The Lexington dispatch. [volume] (Lexington, South Carolina) 1870-1917, January 19, 1910, Image 10
MR. BOWSER'S OFFER
jr
For the Lecture Platform at a
Thousand Dollars a Week.
E> j _____
I j TO CHOOSE HIS OWN SUBJECT
I _ ?7. .
ji.' Mrs. Bowser Hands Out hunny suggestions
Based on Husband's Early
Experiences?Agent Strikes Bowser
For a Lean and the Project Is Off.
v By M. QUAD.
j
iCopyright, 1910, by Associated Literary
Press. J
A LL at once, as the Bowsers were
eating dinner the other evening.
Mrs. Bowser took notice
that Mr. Bowser had his chest
swelled out and a look of pomposity on
his face. Something had happened,
and of course he wanted to be asked
about it. When she saw that he did
1 she observed:
? "I suppose nothing' unusual has occurred
at the office today."
He looked at her with great dignity
and a little pity mingled with it and
made no reply for five minutes. Then
he said:
"Oh, it wasn't so very unusual! I
was simply offered a thousand dollars
* a week to take the lecture platform."
"You don't mean it!" she gasped.
'And why noti it's a ran* sum, dui
j nothing great, for a man of my stand?
'i ing. In fact, I think I shall hold cut
for $1,500."
'But?but you have never lectured."
"I have never gone up in a balloon
' either, but I think 1 could go if I tried
hard enough."
"And what would you lecture
about?"
. "1 can choose my own subject, and
there are a thousand at hand. You are
, like most other wives. They come to
forget what great men their husbands
are. We won't talk about it any more,
however, until we get upstairs. As
you must be aware, my thoughts are
very busy just now."
It was twenty minutes later when
they reached t^e sitting room, and Mr.
- *;
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gg Beginning
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i The St(
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4
"YOU WERE TWELVE YEARS OLD THE FIRST
TIME I SAW YOU."
Bowser bad paced back and forth a
score of times when be halted to say:
"Of course I have got to go through
this thing alone."
"How do you mean?"
"Why, I can expect no help from
you. The minute I unfold my plan
you will begin to oppose it and ring
in your usual sarcasm."
Mrs. Bowser Offers to Assist.
"But I shall do nothing of the kind.
If you have got a chance to make a
thousand dollars a week I shall do
everything iu my power to aid you.
What lecture bureau uiaae you me
offer V"
"The Shakespeare."
"I never heard of it before. Do you
know anything about its financial responsibility
V"
"There you go!" exclaimed Mr. Bowser
as he threw up his hands. "Do
you suppose the president of a fifteen
cent lecture bureau would come to a
man like me unless he was all right?
Why, the diamond in his shirt front
would pay my salary for five weeks!
Of course he's all right."
"And you have a written contract?"
asked Mrs. Bowser.
"What for? 1 am Bowser, and his
name is Bangs. We are both honorable
men. and our words are as good
as our bonds. What more can 6e
asked for? He pays me a thousand
' dollars a week and makes as much
more for himself. That's the trouble
in talking business with a womanshe
can't understand."
"How long is your season, to last?"
"All the year. Most lecturers get
only six months, but in my case he
thinks I will draw right along. He
didn't make any bones about telling
me that he thought he had found a
prize. ^ I think he may double the
5 Friday, January
lay Goods, the larj
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more than that? Why, then, does he
offer me what he does?"
"And?nod did he strike you for a
loan?"
Lecturer Agitated.
"Strike me for a loan!" yeHed Bowser
as he jumped a foot high. "Woman.
are you seeking to insult me in my
own house?"
"Of course not. but I didn't know"?
"Insulted, maligned, stabbed in my
own house by my own wife! Strike
me for a loan! If Johu D. Rockefeller
should DOd to me in the street, which
he often does, would it follow that he
wanted to borrow a dollar?"
"Well, when must you have your lecture
ready?" was asked.
Mr. Bowser was so hurt and indignant
that he didn't reply for five minutes.
He wouldn't have done it then
if he hadn't doubted his ability to
write out a lecture. Under the circumstances
he finally growled that it was
wanted in a month.
"And when shall you begin writing
it?"
"I shall make a start on it tonight
if I can thiuk of a subject, and there
ought to be no difficulty about that. I
should say that 'The Rise and Fall of
Bowser* would be a good thing."
"Y-e-s, but wouldn't 'The Rise and
Fall of Mr. and Mrs. Bowser' be a better
title?"
"I don't see where you come-in. and
I don't think the public is at all interested
in hearing about a woman. If
they want Bowser. I am Bowser."
"Well. I shan't complain if you leave
me out, What are you going to say
about your rise?"
"I can't tell until I get at it, but it's
got to be made very funny."
"Why, it isn't to be a funny lecture,
is it?" asked Mrs. Bowster in seeming
astonishment.
"Are you a born idiot?" whooped
Mr. Bowser as he danced around and
frightened the cat out of the room.
"Of course it's to be a funny lecture.
Did you think I was to lecture on
graveyards? By jinks, woman, i wonder
i? there's another woman like vou
sum" the second " Reason. "YOU'will, or
course, have to remain home, but perhaps
you can get your mother to come
down and stop with you."
"But 1 can't make out why he should
come to you," said Mrs. Bowser after
thinking it over.
"Oh, you can't! Then we'll say no
more about it!"
"Now, don't get angry with me,
but"?
"But you don't see why he should
come to a man who can draw thousands
where others draw hundreds.
It's just as I said before?most wives
look upon their husbands as scrubs. It
is "or others to set a value on them.
Do .you know how much this gentleman
offered Dr. Cook and Peary? Five
hundred a night. Shall I tell you that
he offered Roosevelt only a hundred
W 8
21st, and continui
jest and most sele
jcount.
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ing a future weddi
; Forget the Date.
Lexingt<
aSdcaQorovafi
In the whole world!" * - V.'V ~
An Early Recollection.
<fBut you hadn't said, you see, and
I couldnt be sure. I had an idea that
it might be temperance. If it's to be
funny and on your rise and fall I can
surely help you. You were twelve
years old the first time I saw you, and
you were caught on a rail fence by a
sliver. You would have made the funniest
photograph in the world. 1
laughed for a whole week after."
"Caught on a rail fence by a sliver!"
"In the country. Young man, caught
on top rail of fence by sliver, is in
grotesque position. House, highway,
young lady in distance."
"Madam, is this another insult?"
sternly demanded Mr. Bowser.
"And then l have all your old love
letters, and you can make some extracts.
They will convulse your audience
with merriment. 1 was looking
them over yesterday, and 1 got to
laughing so that"?
"Go on with your insults! Your time
is short!"
"And the hats and shoes you used to
wear as a young man. jEvery time 1
see the word Lulu 1 think of you as
you were in your tender days. And
the poetry you wrote! You sent me
two poems a day for a whole year,
poems on my hair, eyes, chin and feet,
and every poem was a foot long. And
then when we sat together in the
moonlight and you held my lily white
hand?oh, Mr. Bowser, you can make
it funny, awfully funny!"
"Woman, have you finished? If so
I want to tell you that the train for
your mother's leaves"?
Struck For a Loan.
But there came a ring at the bell.
Mr. Bowser went down the hall and
opened the door, and a man staggered
in and leaned against the wall and
said in a silly way:
"Bowsher, I'm er Shakespeare club,
you know."
"Yes." .....
"You goin' to lecture f'r me."
"Um!" .
"Million dollars a minit."
"Um!" ":f;$
"Lend me ten. I'm busted."
Mr. Bowser took tbe man by the
arm and led him outdoors and down
the steps to the gate. Then he headed
him up the street and kicked him
thrice and let him go, and the "Rise
and Fall" was tinished forever.
*
Ezpsrt Jlaeksmith.
Mr. James E. Rawl has recently
employed an expert blacksmith in the
person of Mr. James F. Bouknight.
Mr. Bouknight is one of the finest
workmen that has ever been in Lexington.
Ke is, a specialist when it
comes to shoeing horses and mules,
and Mr. Rawl wants all of his patrons
to give him a trial. Satisfaction guaranteed
in ever}' case.
ng for Ten Days w
ct line ever brou
issware, Water
^ Oils, Tojfb, I
ng or birthday pres
on9 S* C2?
Spr&MS^^|
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relieves any inflammation and congestion,
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k- Here's the Proof.
Mr. L. Roland, Bishop of Scranton,
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I returned in the afternoon, and at
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f Sloan's Liniment
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Notice, Trespassers
This is to notify all persons not tc
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or trespass in any manner whatevei
upon our lands, as the law will be enforced
against those violating this
notice. Mrs. Margaret Huckabaa.
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e will offer for sa
ght to Lexingtor
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