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THE WRONG PILLAR-BOX. Mrs. Twiilet was originally Miss j Eleanor Fusscll, with whom if. \v:is the destiny or Mr. Hygvavc to lall in lovo. Though ho was Car from handsome, Eleanor Fussoll gradually fell a tender regard for him ; and biiujr aware that ho had, as has been siiid, a competency, she allowed that tender regard to wax stronger, until she many a tim?: caught herself sighing and thinking, 'Oh, 1 wish he would prop bjI' \\ ell, lie did propose j and yet she became Mrs.Twiilet. Now, it chanced upon n day, or rather night, that Mr. and Mrs. Kussel I fell n tolkitig, as anxious parents will do, about the prospect of their children, and, especially, the lovely Klc nur. 'Nelly's rather hard to please, ! loa: .' said Mr. Fusscll, with the sigh ol it pro fcssioimt man having limited m 'ans an 1 a largo family, hut with tho uhu k!o ais.i of an indulgent lather proud of in ?daughter's pe rsonal attractions. 'Not so hard as .you th in It, \o haps/ Tpjoiued Mrs. Fusscll, Kignilioaotly. 'What d'ye menu V asked Mr. Kus sell, petulantly. 'Nelly's a dear, good girl, without ?any nonsense,' said thu mot nor, sententiously. 'What's that to do with it V observed j the father, angrily. 'A great deal, my dear,' roKponde 1 the mother, patronizingly. 'Nelly has admitted to me that shu very much prefers Bygrave. Ai d I must t-ill you. when he was down hero ho was hanging about Nelly in the most absurd manner, and making her all soi ls of presents ' 'He must be brought to book,' said Mr. Fusscll, with determination. '1 *hall have to go to town in a lew days, aud I ehnll ? all uron him tit his clim bers. 1 shall give htm every opportun ity of speaking o'?tHiko a man. and il he fights shy 1H speak to him I e lu't have my Nelly trilled with.' 'Take c?ro you don't spoil matters,' observed Mis. Fm-sell, waruingly. -You men nie ?o clum-y ; my opinion is that. Mr. Hygrvo is very timid and difii lout about his personal tippuarun to, n'th >u.jh I did toll him, so (ar as prett y p'a'ti hints can be. called i.-iJi>?.;?. tint lt > h;.l.l - nofhuig to fear On that -core. Impend upon it, ho will propose in d i : lim ?>. i' you. keep your awkward lingers out of thu pie.' 'If he doesn't, I'll know tho re tson ?why,' observed Mr. Kussull in eon elusion. And he did propose. In (net, he had already proposed tit the very time wuon he formed the topio of conversation bo tvvceu tho father and mother ol liii be loved and loving ICIe.iaor. AuJ t!u time was April 1, 13?. Nevetthclcss, within twelv.j months of th::t proposal; though there was no quarrel nud no change in IJy^r.ivo's ?circumstance.", Eleanor Fu-s ;!i bju tin ?? the wile of Janie.s Twillott, :i huitduaio man enough, but, in o:her respects, no more to be compared with .John IJygr.ivo than a Satyr wit'1 Hyperion. Above nil, Twiilett hadn't a competency ; hu was a young professional ui-.ui, with fair prospects, certainly with but little or nothing beyond the proceeds of his p o fessiou. And why was it th it Nelly never told even her mother of the proposal made to her by Bj'grave? Until die hoe;itu ? Mrs. Twillett, she never m.onion Id that proposal either to her mother or to any other living soul. Mr. Fusscll was as good as his word. When he paid his due visit to to.vu, h i called at Bygravc's chambers. The black door was iuhospit.ibly shut, an I on it was pasted a piece of paper, bear ing upou it some written characters Mr. Fusscll, who was near sighted, ad justed his glasses, went close up to,tho door, read the handwriting upon the wall, was for the moment struck dumb, and, eo soon ns he recovered th a use of his tongue, made use of severe ox pros sions. What ho read was: 'Goneto Jericho; return in about eighteen mouths.' That was all, except the chrrnic notice in white letters upon the back door, to the lifect that 'messages and parcels' were 'to be loft at thu he.i 1 porter's lodge.' To that lod^e Mr. Fusscll atouco repaired. 'Mr. By grave appears to have gone abroad V said he, interrogatively, to tiuj porter. 'Gone to Jericho, sir,' answered the porter pleasantly; 'for a little outing, sir j coniin' home by way of Afriky in about eighteen months. Letters not to bo forwarded. Any message, sir V 'Dear me 1' replied Mr Fussoll, but not to the question : 'it must have Leon very sudden !' 'Mr. Bygravo's a rather suddenish gentleman, sir,' assented tho porter witha. smile. 'I've known him to come home lato from ihu Derby on u Wednes day night, and be oil early next morn in', just letiviu' a note for his laundress to Kay, thnt, if anybody calls, he's gone to Both'lcm for a week or two.' ?Beth'cm,' muttered Mr, Fussoll ; 'and a very proper place for him* But,' ho continued, in a louder tone, '1 sup pose you don't know why Iie?should have gone to Jericho just now V 'No, eir, J dt n't know exactly,' replied tho good humored portor. 'Uuft I eau i/iits.t why he's gone to Jericho.' Mr. Fussell said nothing, but looked expectant. 'You soo, sir,' continued tho porter, iiion; confidentially, 'Mr. Hygrnvc's iuo?t intiuiatu friend is a painter, a gentleman that p unts Scripture sub jeefs. and tint's en j?ged at present, is 1 heard, on a picture of the than that Cell :tmnu<r thieves; and Mr. IJygravc, ! take it, has gone to pay Iiis fricud a visit.' Mr. Kusscll thanked the eomtnunioa- I tive porter,.and d'pirtod witho.u leav- ! inj; any message, for tho only message I he could think of was, 'Tell hi n Ii ? was j a villain ;' and tho porter was hardly the proper person to deliver it. When Mr. I'nssell reached his houte in the country town where ho practiced his profession, ho sought the. earliest opportunity of boinu closeted with his who. In the conferotioo that eiK' ted both wer.? utterly pu './.led. 11 oiv Bvgrnvc should h ivo boh ivo I *i i di 1 was incomprehensible. And yet., while Ii nomin^ to hi veiled from and jilted their daughter, tit; young iuum had really Pr,,P >sod. Nobody, however, woul 1 h ive guessed ? thai he bail, to ju Ige Irotn Noliy's be havior. A face as pile a- a lily, nights ? devoid of rest, and pllloWd vvcl with i tears followed I lit mediately upon tit.' | an noun cement in tie to b sr i Ii r l>y;r.ive had l'ono away ; gijme, without a vv.?r I ' or letter; gone, alter the.significant spe choa h?i iia 1 made;, secret ly in her o.\n eat, and openly bolero her family; gone, tin' to r. tern fur oi jlt'to u n m it < at the least ; gono, leaving a pyptcst be hind that letters should not lie Inrwarl ril an I not leavi ig my a Mr. ss to which they could bo forwarded Then, ?p jaiei.ity, catiiu tho stage ofwiiir.ntily pride hud just resentment. Ilei heart was scarred indelibly, but her life re covered its I luom und its brightness .\nd Twilictt became I ho accept mI lover. Twelve months rolled away, and she be came Mrs. Twilictt.. The happy honey luom was over; she returned to her Hit:\ 0 town I" a SjlUg little huUSC on its outskirts'; and i:> (he very l\v,n week oi' her return'., !M B!n ?ut tndior boudoir Waiting for her husbap I to co.no b ?0. ?\ '. ijt J _ T.- - b-ivti,^'. . ?? ? .V../< '.. :? latlur's. The euvolopa wrs a largoj blu'i oee, and bore an address which ac counts for its having b.-o:i -eat to h r lather's ? M i-s Klean >r Kussell. .Sh >. smiled as she broke open the caver, b i tire silti1.1 wits sue e ? la I by a f.o-v i a id a start when she perceived inside the cover a second letter This seonn t let tor was blood ted. ami, as she looked at thn hand'Veiling, s io ; re u > e i o<?e ? 1 j iogly, and a smoth red cry cieap; I !i sr ; win tu lips. It may bo remembered th it >i !'i i nigl t ol n curtain 1st of Ap'il. I i ?, Mr an 1 M s, ImisscII had a ? mvo vsili ?i ahoUi tho propriety of bringing Mr I}, ave t> propose; whereas dr. I>y grave, it was remarked at the time, had already proposed. Well, tit dusk on that same l.-t of April, n raw country lad ni'ghl have I ecu observed i i 1' ssie' t w ith a letter in bis hand, ai I .?t?i ing and gaping inquiringly :ib ml him. At last a gleam of intelligence and Mitisfucttou lit up his face,and he moved hastily toward an iron pillar box, which stood by the road-side, and ncai which sotiiu mischievous young Arabs of the London strecis were playitig. ?Want a lutti.r box i1 Mere you are, my boy; .shove ;i in .tit tli it hole it tho lop/ siil one. of thorn, in tho must friendly an I insinuating accents, t > the country la 1 ?(.?; know,' replied (he country lad with a look of superior k iowI id xo ml experience, ;.s be carefully dropped th ! letter in at the suggest el hulu, and walked oil" with a i air ol salisi'ic i in ?('hi you April fool,'shouted the Arabs after him ; but he either didn't know whit they meant, or believed in its being impossible thai any hjy wh ii ever would infringe the 1 iw which for bids the malting of'April fools'after twelve o'clock at noon. At any rate, he wi lit his way regard I O'S of so ?Iis. 'Oil, dear! oil, dear !'screamed the treacherously friendly Arabs, Itughiug as if heir very sides would burst.;'he's bin and cone and pat his love letter in the dust-bin; that he b ivo ' As the country lad passed one of the arch Wa\s that lead froin I'leot struct tu the Temple, be was brought to a sudden stand still by a stentorian sll nit. ? i lloimis '.' cried a Vuiu-e that made the ' country lad jump. Here in be, Mu-'er Bygrcave,' tinrwurcd Thomas, vvith a tu; at his front hair, an I a broa I grin at itie gentleman file hid called i> him ?So you've pasted my letter T said the neu leman. Tt.es, Muster IJoygroavo, oi'voslono it,' answered Thomas with unconscious cquivooatiou 'iiruvo ! i'homi.s,' rejoined the gentle man kindly; 'you've; done your lii'ator rand in JjOlldpil splendidly. 1 watchod you Iroui here ul nost as liiras tho pillar b .x; but, 1 couldu'c see ijuitc ail the way. You didn't have any diliieal ty, I suppose V S\oa, 1 fund t' pillar, and I popped un into t' slit a-top.' 'Th 's all right; und I urn glad to soo you took no not'cc of those yning ragnmullins who seemed to be laughing ;it you. .Now you can go; good-night.' And away won! Thomas will? an us prcssion o! unbouiidod sclt'contuit. Thomas was ihc son. or rather one of the sons, oi :i poor widow who had hie ly lost her husband by an acci lent while I iygrave was oil iii- visit to tlio KiHsclb and it was only quo of those many gou :r ous tuitions which, partly reported <>l him, and partly known of hor own know lodge, had lendo I ' - p-i 1 ? t.- hiai to KhMiinr Kussel I whan bo mi lori >pk' to |.iind soho'ilitig an I ojJiipiliin and a I live I ill ?od for Thomas in Loud n Hut bow cauio Tli'onus to he intrusted with tlie posting of Kygraves leU ir? Wily, thus : The letter was a I dressed lift ?:? a fashion which mike* uinst bachelors living iii chambers do their pisting for t he ustrI vis. in oriler to avoid prying eyes, HiguiSieaiil lo ?ksj well nnatit but olloii five ujUisiodSi ah I tittle t i? -1 ?; a t 1 so liy^ruve ha I intcn I ? 1 to p i3t it Iii tu self lib walked down to his el iS; li.itt, having eticouiitcru 1 Thomas in iho very ; niek of time, and Thomas hot having yet eaten oi the tree of kii >wl 11 :o so ihr as to Ir..- able i; do jiph sr li'i'ti Uvri inj; or oven print, be .-c 1 the ocean m of civin^ Tho utis a I.!?>?).i in tb s art of pOrko hiing u master's behests, lie It id directed Thanns t > pop Miy .letter iiito the li:.-t ii'?ti pillar '-> >'<? b sei ni to; he b id watched Tho mit gv?i?? the right course; l>.? b id soon Th Snia* half, el ; to tlio very sjidl where thu ti.-nv-:. pillar ?ux Mo . I; and hu hid ubiarv ? I with sutis'ii hid j tint T.iiiih pro iiptly' re lurn.-d, a.i I disrogirdel tin many libuuci'S tb d ollered of a gaiiiror a light ?villi a rotin I d ?.: a ? >!" strcet.b >y?. lie was m. sttbdi >. I ah r..t the safe 1 .1 nohl of i he lei tor us ill..; had drooped it in! ? ihc box with hiso.vti hat!-; :::: I lie never give it ;i s ;c 'a 1 tb ui 'lit. An 1 with in ten "lays hs, to the grjat astoiiishinuut of Tlioai is, stiriol o.Tp i a KU;1 Jen t > del i ;ho. I.ol us return to Mrs. Twillelt. She had ju-i t?trctigth enough loft to tear opeu tho blood red letter and re.i I as lud ?\ys : A i'::'.!. 1, 13?. were ii.it. for ilio confession I aai going to make, and the buhl rein.'-'. I am about to urge, I on rht not an I i should not d :rb to use tbeni. My.eooljes ion is that I love you, for love is i word that, in my vocabulary include* everything that, longer w.>r is are generally ui.ul to express; an I fity b >i 1 rt: ino t i< th it yiiu will he my wil t. Many a titii?1 irihg the happy days I spent at your .si ! >. 1 hhvo been On the point oi pleadiuj my cause to you by w ? d d'm iitth add t>'< in^ I'tn' your senieuec itp-ni me; b'.r 1 could ii it bo ir to hear a |i >ss;b! ? refos it from your Kiveet lip.:. 1 del iruiino I to write; lor I know how (en I si" your heirt is, and by writing I sb iiild .spare yon tlio pain th it I know you would leal were you t ? withers t!ie e!i'e.d i: yv nibl h ivo upon me it yon wer ? t ? t in i i!i it niy easo \< h ipplois. A i 1 ij* it he, I will IP t pat \ o i to the disagreeable n eo/.sity of telling me s>i in writing or oth-w i. t this he oir compact: ii'1 htive lioju, send mo one short note, an I I w'.!!!!.? t ?? yon tit ooee; if I have nun i, I? ii >' wril i ;1t, all. I will wait ,i wee!%; .tl i:'. by tin.* Sib of this month of Aprils i r.'.o.iive ni tie.ir, buc ?uragiag^ boji?-giviiig, hcautifyitig tiitlu into, 1 felujl Itn >r that my laid i- seah.'d, an I iny uro misery is insured. I shall gi abroad, io Jericho; iherp I hue t friend, t piiititur of sombre subjects, lie1 w? J yyiiipiiiii7.o with ine. lie is engaged in punting a picture <-l n man alto (ell tiiubng thieve-. lie will, ligiir t:i-.el,. pour wiiie and nil into iuy vvoutids. lie will priibably avail hiin.s !i of iny ? ? pressioii for the eomiieiiance ol tin wounded man bimseli. i> I werf ii >i aware how exctdlenr ? iiir !..!:;;:.? is. Ii iw ligbtjy you esteein w'itit *.h i ?_? who haven't, tiny of Is- <- all dross, ,;i compiri .son Viiih tu oral \vorili,;ind how great u hin von consider idleness, I would all. a> if in my favor, thai, lliough 1 am iuti rich exactly, \vi L have a 11 ni i lerabio indepi ndbnt incoiiic. limvevi r, know iiig as I do your noble opiui in a- i < the dignity of lah r, it might tell aglin-ii uiu nit her than for nie if I :.< r.; t i sug gest that my in : ? lie of .1' 1 ..VI > a y < ir would enable us t ) scrape along v i! I may use the oxprossiou) wiili iit ilie liucessity* of doing litiytliing in t i ?! iir otherwise, lor a 1 veliboo.1; bus ! may surely say (hat siieli a ppsitiobj being rogurJud by the world as an a Ivauiag ?, would give }<m a certain iulliieiiee uiiJ curtail) means likely to bd <>: assist inco to you in yotii eHoiti to t>:>ey the gen ir iutiilClS I have always gr?ally a linircd ' in you. Kxtei n.il grace-, to Ieeomaieutl um 1 am Ittlly conscious I !:.iv<r none; my Ipokiiig-glhss tolls me so with cruel pluinness, und I fear thit I a a efjiiilly badly ?IF for any kind of person il merits, unless, indeed, iltere he s uue .small merit jo having recognised and devoted Itlisoll to the best, the loveliest, the bweetost ol bor *ex. Ol? ! i.icauor, liuvo pity upon uiu, and mi!. ? mo happy lor ever. Iv.ich hour will be a bun Ired years as 1 wait, for the fatal Sib. I Miall have my luggage all ready; an 1 if ' by tjfc morning of thu Stli 1 rceeive u > !t 11i*r from you, I shall accept my dosfjjBfr in silent despair, and start forth with for Jericho. I shall return, if in deed I do return, by way of Africa, wherw, if 1 do not court, I shall certain ly lim shun, tho deadly weapon of tho savtise, and the deadlier lover of his l'.i'.e; and should we meet hi future ?.lays,-; pray bob ivo to me as if 11 >ilong letter had never Iven writ ton. as il tin-re !? :?! jjever been anything but friendship butwtjon us. Uelievo vie to be, my dear est Hft-'anpi* (for.t must write i?. ucain). your' inost passionately attached and devouWl admirer, lover and?in my cas irjglriund. John BvcittAVK. Me: Twillett was quite overcome. Rhe [prised the blood-red letter over and over again; oud she whimp.iro I, us the tearsji; trickled uuhecded down her e!ice>$: 'His fhec, the larling, whit did I care for his face! Hut I'd no notion ho hjm so m?in ? much its ?f?Iii'?lif tc n 'hundred a year of his own. But wh it Slues it all mea i V A&i she turned for explanation to the other letter, which ran a< follows : \ Sif.\t>v I'aum. May 2>t. IS?. Mr. riownrin presents his coaip'ii imuifj*; to Miss ImisscII Though I btvef't th; pleasure of knowing yoii. i i'ss,- 1 thought it my duty to forward i lie hut er, and 1 hope it will be in lime. The yyny it came to Shady Farm is singu lar. jjtSxcu.se my mentioning top dross iug jjjj&hncction with a lady, but, having had aftload of the same down lately from London, ai d being at work putting it on the four'i.-r ? lio'd, we lound ilie lei l?r (j'aifc accidentally ri^'il. aoiong the titesjftig. Pray, don'; be l'ii-!it-n -d at tho (iolor; it';< only Con ly "s lluid. We l.oug'jt., c insider; ig wha' the Lttor h i 1 ? one 'niro'ig'.i. it might bo t.'i j better lor i/' go.d ro.-i5;ing and ilirinfecting. ?1'1V?5? yu'il lind it ii- t much the i v.-orstfi jl rem .in your.'. ivsp:<-t fully. g| Thomas I'low man. ''iV;0.rc oni. : h ive lo.cn -onio dr.rili'ul tnis<i%*o P'-imrwher'-.' murnnivd Mrs Ty4.iltt;-ahd as the strange late o"p >> iv.g a'e's i r n .-.ii piv -nvl U.-Al' -i^i*''A ai'i" '?-"-*' becajne j her o?\-peilenced maid, correVtly snV'mis j inn fiysteri''S, npp.vjro I iiu inn m ? 1 und '^irou *ht her li.' So ihat Mrs j Twjllett was quite cnliiri, and had r ? moved all traces of letters, by the ti:n ? Mr Twillctt came homo. J lVhil?i IJyyr.ivc w.-is absent the o-lucp i lion of Tltomjis had biieii jirbcujliug*. j and had soon arrive I at such a pitch thai lie khiw the diil'orcuco hetw-'on the two kinds ol pi I lar di-jx-is?one for let t >ra -rid r.iii'. called a 'street orderly bin.' for all maumr of tl irt and refuse in Float strict; and many bitter: tears did Tii on is consequently iveep luring ; hit kind master's ab-oticc. N ? sum sf I di 1 Hygraye ret irn th in Th i u is, h ?w almost rid of his rilS i : dialect, re (i.-s'.ed i i ao liei-c '. which was graiitcl. 'Well, Th.i!iia.8,' s.i 1 liygravo, kin tly ?\yhat is it t" ? I'!o;;>o. sir.' r ?!?!-.'1 T!i vn as pail as a ghost and shiveritig with emotion, '1 pot that letter in til : (Ins! bin." \\ hat ie tcr and wli.it do l bit) V ash cd i>ygrave with a stare of blank ainazj moot. 'The letter you give in t? post jusl iiloru y ot w ut tiwViy, si.-.' blubbered TllolllMS. ?IIa !'cried IJygravc, fiercely, as his memory returned, an I his face, almost blackened by sun au I weal her, grew stern and rigid; 'what did y itt say yOu did .villi it V ?I'ut it in tll? -1 lit-biii, sir;' rop-a'el. Thanns, in a low but distinct voice |The boy's inad.' muttered liygravo Why,' he o mti m -1 i i a lo id voio ?, ? I k.iw \ou post it yourself, at Icasi I saw you i aim ?st up t ? t!i ? pill ir b ?x a id ' i lio wrt ng pillar box, .-ir. please,' i i torrupted Tno?ias with a moan. ?tloid gracious;!1 i'jarod l>v:r.ivo. st ilting uplr?:nli s scat and clenching !ii- li-i, 'yotl don't m an (o say you pot it in-' ^'<s. sir yes,' said Thorn is with foir fill eagernc.hs, an 1 itppr ?aolling us il l ? meet rather than avoid the impending blow?-in the jilllir bix where th'-J rub i-!i i- put1.' ' you've sp)ilt my iyh >1 ? lifo, Th ? u is,' said liygravii liorsely. 'What d'ye think you deserve'/' 'Kiilin,' :ir. kilbn,' r mooii 1 ? 1 Tho n a<, with a sobj but with an honest, fear less look into his muster's face; -that'* what 1 de.-erve. ? Then c <u-i lor yourself killed, my boy,' rojoiiie 1 liygrayej "vitli a s.ul s-.uilc iiucloiichiiig hii li-i, and laying his hand on tho boy's ?h oldIt was more my fit tilt tltuii yours I c never oc curretl to nie th .t uiiyb > ly could mistake miu lor i he other: but I might to have recollect e i 'liat. you wore qui o a strtin ger, and might never huvc seen what the'struct orderly bins' wore mod for. And when I come to think of it, they are rather like the letter boxes. It's all right. Tlumus; jou may go' And, sighing heavily, Uygravo sat down and w jit. Don't think n mi am ly or uuphiloMjphicul of him. lie bid, al any rate, ju-l behaved as phileSophi. Ca'lly toward Thanns a; the groat Sir Isaac toward Diamond. Bill it must be acknowledged that-I he wi'oug pillar b >x' has established etui uns relations between three people, who are liable to meet pretty frequently in society.? Chambers Journal, Too Poor to Take a Paper. Moore, of Llio Rural New Yorker, was silting in his oflicc one afternoon ? mo years ago. when a furnier friend came in and said: Mr. Moore, I like your pnper, but limes are so bard I eaun it pay lor it:' Is tbat so. friend Soncs? I'm very sorry to b rar that you aro so poor; if you arc so bar I ran I ivill givo you my paper.' 'Oh; no, I cannot take \i as a gift,' 'Well, then, let's sec how wc can fix it. You raise chickens, 1 believe? ' 'Yes, a lev-, but they don't bring any tiling hardly .' ?Don't they? Neither docs my pa pore si anything hardly. Now, 1 have a proposition to make to you. 1 will continue y ?ur pap an 1 wh m you go b en ? you may sole :t, fro u your lot one | chick in an 1 call licr mine. 'J'.iko g>>l car.; of b >r and bring in; tho proceeds, whether in eggs or chickum, and wc call it square.' 'All right, brother Mooro,' and tin (' How chuckl ;d at wli it be thought a capital bargain* lie kept tho contract strictly, and at th ; end of lb ? year he found tint be bad ptid four prices for his paper. He often tells the joke him selfj aad lie nev it had the lac i t > s:iy he was to poor to take a piper since- that day. -nnaxTSSG? ? * ? ortiv^.- . T b _ia I ? understand your Inngutig<j better,' sail icy French friend, Mr, A reo art, to me; but your verbs trouble me still, you in is then) up SO with your ? r. po-ition,.' ?I am sotry you find them so trouble some,' was all 1 c mid say. ?I suA' our friend, Mrs. Janus, just now'M:o continued: 'She says she iu tends to break down housekeeping. Am I right there T ?afe'.''!'kyM> ?^??H^JC^.'*ilc> ,nmt ?(>. yes, 1 remember: break up house keeping.' 'Why does she do that?' I" asked. 'Because her health is so broken in to.' {Broken down, you should say' i 'Broken down?oh! yes. And, in ; deed, since the small p ?x his broken up in mi ? city?' 'Uro';en out?' '.She thiu'vs she will leave it for a few weeks.' 'Will she leave h sr ho no alone?' ?No; she is afraid it will be broken ? br ken?how da 1 say that ?' ? Bicken int ?.' 'Certainly; that is what 1 mcaut to s'y.' " 'is bar son to be married s mi ?' ?No. the engagement is broken?bro k ni ?' 'Broken off' ? Yes; broken off*' 'She is very sorry about it. Her son only broke tho nows down t > lur last week. Am 1 right lam so anxious to spc :k Knglish well. 'He merely broke the news; no prep ) sitioii this lime.' 'It i- bard to on bestand. 'I'll it young ni iu. her son, is a line lollaw??a breaker I thing.' 'A broker, und a very line felloe. I ft nod day.' So much for the verb 'to break.' New Probabilities. When you see a man going lnme at two o'eloek in the morning and know bis wile i> waiting lor him, it is likely to be stormy. When a man receives a bill for goods his wife 1ms bought unknown to him, look out lor thunder and lightning. When a man goes home and finds no supper ready, the lire out. and his wife vi. nine the saloons "with the rest of the boys,' It is likely to be cloudy. When a man promises to take his wife to party, und changes his min i after she is droisod, you in ly exp^ot a shower. ' When a man savo3 his cigar inonoy to buy his wife a new bonnet a d the children new shoos, it indicates a spoil of sunshine. W hen a man dies and leaves a nice young willow with plenty of money and you see her walking out with the, executor on Sunday afternoon, a change is imminent. How to out hid or Rats and Mice.? We got rid of rats by putting potash in their holes and runs. The poor wrotchos g t it on their feet and Over thoir fur, then they lick it, and do not like the tasto oi' it; it burns thorn somewhat, and the more they see of it tho less they like it; so they clear out almost l8 soon as the application is m id a To ;:<'*? rid of mice we use tartar-erne tic mingled with any favorite laid; they tako it, take sick and take their leave. _- tnr About WOUiOll?Mou. . Engaged lor every set?A bou. f Children fed on New York milk re quire no chalk mixture.. The Lie formed Synod has ?eoidod not to unite with the Presbyterian church. The art of Book keeping taught in one short and easy iossou ?never load them. It is true that one swallow doesn't make a .summer, but it comes summers near it. A yonng man's affections are not al ways wrong, but they are generally mispla:cd. 'Is it those dead lettcr3 that' smell so so bad,' says my wife to me as no pas3ed the Post office. A baker has invented a new kind of yeast It makes bread so light that a pound of it weighs only four ouacc3. 'Sally,' said a lover to his intended, 'give us a kiss, will you?' 'No, I shan't said Sally; 'help yourself A man in San Vraneisco has boldly started the theory that it hurts a China man to bo stoned to death. A Pelcwarc obituary; 1II is hat wasn't al-.vays cockc 1 over tho loft oar, but be didn't owe a butcher in toi7u.' 'lie has left a void that cannot bo cusi'y filled, as the Bank director touch ingly rc:narkcd of the absconding cash ier. j A Yankee wanted the Bridge of ! Sighs pointed out to him' and then of ,'erred to bet America bad several brid ges twice the size. An old lady, bcariug somebody say 'The nails are very irregular,' 'It was just so in my young days, no trusting any of 'ear' A Kentucky geutleman didn't get mad until be bad been called a 'liar' eighty one times. Tho monotony of the thing 'riled' bim. ? Tho last littiegirl who has hoped' her iW^y to glory is a daughter of Dennis *lalcney.-of AuuuLl.'u, ??b" rJ.j...r J. ill ? times and then died. The Right Hon. Benjamin Disraeli's constitutes have presented hint with tho exact sum which he spent in securing his election, 51G 15s. A Western member of Congress who interpreted M. C. to mean Moro Cur rency, was made to understand that it me tut Mighty Corrupt. One pint of whisky cost a jury in Sullivans III , about 8 *00 the other day eleven jurors having been "fined by a fo roct??s judge ?25 each for drinking in a jury room. Last year farmers of Guthrio county, Iowa, burned their corn becau3Q . they couldu't sell it. Now they travel miles to purchase it, and pay half a dollar a bushel for it to feed their horses. 'i here is not a man, woman or child in this house who has arrived at thcage of fifty years but has felt the truth thun d o ing through their mini* far co ltu ties.' Women have many advantages over men: one of them is, that his will has no operation till he is dead, whoro as bur's generally takes place in her life time. There are two reasons why'more peo ple don't mind their own business. One is that they haven't any business, and the other is that they haven't any mind. Eli Love of Wayne County, Ohio, el im cd a tree to shako out a coon. Tho dogs heard .something drop and went for it but it was not tho coon. It was ICH. ?You have played the deuce with my heart,' said a geutlemm to a Indy, who was his partner iu a social game of whist at an evening party. 'Well,' replied the lady with an archp smile, 'it was because you played tho knave.' The lh\sl photographer has openol his saloon in Truckoo, Nevada, and has been shot at by a miner who insisted on having his picture taken by Jhnip light ns be was going away early in tho tnora iug. An old clergyman spyingj* boy creop ing through the fence oxolainnd. ? What! crawling through tho fence! I'igs do that.' 'Yo3,' rotortal tha b>y, 'and old hogs go along the street.' A young^nian who has recently ta ken a wile, says be did 4not find it half so bard to get married as bo did to got the furniture; and when it oarao to get ting the bread and b Itter bo .had to fall back upon the old folks. A formal fashionable visitor thus addressing a little girl; "Uowaro you, my dear?' 'Vory well I thank you,' she replied. The visitor thou addod, 'Now my. dear, you should ask mo hotr I am.' The child simply and honestly replied, 'I-don't wautflto know.'