
"It's indigestion ob de kidneys."
"You mean congestion of the kid
neys."
"No, 6ab: It's indigestion ob de kid
neys. He done eat four platefuls ob
em, stewed, fer supper, and he ain't
done slep' a wink since."?Lippin
cott's.
What the Nose Couldn't Do.
A Sunday school teacher tried to J
make the little ones understand differ
ent verses in the Bible by letting them
finish each sentence.
"The idol had eyes," she said, "but it
ouldu't"?
"See!" cried the children.
"It had lips, but it couldn't"?
"Speak!"
"It had ears, but It couldn't"?
"Hear!"
"It had a nose, but it couldn't"?
"Blow It!"
As Lincoln Might Have Put It.
A naval officer once went to Presi
dent Cleveland, laying before him a
request for the appointment of a
nephew to the Naval academy at An
napolis. "His father, my late brother,
our father, grandfather and great
grandfather before him were all In the
service," the officer added.
The president did not speak for some
moments. When he did he said:
"As a matter of fact, I a:u ra&sr
disposed to grant the appointment,
knowing as I do the young man's mer
its, but what you have Just remarked
with reference to the long service of
the family in the navy fills me with
some doubt I am tempted to ask
whether you do not think that It is
about time that one of the family went
to work for a living."
A Conscientious Constituent.
Congressman Hull of Iowa sent free
seeds to a constituent In a franked en
velope, on the corner of which was the
usual word's, "Penalty for private use,
$300." A few days later he received a
letter which read:
"I don't know what to do about
those garden seeds you sent me. I no
tice It is $300 fine for private use. I
don't want to ise them for the public,
the skill of a high practitioner, for he j I want to plant them In my private
descendhered the stairs backward." garden. I can't afford to pay $300 for
"Backward! What was that for?" the privilege. Won't you see if you
"You'll see by and by. He descen- j can't fix It so I can use them prlvate
dhered backward, when suddenly be.iy? I am a law abiding citizen and do
heard a door opening and a faymale not want to rommit any crime."
The Times and Democrat
IS NOW PUBLISHED
Twice-a-Week
AT
$1.50 Per Annum.
FEW KNOW THIS.
Says Homemade Treatment Cures
Rheumatism.
Shake the Ingredients Well in the
Bottle and Take a Teaspoonful
Dose After Meals.
When an eminent authority an
nounced in the Scranton (Pa.)
Times that he had found a new way
to treat that dread American disease
Rheumatism, with just common,
every day drugs found in any drug
store, the physicians were slow in
deed to attach much importance to
his claims. This was only a few
months ago. Today nearly every
newspaper in the country, even the
metropolitan dalies, is announcing
it and the splendid results achieved
It is so simple that any one can pre
pare it at their home at small
cost. It is made up as followst: Get
from any good prescription phar
macy Fluid Extract Dandelion, one
half ounce; Compound Kargon, one
ounce; Compound Syrup Sarsaparil
la, three ounces. Mix by shaking in
a bottle and take in teaspoonful
doses after each meal and at bed
time. These are all simple ingred
ients, making an absolutely harme
less home remedy at little costj
Rheumatism, as every one knows,
is a symptom of deranged kidneys.
It is a condition produced by the
failure of the kidneys to properly
filter or strain from the blood the
uric acid and other matter which, if
not eradicated, either in the urine or
through the skin pores, remains in
the blood, decomposes and form.?
about the joints and muscles, caus
ing the untold suffering and deform
ity of rheumatism.
This prescription is said to be a
splendid healing, cleansing and in
vigoraing tonic to the kidneys, and
gives almost immediate relief in all
forms of bladder and urinary trou
bles and backache. He also warns
people in a leading New York paper
against the discriminate use of many
patent medicines.
CHRISTMAS WEDDING.
Two Young Couples United in Holy
Matrimony.
! On Christmas Day Mr. Elisha
Hughes was united in wedlock to
Miss Lizzie Harley, the charming
daughter of Mr. Pink Harley, of the
Bull Swamp section. The ceremony
was performed at twelve o'clock by
Rev. J. H. Graham. The bridesmaids
and groomsmen were Mr. Robt. Har
ley with Miss Nealie Brown, Mr.
Wroton Livingston with Miss Eula
Cook, Mr. Victor Stuckey with Miss
Leila Hughes, Mr. Luther Brown
with Miss Gertie Fogle, Mr. Pink
Harley, Jr., with Miss Mamie Living
ston, Mr. Geo. Davis with Miss Es
sie Lou Harley. The bridesmaids
were dressed in white costumes.
Then came the bride and groom
to face Rev. J. H. Graham, who j
stood waiting to unite these young |
hearts. After the solemn ceremony j
was over the young couple were con- j
gratulated by a host of relatives and
friends, who were present to witness
the ceremony. Then a bounteous
wedding dinner was served, which
was enjoyed by all. After which the
young folks returned to the parlor
and enjoyed some sweet music on
the organ by Miss Leila Hughes. Un
cle Reece also gave us some old
time music on the violin.
The same afternoon I stopped ov
er to witness the marriage of Miss
Lottie v- gle to Mr. David Bolen, all
of the fork. Miss Lottie is the charm-,
ing daughter of Mr. P. W. Fogle. j
The young couple start life with the
best wishes of many friends. After
a wedding supper, we wended our
way home, after attending two wed
dings the same day, the first event
of the kind in the life of your cor
respondent.
On Thursday, 26th, T attended tho
infair at Uncle Ned's. The day being
bright and fair in came friends from
far and near. Some from Red Bluff,
some from the Fork, some from Or
angeburg, some from Columbia,
Lake City. Newberry, and many from
the neighborhood came to partici
pate in the fet. ities. Over one
hundred guests were present at the
infair. All were cheerful and live
ly, but none had too much tea. Thus
we spent a delightful day in com
pany with many relatives and friends
Some of whom we will probably nev
er meet again. F. J- D
A Home Wedding.
A pretty home wedding, which oc
curred on Thursday afternoou, Dec
ember 26, at five o'clock, at the res
idence of Mr. and Mrs. R. E. Ed
wards, Creston, was that of their
daughter, Emma, to Mr. C. T. Rast,
the ceremony being performed by the
Rev. W. C. Walker. The lovely home
looking very attractive. The room,
where the marriage vows were said,
was beautifully and artistically deco
rated in white and green. The cou
ple was married under a large bell,
which suspended in the centre of the
room. The bridal party marched to
the strains of music rendered by Mrs.
Owens. Miss Vesta Summers attir
ed in white cashmere with Mr. B.
D. Edwards, Miss Pearl Edwards
dressed in white brilliantino and silk
with Mr. John Owens. Miss Maude
Dantzler dressed in white silk, with
?Mr. Marion Edwards, then came Miss
Bettie Steedley, maid of honor,
dressed in white brilliantine and
silk, with the bride, charmingly at
tired in lace netting, beautifully
trimmed over white silk. Mr. Jamie
Owens acted as best man. After the
ceremony tho guests were invited to
the dinning-room, v here a tempting
supper was served. The rest of the
evening was very pleasantly spent by
the young folks. Wo wish the young
couple much happiness and God!
speed. A Guest, j
MARRIED AT SELWOOD.
Two Young Hearts Which Now Beat
as One.
Selwood, Dec. 27.?Special: The
marriage here at noon yesterday of
Miss Rosaline Shuler, second daugh
ter of Dr. and Mrs. J. L. Shi.ier, tc
Mr. William Charles Stoudenmire of
Elloree, was one of the most inter
esting social functions this commun
ity has witnessed in many years. The
marriage ceremony was held in St.
Michael's Lutheran church, Rev. W.
P. Cline, the pastor, officiating, and
was a very brilliant affair.
The church was tastefully and
elaborately decorated with ever
greens and potted plants in the great
est profusion. The windows were
all darkened and a soft mellow light
was furnished by many candles ar
tistically arranged around the altar,
the whole making a charming set
ting for an occasion so'solemn and
I so sacred.
At the hour appointed the wed
iding march, played by Miss Ethel
j Cline, gave notice to the large au
dience of invited guests that the brl
J dal party had arrived and was enter
ing the church. *
Preceded by the ushers and at
tendants the bride entered one aisle
with the maid of honor, her sister,
Miss Katie Shuler, while the groom
entered the other with his best man,
Mr. Cleveland Uimer. With the
ushers and attendants grouped
around the bride and groom, who
stood under an arch of green ferns
from which a wedding bell was sus
, pended, the scene was beautiful and
?impressive, and will be long remem
i bered by those present.
The foltpwing couples were in at
tendance: Mr. Thomas Shuler with
I Miss Annie Lou Stoudenmire, Mr.
Stirling Stoudenmire with Miss An
I na B. Dreher, Mr. Shuler Houck with
Miss Lizzie Dreher, Mr. Lucius
Dreher with Miss Carrie Halti
wanger.
The ushers were: Messrs. Thad
deus Houck, Shedrack Arant, Jas.
Izlar Sims and Ollie Dreher. An ele
' gant reception was given the bride
' and groom by the parents of the
former from 12.30 to 3 p. m., dur
ing which such a wedding dinner as
is seldom seen anywhere was served
to the large number of guests pre
sent.
A beautiful array of wedding pres
ents attested the popularity of the
bride and groom and the esteem in
which they are held by their many
friends Mr. and Mrs. Stoudenmire
left on the four o'clock train for El
Inree their fv ,-c home
CHURCH ENTERTAINMENT
Given by the Ladies Proves a Grand
Success.
Vances, Dec. 3 0.?Special: The en
tertainment at Gerizum Methodist
Church, near Vances, came off on
schedule time on Friday, December
27th. At an early hour people from
far and near began to assemble, the
ladies of the church having had pre
pared for the occasion a most sump
tuous dinner, which, with a bounti
ful supply of sweetmeats, was par
taken of and enjoyed by every one
present.
Cake walks also added greatly to
the pleasure and profit of the occa
sion. At half-past two o'clock the
assembly was called to order by Mr.
W. A. Dantzler and the following ex
ercises of the program were entered
upon, which consumed at least two
hours.
Prayer by Rev. J. W. Neeley.
Welcome address by Master Mar
ion Dantzler.
I Recitation, Donts, by Lizzie Dukes
Recitation, Lips that touch liquor
shall never touch mine, by Lizzie
Bannister.
I Recitation?Mary Ann, by Lottie
Dukes.
Dialogue?Ralph Benton and Cou
sin Laura, by Master Dantzler and
Rubie Bannister.
Recitation?No Boss for Me, by
Master A. Z. Bannister.
Recitation, Little Black Eyed Reb
el, Miss Corine Bannister.
Recitation?Christmas Down in
Dixie, by Master X. O. Bunch.
Recitation?Mice at Play, by Miss
Beulah Bannister.
Recitation?Bored Chimney, by
Miss Ceulah Edwards.
Recitation?Mother's Story, by
Miss Minnie Felder, of Elloree.
I Recitation?Wife Hunting, by
Miss Lena Ballard, of Elloree.
The above was followed by Capt.
F. W. Symes, of St. Matthews,
with an able address on the impor
tance of education.
The exercises were closed with a
few appropriate and touching re
marks by Rev. J. W. Neeley.
The net proceeds of the entertain
ment was $40.f>0. Upon the whole
the affair was one of the most pleas
ant and profitable that this commun
ity has ever witnessed. The funds
raised is to be expended for the re
pairing of the^church.
Misses Nina Dantzler. of Carlisle
Fitting School, Mollie Avinger. of
Confederate Home, Beulah and Lui
lee Bannister, of Lcesville, are home
for Christmas.
Misses Lula Westbury and Lizzie
Smoak, of Branchville. are spending
a week pleasantly as the guests of
Mr. an^ Mrs. W. A. Dantzler.
Wishing you and yours a happy
aud prosperous New Year.' Adonis.
I A Box Party.
On the evening of Dec. 27th the
hospitable home of Mr. and Mrs. C.
P. Reed of the Sawyerdale neigh
borhood, near Salley, was the scene
of a most enjoyable social event: be
ing a Church Fair, in the form of a
box party, for the benefit of Rocky
Grove Baptist church.
The popularity of the Reeds as
also the popularity and clever man
agement of Misses Minnie Lee Cooper
and Sarah Estelle Reed, who pro
moted the event, is only made the
more apparent by the immense as
semblage from the surrounding
towns and country as also the phe
j nominal financial success. Numbers
! preclude personal mention of other
[than Mr. T. Gobler, who created a
Ask any fair-minded doctor and he will tell you that golden seal, cubebs and oil of copaiba (contained
In Pe-ru-na) are valuable remedies In the treatment of catarrhal diseases. And every honest doctor will
concede that colllnsonla canadcnsls, corydalls formosa and cedron seed (contained In Pe-ru-na) are
tonic remedies of high value. With this opinion all the leading medical text hooks agree.
Arithmetic Boiled Down.
The difference between tiie cube of
any number and the number itself is
always the product of three consecu
tive numbers and is also divisible by
6. Thus the cube of 4 is CA. The dif
ference is GO, which is the product of
3x4x5 and which also contains G
ten time3.
A prime number Is one that cannot
be divided by any other number ex
cept Itself and 1, without leaving a
remainder, such as 3, 5 or 7. If any
prime number is divisible by 4 with a
remainder of 1, the prime number will
be found to be the sum of two squares.
Thus 13 is the sum of 4 anil 9. which
are the squares of 2 and 3 respectively,
and 29 is the sum of 4 ard 25, the
squares of 2 and 5 respectively.
The sum of the odd numbers begin
ning with 1 will always be found to
be the same as the square of the num
ber of terms added. Thufi the sum
of 1. 3. 5. 7 and 0 is 25. We used five
terms and the square root of 25 is 5.
It thus will be easy to tell the sum of
any number of odd numbers In success
sion if the first term is 1, for all that
is needed Is to square the number
which indicates the number of terms
taken.?St Louis Republic.
He Knew.
There Is a well known federal official
at Washington whose family stoutly
maintain that he Is absolutely color
blind, a contention as stoutly refuted
by the official himself.
On one occasion at cable his wife re
marked a new tie her husband was
wearing. "I'll wager you don't know
what color the tie is," she teasingly
suggested.
"It's blue." snid the husband.
"Right! But how on earth did you
know ?"
"Well." said the husband, with the
same assurance, "when I bought it
yesterday I told the clerk that if he
didu't give me a blue on? I'd throw
him out of the window."?Ilarper's
Weekly._
Silenced tha Sultan.
Sir Charles Euan Smith was once the
British minister in Morocco. On one
occasion he found it necessary to make
some strong remarks, which gave great
offense to the sultan. "I could kill
you for less than that." exclaimed the
dusky potentate, with a grin smile.
"Of course you could." replied Sir
Charles pleasantly, "but if you did
there would never again he a sultan of
Morocco." The sultau said no more.
Welter
WE FEEL FLATTERED AT THE
SUCCESS OF KOHN'S BIG MILL
END SALE. DO YOU NOTICE
THAT PEOPLE ALWAYS
SAY, "GO TO KOHN'S
FIRST?"
There is a reason. We mention here
a few bagains that are bargains. You
can save many a dollar at our store and
still get first class stylish and season
able merchandise.
SEVERAL OF THE MANY LEADERS.
Silk at 15 cents.
200 yards Good Dress Silk, in
dark shades.
Wool Mittens at 10 cents.
100 pair Children's Fine Mittens,
all colors.
Silk Windsors at 10 cents.
100 Fine Silk Windsor Ties, all
good colors.
Outing at 7}? cents.
Extra good quality nice dark
shades.
Union Suits at 20 rr
Both Ladies and Children's wll
knit, all sizes.
Die
Ri'
i 'aids at 9 cents.
itch Plaids, all the go.
Weight?Did you hear the
awful dresafng down the master gavo
your friend Crasher? By Jove, he di.l
let him have it!
Thruster?Clad of that. What did he pretty colors,
say to him ?
W. W. -S 'id he was nearly as bad as
you!?Punch.
Klbow Length Gloves 02 cents.
Handsome Silk Lisle Gloves in all
Best Calicos at 5 ccnte.
Splendid lot guaranteed best
quality.
600 Suits at $4.08 cents.
Splendid lot of stylish Colored
Suits.
Wash Suiting at ?i? cents.
Fast color Cotton Suiting all
splendid colors.
Bett Drilling 7& cents.
Standard Drill heavy and good.
Ladies Fine Shoes $1.48 cents.
Guaranteed Godman's shoes, the
best yet.
Satin Linen Damask at. 48 Cents.
sensation iy appearing dressed in red
pants, blue coal, white vest and tie
and red cap, as compared with the
conventional dress of celery and grand value,
ranberry. He was qui ie the dandy j
f the evening.
The parlors were decorated with!
evergreen : ud the grounds lighted:
?y the fire stand in accord with the j
approved i ? '.hods of ye olden times ?
and the evening was prolonged in to
the "wee -all" hours, by an old
time cake '.ilk, in which you walk
for the cake, and The Virginia Reel,
in which you reeled to the music of
an improvised band of five pieces,
led by the veteran fiddler, Mr. Tom
Lamar, who played firtit violin.
Veritas.
Full 72 inches wide, rich designs,
C. B. Corsets at 02 cents.
Splendid, Stylish at this little
price.
Bicycle Hose for M cents.
Children's Real Heavy and strong
Hose.
Armour's Soap 12c a Box.
Sweet Violet and Glycerine Soap,
3 cakes. i
THEODORE KOHN
ECONOMIST FOR THE PEOPLE.