University of South Carolina Libraries
An Independent Family Journal?Deroted to Politics, Literature and General Intelligence. HOYT & CO., Proprietors. ANDERSON C. H., S. 0., THURSDAY MORNING, APRIL 20, 1871. VOLUME 6?NO. 42. For the Anderson Intelligencer, HARD TIMES. Those persons that have been born in the lap of luxury, and have nover had anything required nt their hands, cannot comprehend tho full meaning of "Hard Times." Neither can the farmer who has his lands paid for, with 'some improve? ment. Hence, farming is the safest and ' surest vocation for the raasfi of tho peo-' pie. It does not always lead to wealth and opulence, but it will certainly insure compotence and. even abundance if prop^ *?r!y managed!' - To the unfortunate, un? successful business man there is no proa pect that looks more tempting or inviting than a neat little farm, well improved. It is a haven of rest, where the corroding care and nauseating anxiety of a business life aro unknown; a dojnain where he is King, and where he is Lord and none to dispute bis title. The greatest pleasure of! the farmer's life consists in his inti? mate relation to nature, and his posses? sion of all the rational enjoyments of life. ' Why is jt then that we hear the com? plaint" from so many of the farmers that "times are hard" ? Their answer will undoubtedly bo, "in debt." Debt is a curse that entails far greater hardships ?than the fiat which pronounced the doom of man to till the soil and earn his bread by tho sweat of his brow. War, its prices and currency, afflicted a large portion of our farmers with agreed of gain, which they indulged by plunging in debt. Thoy were not content to own ^ few acres and they paid for, but they wanted all the land that joined theirs jj but when tho roverso came thoy were not proparod; tbeir expected incomo is cut short, their debts hang heavily over them, and they cry "hard times." If we could only teach ono pretftpt to farmers, it would be this, Make yourselves independent. Owe no man anything? make your business snug and safe, in? stead of expensive and risky. Then yoa can sit by your own happy hearths and laugh at "hard times," if be chances to look in at the window. ELECTRO. WEITIKG FARMERS. D. Lawrcnco, in a sonsiblo and well-1 written article in the Maryland Farmer on this subject, thinks that tho intellectu? al aspects -of agriculture have wonder? fully improved duriog the last fifty years, and that this intellectual development is due, for the most part, to the establish? ment of agricultural journals. The ob? ject of agricultural literature is two fold : first to record the remits of experience; second as an exponent of the theories affecting them. Ho continues: Unless tho editor recoives a report of I the results of the application of scientific ideas, bo far as practical (I mean money making) agriculture is concerned, thoy are worthiest, and where an individual's experience qualifies him to impart infor? mation, in view of the vast amount of in? struction he has receivod from others, it becomes his duty to do so. Again, no farmer can communicate his views to the press without becoming a better farmer. More care will be taken in the processes of his system that thoy may exhibit greater returns and that the account thereof may be true and accurate. More experiments will be made, to open new paths for the operations of a successful husbandry, and the pratico will have a tendency, by developing the intellectual, to alleviate the burdens of the physical man; it will dignify the principles, pro- j cesses and labors of that vocation upon whose excellence and strength, as .a cor? ner stone, depend tho efficiency of all other pursuits which, with that, form the fair proportions of the social edifice. At once the setting and the support, it will become the ornament of the other em ploymenta, with which that produce the beauty and brightness of the.social diadem. By a union of the intellectual with the physisal features of agriculture the result is, individually, a well developed man, and collectively an improved societ}', exhibi? ting in the rural districts, where there is the groatest deficiency and the strongest need, tho forces which purify and refine mankind. To sum up the argument, I have en? deavored to demonstrate that farmers ?hould subscribe, support and write for the press devoted to their interests; first, from gratitade; second, from the neces? sity which exists of receiving that kind o? information; third, from duty; and lastly, from a sense of tho personal ad? vantages to be derived therefrom. Need I say moro to any per?on anxious to con? tribute his share towards the success of the'grand army of agricultural regenera? tion, which is laboring so nobly over all the land for the exaltation of the farmer's pursuit. The farmer will argue that his education and habits disqualify him from doingjustice to his experience- in a written article; grammatical exactness, a eupho? nious style, is not what is asked; simply, tacts"; the editors will make any altera? tions necessary to gtvo thorn an attractive appearance. What a Good Wife Should Be.?A ! good wife should bo like three things;) which three things sho should not bo like. Fifst?She should bo like a snail to keep within her house, but sho should not bo like a snail to carry all she has on her back. Secondly?Sho should be like an echo, to speak when spoken to, but sho should not be like an echo, always to have the last word. Thirdly?She should bo liko a town clock, always to keep titno and rcguluri ty; but sho should not bo like a town clock, to speak so loud that all tho town j iuay hear her I A COLORED MAN TO THE RESCUE. Lieut. Gov. A. J. Ransior has been wri? ting a series of letters to the Charleston Daily Republican upon "Our Troubles." In his concluding article, the following remedy is proposed: ''Let the leading mon of both the white and colored race come together in conven : tioh, say each choose one' of their own from eacih Countv in the Stato. Let them meet calmly, discuss the situation and de? termine what is best to be done as to mat? ters of taxation, and the general policy of the Administration. In the first place, let them ask of the Administration, in view of the high rate of taxation this year, (or for 1870,) the postponement of the collection of* the taxes for 1871, which, under the amended Act, would occur noxt November, thus bringing the collection of taxes for 1870 and 1871 within six months or so of each other, which is of vital mo- j raent to both classes and all conditions of our people. In the second placo, let them ask of the Governor (who appreciates the situation) a certified statement of the pub- j lie debt to the latest possible moment, and invite him and other officers having the immediate control of our finances to give J their opin:ion as to our financial condition, I where benefit is to be derived from the sterling fund Act to the State, and as to other matters as may be calculated to in? spire confidence in our securities, and thus satisfy those of ourmonoj'ed men at homo and nbroad, and give such other guaran? tees as will secure confidence in the abil? ity and willingness of the Administration to protect life a*nd property in the State. In the third place, let them consider the militia organizations, propose such amend? ments to the militia law as may bo deem? ed advisable, und recommend upon all other matters?the powers and duties of all County Commissioners, &c, as in their wisdom may seem to call for amendments, &e. Some, such thing will, in my humble judgment, accomplish more substantial good than a convention of "tax-payers," or of the whites exclusively, or any of the many plans suggested; and I most re? spectfully ask my white and colored friends, and the people of both classes, to considor thoso suggestions, which do not involve the political opinions of any one, or necessarily destroy the organization of one or the other political party. "The object <^ suggesting a mixed con? vention?i. e. a representation of both races?is, first, bocauso it is right and proper in itself that it should bo so; and next, whatever is done by such a body ftould morally, bind both classes of our people," and go far towards laying the foundation of harmonious relationships' between them. This ought to be desir? able, and seoms to me entirely practicable and easy of accomplishment, tho only thing being necessary is for one class to throw away certain prejudices and the other a feeling of distrust and want of confidence in the other. The future then will tako care of itself. Will this be tried ? Will Corn Pay in the South.?In an article lately published in the Mobile Reg? ister the figures show that the production of corn in tho South pays better than it does in the "North. True, our yield per acre is not so large, yet the greater value of the product over balances all short comings on that score. The report of the Commissioner of Agriculture, for 1869, shows that the average yield of corn per acres in Alabama that year was fif? teen bushela and tho average price at which* it was sold was $1.14 per bushel. In Illinois, tho great corn State of the Union, the average yield to the acre was twenty-three bushels, and the averago price per bushel 57 .cents. This shows that Alabama made per acre 817.10 and Illinois $13.11; leaving a balance of $3.99 in favor of Alabama. The small yield in the South is attributed a good deal to neglect and bad culture. Corn is secon? dary always to cotton. Tho more corn we raise and consume the more money the'South will got, for less ground in cotton will havo a tenden: cy to bring up its price. As things are now managed, the Southern farmers are forced to eat and feed away, as it were, a portion (all the present season, except for those who raised corn sufficient for their purposes) of their cotton crop; but not until after it has been thrown upon the market to contribute its quota towards depressing the price of the remainder. The "Remains of John C. Calhoun.? The Charleston Neics, of tho 10th instant, contains the following account of tho re? interment of Mr. Calhoun's remains: Tho remains of John C. Calhoun wore exhumed on Saturday morning, and re? placed in the vault where they originally reposed. It will bo remomberod by a chosen fc\V that, on tho night preceding the evacua? tion of Morris Island by tho Confederate forces, tho bones of Calhoun were taken from their vault for obvious reasons, and woro laid in St. Phillip's Church Yard, to the cast of the venerable church. .There the remains of our greatest statesman havo rested in peaco during those six eventful years. The lioctor, assistant Rector and the Vestrymen of St. Phillip's wcro present at the dtsinterment, and followed tho coffin as it was borne to tho old vault west of tho church. It was indeed aBolcmn scene. Whilo all else is troubled and sad, the mighty spirit of Calhoun stalksabroad, and his dust, its wandering over, is laid for aye in the humble, silent gravo?laid in tho bosom of that.Carolina which her wisest son lovod so long and well. ? Not long ago a girl was struck dumb by the' firing of a cannon. Since then a number of artillery companies havo re? ceived invitations Irom married mon to visit their places J'or drill and practice. THE CONFEDERATE DEAD. Tho season when the graves of our Confederate dead are decked with floral tributes all over this sunny land is again upon us, and as an appropri? ate reminder of the occasion, this beautiful poem of "Moina" is ro-produced. "While thoughts are reverting to the time when some loved one fell npon a distant battle-field, and hearts are sad? dened by t hese recollections, tho language of the poot is in tuneful acoord with tender emotions thus awakened: OCR DEAD. bt moixa. ? po wo weop for the heroes who died for us T Who, living were true and tried for us, And in death sleep side by side for us T The martyr band. That hallowed our land With tho blood they poured in a tide for usf Ah ! fearless on many a day for us, They stood in the front of the fray for us, And held the foeman at bay for us; Fresh tears should fall Forover?o'er all Who fell while wearing the gray for ui. How many a glorious name for us I How many a story of fame for us They left! Would it not be a shame for us If their memory part From our land and heart ? And a wrong and fl blame for us T No?no?no?they were slain for us, And bright were the lives they gave for us; The land they struggled to save for us Cannot forget Its warriors yet Who sleep in bo many a grave for us. No?no?no?they were slain for u% And their blood flowed out in a rain for us, lied, rich and pure on the plain for us j And years may go, But our Lars shall flow O'er the dead who have died in vain for us And their deeds?proud deeds?shall remain for us, And their names?dear names?without stain for us, And the glories they won shall not wane for us, In legend and lay Our heroes in gray, Though dead, shall live over again for us, ECONOMY IN BUSINESS. Ono of the most important objects to be attained in the life of every business man is that of conducting his business upon principles of strict economy. In no other way, and by no other method, can there be insured permanent success. It matters not what business a man engages in, the only true and thoroughly practic? ed thing should ho that of economy. Ho is bound by all tho laws of trade, of honor, and of justice, to do it; for it not only in? volves his own honor and success, but also the rights of his creditors, for to them he may not only owe money, but immense debts of gratitude No man has a right to jeopardize his creditors, nor bring odi? um upon the business community, by en? deavoring through great risks in specula? tion, to become suddenly rich. Wild spoculatiions are the fruits of extreme folly, and nine-tenths of the men who fail in business, do not so fail for want of strict honest intentions, bat because of the com? bined influences of speculation, and the little leakages, so to speak, which contin? ually drain from them, that which if prop? erly saved through the economical work? ings of all his business, would carry him through tho worst financial crisis. Young men are especially at fault in not economizing in their business. A young man commences business, and for a while success attends him, but instead of being satisfied to go on in the way which will lead to success slowly, he launches out in an expensive manner in somo new undertaking, and for want of capi tal or capacity, fails to succeed, and the lirst thing he knows, he is a bankrupt. Thus by a desirt-'-wben he was doing well, and well enough?to do better; by a mis? taken idea that he can accomplish some particular thing, he gets too much in? volved, ana* the result is be goes down, probably never to rise again. We see upon every hand, smart active men?men of talent who once stood upon the middle round of tho ladder of fortune, with a bright prospect of attaining the very highest round, lying to day at the bottom thereof, poor, scarvod and bruised, never to recover from so great a fall. And this was brought about, because of a want of the proper spirit of business and social economy, during poriods of tboir most en? couraging and gratifying success. Like locking the door after tho horse has boon stolon- thoy stand in their sad conditions, a warning'to those who avo now follow? ing in the same cotirso they wore going. There is bvd one way to do businoss, and that is to do it by the rules of honesty and economy. Without these thore can be no permanent success. Thoj' aro tho corner stones of ovory successful man's woalth ; and every man who has succeeded will toll us that by them were they successful. Mon who havo been unsuccessful in life, will tell us it is very much harder to climb tho ladder of prosperity tho socond time, than tho first. They will tell us that tho blow thoy roceived by their fall, has so stunned thorn, has so operated upon their own friends, as to bo an obstacle almost sure to bo never overcome. Thoreforo,-it is necessary for ovory business man to commence right, and so commencing con tinuo, until by strict economy in his busi? ness, ho may fiually succocd. ? A German ongineor has invonted a curious machine by which tho oxact ve? locity of a railroad tiain can bo ascer? tained at any moment. JOSH BILLINGS ON HOTELB. Hotels are hoasea ov refuge, homos for the vagrants, the married man,s retreat, and the bachelor's firosido. They are kept in all sorts of ways, sum on tho European plan, and menny ov them on no plan at all. A good landlord is like a good step? mother, he knows his bizoess and means to do hiz dity. He knows how to rub biz hands with i'oy when the traveler draws nigh, he cnows how to smile, he knows yure wife's father when he waz living, and yuro wife's first husband, but bo don't speak about him. He kan tell whether it will rain to? morrow or not; he bears yore complaints with a tear in his eye; he blows up the servants at yure suggestion, and stands around reddy with a shirt collar as stiff as broken china. A man may be a good supream court judge, and at tho same time be a misera? ble landlord. Most evrybody thinks he kan kocp a hotel, (and they kan,) but this ackounts for the great numbor ov hotels that are kept on tho same principle that a justiss ov the peace offiss iz kept in a country during a six days' jury trial for killing sumboddy's yello dorg. A hotel wont keep itself and keep the landlord, too, and ever kure a traveler from the habit of profane swearing. I have had this experiment tried on me several times, and it alwus makes mo swear wuss. It iz too often tho kaso that landlords go into tho Dizziness ov hash as ministers go into the profession, with the very best ov motives, but tho poorest kind of pros? pects. I don't know ov any bizziness more fiattersum than the tavern bizziness, there don't seem to be anything to do but to stand in front of the register with a pen behind the car and see that the guests enter tho house, then yank a boll rope six or seven times, and then tell John to show the gentleman to 976, and then take $4.50 next morning from the poor dovil of a traveler and let him went. This seems to be the whole thing, (and it iz tho whole thing in most cases.) You will diskover tho following do skripshun, a mild one, ev about 9 hotels out ov 10 between the Atlantick and Pacifick Oahuns akrost the United States in a strata line: Yure room is 13 foot 7 inches by 9 foot 7 inches, parallelagramly. It being court week, (ez usual) all the good rooms aro employed bi tho#twycrs and judges. Yure room iz on tho uttermost floor. The carpet iz ingrain?ingrained with tho dust, kerosene ile and ink spots of four gonerashuns. Thare iz two pegs in the room tow hitch coats' onto?one of them broko oph, and the other pulled out and missing. The buro has three logs and ono brick. The glass to tho buro swings on two pivots which havo lost their grip. Thare is one towel on the rack, thin, but wet. The rain water in the pitcher cum out ov the woll. The soap iz az tuff to wear as a whot stone. The soap is scented with cinnamon ile, and varigated with spots. Thare iz throe chairs?cane' aooters; one iz a rocker, and all three is busted. Thare iz a match-box, empty. Thare iz na kurtin to the window, and there don't want to be any; yu kant see out, and who kan see in ? The bell rope iz come oph about six inches this side ov the ceiling. The bed iz a modern slat bottom with two mattresses, one cotton and one husk, and both harder and abouf az thick az a sea biskit. You enter the bed sideways, and kan feel every slot at once, az easy az you could the ribs of a gridiron. Tho bod iz inhabited. Yu sloop sum, but roll over a good deal. For breakfast, you havo a gong and rhy coffee too kold to molt butter; fried potatoes, which resemble the chips that a two-Inch augger makes in its journey through an oak log. Bread soiled; beef-stake about as thick az a blister plaster, and az tough az a hound's ear. Table oovered with plate ; a few scared to-doath pickles on one ov them, and six fly endorsed crackers on the other. A pewtorinktum castor with throo bot? tles in it, one without any pepper in it, one without any mustard, and ono with two inches of drowned flios and sum vin? egar in it. Servant gal, with hoops on, hangs around yu earnostly, and wants to know if yu want another cup ov coffee. Yu say, "No mum, I thank yu," and push back 3-uro chair. Yu havn't cat ennff to pay for picking yuro teeth. I am about as solf-conseatcd az it will do for a man to bo and not crack open, but t nover yet eonsaitcd that i could keep a hotel; I had rather bo a highwoy man than to bo some landlords I havo visitod with. . Thare aro hotels that aro a joy upon tho earth, whero a man pays his bill as cheerfully as ho did tho parson who mar riod him, wharc yu kant find tho landlord unless yu hunt in tho kitchon, whnro ser? vants glide around liko angels ov mercy, wharo the beds fit a man's back like tho feathers on a goose, and wharo tho vittcls taste just as tho 3'tiro wifo or yure mother had fried thorn. . ' Thozo kind ov hotels ought tu bo bilt on wheels and travel around the country; thoy aro just az phull ov real cumphcrt az a thanksgiving pudding, but alas ! yes, alas! they at e az unplenty as double-yoked oggfl DOUBLE MEANINGS. Tho English language Is peculiarly abundant in words and phrases which are capable of two meanings, and which thus give rise to an ondless number of mis? takes, catches, and puzzlos, which afford a great doal of the amusoment of every? day life. A familiar example is the word got, which may mean oitber was or pro? cured. Thus, one boy says to another, with a grave face: "Fred got shot to? day/' " W here V* asks the other, in alarm. "He got shot in a hardware store," is the answer?meaning*, of course, that he bought. A man assured a store-keopor who hesi? tated to trust his companion for a put chase: "If he refuses to pay for it, I Will." His companion refused to pay for it, and so did tho speaker; as in one Sense he had said be would, It is thus very easy, by using uncertain language, to con? vey a false impression. A sheriff asked the wife of a Quakor, against whom he had a writ, if her hus? band was at home. She roplied: "Yes, he will see thee in a moment." The sheriff waited; but the Quaker did not appear. He was contented with seeing the sheriff; be did not care that tho sheriff should sec him. Tho position of words in a sentence, and the use of stops, often entirely alter the meaning; Thus, an account of a fu? neral declares: "The remains were com? mitted to that bourno from which no traveler returns attended by his friends." Ignorant people are very apt to use phrases with double meanings without intending to do so. Among the adver* tisemonts we may sometimes read that a respectable young woman wants wash? ing; tho propriotor of a bone mill adver? tises that parties sending their own bones to be ground will be attended to with fi? delity and dispatch. It was once related in a city paper how, during tho celebra? tion, a child was run over, wearing a short red dress which never spoke afterward. Many popuhir puzzles depend on the ambiguity or double meaning of words and phrases. Thus, we are told there was a man who had six children, and had never seen one of them. We are led to suppose that none of the children had over been boheld by their parent. But the words may mean equally as well that one of them had been born while , tho man was on a journey, and he had, con? sequently, never sscn that one. Anothor puzzle is thus: There was a poor blind beggar who had a brother, the brother died, but tho man who died had no brother. What relation was the beggar to the man who died ? We are apt to think the boggar a man; but when wo think that the boggar might be a girl, the answer becomes quite plain. We are told of two mon who met each other at an inn^ and greeted #oach other affectionately. The hotel-keeper inquired of one how he was related to the other, who replied: "Brother and sistor have I none, Yet this man's father was my father's sou." This is a perfectly plain statement, and yet there are few whose minds are clear enough to soo at once that this jingle of words is only a round-about way of say? ing that this man was the speaker's son. Th* Yalxjb op a Sgrap-Book.?All who take a newspaper which they in the least degree appreciate, will often rogrct to see any one number thrown aside for waste paper which contains some interes? ting and important articles. A good way to preserve these is by the use of the scrap-book. One who has never been accistomed thus to preserve short articles, can hardly estimate the pleasure it affords to sit down and turn over the pleasant familiar pages. Here a choice piece of poetry meets tb? eyo, which you remember yon were so glad to see in tho paper, but which you would long sinco have lost had it not beon for your scrap-book. There is a witty anec doto?it does you good to laugh over it yet, though for the twentieth time. Next a valnablo recipe you had almost forgotten, and which you have found just in time to save much perploxity. There is a little story, the momory of which has cheered and oncouraged you many a time when almost ready to despair under the pressure of life's cares and trials. Indeed you can hardly take up a single paper without perusing it. Just glance over tho sheet before you, and see how many valuable items it contains that would be of service to you a hundred times in life. A choico thought is iar more precious than a bit of glittering gold. Hoard with care tho precious gems, and see at the end of tho year what a rich treasure you havo accumulated. A New Credit System.?A certain merchant in Austria was recently mot at the door of his store by an honest-looking Frenchman, an cntiro stranger to him, who askod credit for a barrel of flour. "I can pay half ze cash down and ze balanco next Saturday, sure" Tho merchant, without hesitation, turned to ono of his clerks, and, with a kindly smile on the would-bo owner of the barrel of flour, Baid : "This good man wants to got trust? ed for a barrel of flour, he'll pay halt down and tho rest next Saturday. I'll risk him; he's good as gold; open afresh barrel; weigh out half, deliver1 it in good shape at'his house, put tho barrel away safoly, tako it down next Saturday when ho pays tho rort,; novel refuse to trust an honost-looking man for bread." It was dono; the monoy was paid; and the French gentleman departed^ojorcing in abundance of flour and unlimited oredit. ? Don't lot yoniv cattle stray; they often wander to the most, mysterious places ; we once saw a cowhide hi a shoe? maker's shop. ALL BOKES Ol' PABlGEAPHSh . ? Though "old age is honorabl?/' many people hato to oonfeas it?they will dye first. ? Why is a grant of real estate more valid if made on Sunday? Because tho better the day, the better the deed. ? Young lady physicians are multiply ing throughout our country, and as a re* suit, it is said, the young men are becom? ing more sickly than they ttsed to be. ? A little boy, hearing his father say, "there is a time for all things," asked hie mother "when was the proper time for hooking sugar oat of the sugar-bowl V ? A^n inhuman jailor in the Michigan State Prison hires an organ grinder by the day, and the convicts appeal to tho law against cruel and unusual punish? ments. ? A dovoted Radical, who wanted Grant to be as much like the father of his country as possible, prayed that tho "mantel-piece of Washington might fall upon him." Amen 1 ? To" cure dyspepsia?close all the outer, doors of a four-story house, open the inner doors, and then take a long switch and chase a cat up and down stairs until she sweats. ? Tho following short rules for tho caro of furniture are from an article in the Technologist: "Keep Water away from everything porous, alcohol from varnish, and acids from marble/' ? Horace Greeley writes that rust in wheat is caused by the oxidation of the surface of the grains. If wiped perfectly dry and enclosed in buckskin sacks, well oiled, wheat will never rust. ? "Never roprove a child harshly fof chowing, or Bmoking, or swearing." No, never reprove him harshly. The only way to cure him is to thrash iilm within afl inch of his life. ? A Western lover savs of his parting from his adored one: "Her last words fell, like great rocks, into the sea of my sorrows, and splashed the briny, water into my eyes." * ? A curious typographical error re? cently occurred in a morning paper. In giving an account of a coroners inquest, it stated that "tho deceased bore an acci? dent character, and the jury rondered a verdiot of excellent death." ? A holy life is made up Of a number of small things. Little words, not elo? quent speeches or sermons,?little deeds, not miracles, nor battles, nor one great, heroic act or mighty martyrdom, make up the true Christian life. ? A clever repartee is attributed to the member from Mormondom in the new Congress. A brother member askod hirri how many wives he had. "Enough to keep mo from running after other peo? ple's," he promptly replied, ? The Boston Post sometimes credits witticisms to the "Xou. Cou. Jour " The latter complained of the abbreviation.-? Tho offender now qnotos from what it calls the "Zouighiviceylle Cmujhriqprc Joceughrrenaille." ? A peddler, calling out an old lady to dispose of some goods, inquired if sho could tell him any road on which no ped? dler had traveled, as be would like to speculate with some old spectacles.? "Yes," she replied, "the road to Heaven;" ? They have a new style of temperance society in North Georgia, The members may drink anything they pay for, bat - pledge themselves not to invite. any ono else to drink, nor to accept an invitation from any one elso. The society has regu? lar officers and is conducted in many re? spects like the Good Templars. ? The Arkansas editor has a very deV icate way of remarking that you lie, "If we owed the devil a liar," says the Little Rock Republicdn, for instance, "and his Satanic Majesty would not take tho Mem? phis Press, boiled down, in payraont, wo should consider him a very short sighted and unreasonable devil, to say the least of it." ? A deacon in one of our city churohes, a few days since, took to task a lady member of the congregation, who resides some distance in the country, for not at? tending evoning services more regularly,' and inquired into the whys and where? fores of the seeming negligence, ''Well," said the lady, Hho truth is I am so buBy, and live so far away, that it is all I can possibly do to get time to go to the thea? tre." ? The Bidd<Bford (Me.) Journal says a family troubled by a neighbor in the sama building borrowing things without thoic leavo in their absence, lately tried tho ex porimont of leaving their kerosene can fiflod with water. Tho lady of the other part of tho house, not. long after,, called to inquiro where they bought their kero? sene, for hers wouldn't burn. She had wasted nearly a bunch of matches, but could not light her lamp! ? Seven Cincinnati spinsters have or? ganized themselves into a matrimonial commercial detective agency for the pur? pose of obtaining information concerning tho standing of young gentlemen iiw the match business. Any maiden having an offor may apply to the bureau, with tho full confidence oi^ascertaining the exact mercantile ValuOof the partnership into which sho is invited to enter. No foes demaudod, as the pleasure of the investi? gation amply eontpensates it? laborious no- s. ? Jartesvflle, Wisconsin, is noted for iti smart boys. The latest story is told of a youth of six summers, who was ta? ken to task by his aunt for some supposed offense which he persistently denied.? "Now, Johnnie," said she^I know yow aro not tolling me the truth ; I see it in. your eye." Pulling, down the lower lid! of the organ which had; welt, nigh be? trayed his veracity, Johnnie oxultinglyr replied,-"You can't tell au3*thing,aboutiitv aunt; that eye always was- a little; streaked."