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BOSSINGJOWSER Hie Raftor Half I avs Hnwn the isiw wiivi .1 mu j w w . Law, and Then Some. THEY HAVE A STRAIGHT TALK. But Mr. B. Never Intended It to End the Way It Did?He Discovers Who's ' Who In the House and Wonders Who He Is?The North Wind Answers. By M. QUAD. [Copyright, 1913, by Associated Litecary Press.] WHAT ailed Bowser? At the office they asked if he was ill. On the street car men who knew him said that he was fading. At his lunch place the waiter asked to be remembered in his will. His plumber looked after him and sadly shook his head. His butcher said that be should miss him. Yes, something ailed Mr. Bowser. For three or four days he had been cros6 and grumpy and faultfinding, and, while Mrs. Bowser frad tried to gloss things over, she knew that an outbreak was about due and prepared herself accordingly. All husbands break out once in so often. It is said to be caused by the liver, but it may be the intont fMissAdness Iurkinsr in the best of men and periodically boiling over. When he reached home from the office the other evening she knew that the hour had come. He came scuffling along the street, kicked the gate, opened and entered the hall with a bang. He was welcomed in the usual fashion, bnt sulked all through dinner. When told that a teamster had fallen from his wagon in front of the house that afternoon and had broken his neck the sews brought only a "Humph!" in reply. <lt was only on their return to the ^sitting room that be started the ball Foiling by saying: "Mrs. Bowser, I don't wonder that some husbands take to drink." "Tbere is no rope around you if you want to take a drink!" she at once re plied. "What? What's that? Woman. <lon"t stick your chin up at me. How I have Stood the way you have run this house lf ; '*1 KXOW YOU VERY WELL, STR." for the last fifteen years is a mystery to me. I propose to have a straight talk with you this evening.'' He Is Criticised. "Thai's what I have been looking forward to for some'time. I want to tell you as a starter that I'm not at all satisfied with the way you conduct yourself." "What!" shouted Mr. Bowser as the red came to his face. "I>o you criticise my conduct?" "I certainly do. sir. Not long since you brought a tonic into this house. Yo i claimed it was for your rheuma tisin. You have no rheumatism. It's sitting around in your stocking feet that ails you. and I want you to quit it. You brought in that tonic and drank a quart of it and became intoxicated. Yes. sir. you couldn't walk across the room, and you kept asking i me. 'Whaz zer mazzer?" If you propose to have a straight talk with me this evening, let's talk about that!" "By thunder, woman, am I asleep or awake? Do you dare address such words to me. your husband?" "I do sir One of the water nines (Town cellar is leaking. Who busted it? Why did you go down there and hit it with the ax? You talk about how this house is run. but who broke that pane of glass in the shed window? Did you deliberately smash it with one of the clothes poles in order to spite me?" "Are you speaking to me?to me?" gasped Mr.*Bowser as he walked about and cast furtive glances at her. "To you. sir!'' she answered. "This Is about the time of year when you l>egiu to hiut around that we ought to have a new milk cow. Let me tell 3*011 that if you iuvest in one I'll break her neck. I won't stand by to see our money squandered that way." "Squandered! I squander on r money!" And Then Some. "Certainly. But yon have come to the end of your rope at last. The other morning I save you scuffling around in the snow in the back yard. After hunting for half an hour you may have possibly picked up five or six clothespins that some boy had thrpwn at our cat. You can carry them around in your hind pocket as mementoes. The cigar on tile mantel cost 10 cents. That > would buy four or five dozen clothespins. Go out and scuff some more if you will." "But it wasn't two weeks ago that I got a new oatmeal disk, and yesterday I found it with a hole in it" "Did you take a pickax and make the hole? That dish was bought three mouths ago and is all right yet. What you found was the old one. Perhaps 1 could find you one with two holes in it if I should look around. Why don't you say that 1 burn gas in the daytime to help send you to the poorhouse?" "You do, and you know you do," he exclaimed. "You had better have your head examined. Two weeks ago you were out to a club when I went to bed. I don't know at what hour you came in. but wheu I came downstairs next morning I found three burners blazing away. A week ago I went to bed and left you reading. You followed after an hour and left three burners illuminating the limisp Don't talk about wasting gas to me." "What! I mustn't talk to you! By thunder, woman, have you gone crazy? Do you know who I am?" "I know you very well, sir," said M15. Bowser in answer, "and we are having a square talk. You were finding fault the other day about how fast the furnace coal went and you threw out a hint that I must be selling a portion of it. Such an idea is nonsense, and you know it. You alone are to blame. You come home and dive down cellar the first thing and shovel a quarter of a ton of coal in. You think you know all about running a furnace, but as a matter of fact you know nothing at all. I want you to keep away from it for the rest of the winter." "You?you are talking this to me?" he asked as he sat down and moistened his dry lips with his tongue. "Yes. sir, straight to you. The other night you found a tramp at the door, and because I wouldn't give him anything to eat you went on for an hour about my stony heart. I want to hear nothing more in that line. Cut off your cigars and wine and leave the money in the house to be given out to tramps. I shall give or not, just as I elect." "But I am telling you"? "Never mind what you are telling! You have always meddled more or less with the help problem. I want you to stop it. I know more in a minute about managing a girl than you know in a year. Wben I fail with one you may butt in." Mrs. B. Lays Down the Law. ''But you never have any pity for them, but the cold cash, the same as you are. We have had five girls quit us in the last year, and it was all owing to your hen "hussy ways. Each one has told me so. Tbey don't want and won't have you lollylopping around the kitchen and telling bow sorry you are that they cau't be seated in the rkortni* nlnvirv .hi t?i/* ninno T ?flv I K4*4 ,V4 i"~.' ' ?C* K want you to quit it!*' Mr. Bowser turned its white as snow, ami his knees .save way under him a* he rose up. "AikI this finding fault with yonr meals has sot to come to a sudden stop.'* continued Mrs. Bowser. "If yon vdon't like what I provide for the table give me more money and we'll live on the rarest luxuries. 1 have only so much per week to buy with, and if I spend a dime extra there is a hwwl from you. You most out it out. There are boarding houses in plenty down the street." "And this is Mrs. Bowser, and she is talking to me!" he gasped as he looked at the eat and then around the room to see if he had possibly made any mistake. There was a moment's silence and then Mrs. Bowser continued: "You were speaking about putting in two evenings a week at your clubs. You never attend one of them that von don't r-onie home at least S.~> worse of! in pocket, and on some occasions you have dropped as high as $15 at poker. In the first place you don't know the game. and in the next we are going to the theater once per week during the rest of the season. You can cut ??ut one of your clubs." He Is Worried. ".Mrs. Bowser." he whispered as he looked a hit scared, "and I am Mr. Dowser'/*' "You surely are." "The Dowser who runs things?" "No. sir. You are tlie Bowser whose wife runs things. There's a new deal 011 hand. Perhaps you had better take a walk and think things over. You look as if your mind was all tied up in knots." Mr. Bowser walked down the hill like one in a dream and put on his hat and overcoat. Then he went out and walked up and down. Men spoke to him, and boys threw snowballs at him from across the street, but with lowered eyes and bent head he continued to walk. The snow crunched under his feet, the north wind blew, and tl*e "* "? * ' -< i - *. ^ 11.l .,1 <ioa(i mil us or me snaue irws i.iuieu against each other over his heiul, but he walked and walked and whispered to himself. "If I am Mr. Itowser what am I doing here*3 If J am not then what lias become of him and who the devil am TV" And tin north wind sighed and , moaned and seemed to echo the words. "Who the devil am IV" The Man. They offered a beautiful woman the choice of all the kinds of lovers that ever were. "If you can't sort him out," she said, "give me the man whom my children <^or? *?oll 'FTnl hoi-' wittimif lfinohinc j The Antidote. Pessimist. Willie?Paw, what is domestic science? Paw?Paying 1U12 prices for things i out of a 190G salary, my sou.?Cincinnati Enquirer. ? <? ?W|T TheLlVo Glasses. Thrresat two glasses filled to the brim, On a rich man's table, rim to rim, A?,d was rodf y and red as bio .d, And unfc a* clear as the crystal flood. Saio the glass tf wine to the^pal-r brother: "Let ns rel! the tales of the past to each other; I can teli of banquet and*jevtl and icirib, And the proudest and grandest souls on earth F. 11 ui:dt r my touch as though stuck by blighr, T * i) . L i * i rv fr\w* T ??n i ii VY ill A i; J. W a.3 1 VJA i 1 IUCU 111 might, From the heads of Kings I?have torn ?tthe crown, From], the heights of^ fame I ?have hurled men cIowd; _ I have blasted many an Honored name; I have taken virtue and given shame; I have tempted the youlh'with a 8?p at89te, That has made his fortune a barreD waste Far greater than king am I, Or than any army beneath the sky. I have made the arm 1 of the driver fall, And set the train from the iron rail; ' I have made good ships go down at sea, And the shrieks of the lost were sweet to me; For they said, 'Behold,I howj great you be! Fame, strength, wealth, genius before ,|&3 you fall, For your mighty and power are^orer all.' Ho! he, pale brother,'' laughed the v wine, "Can ycu boast of deeds as great as mine ?" Said the water glass. "I cannot boast Of a king dethroned or a murdered host; But I can tell of hearts once sad By my crystal drops made light and glad Of thirsts I've quenched, of brows I've laved; Of hands I cooled and souls I have saved; I have leaped ^through the vallev, dasbed^down the mountain, Flowed in the river and played in the fountain, Slept in the sanshineffand dropped frotn the'sky And everywhere gladdened the landscape>nd eye; I have eased theghot|forehead of fever and pain, I have made fctliefTparched meadows grow fertile with grain, I can tell of the powerful wheele of the'mill, That ground out the flour and turned at my*'will; I can tell of manhood, debased by yon, That I lifted up aud crowned anew; I cheer, I help, I stehgthen and aid, I I help to rescue*the*fallen maid, I set the chained wine-captive free, And all are better;fcr knowing me.'' These are the tales they told each other, The glass of wine and the paler brother. As they sat together filled to the brim, \ On a rich man's table, rim to rim. i Exchange. HARD COLDS I When they first come, the best time to break them up. One standard remedyAVer's Cheery Pectoral. So id for 70 years. Ask Your Doctor. t?n{?esSSai ! IP.* : v x x i < .'*& \ : C?" > vt;v!cjJ| u- / \\ x- - ' iljtisi (( :>!j \'i> Y I c s r 1 Immhwlt T amai aJ THE MOST COMPLETE LINE WE HAVE EVER SHOWN IN HARNESS, SADDLES, COLLARS, BRIDLES, ROBES, HORSE BLANKETS, ETC. Wo have a soccial home-made slip i Harness for one-horse wagon at j $5.00. A Set of Buggy Harness for $10.00. We buy Hides, Furs, Tallow, Beeswax j <' and pay highest market prices. j Wilse W. Martin, j 1116-1118 Plain Street, j COLUMBIA - S. O. I Kill a falsehood by Jetting it in-. WOMAN COULD llflT IUIII If nui nnu\ She Was So 111?Restored to Health by Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. Per.twater, Mich. ? "A year ago I was very weak and the doctor said I had a serious displaceache aud bearing down pains so bad that 1 coulci not s:t ^ ^ IPS *n a chair or walk IBS ^ /Jlliffi across the floor and ilililiik^ Jill I was in severe pain a'^ ^me# * fe*t discouraged as I had '//( I ( V/M ^a^en everything I v' ( / /jiiil could think of and ????????I was no better. I began taking Lyaia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and now I am strong and healthy."?Mrs. Alice Darling, R.F.D. No. 2, Box 77, Pentwater, Mich. Read What AnotherWoman says: Peoria, 111.?"I had such backaches that I could hardly stand on my feet. I would feel like crying out lots of times, and had such a heavy feeling in my right side. I had such terrible dull headaches every day and they would make me feel so drowsy and sleepy all the time, yet I could not sleep at night. "After I had taken LyaiaE.Pinkham's Vegetable Compound a week I began to improve. My backache was less and that heavy feeling in my siae went away. I continued to take the Compound and am cured. " You may publish this if you wish." ?Miss Clara L. Gauwitz, R.R. No. 4, Box 2, Peoria, 111. Such letters prove the value of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound for woman's ills. Why dea't yen try it? Winthrop College SCHOLARSHIP and ENTRANCE EXAMINATION The examination for the award of vacant scholarships in Winthrop College and for the admission of new students will be held at the County Court House on Friday, July 4, at 9. a. m. Applicants must be not less than sixteen years of age. When Scholarshipsjire vacant after July 4 they will be awarded to those making the highest average at this examination, provided they meet the con /.fttrorninor flip award Ar?r>7i_ Qibious ?rr-* cants for Scholarships should write to President Johnson before the examination for Scholarship examination blanks. Scholarships are worth $100 and free tuition. The next session will open September 17, 1913. For further information and catalogue, address Pres. D. B. Johnson, Rock Hill, S. C. td Sweetl Potato Plants Tomato, Pepper, Cabbage, etc., choicest flowering and ornamental plants for the front yard. Flowers, plants, bulbs and seeds shipped everywhere. Rose; [Hill Greenhouses Phone 43.HColumbia, S. C, Cut out the fizz and fus9 and fill ^up on zeaPand zest. I I j We Havi I \fCDV If bl\ I A] Some Chi Studebaker Hahpnp.k nnH V/WAA MfMVIi , Our|guarante Greg | HARMON'S SN Oxford's Jk The very ^ latest moueis and designs in Toes and all Leathers arriving evir 1725 MAIN and see ? t ,, rfliimhia. JI LIiClIl. vv??...w.?, i ' ^ ' Before buying come Improved Champi< HOOK & I 1101 Gervais Street. Phone 2 ; mq and are now ready to serve our Lexii 81 Shoes at the lowest prices in all (3) points we were careful in selectinj 1 FORT AND SERVICE. We will only I v! shoes and guarantee every pair. 1 I ^ (Farmers' Medium and Work 1! e. p. &, f. / 1 1710 MAIN STREET. 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