University of South Carolina Libraries
THE CAMDEN JOHMAL. AN NDEBENDENT FAMILY PAPER, PUBLISHED BY JOHN KERSHAW, j SUBSCRIPTION KATES. One year, in advance $2 50 Six months . - 1 50 Three months - 75 Transient Advertisements must be paid Ter in advance. (From the Washington Capital.) Our Rural Artist. WHAT HE SAW AND DID ON HIS FIRST VISIT tO THE CAPITAL CITY. <1 * ? After finding a boardingbouse, I immedi-, onntfnl hiiildincr. not Olilv to f' .. .. .. . ' VOL. XXXI. CAMDEN, S. C., THURSDAY, JULY 11, lSTS. NO. 45 ? ? ?W/I J ?4DIWU VUV VHVIVWI w ^ see the largest building in which I own any interest, (this, you know, belongs to the people,) but to meeft the senators and members trom my own State. I met Senator Hopity-Go-Three, whom I had helped to select, and who told me at the time how very glad he was to get my help. He now looked blandly on me, failed to remember my hame, and when told who I was, took me tenderly by the hand, and, on account of pressing business, asked to be excused. I 1 excused.him, and turned on my heel a wiser and a sadder man, and with strango rcflec- 1 tions left the door of the Senate and passed through a long hall under the dome, and through another long hall beyond the dome, 1 to the Houso of Representatives. Here at ] the door I met a man dressed up in brass 1 buttons, who asked what I wanted I told \ him I wished to see Colonel Jackson 0?. J He kindly asked me to wait until he saw if { the Colonel was iu the House. He soon re- ' turned, said he was, wild told mc that?since 1 this was Saturday, the day in which no business is done, the day in which the mem- ' ' bers read long speeches to which nobody 1 listens and eret loudly applauded when no J one hears?I could go in, and in I went. I ' saw the several congressmen from my State, ' who met me kwidly, and when told 1 was to 6t2w<eome weeks, askted me to call often, 1 end by every mark of kindness aud consideration made me feel uuder many obligations. ' I nex? followed Ben Butlor down in the ' cellar: of the Capitol building to a large eat- ' ing-house. I was not hungry?I never 1 drink?so I stood and looked at Ben until I 1 found jt qeccssary to move ou to keep from ( smiling audibly, at that comical-looking countenance which he carries with him. 1 I now went round into another part of ( the cellar where is a statue of Tccumsch, c the Indian chief, as natural as life and * twice as large. I looked at this about five minutes, aud passed round to the statue of ' the kind-hearted philanthropist and states- 1 man, Abraham Lincoln. T looked on this with strange emotions of love for the man, 1 but not with the same delight as on his ' statue up stairs, which was made by that J versatile, irresistible little artist, Yinnie ? Beam. * I now went out on the portion in the J center of the building where are several y wore picture's and statues, one of which I 1 t.nnk to ho Victoria C Tilton. who with one ? eye not quite as wide open as'the other is 1 looking a string , athletic man, who holds a ' play ball in his right Land, lovingly in the J face, inspiring him to throw the ball over ' into a woods pasture to George Washington, * who with uplifted hand sits ready to catch it on the fly. 1 I now went down the steps, across the 1 road, through a gate and into the field ^ where George is kept. I found him porch- ' ed up on a wall about six feet high, uiadc of nice speckled stone hewed smooth with a ' pick. I now had the pleasure of seeing < the'serene countenance of the Father of his ! Country. I should have enjoyed it much 5 better had not a man with a smooth plug 1 hat and new store clothos, who seemed to .' kaocv, said it was not a good statue. lie ' f urther told me it cost $40,000; aud that it broke a ship all to pieces in bringing it 1 over from Rome. While standing in front of the statue I saw ' that George had lost the first joint of the ' great toe on his left-hand foot. This, the ' man who wore the store clothes told mo, \ was shot off while acting as aid to General ] Braddock in the war between the English * assisted by the American colonies, against ( the French aided-by the Indians, aud which 1 war happened some time before the Revolu- 1 tioa. I now passed round to the north side of ' * - x { tne statue, wnere a man is ariving a mum ui spirited horses hitched to a. cart. The man 1 is standing up on the cart and holding the 1 reins in his left hand and a black-snake whip (painted white) in his right. lie has just given one of the horses a sharp stroke with the whip and has raised the whip fco strike the other horse. The horses see their danger and have reared on their hind 1 feet for a run, and have the appearance of ' making it lively for the driver unless he sits 1 down and behaves himself. 1 I noxt went on the south side of the statue 1 where are < two children, obe lying on its 1 face, evidently to keep the sun off while it 1 takes a nap; the other, half reclining on its 1 back and holding a largo worm in its right 1 hand while another worm is wound around 1 its left arm, getting badly hurt by being pressed between the arm and the stone". I 1 make no doubt this child is intent on going a-fishing, and is holding these worms for bait to be used as soon as the sleepy one will wake up and go with him. But there was one thing that sorely perplexed me, and concerning which I could arrive at no satisfactory conclusion; and like a wise man who always confides in the better judgment of hh wife, I hastened home and found her. I asked her to go with me to the field; I led her around o.n the south side of the statue and showed her the children and asked her to inform me with regard to the sex. I think she at first failed to get my mean ing, when in my most winning tones I asked, "Are they boys or girls ?" Her eye now twinkled; her lips wreathed in pleasant smiles, and she answered without a moments hesitation that "she thought they were." The sex of the children beiug definitely settled, my wifo, 'with an entire change of countenance and great concern, felt my 'head, asked if I had fever, and wanted to know why I wished to know anything definitely about the children. I then I then told her I proposed to write an article for Donn Piatt's paper, or write a lecture, and like George Francis Walker or Dr. Mary Train, deliver it at fifty cents ad mittance, (children half price.) My wife now said I was tired, and told me to think no more on the subject until had a good sleep. Yours truly, Rural Artist. Riot. Assault and Attempt to Kill. SICK CHAMBER OF A DYING WOMAN DISREGARDED. On Sunday, 23d June, one James Maloncy, who is reputed to be Assistant United States Marshal, accompanied by Peter Simmons, (ablack nigger,) Oscar Cannon, cop. por-colored, (a penitentiary bird,) and Willis Johnson, ("yaller nigger,") went to my store at Cross Roads, and ordered a lad, Master Wells who slept in the store with my - * *?- krtv infn fhrt store. HUH, a IUUHCL'11 J cai \ti\x W";i , stating that he should shut himself in, and if lie came out. that the guard that he (Malo- ( ucy) was going to place around the store would shoot him. Mr. Smith, who was paying a visit to Mr. Wells, was then rudely as- . vaulted, and ordered to march to my dwell- ( rag house, about half a mile from the store, ( ;ach of the cowardly fellows single-filing' , behind him as close as they could walk, lock , step. Smith's life was threatened and lie 1 was assured that if he made any noise what- ( jver, he would be shot. About half way be- , twecn the store and dwelling, my son, going from supper to the store (where lie and master Wells slept,) was pounced upon by two., big niggers, his arms hold behind himwhilst < Maloney stood in front of him with a pistol presented at his breast, swearing that he ] would*shoot him through. After lie had kept ] the boy in this position till after the coward- . I}', tormenting, evil spirit was satisfied, they | turned him loose, telling him to keep in the , path to the store, and if he turned to the ] right or left lie would be shot by men statiou- , ;d in the woods for that purpose. < The file being re-arranged as before, with < Smith being forced to lead, the night being ] lark, and the foliage of the oaks being very . lense, they came into my yard near the piaz:a. where Tr. Solin J. Jlarre, Mr. D. M. , iVard, Mr. T. T. Perry and myself were sit- \ :inpc?(my wife was in her room at the point , >f death, having been quite ill fyr some time) j ?and they shouted, to our surprise: ''Shoot { :vcry d d rascal that comes out of the louse: Shoot! Shoot!" I did not know vhat it meant, Piobbers, Lowcry's gang, | iverything flitted across 103* brain. The t ihouting, shooting, all. all; what does it mean? j [ advanced to meet them at the steps: Perry ( vas with me; Parrc and Ward jumped into j lie yard, liarre received a severe wound; j several attempts ftcre made to shoot Ward, < jut failed. The alarm to 1113' wife was so 1 sudden, and when Parrc said ;'I am shot," , >he thought it was tho voice of our eldest 1 ion, and became so frightened that her re- < ;overy is now hopeless. ' As soon as I could, I ascertained what ] vas tho matter. Maloncy said he had a < varrant for. the arrest of Ward whom lie had < hiled to arrest. What Ward was charged ] ivith he did not make known. Said he had ] lad a warrant for Perry. Perry said "if you ] lave, I aui ready to go with you." Put he ^Maloney,) apologized to Jiarre; said "I lm very sorry that you got shot, but 1 have i warrant for you, although it is ol'little importance; sonic negro lias a charge against you; you can stay hero with Mr. Blcase, i mil if you get well, report to inc at your conreniet.co." I told my sou to go quickly for i i physician, that Barrc would bleed to death. 1 A.s be started off, a nigger drew down on 1 him with a pistol, saying; "If you lcabc de 1 house, I will shoot you." None of us were 1 irmed, but were enjoying the quietness of 1 he holy Sabbath evening, and awaiting anx- j lously pn her who appeared almost done with 1 ;he things of this world, when we were poun- < ;ed upon by these fiends, who pretended to 1 epresent the officers of America. I kn.ow lothing of tho officials of tho county, never '< iiaving taken any part, whatever in politics; 1 liaving all my life pursued my peaceful avo- ' ;ation of farmer, artisan and merchant; hut, '< if these he their representatives, "(Jod gave the country." i Tiios. AV. Blease. i How tho Deacon Got Caught. ' We have no hesitancy in stating that i anioug the able-bodied male adults of this city the very common beverage known as ' soda water, and which is dealt'out so unsparingly at every corner during the heated term, is considered, to use their own language, i "thin drink." Uut as this ingenious mixture of wind and water is termed "thin," strong liquors, such as whiskies, are altogether too "thick" for a steady warm weather drink, bo the imbiber who must "moisten his llucs" with sonic liquid refreshment, scoks a pleasant combination of the two classes of drink, which forms a happy combination that cxhilcratcs, yet is not intoxicating. It is customary among these bibulous go-betweens to enter a drug store, call for soda water, name their syrup, at the same time giving a wink to the dispenser of "slush," who takes the goblet, in which he places the syrup, then slnnns down bonnnfh t.lin pniintm* nr rr>firo? to a back room, where, b_, some mysterious chemical change, the contents are' colored darkly, and the soda is then let in upon the mixture, which is handed to the customer with a wink from the clerk. Ho much lbr the process; now for the sequel. Saturday, a venerable gentleman from the country, who is a respectable church deacon, a Justice of the Peace, a member of the "Baud of ll??pe," and a flood Templar in his native village, came to this city to trade a little in dry goods and purchase such agricultural implements as lie needed to plant and cultivate his spring crops. The deacon is strictly temperate, and never looks upon the wine when it is red any more than he does when it is any other color. Unfortunately, our old friend suffered from opthalmia in his early "days, which left him with an optical peculiarity which caused his upper eye-lid to drop every few seconds,*and to those not familiar with his inlirmity, gave him the appearance of intentionally winking The "deac" is passionately fond of sodn water and such light beverages. He loves to feel the gaseous compound coursing down his throat, aud creating internal commotions and typhoons, that, however eudurable by older persons, throw babies into agony, and require prompt doses of peppermint; so on Saturday afternoon, after he had bought a few shovels, plows, aud a Dolly Vardon for his wife, lie thought ho would fill up with soda water and drive on toward home, lie entered a drug store, inquired the prico of the desired refreshment, then deposited his scrip and awaited his mixture. "What syrup do you want 1" said the urbane clerk, as ho mopped off tho marble counter with the sama towel ho used a moment before to remove the honest sweat from his brow. "Oh ! give me sasaparilly; that's about as healthy as anything, I guess." (Here the deacon's eye-lid went back on him and dropped quickly.) // 4 n - ?l.i. )> 1:_j r. "AJI ri^ui/, rupncu luu iuuuuuu li-huui, as ho disappeared below the counter and came up a moment later with the drinking glass containing about three fingers of "sasaparilly," to which ho added the other ingredients, and handed it to the deacon. The latter drained the contents to the very dregs' then brushed the froth from his mouth, smacked his lips, and said : "That syrup is a leetle stronger than they generally make it, but my blood is out of ordor, and I guess I'll take anothor glass;" at the same time his eye-lid fluttered meaningly as before. The dose was repeated, .and the soda-water bibber left the shop. About half an hour later ho entered another establishment whero i sight announced "Soda and Mineral Water on Draught." It was noticed that the deacon walked as if he had the string.halt as lie entered the door, and his spectacles were upside down on his nose, lie called for 'Congress water" at that place, saying he 'did not feel quito right, and was afraid he bad used too much syrup in his soda-water it the other store, or else he was bilious." His optical weakness exhibited itself as he spoke, and returning the wink, the clerk retired to a dark closet, then returning, filled ip the glass with plain "Congress," and gave X to our now "tightually slight" friend, who swallowed it without a murmur. How many "sodas" the deacon stored iway before lie left the city, wo arc unable env liiif lin tvnc fniiTwl lntrt in d.-iv " -?ji ? ? ?j i asleep in bis wagon, with a plow point for a pillow and several yards of Dolly Varden :alico gracefully draped about his person 'or a covering. lie revived sufficiently to nform a stranger that lie had been "drugged," and a subsequent visit to tho localities where he had taken soda water developed the fact that his unfortunate habit of ivinking?a defect over which he had no rontrol?was the cause of all his trouble, fiic soda water dispensers supposed liiui to bo "one of the boy*," and every tiuio his ;yc-lid dropped, took the hint. The dcaoon jscapcd tho ''jim^auis," but say's hereafter be will wear a blinder over that eye when be purchases summer drinks, or else write bis order 011 a slate.? Clcvcluml Leader. Poking Fun at a Eailroad. Mr. Derrick Dcdd writes as follows to the Washington Capital about the brgneh railroad between Baltimore and the Capital: But about this railroad. Of course I want it abolished, as every one does. The reckless velocity with which the trains arc run between here and Baltimore is absolutely frightful. I was delighted years ago when this road was established because 1 thought ive had got rid of the old rickety and dan' n . . 1 l.i xl. . J1 ^erousiy last, stage coacnes, dui. uie speeu they arc beginning to run the trains at now on this road is worse yet. Now, every one knows that Baltimore is forty miles from Washington if it is an inch, and three days and :? half is plenty quick enough for the. trip, but the managers have already reduced the schedule time to three days and four hours, and what with making the engine fires too hot, and racing with cows along the road, and all that, the conductors are even cutting that time down. Why, * it was only the other day on the down trip we. happened to spy Sims' old mule about two miles out of town. What should the reckless wretch of an engineer do but clap on full steam and race every foot of the way into the district? We didn't exactly pass the mule, but caught with him twice, and came into the depot neck and neck?and which was puffing the most, the mule or the engine, you couldn't have told to save your life. Now, it was all very exciting. and all that, I know, but I hadn't purchased au .accident ticket, and I don't believe the other four passengers had either. This is all wrong, Mr. Editor, all wrong. And then on another occasion, I remember, we camo within a hair's breadth of having a very serious accident. The engineer had gotten off to snowball a chipmunk, and and the conductor was minding a young widow's baby for her?the result was that the train happened to got on a down grade and wo started off at a terrific rate, every bit of four miles an hour, I should think. "We were just half a mile above Annapolis junction, aud the first thing we knew there being 110 one to whistle and and wake up the switch-tender, we were turned off into the Annapolis road and went down the wrong t.mpk nt. full mined. Imairine our constcrna tion when just at this moment we heard the whistle, not a half mile ahead of us, of the Annapolis up train. We were paralyzed with terror. Here were two trains approaching each other on the same track at the dizzy speed above mentioned. Evidently our time had come! In a few short hoursthe engines would meet, and then?destruction ! With great presence of mind a minister on board organized a prayer-meeting.? Pale but calm, the doomed band of 'passengers sat, and though with the very shadow of death upon them, raised their voices in a parting hymn. "Send for the baggage-master," said a young man with a sad smile. "Why ?" was asked, i "Because wo aro all about to pass in our i chocks." i Everybody wept. From the rear platform i wo could see the miserable engineer strain ing every nerve to catch uf>, but ho had tight boots on and didn't gum anything to speak of. At this moment a ray of hope dawned upon us. I had just finished writing my will on the back of a vfsiting card when I observed a young lady in the act of dotach' ing her, bustle. Placing the article?which was coipposed of 800 Capitals and a hair mattress?jphdor her arm, t[ic heroine marched through the car. We followed her anxiousb She climbed upon the tender and then over tl'^e engine. It was very interesting and thrilling to see her climbing over the wheels and br.iss things on the way to the cowcatcher. It reminded me of a country girl getting over a wire fence. But never mind about that now. Let me see where I was. Oh ! yes?on the cow-catcher. Holding on by the cross-bars with one hand, the noble maiden tied the bustle on the sharp prow with the other. You can guess the result. In the course of the afternoon the collision came on. Protectpd thus the engine received a gentle buuip and we were saved ! I took up a collection for the woman on tho spot. I always take up collections on such occasions. And what's more, I uever forget to give the object interested something nioe out of it, never. There is nothing mean abjut me. I suppose you have noticed my clothes ? The Hair-pins and Garters, etc-, that are Picked up after the Audlende Leaves. [From the New York World.] I don't know which is the,more curious study, the little world before or the little world behind the scenes. Perhaps you think there is nothing interesting in the conduct of an audience; and yet the man in tho boxoffice of a theatre will tell you, if you got hold of him sometime when he has a dull night, a very curious story about the pleasure-seekers. I was in the little chubbyhouse at Wallack's not long ago, with my friend Livingstone, and Mr. Mo?s pointed out to us the the box-office museum. It was a collection of articles picked up in the theatre after the audience left it. Now, you will immediately guess what some of these articles Xiair-pios and garters and pennies, you know, abound wherever men and women congregate, and handkerchiefs arc always picked up in churches and theatres. Put tho collection included night keys, gold rings, faro chocks, playing cards, false curls, reticules, card cases and toothpicks. We can even understand How these things may be dropped occasionly. But how arc we to understand tho absenoe of mind which covers the loss of fa sc teeth, and indispensable underclothing? There is a fine pair of low patent-leather shoes, taken off during the performance, because they hurt tho owner's feet, evidently. But it is incomprehensible that lie- should forget to put them on.again and walk out in his stocking feet. There is a beautiful set of fake teeth on a gold plate. Can it be that they fell to the Hoor unobserved during the open mouthed wonderment and abstraction of the spec tutor, or were they too, taken out for comfort's sake, and slipped into the folds of a dross iustead of a pocket, and then lefy behind when then owner got up ? A dog-collar, too, by all that's odd with "Fido" on its brass plate, and a bottle of "cold cream" and a paper of brass.headud tacks. But even this should not astonish us, when wo ascertain that the lap-dog themselves are sometimes, left behind, and Mr. Moss has to send out for milk and other delicacies, and, and turn the box-officc into a nursery until a waitingmaid comes, as she inevitably does the next day, with a warm blanket, over her artn, and reclaims the darling with tears in ner eyes. Then wc have a safe-key. Ha! what a tale of carelessness and reprimand and suspicion that tolls; and a bank-book, and a Colt's revolver with all the barrels loaded except one, nn.l flint, nnrt sninlrv and hermined. It is fanciful to suppose that soino cunning miscreant, whose victim was duly reported among the killed, came with the crowd to the theatre to escape detection, and left his instrument behind him. Why there's a bunch of skeleton keys ! How do we knew that they were not loft by the same person ? A Mine op Soap.?The Pueblo (New Mexico) Chief has the following: The other day one of our prominent citizens rode out up the mountain three or four mile on a prospecting tour, and at a certain point near the banks of the stream noticed some rocks of peculiar formation. Instigated by that curiosity so fatal on a certain momentous occasion to old mother Eve, he broke off a piece, and taking it to the creek, plunged it into the water for the purpose of ascertaining its consistency and grain. Upon taking it out of his hands, what was his , surpriso to see a lather formed, and with a vigorous rubbing the stone proved to have saponacuons qualities, in faot, possessing all the cleansing virtues of the most excellent soap. Greatly surprised, not a little mystjuea, with the profound conviction withal, that he had found a big thing, our discoverer hastily gathered up a few specimens and brought them to the drug store of Dr. P. It. Thumbs, where it is now on exhibition and can be inspected and tested by tho curious. The stone is of a dun color, about the hardness of chalk, and forms a perfect lather, while it effectually removes all stains and groaso spots from clothing. Wo have tried the poup pcr1 sonally, and must pronounce it a success.? ' After bathing it loaves the skin as .soft and smooth as that of a new born babe, while the odor is quito pleasant. It is certainly a re? ' markable discovery, and the only query now is, ''what next ?" A country that can proL duce mouutains of gold and silver, narrow gauge mules, tarantulas, flea-bitten dogs, and 1 mines of soap to wash the whole with, must bo capable of producing almost any wonder. A Watch in a Man's Body. A few days since, we published an extract from one of the Northern papers in which it waa stated that a man was shot during the war, ami that a portion of a Bilver pencil case and a gold pencil were driven into his body. A portion of the latter has just worked out through his neck. The case appears singular, and may be doubted by some, but there is o* the ^records of surgery a more singular caso, and one in which the reoovory of the patient may be deemed miraculous. It was that of a gold watch being entirely shattered and driven into & man's body through the ribs and lungs, and of the pieces being afterwards extracted or ejected, and the recovery of the patient. The gentleman who survived this terrible injury is our townsman, R. Q. Drummond, Esqr.,and he is now alive, 1 and except the disqualification from physical labor, he is apparently well. On tho 5th of January, 1841, he accidentally shot himself in the left side with a gun loaded with shot, the o>>!lriniT ? onlrl in his WUUie uuai^c Obiiaiug t* ? ??<*>_ pocket.'and driving it iato his body, through the lungs, breaking i u its passage several of his ribs. The watch was of course torn to pieces, and the fragments scattered through the body, fortunately missing tho heart. In two weeks from the accident some of the pie. ces were taken out, and at intervals from that time, for fifteen years afterwards, when the last piece was ejected from tho mouth, after . having, caused one hundred hemorrhages by the violent fits of coughing. In this manner several pieces had previously been' removed, and with the last Mr. Drummond's health began to improve, and he is now, as we have stated, apparently quite well. The ( Wound in his side has never healed entirely 1 up, and there still remains an orifice of about half an inoh, through which the breath can , be inhaled or expelled. A number of the ( fragments of the broken watch have been shown us by a friend, and are still mute witnesses of this terrible accident.?Norfolk Virginian, 1 The Dead Soa, i A NEW PICTURE?NOT SO DEAD AND DESO- 1 LATE AS IT DAS BtJEN PAINTED. We descended the steep hills to tho wild, sandy plain that stretches to the Dead Sea, and are soon cantering across the burning sand. Suddenly our guard motions us .to stop. They profess to see robbers lurking behind some bushes near the shore, though we can see nothing, and believe it only a ruse on their part to get from us somo backshish.. While they go forward to reconnoitre, we move on slowly. Learning t?hat the coast is clear, we gallop on and dismount on the 1 shores of a lake whose waters look as clear 1 and ripple as beautifully as do the Waters of any other lake we have yet seen, all tcstimo- i ny to the contrary notwithstanding. 1 Guide books speak extravagantly of death < everywhere abounding in the waters and along the shores. "Not a flower, not a green , j willow nor a shrub anywhere to ho seen , its waters are raroly ruffled by a breeze. All is ] silence, gloom, and death." The Dead Sea, as seen by jis bore quite a different aspect. For miles along the shore, we rode through ' a thicket of shrubbery and willows as green ' as we ever found anywhere, and among the 1 prettiest flowers which we carry with us are some which we plucked on the shores of the < Dead Sea. That the waters are heavy and , bitter, is true, for we tested them in bathing, | but that they are rarely ruffled, we can not believe, as at the time of our visit there wa^ but little breeze, yet the waves splashed on ( the pebbly beach, and in the distance their j white crests looked liko so many white swans?Boston Traveller. TnE "Widow's Wiles.?They tell about a blooming young widow who used to live next door to Mr. Smith, who was a widower ?' ? m?n urlmQA trnlrl ovps hcanied U1JU a tlUUU UlUUj n uuuv blandly through his speotacles. The widow 1 had a kindness for Smith, and he reciproca- ] ted it; although he had barely sufficient cour- ' age to carry on the campaign. So at last the widow pretcndefoo be tofriblv afraid of thunder and lightning and whenever she saw a gust coming up she used to smooth her hair and rush into Smith's house. Then, when she heard a peal of thunder, she would scream, rush up and throw her arms around the mild eyed Smith's neck J and imploro hiiji to protect her. Mr. Smith always looked embarrascd and anxious and said he woujd. Thon she would faint, and 1 Smith would feel half glad and half sorry.? ; About six thunder storms settled'tho busi- < noss: and now she is Mrs. Smith. lie is i only sorry that her.apprehensions of thun- 1 dor and lierhtninsr were not realized. lie says that if ever there was a woman \Vho de- , served to bo torn to piecos by electricity, it f is that widow. She has thunderstorms eve- 1 ry day now in Smith's house, aud it is live- , ly and vigorous for Smith around there ( since the widow took possession. The Accurate Boy.?There was a young man once in the office of a "Western railway superintendent. He was occupying a position that four hundred boys in the city < would have wished to get. It was honorable and it "paid well," besides bemg iq a line of promotion. How didhc got it ? Not by having a rich father, for ho was the son or a laborer. The secret was his beautiful : accuracy. He began as an errand boy and did his work accurately. His leisure time , he used in perfecting his writing and arithmetic, After a while he learned to telegraph. A*. pfinli sten his employer commonded his accuracy, and relied upon what he did, be-* cause he was just right. And it is thus with every occupation. The accurate boy is the favored one, Those who employ men do not wish to bo on the look-out, as though ' they were rogues or fools. If a carpenter must stand at his journeyman's elbow, to be sure that his work is done right, or if a cashier must run over his book keeper's columns he might as well do the work himself as to employ another to do it that way; and it is very certain that the employer will get rid of such an inaccurate workman just as soou as he cau. !> ADVERTISING RATES. / Space. 1M. 2 M. 3 M. G M. 1 Y. 1 square 3 00 G 00 8 00 12 00 16 00 2 squares 6 00 9 00 12 00 18 00 2G 00 3 squares 9 00 13 00 1G 00 24 00 35 (M 4 squares ' 12 00 16 00 20 00 80 00 43 0? I column 15 00 19 00 24 00 34 00 50 OC 4 column 20 00 30 00 40 00 55 00 80 00 1 column 30 00 60 00 GO 00 90 00 150 06 All Transient Advertisements will be charged One Do'lt.ae per Square for the first and Seven} ty-pive Cents per Square for each flubsequeiiinscrtion. ii^ JOTTINGS. Englandjias 32,623 breweries. Of the seventy-four United States Senators, fifty arc lawyers. Old Maids are fond of pairs, but cannot bear any .reference to dates. A North Carolina woman was buried in a Pun?lin? K/i.1 onnnwlinnf fn lior rlmirA IWUlU^i UVVVAUUIQ W ?V4 MVW?*W* Out West they call a bride a "pecuniary compliment." and say no more about it. An Illinois newspaper has suffered from three libel suits to the amount of 35 cents. The sleeveless-jackets take precedence of all other styles of out-door garments this season. "Playing Texas on 'em" is the Alabama vernacular for the final dispos ition of horso thieves. When should a dairy-man use the letter o in place of u? AY hen he wants to make butter better. A popular doctor in Owego gives prescriptions with directions to "take one teaspoon-' ful every three years. A rural New York father has named one haploss child Ajax Tolamon, and another Agamemnon Achilles. A shrewd old lady compares her husband to a tallow candle , he always sputters and 3mokes when he's put out. An undertaker in Mount Yernon advertiges: Coffins made and repaired on short notice. * In Manilla 25,000 women and girls work at cicrar makincr at avoraere wastes of seven cents per day. Why ia a new born-babe like the relief of Lucknow? Because it's the long expected mcker. ^ Conceit ia said to bo a better capital to start with in life than money. Ik it? Give us capital. Get your sweetheart a new set of teeth as a Christmas present," ia the invitation of an advertising dentist. Chicago is not likely to have its gift library ':froni modern British authors," and no ono will be sorry for it. Lecturing is at a very low ebb in England, . _ Only noblemen or very distinguished parties can draw an audieuco. It is surmised that Dickens, as a reporter, did his reporting on 'Change?he has {Unshed so many stock quotations. Some of the iron columns of the Boston* new post-office, buildiuer are thirtv-three feet high, and weigh over twelve thousand pounds each. A paper, in puffing a certain soap, says it is the "best ever made for a dirty man's face. Wo have tried it, and thcrcforo wo ought to know.' A policeman asked a drunken aothiop whom he could scarcely see in the dim light )f a cell, "Are you oolorod?" "Colored, ao; dis yer chile born so." "Is civilization a failure?" asks the chief jrgan of the Democracy in Montano. Will contemporaries be kind enough to answe? tho momcnteous question ? A Western editor, in writing tho obituary )f a respectable citizen, says "that ho has ;onc to that undiscovered burn." Mary had a little lamb, She had it in the garden, ' And every time it wagged its tail, It spoilt her Dolly Varden. An epitaph on a North Carolina mule is is follows: Here lies a mule, blind as a bat, Hie more corn you'd give lum, tho loss he'd grow rat; He belonged to tho bummers of old Bill Sherman, And mulesjikc this wc all say, durn 'em. An exchange has found out when Adam tvas married. Of course it was on his wcdJingEve; most every body knew it berore. Several people who have answered an adrertisemcnt promising a ''correct likeness of. yourself, and your fortnno told,, for fifty ients, have received a three-cent mirror, and informed that they can tell thoir own fortunes by counting their money. The State Superintendent of Maine eent out this question: "Can you suggest any amendments to the school law of theStato?" _ The School Committee of Mariavillo answercd: ."We recommend the establishment of a reform school for meddlesome parents." "Ilello, Ben!" "Ilello. back a?ain ! What d'yo wan't?" "IIow's ycr folks this morning?" "Party well. Mother's smart as usual? Jim and Tom well?an' father died- last night." "Your father died 1" "Yes: he kicked the bucket 'bout 12 o'clock, and I've got his watch! Say, just going up to prison to see cousin Joe hung, will ye go?" There is a Methodist church which stands on the boundary line between Ohio and Pennsylvania, in such a way that the pnlpit is in the former State and the pews in tho latter. A Pennsylvania paper thereupon takes occasion to state that whilo the hearers are in one State their preacher is in another State discoursing 011 the future State. A Detroit black bear got looso the other day, and cautiously approaching a man leaning against a hitching post, rose up andgavo him a hug. Thinking it to be a man, ho cried out: "What arc you doing there? Get off my back, or I'll knock you into tho middle of nest week!', lie was greatly "moved" when he found out who the man was. ami stood not upon the ordor of his going. 1