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ihimorous Department. He Blew Into It. Capt. Watt of the record-breaking Lusitania was talking about machinery. "Machinery is delicate stufT," he said, "and the amateur is wise to let it alone. You know about the man who blew down the gas meter?" "No." "Well, at the club one night, a cer tain man complained bitterly about his gas bills. " 'Hang it ail.* he said, 'my bills are something enormous. I'm sure I don't burn all that gas. The company, consarn it, is cheating me.' "A friend spoke up and said: " 'Look here, do you want to know how to get the better of the gas company ?' " 'Gee, I Just do!" exclaimed the man. " 'Then,' said the friend, 'blow down the meter. Every night, before you turn in. blow down the meter. The meter, you see, is full of little wheels, all turning, turning, piling up big bills against you every time you light the gas. But blow down the pipe and' "The friend gave a loud laugh at the delightful thought. " 'Just blow down the pipe, and?he, ha. ha?all the little wheels turn the other way.' "The man thanked his friend for this good and valuable advice, went straight home, and blew a long and powerful blast down the pipe of the gas meter before retiring. He did this every night. But once did he forget, the last thing before going to bed, to blow the meter with terrific force. ."Well, In due course, at the month's end the Inspector came. "The man welcomed the inspector a trifle nervously, and hung about the cellar door to hear what the fellow would have to say after his inspection. "The Inspector emerged from the cellar studying a column of figures with a puzzled frown. He looked up at the master of the house and said in a strange voice: " 'Well, Mr. Smith, I don't know what the dickens has been happening to your meter, but the company owes you $34.17.'"?San Francisco Chronicle. A Lost Reputation to Lose.?It was midnight, and a drizzle was falling steadily. A man shuffled along Oxford street, Manchester, England, hugging the walls for shelter. Presently he spoke to a passerby: "Could you give me a copper, sir, toward my night's lodging?" "How much have you got already?" "Twopence, sir: and if I had another twopence"? "You can get a comfortable bed in a warm room at the Salvation Army shelter in Shepstow street for twopence." "Salvation Army?" This with a decided sniff. "Thank you. sir. I haven't come to that yet!" It was an experience which recalls Gen. Booth's story of the drunken woman who was carried into a Salvation Army shelter. When she recovered consciousness and was told where sne was, she exclaimed in horror-stricken tones: "Salvation Army! Goodness gracious, I must get out of this, or I shall lose my reputation!"?Illustrated Sunday Magazine. A Gentle Hint.?"I got a neat rebuke for my curiosity once," said a well known Baltimore man, "and it was administered by a native of the Cheat river region in West Virginia. "I had stopped overnight in the district in question, and in the morning was strolling about the place, asking all sorts of questions. Presently I met a lanky mountaineer, who greeted me with 'Howdy' and passed the time of day most pleasantly. Seeing that he was barefooted, a circumstance, it seemed to me, quite odd in a mountainous region. I asked: " 'Is it the custom of this country for the men to go without shoes?" "Waal," the native drawled, "some on us do, but most on us atten's to our own business."?Lippincott's. No Trouble at All.?One day last summer a German entered the establishment of a photographer in a southern town, and after several glances about the place, observed mournfully that the photographer did not seem to have the properties essential to the taking of a picture he desired. "I should like a bicture of ineself veepin' peside my vlfe's grafe," he said. "Maype you tlx a grafe here in de shop for me?" "I am afraid I haven't the necessary accessories." said the photographer. Then, with an attempt at facetiousness, he suggested: "Couldn't we arrange to have the portrait made at the grave itself?" "Dot's in Pennsylvania." said the German. "It vould be too exbenslve to x* go there. Yust you fix up some kind of a grafe here in de shop. I could veep on dot. It's no trouble for me to veep anyvere."?Harper's Weekly. l I visited a school one day where invtriir.fi, in \vn? nil ft nf th#? (lailv course, and in order to test the children's knowledge asked some questions, says a writer in the Montreal Star. One class of little girls looked particularly bright, and I asked the tallest one: "What sin did Adam commit?" "He ate forbidden fruit." "Right. What tempted Adam?" "Eve." "Not really Eve. but the serpent. And how was Adam punished?" The girl hesitated and looked confused. Behind her sat a little eightyear old, who raised her hand and said: "Please, pastor, I know." "Well, tell us! how was Adam punished?" "He had to marry Eve." A Wise Boss.?In a New York street a wagon loaded with lamp globes collided with a truck and many of the globes were smashed. A benevolentlooking old gentleman eyed the driver compassionately. "My poor man," he said, "I suppose you will have to make good this loss out of your own pocket?" "Yep," was the melancholy reply. "Well, well." said the philanthropic old gentleman, "hold out your hat?here's a quarter for you, and I dare say some of these other people will give you a helping hand too. The driver held out his hat. and several persons hastened j to drop coins into it. At last, when the contributions had ceased, he emptied the contents of his hat into his pocket. Then, pointing to the retreating figure of the philanthropist who had started the collection, he observed: "Say, maybe he ain't the wise guy! That's me boss!"?Bellman. Miscellaneous trading. I . - .??; IN COUNTIES ADJOINING. News and Comment Clipped From Neighboring Exchanges. CHESTER. Lantern, December 31: Married Dec. 23rd. 1907. at the parsonage at Capers' Chapel by Rev. A. E. Holler, Miss Judith Hardin, daughter' of the late Jos. Hardin of the Armenia neighborhood, and Mr. Peter Hardin, son of Mr. and I Mrs. Adam Hardin of this city. Married Dec. 24. 1907. at the residence of Mr. I. N. Whiteside at Lewlsville, by Rev. R. A. Lummus, Mrs. Lilly McNeill of Lando, and Mr. Robert H. Westbrook of Lyle Miss Docia Peach of Westvllle, returned to her home this morning, after spending a few days at the homes of Mr. J. P. Yandle and Mr. J. P. Yandle, Jr Miss Alice Craig of Yorkville, is spending several days at the home of her sister, Mrs. Ellen Rothrock Mr. W. A. Latimer received a telegram yesterday morning from his son. Mr. J. Frank Latimer of Adrian, Mich., saying that his wife died Saturday night. Ua u-ov tr? Phpctpr with <ho remains. It was known that she was sick, but the news of her death was a shock. She leaves a little daughter. It will be remembered that their oldest child died while they were living in Chester Mrs. R. W. Carson of Gastonia, and Misses Lizzie and Josie Bigham spent from Thursday afternoon until Saturday with their sister. Mrs. J. B. Simpson, near Edgmoor. On Friday, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson celebrated the twenty-fifth anniversary of their marriage, with a family dinner. Mrs. Margaret Simpson and Miss Agnes Simpson. Mr. and Mrs. F. M. Simpson and sons, Messrs. Eliie and Albert Simpson. Mr. T. S. Ferguson and Miss Mattie Ferguson. Mr. and Mrs. Frank Thomas and Revs. J. H. Simpson and R. A. Lummus, were present to enjoy the day, in addition to those already mentioned. The day was very pleasantly spent in social intercourse. In the afternoon there was music on the violin and guitar by Rev. J. H. Simpson and Messrs. Frank Thomas and Albert Simpson. In the evening Misses Eugenia, Margie and Martoeii Simpson entertained a number of their friends at a social All of the Lowryville students are home spending the holidays, from Clemson, Messrs. Stuart Abell, John Wilson, Richard Atkinson, and also Ralph Lowry who is a member of the graduating class: from Linwood, Misses Reedy Hope and Anise Abell: from Winthrop, Misses Louise Guy and Violet Anderson; and from Due West, Miss Fannie Darby and her visitor. Miss Bryson; from the Normal at Asheville, Misses Essie and Dora Guy. Miss Hester Titman from Burlington. N. C., and Miss Julia Titman from Spencer, N. C., are at home for the holidays. Mr. Jas. G. Lowry, superintendent of the Rowesvllle Graded schools, is spending a two weeks vacation at his home in Lowryville. LANCASTER. Ledger, January 1: Mr. Joseph K. Connors, presumably in a spirit of desperation, visited the antique town of jj|P wbere ^ J If*? ^3 ^cn y01 11Ismoke 0{|en j ^ *n some 1 Lf ) ( naee does f PERFECTIOI (Equipped with S I? to the room you want to heal \? house. It has a real smokele J)/m smoke or smell?turn the ///mm as ^ow as y?u ?^ra ([(((fflL that gives out glowing Illlm ished in japan and 111 onirti^oro Pvpf Illlllllllllllfflk. | Thej^B^&Lamp ' it the lamp lor the student or V reader. It gives a brilliant, steady light I that makes study a pleasure. Made ol brass, nil I with the latest improved central draft burner. II you cannot obtain the Perfection Oil Heat I your dealer write to our nearest agency for do STANDARD OIL. CO? k (Iaeorporsted) Wr the sti Fish scrap is used balanced and careful! H ill { MB 9' ~ i Kingville last Thursday evening. Everybody. by the way, who has ever been to Charleston or Columbia knows Kingville. According to an old tradition. it Avas the original site selected for hades, but was abandoned for the reason that it was considered too dismal even for the devil....Master Frank .Moon Boldridge, son of Dr. and Mrs. J. 11. Boldridge. prompted no doubt by a spirit of adventure, left home without the knowledge of his parents on Christmas Eve sind for several days his whereabouts was unknown. He was finally located in a neighboring town and brought home, safe and sound, ?-*-? nob 1a tbn rolinf onrl irw r\f hie fj T> Y - ious parents and friends... .Mr. Marion Sims of Georgia, who recently killed a man named Benjamin Dightfoot at Desoto, in that state. Is thought to be a kinsman of Mr. J. B. Sims, of this vicinity, as he has a first cousin of that name in Georgia, whose father moved from this county to Georgia many years ago. The homicide is said to have grown out of a family feud.... While out hunting last Thursday, Mr. J. K. Bowers of the Fork Hill section, shot and killed on the wing a large wild turkey gobbler. On Saturday Fresident Roosevelt performed a similar feat in Virginia Mr. Frank Hough of Kershaw, who shot and killed Henry McPherson, colored, in this county on the 21st ultimo, was admitted to bail last Friday by Associate Justice Ira B. Jones in the sum of $1,500. The defendant promptly gave bond and was discharged. He was represented in tne morion xor own uy Attorney E. D. Blakeney of Kershaw, while Mr. Wylle of the I^ancaster bar, appeared for tlie State at the request of Solicitor Henry. It will be recalled that McPherson was killed while resisting arrest. Mr. Hough, who was acting as constable, having a warrant for him, which he was reading to the negro, when the latter drew a gun and snapped it a time or two at the officer before he could use his own weapon. GASTON. Gastonia Gazette, December 31: Prof. Edgar Long, assistant professor of English at Erskine college. Due West, S. C., arrived Saturday night and spent Sunday and Monday here with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. L. H. Long. Mr. Long has the distinction of being one of the youngest college professors In South Carolina. He has a wide circle of friends in Gastonia who were glad to see him back if only for a day or two and who are glad to hear of his success at Due West Mrs. Perry Dover and daughters. Misses Ovella and Hertie Dover, left yesterday for Columbia, S. C., to spend a few days with Mrs. Dover's son, Mr. Will McLoud Miss Kate Cody of Yorkville, S. C., and Miss Ethel Hicks of Charlotte, spent the holidays at their respective homes Two young couples on matrimony bent drove from unerryvuie to tmiver iu>i ? uuiaua; , where they were married. Both were | surprise wedding's. Mr. Ed Stroup and Miss Edith Aderhnldt and Mr. Turley Aderholdt and Miss Mildred Hoffman were the two couples. Mr. Stroup's bride is a daughter of Mr. Will Aderholdt of Cherryville. Miss Hoffman, who was married to Mr. Aderholdt, lives near Dallas. a want It? ^WJJJIJJJ I) ?no smell?no tronble. yUl I' fou want heat in a hurry ^Lllli oom in the house the fur ; not reacn. us so easy w */. and carry a W V Oil Heater I Smokeless Device) I t?suitable for any room in the JR ss device absolutely preventing Jr\\ wick as high as you can or Jrjlj ss font holds 4 quarts of oil MJJJJ heat for 9 hours. Fin- [j| nickel?an ornament /J==?l\\\\\\^ y heater warranted, y* m Jtel plated and equipped 11 ]1 j | |i|========^2^ J111 Every lamp warranted. //////fnTTir' "'HTm I a or Rayo Lamp from I f%^vj I icriptive circular, ([(((//[[j/////|| iibmB THTCT : OLD TIME FISH Gl twenty-three years indard of the South. 1 in every ton of Farmers* Bone, y mixed, insuring bigger yields with 1 TRADE MA REGISTER e that this trade mark is S. Royster Gi Norfolk, Virgini. 1907-1908 Although we were only In business for a short time during the present year we have no complaint to make at the patronage we have received from the Furniture buying public. We copld have watted on more trade, but at the same time we are highly pleased at the patronage we have received, and extend our thanks for any favors extended to us during the year. We wish all our customers and friends a Prosperous New Year. During the year just a-dawning we will be fully prepared to meet the demands of the furniture buying public, and invite all who wish to buy anything in Furniture, Rugs, Pictures, Stoves, Ranges, etc., to come to see us before buying. We believe we can make it to your interest to do so. Yours truly, CARROLL FURNITURE CO. TAX RETURNS TOR 1908, Office of the County Auditor of York County, South Carolina. Yorkville, S. C., Nov. 29, 1907. AS required by statute my books will be opened at my office in Yorkville on WEDNESDAY, JANURY 1, 1908, and kept open until FEBRUARY 20, 1908, for the purpose of listing for taxation all TAXABLE PROPERTY held in York County on January 1, 1908. Returns made on proper blanks, and sworn to before an officer qualified to administer an oath and forwarded to me by registered mail before February 20, 1908, will be accepted. All taxpayers are particularly requested to inform themselves as to the number of their respective school districts, and where they have property in more than one school district, they will please make separate returns indicating the location of each piece of property. The school districts in which there are special levies are as follows: Nos. 13, 29 and 33 in Bethesda; Nos. 9, 20 and 40 in Broad River; Nos. 9 and 20 in Bullock s Creea; No. 12 in Catawba; Nos. 7 and 12 in Ebenezer; Nos. 26, 28 and 39 in Fort Mill; Nos. 11, 20, 33 and 36 in York. For the purpose of facilitating the taking of returns, and for the greater convenience of tax payers, I will be at the following places on the dates named: At Clover, Monday and Tuesday, January 6 and 7. At Bethany, Wednesday, January 8. Al Smyrna, inursuay, January ?. At Hickory Grove, Friday and Saturday, January 10 and 11. At Sharon, Monday and Tuesday, January 13 and 14. At Bullock's Creek, Wednesday, January 15. At McConnellsville, Thursday, January 16. At Ogden, Friday, January 17. At Coates's Tavern?Roddeys?Saturday, January 18. At Tirzah, Monday, Janary 20. At Newport, Tuesday, January 21. At Fort Mill, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, January 22, 23, 24. At Rock Hill, Monday, January 27, to Saturday, February 1. At Piedmont, Tuesday, February 4. At Yorkville from Wednesday, February 5 to Thursday, February 20. All males between the ages of twenty-one and sixty years, except Confederate soldiers over the age of lifty years, are liable to a poll tax of $1, and all persons so liable are especially requested to give the numbers of their respective school districts in making their returns It will be a matter of much accommodation to me if as many taxpayers as possible will meet me at the respective appointments, mentioned above so as to avoid the rush at Yorkville during the closing days. JOHN J. HUNTER, County Auditor. Yorkville, S. C., Nov. 29, 1907. 96 f 4t REPAIR WORK! If there are any repairs to be B made about your premises or any odd I jobs that you want done before the I winter sets in, let us know about them I early, as our carpenters are all busy just now and It may be several days after your order Is in before we can get to your work. But, then, you might save time by letting us know at once. J. J. KELLER & CO. We are Wholesale and Retail Agents for the Limestone Spring Lime Works. See us for your needs. START*? A BANK ACCOUNT WITH US NOW WE WILL DO EVERYTHING POS SI BLR TO SERVE YOU A\I? FURTHER YOUR INTERESTS. BANK OF HICKORY GROVE. k I on every bag. I uano Co. I i. r25%| OFF u" ? n ? men s, xioys, Children's CLOTHING 10 PER CEN 2.5 PEK CE MEN'S CLOTHING AN $20.00 Suits now $15.00. $18.00 Suits now $13.50. $16.00 Suits now $12.00. $15.00 Suits now $11.25. $12.00 Suits now $9. $10.00 Suits now I $8.00 Suits 1 $6.00 Sui 25 PER CE YOUTHS' AND BOYS' CLOI $6.00 Suits now $4.50. $5.00 Suits now $3.75. $4.00 Suits now $3.00. $3.00 Suits now $2.7, $2.00 Suits now 20 PER CE LADIES', MISSES' AND CI $4.50 Shoes now $3.60. $4.00 Shoes now $3.20. $3.50 Shoes now $2.80. $3.00 Shoes now $2.4 $2.00 Shoes now $1.50 Shoes 1 $1.00 Sh( 20 PER CE MEN'S AND BOY $5.50 Shoes now $4.40. $5.00 Shoes now $4.00. $4.00 Shoes now $3.20. $3.50 Shoes now $2.1 $3.00 Shoes nou $2.50 Shoes $2.00 SI $i-S j Yorkvi W ABSOLUTELY SAFE Pi w to j AN ( o m < k p w fe < CO TO OUR CI 3 H has been gr q appreciation 52 under all cii M < this year w< kwlth outside and could h ferred, how AT ALL TIJ "toiners in 01 for a higher We have ne INSTANCES w fare alike, h W I r* way. We w HH H want failure c_, from heavy 0 CO * the year 19( PQ <J and constan 1 store for yoi P THE N W fa < (/) | HOC! J 0 C/3 M < 1 aiu aavs A73xmosav our cm CONTINl FEB. 1! You Will S If You B T OFF ON NT OFF D OVERCOATS. ,00. $7-50. iow $6.00. ts now $4.50. I MT npp 1.1 JL V/? X' "HING, OVERCOATS. 5$1.50. INT OFF KILDREN'S SHOES % 0. $1.60. low $1.20. )es now 80 Cents. NT OFF S' SHOES to. r $2.40. now $2.00. loes now $1.60. ;o Shoes now $1.20. ille B. & gr ABSOLUTE }PEN JSTOMERS AND FRIENDS: Wc want to say that the catly appreciated. We have trie i of It, and believe that we have I rcumstances their interests are F e had a large amount of Idle mc ; parties on the very highest class ave, therefore, swelled our profit i ever, to show to our CUSTOMEI UES and refused to take on any o rder that they might handle theli price, and let them have the M < ver one time regretted doing tills, ? HOW MUCH THIS WAS APP1 irge or small. \ t has always been our aim to aii Hill evcrjuiie UI infill iu umnc <* ss; we want successful customers losses without one cent of comper 907 has been our most propcrous )8 with larger resources antl wltl tly Increasing business with whlcl ou have our best wishes and our ii happiness and prosperity. ATIONAI (Absolute! ? HILL, aavs Aiaj 1:PRICES" JED TO ST, '08. mm ave money uy Here NOTIONS, fi 10 Per Cent Of $1.50 per yard, now $1.35. $1.25 per yard, now $1.13. $1.00 per yard, now 90 85c. per yard, now 75c per yard, r 50c. per y 10 Per (] ALL UNDE $1.00 Shirt or Drawers, now got 50c. Shirt or Drawers, now Cut Prices MEN'S DRESS OR <Ct of Ql-iirf nmxr twn fnr .. - " ? ? $1.00 Shirt, now two for 50c. Shirt, now tw 45c. Shirt, r 25 Per C on all ladies', misses $20.00 Coats now $15.00. $18.00 Coats now $13.50. $16.00 Codts now $12.00. $15.00 Coats now $11 $12.00 Coats, now $10.00 Coats, n $8.00 Coai $6.00 ( $5-c < millin 25,15 and 10 p: EVERYTHING IN JE VERY LOWE! mt above prices are fl. Comj ly safe m LET! Rock Hill, 6. C? December 30, 1907 business which you have ffiven this [1 to show you in different ways our In a measure snown to our customer* IRST with us. During the latter pi >ney on hand which we could have p of security at an enormous rate of int account several thousand dollars. We IS THAT WE WERE LOYAL TO T lutslde loans, preferring to lend to our ? legitimate business and hold their c OXEY AT SIX PER CE for WE HAVE BEEN SHOWN IN M IECIATED BY THEM. In this Ban I OUR CUSTOMERS in every legltl success in his line of business. We d< i and we have often saved our custc isation to ourselves, year since organization and we conin It a Ann determination to merit the ti we are favored. sincere hope that the coming year h - UNION E ly Safe) - - - S. ,mosav m. 25%n j ?ff ? All Men's i and Boys' OVERCOATS I ATS, ETC. ^ f Dress Goods i Cents. 76 Cents. low 68 Cents. fl ard, now 45 Cents. 1 1e?t Off J r?titt? a n nw&nn : or 2 for $1.75. 45 or 2 for 85 Cents. 5 On All : TOP SHIRTS. j| ' $1-75. I o for 85 Cents. ^ iow two for 75 Cents. ^ "ent Off CHILDREN'S COATS. % 25. \ $9.00. I 1 ow $7.50. ts now $6.00 ?oats now $4.50. o Coats now $3.70. 1 ?4.00 Coats now $3.00. 4 $3.00 Coats now $2.75. ERY ER CENT OFF iWELRY AT THE ST PRICES . ^ FOR SPOT CASH -*t ^ )any. j ^ ^BSOUJTEL^AFE^r" rF.R IJ l mmrnm ml m ^ 08 a * 1 H 4 I 4 J s CO O r c ? , H Bank ^ great i that c/3 W irt of gj laced W L erest, dl c pre- * % HEM ' CU8otton INT. ANY ' I J k all > s W mate Q fl o not ^ mers H R V r *< ' lence Cfl large J> w am in ^ IANK I I > B CO O r C f< B v^. r1 < g ft J!' i - ajvs Aiaxmosgv