University of South Carolina Libraries
THE-NATIONAL BANK OF AUGUSTA L. C. HAYNE, Pres't. P. G. FORD, Cashier. ?ipiial, 8250,000. Undivided rioflts : ?110,000. Vacuities of our magnificent New Vault joataintnp 410 >afet7-Lock BOXAS. Dififer ?nt Sizes ar?- offered to our patrons and ?be public at 83.00 to ?W.OO^per annum. THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR. EDGEFIELD, S. C.. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 1899. ----m J? --y.,--^-vn.-fr'i'V.jf-^Tt ^TVWBUMMI.. i _ THK PLASTERS LOAN ARO SAVINGS BANK. AUGUSTA, GA. Paje Intcrost on Deposits, Accounts Solioite?, L. G. EATN-2, President. W. O. WABDLAV, Cashier. VOL. LXIV. NO. 37. . ......ona /.II* urC v 'POSTI TAnyono at all familiar with farm lite kt toothless and helpless, it is the sad but hun Bufferings; it is generally done by taking ! though the new dog quickly wies bte place i and more tba:, ono story frewin;": "You rein< "pome along, old chap, yer time's 'bout up, We got anotber brindle pup; I 'lows its tough an' mighty hard. ?But a toothless dog's no good on guard, Bo trot along right after me. j j Aa' I'll put yeh out o' yer misery. .Now, quit' ver' w?ggiV that stumpy tail "We aiBTt'oieom1 ferrabbitcc quail; . 'Sides, you couldn't pfat * bird no more, Yer old an' blind an' stiff au' sore, An' that's why I loaded the gun today Yer a-gittia' cross an' in the way. I beea thinkin' it over; 'tain't no fun. ? don't like to do it. but it's got to bo done^ <lot sort of a notion, you know-, too> The kind ol a job we'ro gola' to do, Else wi-would yeh haag back thaVft-way? Yeh ain't ez yoting ez yeh once fruz, hey! Frisky dog in them days, I note. When yeh nailed the* snoak thiel by the throat; Can't do that now, an' there ain't no need A-keepin' a dog that don't earn his feed. , vi So yeh got to make way for the brindle i; pup^ -rv?-\ ? r ? ? Come aloDg,old chap, yer time's 'bout up? ?*L -" IJ HER FIRST M Tragic-Comic Experienc ShB had just come-"out. of the back woods"-they told her when she snentioned the place. Of course she ?did uot call it "the back woods." Sho spoke of it reverently hythe tender ?name of "home," aud usually there .were tears in her eyes when she men tioned it. Bnt no matter; it was not New York, therefore it was "the back woods," they told her wheu she asked . for work. "What can you do?" asked the first . editor, aud he did not take the trouble to look up or to stop the pencil that ?was scrawling over the paper iu front of him. "Anythiug you would give a woinau to do," she answered. : '"Nothing," he said. "Good morning, " she said, ' "Good morning," he said,surprised into looking up by her prompt depart ure, but she- was gone "Bring any stuff?" asked the next one. He was too busy to waste words. She handed him the little flat manu script silently. j He fingered it a secoud. "I don't [want it," he said. "Thauk you. Good afternoon," she said. "G'd afternoou," he For the next she h the eleventh story, dubiously at the sir ante i oom : ' 'We do nt preserve or return nus? 4aH?v7u^*sTu.t y. " just nov,- there''isn't a I Let me have your add iiear of auythin?*-^""l-he tQ ---' V ~ - - - Of conrseshe ki -hat that meant, but still she was g il for the- cour tesy. Ja her part oflggft'e back woods" people had time to be courteous, and this man left a pleasant memory that made her almost hopeful of the next. > "What you want to do," the next one said, aud he was very nice about it, "is-to"get a place ou a magazine; I wouldn't advise you to go in for newspaper work. What you want is 'a magazine." .?"WhatI want, yes," she sail, smil ing, "bnt probablv not what I can get." He smiled, toi?,-very pleasantly,bat still he did uot quite liiui her correct ing-hts- grammar. Theene <f chanced to be rosy and round aud bald. He was reading a note when she went in, and he held it in his hand while she talked. Presently it reminded him of something. - . ... . "Why, the very thing," he said, briskly. "Hera's a uote from my wife. Just reading it wheu you came in. Quite a coincidence,surely. You see, my wife has a friend who's a-er -literary lady, gives talks, lectures; or some such things. Now, this-er -literary laity is goiug over into Jer sey, to Orange, iu fact, to give a talk before a club there, the Ultra Matrons, you know, and ur wife wants me to send somebody overeo report it. But, of course, I couldn't do that, you know." He looked up over his glasses as if he needed confirmation,doubtless -because he was defying his wifely in structions,so she mildly said: "No." ? "Of course not," he went on,having taken heart of grace from her approv al. "Of course I can't send anybody out of the oirice for that, but my wife says -he hesitated a moment, then broke off with: "Now,how would you like to run over aud do this lecture for us? Not much in it for you, of course; we couldn't use more than a stick'at the outside; but better start at that than at nothing. It's the open ing wedge you waut, you know. What do you say? Let's see; round trip ticket to Orange would cost you 50 cents; both ways on the elevated, ten; that's GO. Not much in it for von. What say? Will you do it, or not?" 'Tit ab it, fhank'you," she said. "That's good," he said, folding up the note in a relieved sca t of way. MThank you. I'll tell my wife." \ "See here," he said, as she was leaving, "better take this card and cat. for the literary lady in the morn ing au 1 go dowu with her. She'll put you tL ough." She \ lought he looked like a cherub; she livt.1 to learn he was a prophet. She took t .9 card,, had herself awak ened earl; t'be next morning and called for the- literary lady at the hour ap pointed. SLe wasu't np; call agaiujthe boy brought back the message. She called again. Literary lady had de cided not togo so ear y ; call again. She cailed again. Literary lady was dressing; -would ..ba down. She waited. . Literary lady came by and by ia" a great rush. . "So -gladyon-are going with me," abe said; and theu faced her to the el evated station tii 1 both were fairly out of breath. "They regained it,however, on the way down to Christopher street aud started on . a fr.esh race to the ferrv. The gate was closed, so the literary lady walked np and down tm ">?>NED. IOWB that fr'hen the old dog. becomes blind, IA^? duty of tue farmer to put aa end to his lim oft to the woods aud shooting him. Al n our affectious,the old is "not soon forgottou, jmber now old Fide."] We'll travel along at an easy jog- . Course, you doo*t know-, bein1 only A ?o^-, But I caa miad when you tfu?? sprier. 'Wnkln' Us vip when the bnrn caught Gre lt don't seem possible, yet I know That wuz closo outo Gfteen year ago. _ My. but yer hair wuz lon;: and thick When yeh pulled little Sally out o' the erick; An' it carno ia handy that night In the storm; We coddled to keepeach other warm. Purtv good dog, I'll admiV=-but. say. What's tho uso o' talking yyfa b?d y?t day. rm.hopm'tno children won't hoar the crack, Et what'll I say when I git back? They'd be askin' questions.T know their talk, An'I'd have to lie 'bout a chickon hawk: But the sound won't carry beyond this hill; Ali done iu a micuto-doa't bark.stand still. There.that'll do;ste&dyvguitlickui' coy hand; "What's wrong With this yuh-, I can't Under stand ; I'm jest ea shaky oz t oat? be- . Must be tho agey's the matter w'th me. Au' that stitch in tho back-what! gillen' bid-, looV The-dinner-bell's-"ringi n' -fer-me-an* you. . -Charles E. Baer,. in Philadelphia Tress. ASSIGNMENT. e of a Woman Reporter. patieutly and finally bought A paper at tho newsstand just as the gute opened. When they had found seats on the boat sho unfolded the paper nad turned to the woman's page* Tho fir.-.t thiug that caught her eye was her own name. "I see I'm to lecture before the Ultras," she said, smiling. "Good gracious!" Bhe broke off suddeuly. "What is it?" "Why, giacious me," said thc liter ary lady, "the notice says there will be a reception- after the lecture, and look at this gown! That's what they meant when they kept tolling me to dress up! A reception in this thiug!" It was only a plain tailor gown. "Gracious! 1 wonder if they told me and I forgot?" The young woman felt quite sure she had forgot,but she didn't dare say so. "What would you do?" asked the literary lady. "What can you do?" asked tlie girl. "Nothing," said the literary lady. "Iben I'd try not to care," said the girl, philosophically. The literary lady evidently tried no* < _^ jjjttuuu ^."awejrjjtbe waists Tis in my trunk; it isn't locked. Hurry, ! you must get it for me." '. j The train was beginning tb move, but she followed the girl to the rear platform and called to her as she jumped off: "My room is second to the left on .the third flooiv" \. The girl was almost convulsed with laughter at the humor of the situation. She caught the ferryboat bnck,'but had to wait "at Fifty-ninth street for a Sixth avenue elevated. Wheulr.ho got to the house she pushed tho bell fran tically, but got no response. Once, twice, thrice again, but still no au 1 sw? Moments were precious. Final-' j ly isonie ladies opeued the door and j went out. The girl seized the oppor tunity and went iu. There was no one in sight. She went upstairs and to the second room on the left, third floor. She knocked dubiously, not knowing whom or what she'should find. No response. She opened the door and entered. Books and papers everywhere; evidently this was the literary lady's room. She found the satin skirt iu the drawer -without any trouble, but lind to light the gns to look in .the trunk. Beside, there were two trunks," and there was no way of kuowiug which. Suddenly it occurred to her the possibility that someono might come in, discover her prowling and mistake her for a thief. There was not a persou in the house who knew her. She rang the bell, meaning to explain to- the maid. ' Then ' tb im-" possibility of being able to explain to a maid who had never seen her sug gested itself, and she locked the door. That very act made her feel like a thief, and she crept about stealthily, fearful half lest the maid should not come, half lest she should. She waited breathlessly; no one came. After nvnch searching she fdUnd'tke" waist and made up the package iu a newspaper. There wa3 not a bit of string anywhere, so she snipped off the curtain cord and tied it up. Now, the question of making an exit, was an important oue. Surely she could not getaway with that big Windle without being seen, but get ;nvay she must. It suddenly came to hor that she might be mistaken either for a laundress or a sewing woman', aud in that hope she opened the door, but in spite of her self st "? could not keep from feeling guilty and trying to steal out noise lessly. When she got to the door it seemed as if she could not get it open, and when the outer one slammed to noisily,behind her she thought surely discovery was at baud, and she could not restrain herself from running down the steps and,indeed, to the ele vated station at the corner. If a voice had by any chance cried "Stop,thief," she would havo collapsed. She even glanced furtively around at the people on the car. What if that harmless looking little man in the corner should turn out to be a detective? Bently she could not compose herself. For one thing her bundle; was too big, and for another she feared she would .miss her train. When she got off the ele vated she looked behind to see if the .little man in the coiner was following her. She bought a ticket to .cro*s the ferry and asked the time of tho n?rt train to Orange. "Do you wanUa ticket to Orango?" the .man at tht; window flaked. ' """ "No, riiave one," she said. "Then why don't you - cross the ferry on it?" he asked! :Sheielt that he suspected her aud snatched her bundle and rou:, AVh?n ut lilst.?h? was seated on the train, with the big b?ndle in her lap, feeling fairly cdmfbrt?biS fdr the first time, her eyes fell to scanning the newspaper that inclosed tl?'?' precious gown. Suddenly they were 'caught by the notice of the lecture; Heavens! It was to be nt 2:30,and she was thed on the 1:30 train; She had never been td Orange before; she knew no bn?; she had no idea wlier? the liter ary lady wns to be found. If She was not at the station td meet her, dil was lost. She looked out eagerly when the conductor c?lled her station, but the literAry lady was not to be seen: ' She ?tru?gled across the platform with her bundle. ? ''Drive nie to-the club," she said Desperately to the cabman Who came to hor assistance: "What eldo':'" h? asked. "The Ultras/'' sh? said. "Oh, the hall," he aswered.and sh? thought she was saved. She pictured vaguely tlie consterna tion she would create by bursting i?td the hall id thB midst bf tb? ?ectur? possibly, b?t by this time ali? was physically exhausted atid mentdlly blank. She paid the cabman intuitive ly and had started hp the stairway be fore which he had stopped when she j thought she heard voices calling and a heavy step r?nnihg toward heh At last she was pursued: But sa v? the gown she must and woiild; Spring ing Up the stairway she burst Oped the door i?to the hail. The platform was empty, hilt ?here Was a noisy hdra df expectancy rtiuuing through the Crowdi At first she heard nothing distinctly. Then a heavy hand was laid on her shoulder, and a voice be hind her said: "Give me your bundle, miss." She looked up at the blue coated policeman, who had,come up behind, and fell in a faint at his feet. Wheu she revived she was lying ou a rug in a little whito plastered room. Tho window was open, the cold snow-ladeu air from without was blowing on her, and a sweet-faced, gentle woman was bending over her, holding a bottle of smelling salts to her nose. "Are vou the matron?" she asked, j feebly. "The whai?" asked the woraau. "The matron?" "K?." She waited a moment. "Then were you put in, too'r" she said. "In what':" the woman asked. "In prisou," she said, shuddering. "Why, this isn't a prison, child," the woman 6aid wit'* ? ?mit??. "Wim i^wijr iJAi ,r, .... . ....-... liner's across the way ?o put it cn. She saw you como and got him to run ofter you. But, how very funny." "But whe?'' V the gown now?" the girl asked. "Why, the lady has ' it ou and is I speaking away; don't you hear her?" "Thea for heaven's sake let me get out and report her," said the girl, struggling to her feet. ! ".Not before you've had this cup of chocolate and a sandwich," the woman said, putting them before her. "I am hungry," ?be said. "Of course you are; that's why you fainted.,". When she vreut out by aud by and saw the* literary lady in all her glory j "arrayed like one of these," she felt j repaid for her excitement over the . gown. That night when 6he got back to town she took in her "stick" to the office, and credit for that amouut was "duly giv?n her ou'the "books. " B|Ut somehow one of tho me i in the office had gotten hold of the adventure, so he made a full column story about it, with a picture of her with her big bundle just as she fell at the police man's feet. So, to put it mildly, her : fortune was made. - Philadelphia Times. CAME THE HOBO'S WAY. A Veracious Yarn Abont nn Episode on the Cowctitufter. "It was way back in the seventies," said nu old engineer. "I was pulling .?,.??1I?,.. Limited' east from Council Bluffs to Chicago over the Rock Island. The night was bitterly cold. Wo had .gone about twenty miles out and had 'stopped at a night office for orders and had started up again, when the fire man reached over and said: 'There is a hobo on the pilot; saw him get on at the station.' 'Sure,'I said. 'Go out on the runn.iug board and 'seo if Ue's there yet.' The " fireman did as he was ordered to do and returned with the information that the hobo was still there. " 'Well,' said I, 'it's a bitter cold night, and if he can stand it out there I am willing he should ride with me.' And on Ave went toward Chicago with old '211' barking like sixty,nt tho low joints ahead and forgetful of our 'head end' passenger on tbejnlot. ."By and by, by the faint glimmer ing of the headlight, I thought I saw ahead what seemed to be a bu?ch of cattle on the track. As we approached it the bunch seemed to grow larger. It was now too late to do anything, so I just pulled her wide open and old 211 hit that bunch of cattle 'ka-bif.' To paraphrase the language of Tenny son, who glides into raptures of admir ation over the charge of the Light Brigade at Balaklava, there was just simply cattle to the right, of us, cattle to the left of us and cattle to the rear of uv but none any more in front of us. After it was over our thoughts ! reveted to the hobo on the pilot. 'Go I out and see if he is still there,' I said. "Well," said au old brakeman, un der whose . feet the . frosts of mauy winters had crackled as he wended his way in the . dark over many a long train of box cats and who had been listening to the story. "Well," said he, "was ho killed?" "No,"replied the engineer. ."There he sat, as large as any hobo could sit, -di tlie pilot, with tin oyster can milk ing one of those blamed cows." ?Art's Tribute to Dewey, * linmau tn Resign and Vievcs? H With Side Ojreuings. In the triumphal arch and colonnade which is to be oreobed at Madison Sqiuro foi the Dewey ??lebrationj New York City is to have a work which, in the opinion of the National Sculpture Society, will surpass any thing that has before been realized for such a purpose in sculpture deo oration. In general plan the arch will re semble the Arch of Titus. The Ro man design is altered, however, to flt lt for location at the intersection of four streets by having thef main piers .-???"???I. on the east and Mast- axis nf f.iaes?j the ui.:;ie or P^?l ' ..'ones. Decatur, Hull, Perry, McDonough, Farragut, Porter and Cushinp% Over the main entrance will be bas reliefs symbolizing the commercial importance of Now York. Por the group surmounting the arch has been suggested a ship with a figure of Victory in the bow drawn by four sea-horses. The plans inolude als? a reviewing-stand which shall be a part of th? general scheme of decoration, for Madison Square. IE is planned to have it deoorated with groups symbolic, of Greater i>Tow York and t^e five boroughs,-and with flag3 to make it contrast in color with tho masonry and sculpture effects of the arch. ' ' The work on the part of the artists which will be involved in carrying DEWEY Tltl?MPHAX? ? out these plans is offered to the oity free of charge. At a meeting of the society called to consider the means of doing tho work in the short time remaining, the roll ' was called for pledges of work and oo-operation, Every member who was present at the meeting pledged himself without,re serve to the work. It is said that the artists in carrying out the plan will give to the city professional service amountiug in value' to ?160,000 or ? 3200,000. Sources of Woll-Known Proverbs. Nin? persons out of ten attribute j the well-known expression, "Man pro- , poses, but God disposes," to the j Bible, but it was the {good Thomas a Kempis who said it* in his "Imitation j of Christ." Another often used ex- j pression is "Comparisons are odious." This ?B properly, so far as English ~. literature is concerned, attributed to John Fortescue, who flourished in the middlo of tho fifteenth century, but but we find it in Cervantes, Marlowe,'. : Hurton and Herbert, while Heywood has it among his proverbs. Shakes- 1 pearo in his "Much Ado About Noth- ; iug" paraphrased it into "Compari sons are odorous,".and in Ibis form, ; the saying baa "almost as much cur-, j rency as ia tho original. "Spare tbe-v 1 rod artr spoil the child" is generally 1 thought to be a text from the Bible. ' And in substance it is, for King Solo mon 3aid, "He that spareth tho rod ! hatoth his son," but it is found in Butler's "Hudibras" in the neater form in which it is usually quoted. JohuGilmer Speed, in tho Woman's Horns Cpiepanicn, Anni* of ihn Shmnrock'd ?Wnef. ( ?f coursci it wouldn't hare been c the thing for Sir '?homas Lipton* t?d | nerchanl; Cup challenger abd reeeut- ( ly appointed Baronet, to come over. j liere on the Shamrock without a coat- < Df-arms. He might as well arrive without a yachting cap. So he has had i coat-?f-arms madcj and; honestly; ile desei'ves great Credit for tho dem1 Doratic and unassuming way in which ! Ile has Complied the emblem; For the crest he has designed two J horny hands of labor, one bearing the Bowers of the tea plant the other that j jf the coffee plant* These betoken his sm THOMAS LIPTON'S COAT-OF-ABMS. humble origin and his means of suc cess iu tho world. Fidelity to his native country induces him to place upon the shield tho Shamrock of Ire land, as well as :tho Thistle of Scot land, the country in which he made his first money. At tho bottom of the shield is the horn of plenty, and his motto, "Labor Conquers All Things." It is truly a fitting autobiography in pictures. LROH AND ABCADE. The Idea! Nearly every one thinks she can piok ont a bridal couple, no matter how sensibly they may dross or how well they may succeed iu pretending indifference: but certain ways of de ciding were enumerated by a woman the other day. At the summer hotel she declared that the man and woman who sat nearest her at table were on their wedding tour, but tho other woman didn't believe it. They didn't look at all bride and brid?groom-like to her. But the first woman had her proofs; for one thing, they talked on suoh general topics,' and were to care Enl to keep the conversation well go ing all the time, and in the next place, she overheard the bride tolling her husband that she never ate pie. The ideal .Wouldn't he know Bhe never ite pie, and just how she liked her joffee, if they had been married long? -New York Sun. ' '--,-. *??, . tVas Not 411ve nt .tho Tin,p. While passing Whitehall the other day' a stranger to London, asked 'a policeman if he could poiut out the window through which King Charles passed out to execution. The police man asked: "Who was he?" ''King of England, of course," was tho an swer. "But when was that?" "Over two hundred years ago." "Ah, ah! that was long before my time, sir. I only entered tho force in 1862," was tho policeman's reply. "Sorry I can't tell yon." Tba annual increase of population in the United S?ntesis a'joutl.OOO.OOQ, II NEW YORK JOQOGOOQOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOQ ? NOVEL RIVAL TO I j THE LIQUOR SHOPS.f 3OOOO0oooooooocooooooooooo Practical help to the poor, the ig norant, ?i:d tho sinning, this is the Ivatohw?rd df th? Caf: The latest 3VidonC6 of its rrorking in the ?ast side of New York is the establishment ?I a tea-saloon at 76 Allen street. Tho. Ohuroh Army is sponsor for the new undertaking, which is managed by Colonel J?. ?. Hadley, an enthusias tic worker in huruanitariii? ?ffairfli Colonel'Hadley has many 0ympa-> Hazers lu his belief that hundreds of people drink beer because it is the drink most easily obtainable, and that if other liquids were as cheap and as busy to get, the consumption of intox icating drinks would b? greatly re uaoo ui a rum. vuiuuui nuuio v accuruu. a three years' lease of this disrepii- ' table building; cleared it *f its old tenants, freshly painted the dingy in-> terior, and wrought a material as weil us a moral transformation; Tho first floor of the building Wds altered from a bar of the lowest order, where crime and hatred were nursed, into the litt manitarian substitute, the tea-saloon. The effect of a bar is still retained,but over the'shining counter no mote1 del eterious drink than well-made tea ever passes. The equipments Which rest on the counter ns accessories to the drinks are bowls of sugar, pitchers of cream, and saucers of sliced lemon. Tea is served either hot ot cold, to suit the desire of the patron,. and it is also supplemented with. & sandwich or apiece of pie or cake? The prices charged for thes? enjoy ments range from one cent for plain tea to fivo cents for tea with solids, and the price is the same whether the beverage is hot or iced. As it is the custom in the neighborhood where the. tea-saloon is established for families, to uso the "growler" for bringing, drink from the saloon to the home,' Colonel Hadley has tea on draught to sell by the quart for outside consump tion. Ho has even planned an ioi proyed can for carrying it, with a central compartment for tea and an outside one for ice, with faucets arranged for drawing off either tea or ice water. In the back of the tea-saloon ?B ar ranged an ossembly-ioom, whereat is the custom to hold mission meetings every evening, consisting largely Of attractive music, and into these meet ings the patrons wunder in increasing numbers. Upstairs the house is divi ded into twelve rooms, all of which aro furnished, and are rented to de sirable applicants at ono dollar a week. Tho tea-saloon is open from 6 a. m. to midnight; its patrons are increas ing daily; and it is. expected that ii will be a formidable rival to the liquor saloon, and will prove the strongest weapon against alcoholism that phi lanthropy has ever wielded in defence of the weak and ignorant.-Harper's Bazar. The liest School. The best and cheapest sohool ot journalism is the country newspaper office. No one can become a .banker or a broker or a merchant by attend ing a commercial college. No more can a college course in journalism flt you for newspaper work. Theory is one tiling; practice is another. If you .aspir? to .enter the higher ranks, work on a country weekly as a starter. There is the best possible training for a young man who desires to. become an accurate writer and a reporter of events. In the city one rarely if ever meets tho people he writes about, and {?here are no consequences to be feared on that score. - But in the c?oirtey there is a personal accounting in store for the scribe who garbles pr errs in statement of facts. This knowledge drills the habit of accuracy into:one as nothing else will. A Sad Case. Dr. Chargem-"Your friend needs vigorous treatment;. I never' .saw a man in such a state of mental depres sion. Can't you convince : hun; that the futuro holds some brightness for him?" .-ri; <-\ . . ."ly?i jathetioFriend-"Thot.is un fortunately impossible. He has drawn his ?^lo^y for three weeks ahead and spent the money."-Pearson's Weekly, \ BREEZY KANSAS .YARNS. low Eastern Correspondents A<M to thc Unique Fame of a Great State. HR- C?bn?S, the agricultural coin iissicmeY oiKanaas, charges all thc cft;orit?ty that Kanutte has suffere? i-?'rii during the las! quarter ot a cen nry to" c'n^tei?f newspaper corrflHpon leuts, who, he* rfny's; have visited that tate, and have tried td interest their eaders by inventing freaks ?vJdfabul us stories.- t "It has been left to the correspon teflts of eastern papers to portray Ca"ns?#:?o ibo world in all the various hades aut? tr?ts,-" says Mr. Cohurn, 'from those of frloCxniftet midnight .nd deepest woe to brightest -ftotuiday ?nd heaven's gilding. His n?'?tf* Fork, that which has always stamped tim ss possessing the true artistic eihp?rflm?nt, haft,-been his. treatment >f werttlV r conditions, especially our ?nprilsiv . zephyrs pud periods ,of pro rastiualed rainfall. Tb? lines of bbbght always discernibleiirbiswork .re thai Wo ?>ro in a.;cbronic condition )f cyclone, droiig?ii er,bl?zzard, yarie ;ated by invasions and c?cys*tatious of .hrnehbugs "and grafe'shoppeni.' Xn [ealing with the former he describes" be wind wbich,h?.says,blew n cow.up j igalnst tho 'side of a barn and held ter there fbr 12 days, or until she tarred io death* The same ,windf6ays his veracious c'urcnkler, blew the racks out of the fences, bucked a .istern from the ground, moved fb* ownship Hue and changed the doy tf the week, while it yanked the bung lole out of a barrel and buried ic in a larid??il! 80 miles away. ''On another occasion, w hst* stopping it a farmhouse, a cyclone came np and ie,'with tho family, went into the ce? ary Tho.houso was soon blown away; u-Ssently'tha collar went, too, rolling jver and over like a silk hat; He was ?arly ?pilled out, but with infinite abor.dragged himself back in thc eeth of the wind, intending to take eftige iri the hole the cellar came out >f, but tcrb?s great: consternatiou he bund that the h?jo had been blowu iway also. Shortly aft Or this, a far ner was ridiug along the road with a ug of sorghum tied with u strap to ils saddle-horn. A cyclone came up, iud after it had passed the jug handle vas foudd inside the jug and the strap vas sticking out of the jug's month, he jug having been blowu inside out vi thou t spilling a drop of the molasses. Ouriug the same blow a goat happened 0 get ia its path; and. his huir was down off until he looked as clean as 1 skinned banana. ' This made the joat look so mitch, like a Mexican dog vith horns that it was placed on ex libitiou at the World's fair, attracting Mention as one of the great cnriosi -lOl w ru l l,g ^y . -u Through/ him a. wondering world learns of the alleged Kausas. ferry man w'tio waa tb haiti water' ten mantUH in the year in order: to keep bis boat running; of the families who Bach morniug are compelled to run their W?lls through cl othes wringers that thfly may obtain water for cook ing purposes; of neighborhoods where it is PO dry that water is wet only on Dne side, and where fish,to allaythirst ?nd rince the dust from their, throats, . swarm .out od the prairies and lap the boiling dew from tho' buffalo gr?s-s. Ile it is who says thi? distressing scarcity of moisture is forced uptfn us by the corporations that have cornered the water supply to put into their stock?,, aud to such an extent that far mers have to soak their- hogi over night in order to make them hold swill. "Another remarkable story is told of a mau who was arning over the divide north of Dodge City, when a sliowor came up/ :Be '.wa* -.riding a buckboard, w'hic jaS-a-bottotn made by'fa?fenjng cl eats.-?bet weep the-axles with spaces ?a half; nu iucji. .between the cleats/ Tbe'watcr foll so fast that it could not run through tho bottom of'the'Wk1)b?i??ras/'f?s?' n's' it 'fell, , Iiushiug down' tho'vrriV of tho divide the water struck ?-barbed wi e fence and dammed np ,until the, water ran over the top wire bf the fence. This was because the iain'caine'so fast that it couldn't get .through befween the wires of the fence* Ou the same .trip the traveler says ho saw a j'ack rabbit drown white it was jumping through the air." ? '.. < ? . . -.J .< .'. .-. :... How They Catch Scorcher? in London. A great many communications have recently been sent to the London papers.saying t at the Kingston police always catch'th? wrong person when they attempt to ?top- the wheelmen from furious riding. T.be policemen have contradicted these aecusatiou?. There seems to be ? mistake some where. Possibly the true explanation may be found in, -what is said to be a "true American story" printed iu the London 'Mail. This" Story, says The Mail, has a great bearing ou the case at hand. There is a certain time when the vision of the officer loses the real offender and he never gets him within the raiige of his. eyes again. Here is the stoiy, which is said to explain matters: "A gentlemnu was leaning ?Ut of a railway carriage window to kiss his wife, who was on the platform bidding him good-by. ,'fhe train, how ever, mored on with that celerity for which American "trains are famous iu anecdote; so fast, indeed, that the chaste salute was bestowed on a por ter at tho next station. The sugges tion is that, as the cyclists travel so fast in Kingston, the police do not catch the scorcher, but the slow rider who is coming up just behiud him." The Sol lier Hoy ?t Sea. A Kansas boy with the regulars go iug to Manila writes thus to his folks: "For a time this morniug we were very badly frightened because we thought we were lost.at sea. One of the sailors told us that the capta n had neglected to- wind the compass the night before, that it had r in down, aud that nobody kn?\v where we we?e br Which way lo sail! After a while we fd ?md it-was-ouo of there fool mai lor jokes. "-Kansas City Journal. ?Stgt/h propose." soys Dr. Low. To whlclf >.* al! ;naen answer ''Pshaw!" Unless they Wfcb to be more roupL-. And cry out "Noi/wnscl" ..Tat!" or "Stuff? Let girls propose! Why, goodness! let us jwt suppose How things would be ii ih*y were thus "Twoiid truly bo a dreadful joass. Tblrk yon of Miss Matilda Jane, Who's reallyjust too very plain For any mortal use. Would she enjoy this now-born ruse? *b? goes to dances everywhere. Afid bog a pleasant time while there; And fellows dance with Mattie Jone Despite sire is t<o very plain. Because they know, while on the floor, 'Tis just a dance, and nothing more. But If the malden could propose. why. goodness knows, As she came jn thu salon door, ?WJtb maddened rush and frightened roar. The* J.*d? would stampede from her sight And hide ?bern trembling in tho night On t'other band, ?appose a girl With dimpled cheek ?nd fluffy curl. With sweet blue eye nod creamy chin, But^empor like an imp Of Bin ti uppoae abo got that eye ar work, And cherry Jip began to perk* And fluffy i}\irl began to graze, In manner any .saint to craze. The chet* of -little Willie boy/ To All bim wllh auMnstant joy ? Do you euppose that young man could j ??iy? "No, roy girf?-I've understood ?oi?f fcfap?r is not v??y good. I like ycTttf shin, JMlke'your curl But you are *3ehiTtjX'ippy girl! [ lore your eyes', ?dpre-^our cheek Dut no; you're mu?fl %QO /ar from mee! ' I rather gtleW >. ? ' He'd answer yes, And then, when they were ri?ao\and wifo, Can't yon imagine Willie's llfeV Antf??fcr.case: Didst ever see \ A maid Jost turning forty-three- \ ? 3?me oidor finn she nsed to be- vgK With some poof boy just past eighteen, She in the yellow, hv the green'-' Indeed, so green ho doc? not seo . The maid's a most autumnal she? What chance would such n lad as thia Have under this new"scheme of bliss? Today he speaks not to hie fair Because tho poor chap doesn't dare; But let her pop the question-Gee! What would the.old maid's Hervest be? Lot girls propose?' Ah. Dr. Law. Excus? me if I answer , "Pshaw!" And add to this both "Humph!" and "Stuff!" The good old way is good enougD, -Harper's Brozar. HUMOROUS. i "No," 6aid Fido through the fence to the tramp dog, I don't mind being wasbtfd. It is such fun to roll in the dirt afterward." Biggs-Dobbs has a big opinion of himself, hasn't he ? Bogga-I should say so. Why, he thinks he knows more than his office boy. He^-My dear, the bank in which my money is deposited has failed. She-What a mercy you've got your check book at home, love! ? "Friend," said the mendicant? "I have seen better days. " "Great Scott! ??-i soi.it ''i- - v . ??seo h? -: Sm ii! " . 0 - - .0. boy. Mama-Very well, dear; how shall we play it 1 Little Johnny-I'll tell you; you start to do something and I'll tell you not to. "What do they mean by 'tacking'?" asked a young woman, on her first sail, of a yoting woman who wac on her secoud. "Why," said the wise one, inn careful whisper, "tackingis just-just sailing on the bias, Helen." Across the board she looks at me lly soul responds obediently; Sne is my wife, and with her eye Hbo tells me there ia no more pie. "I tell you what it is," said the silly little fish to his long-headed mother, I have been following your advice and letting those nice, plump, juicy worn-s alone long mough. I sm now going on my own hook." And he did. There was a disagreement, and tue mother undertook to straighten things' out. "Why can't you play nicely?" she asked, " 'Cause he wauts to boss things," answered the younger. "He wants me to play I'm president of the United States." "Well, why don't you?" "'Cause it's my turn to be Dewey." . Flnrhonses in Malta. Valletta, the capital of Malta, has been invaded by the Harlem flat and the Maltese are delighted. One large flntkbuse having proved a success,8ey eral moro are shout to be built and the Maltese want to know just how the thing is done in New York. The capitalists who are to build the fiat houses have been to John Grout, Jr., the United States consul at Mal tn, and told him. that they want the latest thing in electric outfits for fiats, such as bells, etc., and new ideas as to plumbing and elevators. . ' Mr. Grout says: "I have had sever al conversations with the men in re gard to their getting American goods for the new buildings, and have ex plained to them, as far as I have 'been able, how our flat buildings are -constructed and finished and the fittings used. The result is that they^aye become interested to such au extent as to request me to get them illustrated catalogues and price lists of goods appertaining to the interior iitting up of buildings of this class, and especially of doors, locks, hinges, bolts, window fastenings and house hardware in general. -New York Press. The Onward Mardi of Discovery. An intelligent farmer has* discovered that by planting ou ions and pbt?toes in the samo field in alternate rows'the onions become so strong that they biiug tears to the eyes of the potatoes in such volume that the roots are kept moist and a big crop is raised in spit? of the drought.-Mingo. (W. Va.) Cir? dilator. A Very Funny Sight. "I love to make visits in the morn? iug." "Do you?" "Yes; all the other women are busy cleauing house, and it is so funny to i ee them try to act glad to see nie." D?troit Flee Pi ess. Tentir-Mea Nerve ?nil Skill. A Giles county citizen is reported . have carried a bushel of eggs in a .neal s.i;:k on horseback ro Aspen Hill without breaking au egg.-Nashville Tenn.) Banner.