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MR. BOWSER'S OFFER jr For the Lecture Platform at a Thousand Dollars a Week. E> j _____ I j TO CHOOSE HIS OWN SUBJECT I _ ?7. . ji.' Mrs. Bowser Hands Out hunny suggestions Based on Husband's Early Experiences?Agent Strikes Bowser For a Lean and the Project Is Off. v By M. QUAD. j iCopyright, 1910, by Associated Literary Press. J A LL at once, as the Bowsers were eating dinner the other evening. Mrs. Bowser took notice that Mr. Bowser had his chest swelled out and a look of pomposity on his face. Something had happened, and of course he wanted to be asked about it. When she saw that he did 1 she observed: ? "I suppose nothing' unusual has occurred at the office today." He looked at her with great dignity and a little pity mingled with it and made no reply for five minutes. Then he said: "Oh, it wasn't so very unusual! I was simply offered a thousand dollars * a week to take the lecture platform." "You don't mean it!" she gasped. 'And why noti it's a ran* sum, dui j nothing great, for a man of my stand? 'i ing. In fact, I think I shall hold cut for $1,500." 'But?but you have never lectured." "I have never gone up in a balloon ' either, but I think 1 could go if I tried hard enough." "And what would you lecture about?" . "1 can choose my own subject, and there are a thousand at hand. You are , like most other wives. They come to forget what great men their husbands are. We won't talk about it any more, however, until we get upstairs. As you must be aware, my thoughts are very busy just now." It was twenty minutes later when they reached t^e sitting room, and Mr. - *; Chamborlaln's Cough Remedy is not a common, every-day couch mixture. It is a meritorious remedy for ail the troublesome and dangerous complications resulting from cold in the head, throat, chess" or lungs. Sold by All Druggists. 0Dr. Boyd'8 Sure-Pop Colic Cure for stock, and his entire line of reliable veterinary remedies for sale at The Bazaar gg Beginning S? stock of Holic gg bouglit tor sp i The St( c? 1 Dishes, Bov m ffl If you co] 89 this is vcur o n H A S3S38?S3S3S3S 4 "YOU WERE TWELVE YEARS OLD THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU." Bowser bad paced back and forth a score of times when be halted to say: "Of course I have got to go through this thing alone." "How do you mean?" "Why, I can expect no help from you. The minute I unfold my plan you will begin to oppose it and ring in your usual sarcasm." Mrs. Bowser Offers to Assist. "But I shall do nothing of the kind. If you have got a chance to make a thousand dollars a week I shall do everything iu my power to aid you. What lecture bureau uiaae you me offer V" "The Shakespeare." "I never heard of it before. Do you know anything about its financial responsibility V" "There you go!" exclaimed Mr. Bowser as he threw up his hands. "Do you suppose the president of a fifteen cent lecture bureau would come to a man like me unless he was all right? Why, the diamond in his shirt front would pay my salary for five weeks! Of course he's all right." "And you have a written contract?" asked Mrs. Bowser. "What for? 1 am Bowser, and his name is Bangs. We are both honorable men. and our words are as good as our bonds. What more can 6e asked for? He pays me a thousand ' dollars a week and makes as much more for himself. That's the trouble in talking business with a womanshe can't understand." "How long is your season, to last?" "All the year. Most lecturers get only six months, but in my case he thinks I will draw right along. He didn't make any bones about telling me that he thought he had found a prize. ^ I think he may double the 5 Friday, January lay Goods, the larj ot cash at a big dig l ? I ? BMWM ?ttl?W I HI III Ifl?H ?I jillim ! i hi mm niawnnnii mi a wumu?ppranuTmirvr iwaiMMM>.'.aama?i atemplate purchas: pportunity. Don't gSdQQQGsroc _! : j more than that? Why, then, does he offer me what he does?" "And?nod did he strike you for a loan?" Lecturer Agitated. "Strike me for a loan!" yeHed Bowser as he jumped a foot high. "Woman. are you seeking to insult me in my own house?" "Of course not. but I didn't know"? "Insulted, maligned, stabbed in my own house by my own wife! Strike me for a loan! If Johu D. Rockefeller should DOd to me in the street, which he often does, would it follow that he wanted to borrow a dollar?" "Well, when must you have your lecture ready?" was asked. Mr. Bowser was so hurt and indignant that he didn't reply for five minutes. He wouldn't have done it then if he hadn't doubted his ability to write out a lecture. Under the circumstances he finally growled that it was wanted in a month. "And when shall you begin writing it?" "I shall make a start on it tonight if I can thiuk of a subject, and there ought to be no difficulty about that. I should say that 'The Rise and Fall of Bowser* would be a good thing." "Y-e-s, but wouldn't 'The Rise and Fall of Mr. and Mrs. Bowser' be a better title?" "I don't see where you come-in. and I don't think the public is at all interested in hearing about a woman. If they want Bowser. I am Bowser." "Well. I shan't complain if you leave me out, What are you going to say about your rise?" "I can't tell until I get at it, but it's got to be made very funny." "Why, it isn't to be a funny lecture, is it?" asked Mrs. Bowster in seeming astonishment. "Are you a born idiot?" whooped Mr. Bowser as he danced around and frightened the cat out of the room. "Of course it's to be a funny lecture. Did you think I was to lecture on graveyards? By jinks, woman, i wonder i? there's another woman like vou sum" the second " Reason. "YOU'will, or course, have to remain home, but perhaps you can get your mother to come down and stop with you." "But 1 can't make out why he should come to you," said Mrs. Bowser after thinking it over. "Oh, you can't! Then we'll say no more about it!" "Now, don't get angry with me, but"? "But you don't see why he should come to a man who can draw thousands where others draw hundreds. It's just as I said before?most wives look upon their husbands as scrubs. It is "or others to set a value on them. Do .you know how much this gentleman offered Dr. Cook and Peary? Five hundred a night. Shall I tell you that he offered Roosevelt only a hundred W 8 21st, and continui jest and most sele jcount. inaHHHnnaBnaHMHnannnmninMM ?a?maaa? fc???annrwHTiiM ! n ibti -i i*tmmmmmmb i ni mwiwwnr mmrirj^wivffrtmm mcmsbmmh ing a future weddi ; Forget the Date. Lexingt< aSdcaQorovafi In the whole world!" * - V.'V ~ An Early Recollection. <fBut you hadn't said, you see, and I couldnt be sure. I had an idea that it might be temperance. If it's to be funny and on your rise and fall I can surely help you. You were twelve years old the first time I saw you, and you were caught on a rail fence by a sliver. You would have made the funniest photograph in the world. 1 laughed for a whole week after." "Caught on a rail fence by a sliver!" "In the country. Young man, caught on top rail of fence by sliver, is in grotesque position. House, highway, young lady in distance." "Madam, is this another insult?" sternly demanded Mr. Bowser. "And then l have all your old love letters, and you can make some extracts. They will convulse your audience with merriment. 1 was looking them over yesterday, and 1 got to laughing so that"? "Go on with your insults! Your time is short!" "And the hats and shoes you used to wear as a young man. jEvery time 1 see the word Lulu 1 think of you as you were in your tender days. And the poetry you wrote! You sent me two poems a day for a whole year, poems on my hair, eyes, chin and feet, and every poem was a foot long. And then when we sat together in the moonlight and you held my lily white hand?oh, Mr. Bowser, you can make it funny, awfully funny!" "Woman, have you finished? If so I want to tell you that the train for your mother's leaves"? Struck For a Loan. But there came a ring at the bell. Mr. Bowser went down the hall and opened the door, and a man staggered in and leaned against the wall and said in a silly way: "Bowsher, I'm er Shakespeare club, you know." "Yes." ..... "You goin' to lecture f'r me." "Um!" . "Million dollars a minit." "Um!" ":f;$ "Lend me ten. I'm busted." Mr. Bowser took tbe man by the arm and led him outdoors and down the steps to the gate. Then he headed him up the street and kicked him thrice and let him go, and the "Rise and Fall" was tinished forever. * Ezpsrt Jlaeksmith. Mr. James E. Rawl has recently employed an expert blacksmith in the person of Mr. James F. Bouknight. Mr. Bouknight is one of the finest workmen that has ever been in Lexington. Ke is, a specialist when it comes to shoeing horses and mules, and Mr. Rawl wants all of his patrons to give him a trial. Satisfaction guaranteed in ever}' case. ng for Ten Days w ct line ever brou issware, Water ^ Oils, Tojfb, I ng or birthday pres on9 S* C2? Spr&MS^^| Sloan's Liniment is the best remedy for sprains and bruises. It quiets the pain at once, and can be applied to the tenderest part without hurting because it doesn't need to be rubbed ? all you have to do is to lay it on lightly. It is a powerful preparation and penetrates instantly ? relieves any inflammation and congestion, and reduces the swelling. k- Here's the Proof. Mr. L. Roland, Bishop of Scranton, Pa. says: ? 44 On the 7th of this present month, as I was leaving the building at noon for lunch, I slipped and fell, spraining my wrist. I returned in the afternoon, and at four o'clock I could not hold a pencil in my hand. I returned home later and purchased a bottle of .Sloarfs^ and used it five or six times before I went to bed, and the next day I was able to go to work and use my hand as usual." f Sloan's Liniment is an excellent antiseptic and germ -gjSSkiller?heals cuts, burns, wounds and elusions, and will WultyHiM draw the poison jf a 25c., 60c. and $1.00 ft! i.TCT'CTn n Sloan's book on' HE Bi1U?f!/;lll W honen, cattle, sheep gj gg and poultry sent fi ?IT H free. Address i Dr. Earl S. Sloaa,' Boston, Mass., TJ.S.A. Notice, Trespassers This is to notify all persons not tc fish in any way in our pond, nor hunt or trespass in any manner whatevei upon our lands, as the law will be enforced against those violating this notice. Mrs. Margaret Huckabaa. D. H. Huckabaa. 6wl6p e will offer for sa ght to Lexingtor BKonaMmaaBBHBBuaMMiDnnnaDaraaMn Sets, Fruit J If* Am iwqa?t? 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