Edgefield advertiser. (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, September 13, 1899, Image 1
THE-NATIONAL BANK OF AUGUSTA
L. C. HAYNE, Pres't. P. G. FORD, Cashier.
?ipiial, 8250,000.
Undivided rioflts
: ?110,000.
Vacuities of our magnificent New Vault
joataintnp 410 >afet7-Lock BOXAS. Dififer
?nt Sizes ar?- offered to our patrons and
?be public at 83.00 to ?W.OO^per annum.
THOS. J. ADAMS PROPRIETOR.
EDGEFIELD, S. C.. WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 1899.
----m J? --y.,--^-vn.-fr'i'V.jf-^Tt ^TVWBUMMI.. i _
THK
PLASTERS
LOAN ARO
SAVINGS
BANK.
AUGUSTA, GA.
Paje Intcrost
on Deposits,
Accounts
Solioite?,
L. G. EATN-2,
President.
W. O. WABDLAV,
Cashier.
VOL. LXIV. NO. 37.
. ......ona /.II* urC
v 'POSTI
TAnyono at all familiar with farm lite kt
toothless and helpless, it is the sad but hun
Bufferings; it is generally done by taking !
though the new dog quickly wies bte place i
and more tba:, ono story frewin;": "You rein<
"pome along, old chap, yer time's 'bout up,
We got anotber brindle pup;
I 'lows its tough an' mighty hard.
?But a toothless dog's no good on guard,
Bo trot along right after me.
j j Aa' I'll put yeh out o' yer misery.
.Now, quit' ver' w?ggiV that stumpy tail
"We aiBTt'oieom1 ferrabbitcc quail;
. 'Sides, you couldn't pfat * bird no more,
Yer old an' blind an' stiff au' sore,
An' that's why I loaded the gun today
Yer a-gittia' cross an' in the way.
I beea thinkin' it over; 'tain't no fun.
? don't like to do it. but it's got to bo done^
<lot sort of a notion, you know-, too>
The kind ol a job we'ro gola' to do,
Else wi-would yeh haag back thaVft-way?
Yeh ain't ez yoting ez yeh once fruz, hey!
Frisky dog in them days, I note.
When yeh nailed the* snoak thiel by the
throat;
Can't do that now, an' there ain't no
need
A-keepin' a dog that don't earn his feed.
, vi So yeh got to make way for the brindle
i; pup^ -rv?-\ ? r ? ?
Come aloDg,old chap, yer time's 'bout up?
?*L -"
IJ HER FIRST
M Tragic-Comic Experienc
ShB had just come-"out. of the
back woods"-they told her when she
snentioned the place. Of course she
?did uot call it "the back woods." Sho
spoke of it reverently hythe tender
?name of "home," aud usually there
.were tears in her eyes when she men
tioned it. Bnt no matter; it was not
New York, therefore it was "the back
woods," they told her wheu she asked
. for work.
"What can you do?" asked the first
. editor, aud he did not take the trouble
to look up or to stop the pencil that
?was scrawling over the paper iu front
of him.
"Anythiug you would give a woinau
to do," she answered.
: '"Nothing," he said.
"Good morning, " she said,
' "Good morning," he said,surprised
into looking up by her prompt depart
ure, but she- was gone
"Bring any stuff?" asked the next
one. He was too busy to waste words.
She handed him the little flat manu
script silently.
j He fingered it a secoud. "I don't
[want it," he said.
"Thauk you. Good afternoon," she
said.
"G'd afternoou," he
For the next she h
the eleventh story,
dubiously at the sir
ante i oom : ' 'We do nt
preserve or return nus?
4aH?v7u^*sTu.t y. "
just nov,- there''isn't a I
Let me have your add
iiear of auythin?*-^""l-he
tQ ---' V ~ - -
- Of conrseshe ki -hat that meant,
but still she was g il for the- cour
tesy. Ja her part oflggft'e back woods"
people had time to be courteous, and
this man left a pleasant memory that
made her almost hopeful of the next.
> "What you want to do," the next
one said, aud he was very nice about
it, "is-to"get a place ou a magazine;
I wouldn't advise you to go in for
newspaper work. What you want is
'a magazine."
.?"WhatI want, yes," she sail, smil
ing, "bnt probablv not what I can
get."
He smiled, toi?,-very pleasantly,bat
still he did uot quite liiui her correct
ing-hts- grammar. Theene <f chanced
to be rosy and round aud bald. He
was reading a note when she went in,
and he held it in his hand while she
talked. Presently it reminded him of
something. - . ... .
"Why, the very thing," he said,
briskly. "Hera's a uote from my
wife. Just reading it wheu you came
in. Quite a coincidence,surely. You
see, my wife has a friend who's a-er
-literary lady, gives talks, lectures;
or some such things. Now, this-er
-literary laity is goiug over into Jer
sey, to Orange, iu fact, to give a talk
before a club there, the Ultra Matrons,
you know, and ur wife wants me to
send somebody overeo report it. But,
of course, I couldn't do that, you
know." He looked up over his glasses
as if he needed confirmation,doubtless
-because he was defying his wifely in
structions,so she mildly said:
"No." ?
"Of course not," he went on,having
taken heart of grace from her approv
al. "Of course I can't send anybody
out of the oirice for that, but my wife
says -he hesitated a moment, then
broke off with: "Now,how would you
like to run over aud do this lecture
for us? Not much in it for you, of
course; we couldn't use more than a
stick'at the outside; but better start at
that than at nothing. It's the open
ing wedge you waut, you know. What
do you say? Let's see; round trip
ticket to Orange would cost you 50
cents; both ways on the elevated, ten;
that's GO. Not much in it for von.
What say? Will you do it, or not?"
'Tit ab it, fhank'you," she said.
"That's good," he said, folding up
the note in a relieved sca t of way.
MThank you. I'll tell my wife." \
"See here," he said, as she was
leaving, "better take this card and
cat. for the literary lady in the morn
ing au 1 go dowu with her. She'll put
you tL ough."
She \ lought he looked like a cherub;
she livt.1 to learn he was a prophet.
She took t .9 card,, had herself awak
ened earl; t'be next morning and called
for the- literary lady at the hour ap
pointed. SLe wasu't np; call agaiujthe
boy brought back the message. She
called again. Literary lady had de
cided not togo so ear y ; call again.
She cailed again. Literary lady was
dressing; -would ..ba down. She
waited. . Literary lady came by and
by ia" a great rush.
. "So -gladyon-are going with me,"
abe said; and theu faced her to the el
evated station tii 1 both were fairly out
of breath. "They regained it,however,
on the way down to Christopher street
aud started on . a fr.esh race to the
ferrv. The gate was closed, so the
literary lady walked np and down tm
">?>NED.
IOWB that fr'hen the old dog. becomes blind,
IA^? duty of tue farmer to put aa end to his
lim oft to the woods aud shooting him. Al
n our affectious,the old is "not soon forgottou,
jmber now old Fide."]
We'll travel along at an easy jog- .
Course, you doo*t know-, bein1 only A ?o^-,
But I caa miad when you tfu?? sprier.
'Wnkln' Us vip when the bnrn caught Gre
lt don't seem possible, yet I know
That wuz closo outo Gfteen year ago. _
My. but yer hair wuz lon;: and thick
When yeh pulled little Sally out o' the erick;
An' it carno ia handy that night In the storm;
We coddled to keepeach other warm.
Purtv good dog, I'll admiV=-but. say.
What's tho uso o' talking yyfa b?d y?t day.
rm.hopm'tno children won't hoar the crack,
Et what'll I say when I git back?
They'd be askin' questions.T know their talk,
An'I'd have to lie 'bout a chickon hawk:
But the sound won't carry beyond this hill;
Ali done iu a micuto-doa't bark.stand still.
There.that'll do;ste&dyvguitlickui' coy hand;
"What's wrong With this yuh-, I can't Under
stand ;
I'm jest ea shaky oz t oat? be- .
Must be tho agey's the matter w'th me.
Au' that stitch in tho back-what! gillen' bid-,
looV
The-dinner-bell's-"ringi n' -fer-me-an*
you.
. -Charles E. Baer,. in Philadelphia Tress.
ASSIGNMENT.
e of a Woman Reporter.
patieutly and finally bought A paper
at tho newsstand just as the gute
opened. When they had found seats
on the boat sho unfolded the paper
nad turned to the woman's page* Tho
fir.-.t thiug that caught her eye was
her own name.
"I see I'm to lecture before the
Ultras," she said, smiling. "Good
gracious!" Bhe broke off suddeuly.
"What is it?"
"Why, giacious me," said thc liter
ary lady, "the notice says there will
be a reception- after the lecture, and
look at this gown! That's what they
meant when they kept tolling me to
dress up! A reception in this thiug!"
It was only a plain tailor gown.
"Gracious! 1 wonder if they told
me and I forgot?"
The young woman felt quite sure
she had forgot,but she didn't dare say
so.
"What would you do?" asked the
literary lady.
"What can you do?" asked tlie girl.
"Nothing," said the literary lady.
"Iben I'd try not to care," said the
girl, philosophically.
The literary lady evidently tried no*
<
_^ jjjttuuu ^."awejrjjtbe waists
Tis in my trunk; it isn't locked. Hurry,
! you must get it for me." '. j
The train was beginning tb move,
but she followed the girl to the rear
platform and called to her as she
jumped off:
"My room is second to the left on
.the third flooiv"
\. The girl was almost convulsed with
laughter at the humor of the situation.
She caught the ferryboat bnck,'but had
to wait "at Fifty-ninth street for a
Sixth avenue elevated. Wheulr.ho got
to the house she pushed tho bell fran
tically, but got no response. Once,
twice, thrice again, but still no au
1 sw? Moments were precious. Final-'
j ly isonie ladies opeued the door and
j went out. The girl seized the oppor
tunity and went iu. There was no one
in sight. She went upstairs and to
the second room on the left, third
floor. She knocked dubiously, not
knowing whom or what she'should
find. No response. She opened the
door and entered. Books and papers
everywhere; evidently this was the
literary lady's room.
She found the satin skirt iu the
drawer -without any trouble, but lind
to light the gns to look in .the trunk.
Beside, there were two trunks,"
and there was no way of kuowiug
which. Suddenly it occurred to her
the possibility that someono might
come in, discover her prowling and
mistake her for a thief. There was
not a persou in the house who knew
her. She rang the bell, meaning to
explain to- the maid. ' Then ' tb im-"
possibility of being able to explain to
a maid who had never seen her sug
gested itself, and she locked the door.
That very act made her feel like a
thief, and she crept about stealthily,
fearful half lest the maid should not
come, half lest she should. She
waited breathlessly; no one came.
After nvnch searching she fdUnd'tke"
waist and made up the package iu a
newspaper. There wa3 not a bit of
string anywhere, so she snipped off
the curtain cord and tied it up. Now,
the question of making an exit, was an
important oue. Surely she could not
getaway with that big Windle without
being seen, but get ;nvay she must. It
suddenly came to hor that she might
be mistaken either for a laundress or
a sewing woman', aud in that hope she
opened the door, but in spite of her
self st "? could not keep from feeling
guilty and trying to steal out noise
lessly. When she got to the door it
seemed as if she could not get it open,
and when the outer one slammed to
noisily,behind her she thought surely
discovery was at baud, and she could
not restrain herself from running
down the steps and,indeed, to the ele
vated station at the corner. If a voice
had by any chance cried "Stop,thief,"
she would havo collapsed. She even
glanced furtively around at the people
on the car. What if that harmless
looking little man in the corner should
turn out to be a detective? Bently
she could not compose herself. For
one thing her bundle; was too big, and
for another she feared she would .miss
her train. When she got off the ele
vated she looked behind to see if the
.little man in the coiner was following
her. She bought a ticket to .cro*s the
ferry and asked the time of tho n?rt
train to Orange.
"Do you wanUa ticket to Orango?"
the .man at tht; window flaked. '
""" "No, riiave one," she said.
"Then why don't you - cross the
ferry on it?" he asked! :Sheielt that
he suspected her aud snatched her
bundle and rou:,
AVh?n ut lilst.?h? was seated on the
train, with the big b?ndle in her lap,
feeling fairly cdmfbrt?biS fdr the first
time, her eyes fell to scanning the
newspaper that inclosed tl?'?' precious
gown. Suddenly they were 'caught
by the notice of the lecture; Heavens!
It was to be nt 2:30,and she was thed
on the 1:30 train; She had never
been td Orange before; she knew no
bn?; she had no idea wlier? the liter
ary lady wns to be found. If She was
not at the station td meet her, dil was
lost.
She looked out eagerly when the
conductor c?lled her station, but the
literAry lady was not to be seen: ' She
?tru?gled across the platform with her
bundle.
? ''Drive nie to-the club," she said
Desperately to the cabman Who came
to hor assistance:
"What eldo':'" h? asked.
"The Ultras/'' sh? said.
"Oh, the hall," he aswered.and sh?
thought she was saved.
She pictured vaguely tlie consterna
tion she would create by bursting i?td
the hall id thB midst bf tb? ?ectur?
possibly, b?t by this time ali? was
physically exhausted atid mentdlly
blank. She paid the cabman intuitive
ly and had started hp the stairway be
fore which he had stopped when she
j thought she heard voices calling and
a heavy step r?nnihg toward heh At
last she was pursued: But sa v?
the gown she must and woiild; Spring
ing Up the stairway she burst Oped the
door i?to the hail. The platform was
empty, hilt ?here Was a noisy hdra df
expectancy rtiuuing through the
Crowdi At first she heard nothing
distinctly. Then a heavy hand was
laid on her shoulder, and a voice be
hind her said:
"Give me your bundle, miss."
She looked up at the blue coated
policeman, who had,come up behind,
and fell in a faint at his feet. Wheu
she revived she was lying ou a rug in
a little whito plastered room. Tho
window was open, the cold snow-ladeu
air from without was blowing on her,
and a sweet-faced, gentle woman was
bending over her, holding a bottle of
smelling salts to her nose.
"Are vou the matron?" she asked,
j feebly.
"The whai?" asked the woraau.
"The matron?"
"K?."
She waited a moment. "Then were
you put in, too'r" she said.
"In what':" the woman asked.
"In prisou," she said, shuddering.
"Why, this isn't a prison, child,"
the woman 6aid wit'* ? ?mit??. "Wim
i^wijr iJAi ,r, .... . ....-...
liner's across the way ?o put it cn.
She saw you como and got him to run
ofter you. But, how very funny."
"But whe?'' V the gown now?" the
girl asked.
"Why, the lady has ' it ou and is
I speaking away; don't you hear her?"
"Thea for heaven's sake let me get
out and report her," said the girl,
struggling to her feet.
! ".Not before you've had this cup of
chocolate and a sandwich," the woman
said, putting them before her.
"I am hungry," ?be said.
"Of course you are; that's why you
fainted.,".
When she vreut out by aud by and
saw the* literary lady in all her glory
j "arrayed like one of these," she felt
j repaid for her excitement over the
. gown.
That night when 6he got back to
town she took in her "stick" to the
office, and credit for that amouut was
"duly giv?n her ou'the "books. " B|Ut
somehow one of tho me i in the office
had gotten hold of the adventure, so
he made a full column story about it,
with a picture of her with her big
bundle just as she fell at the police
man's feet. So, to put it mildly, her
: fortune was made. - Philadelphia
Times.
CAME THE HOBO'S WAY.
A Veracious Yarn Abont nn Episode on
the Cowctitufter.
"It was way back in the seventies,"
said nu old engineer. "I was pulling
.?,.??1I?,.. Limited' east from Council Bluffs
to Chicago over the Rock Island.
The night was bitterly cold. Wo had
.gone about twenty miles out and had
'stopped at a night office for orders and
had started up again, when the fire
man reached over and said: 'There is
a hobo on the pilot; saw him get on
at the station.' 'Sure,'I said. 'Go
out on the runn.iug board and 'seo if
Ue's there yet.' The " fireman did as
he was ordered to do and returned with
the information that the hobo was still
there.
" 'Well,' said I, 'it's a bitter cold
night, and if he can stand it out there
I am willing he should ride with me.'
And on Ave went toward Chicago with
old '211' barking like sixty,nt tho low
joints ahead and forgetful of our 'head
end' passenger on tbejnlot.
."By and by, by the faint glimmer
ing of the headlight, I thought I saw
ahead what seemed to be a bu?ch of
cattle on the track. As we approached
it the bunch seemed to grow larger.
It was now too late to do anything, so
I just pulled her wide open and old
211 hit that bunch of cattle 'ka-bif.'
To paraphrase the language of Tenny
son, who glides into raptures of admir
ation over the charge of the Light
Brigade at Balaklava, there was just
simply cattle to the right, of us, cattle
to the left of us and cattle to the rear
of uv but none any more in front of
us. After it was over our thoughts
! reveted to the hobo on the pilot. 'Go
I out and see if he is still there,' I said.
"Well," said au old brakeman, un
der whose . feet the . frosts of mauy
winters had crackled as he wended his
way in the . dark over many a long
train of box cats and who had been
listening to the story. "Well," said
he, "was ho killed?"
"No,"replied the engineer. ."There
he sat, as large as any hobo could sit,
-di tlie pilot, with tin oyster can milk
ing one of those blamed cows."
?Art's Tribute to Dewey,
* linmau tn Resign and Vievcs?
H With Side Ojreuings.
In the triumphal arch and colonnade
which is to be oreobed at Madison
Sqiuro foi the Dewey ??lebrationj
New York City is to have a work
which, in the opinion of the National
Sculpture Society, will surpass any
thing that has before been realized
for such a purpose in sculpture deo
oration.
In general plan the arch will re
semble the Arch of Titus. The Ro
man design is altered, however, to flt
lt for location at the intersection of
four streets by having thef main piers
.-???"???I. on the east and Mast- axis nf
f.iaes?j the ui.:;ie or P^?l ' ..'ones.
Decatur, Hull, Perry, McDonough,
Farragut, Porter and Cushinp%
Over the main entrance will
be bas reliefs symbolizing
the commercial importance of Now
York. Por the group surmounting
the arch has been suggested a ship
with a figure of Victory in the bow
drawn by four sea-horses. The plans
inolude als? a reviewing-stand which
shall be a part of th? general scheme
of decoration, for Madison Square. IE
is planned to have it deoorated with
groups symbolic, of Greater i>Tow York
and t^e five boroughs,-and with flag3
to make it contrast in color with tho
masonry and sculpture effects of the
arch. ' '
The work on the part of the artists
which will be involved in carrying
DEWEY Tltl?MPHAX? ?
out these plans is offered to the oity
free of charge. At a meeting of the
society called to consider the means
of doing tho work in the short time
remaining, the roll ' was called for
pledges of work and oo-operation,
Every member who was present at the
meeting pledged himself without,re
serve to the work. It is said that the
artists in carrying out the plan will
give to the city professional service
amountiug in value' to ?160,000 or ?
3200,000.
Sources of Woll-Known Proverbs.
Nin? persons out of ten attribute j
the well-known expression, "Man pro- ,
poses, but God disposes," to the j
Bible, but it was the {good Thomas a
Kempis who said it* in his "Imitation j
of Christ." Another often used ex- j
pression is "Comparisons are odious."
This ?B properly, so far as English ~.
literature is concerned, attributed to
John Fortescue, who flourished in the
middlo of tho fifteenth century, but
but we find it in Cervantes, Marlowe,'. :
Hurton and Herbert, while Heywood
has it among his proverbs. Shakes- 1
pearo in his "Much Ado About Noth- ;
iug" paraphrased it into "Compari
sons are odorous,".and in Ibis form, ;
the saying baa "almost as much cur-, j
rency as ia tho original. "Spare tbe-v 1
rod artr spoil the child" is generally 1
thought to be a text from the Bible. '
And in substance it is, for King Solo
mon 3aid, "He that spareth tho rod !
hatoth his son," but it is found in
Butler's "Hudibras" in the neater
form in which it is usually quoted.
JohuGilmer Speed, in tho Woman's
Horns Cpiepanicn,
Anni* of ihn Shmnrock'd ?Wnef. (
?f coursci it wouldn't hare been c
the thing for Sir '?homas Lipton* t?d |
nerchanl; Cup challenger abd reeeut- (
ly appointed Baronet, to come over. j
liere on the Shamrock without a coat- <
Df-arms. He might as well arrive
without a yachting cap. So he has had
i coat-?f-arms madcj and; honestly;
ile desei'ves great Credit for tho dem1
Doratic and unassuming way in which !
Ile has Complied the emblem;
For the crest he has designed two J
horny hands of labor, one bearing the
Bowers of the tea plant the other that j
jf the coffee plant* These betoken his
sm THOMAS LIPTON'S COAT-OF-ABMS.
humble origin and his means of suc
cess iu tho world. Fidelity to his
native country induces him to place
upon the shield tho Shamrock of Ire
land, as well as :tho Thistle of Scot
land, the country in which he made
his first money. At tho bottom of the
shield is the horn of plenty, and his
motto, "Labor Conquers All Things."
It is truly a fitting autobiography in
pictures.
LROH AND ABCADE.
The Idea!
Nearly every one thinks she can
piok ont a bridal couple, no matter
how sensibly they may dross or how
well they may succeed iu pretending
indifference: but certain ways of de
ciding were enumerated by a woman
the other day. At the summer hotel
she declared that the man and woman
who sat nearest her at table were on
their wedding tour, but tho other
woman didn't believe it. They didn't
look at all bride and brid?groom-like
to her. But the first woman had her
proofs; for one thing, they talked on
suoh general topics,' and were to care
Enl to keep the conversation well go
ing all the time, and in the next place,
she overheard the bride tolling her
husband that she never ate pie. The
ideal .Wouldn't he know Bhe never
ite pie, and just how she liked her
joffee, if they had been married long?
-New York Sun.
' '--,-.
*??, . tVas Not 411ve nt .tho Tin,p.
While passing Whitehall the other
day' a stranger to London, asked 'a
policeman if he could poiut out the
window through which King Charles
passed out to execution. The police
man asked: "Who was he?" ''King
of England, of course," was tho an
swer. "But when was that?" "Over
two hundred years ago." "Ah, ah!
that was long before my time, sir. I
only entered tho force in 1862," was
tho policeman's reply. "Sorry I can't
tell yon."
Tba annual increase of population
in the United S?ntesis a'joutl.OOO.OOQ,
II NEW YORK
JOQOGOOQOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOQ
? NOVEL RIVAL TO I
j THE LIQUOR SHOPS.f
3OOOO0oooooooocooooooooooo
Practical help to the poor, the ig
norant, ?i:d tho sinning, this is the
Ivatohw?rd df th? Caf: The latest
3VidonC6 of its rrorking in the ?ast
side of New York is the establishment
?I a tea-saloon at 76 Allen street. Tho.
Ohuroh Army is sponsor for the new
undertaking, which is managed by
Colonel J?. ?. Hadley, an enthusias
tic worker in huruanitariii? ?ffairfli
Colonel'Hadley has many 0ympa->
Hazers lu his belief that hundreds of
people drink beer because it is the
drink most easily obtainable, and that
if other liquids were as cheap and as
busy to get, the consumption of intox
icating drinks would b? greatly re
uaoo ui a rum. vuiuuui nuuio v accuruu.
a three years' lease of this disrepii- '
table building; cleared it *f its old
tenants, freshly painted the dingy in->
terior, and wrought a material as weil
us a moral transformation; Tho first
floor of the building Wds altered from
a bar of the lowest order, where crime
and hatred were nursed, into the litt
manitarian substitute, the tea-saloon.
The effect of a bar is still retained,but
over the'shining counter no mote1 del
eterious drink than well-made tea
ever passes. The equipments Which
rest on the counter ns accessories
to the drinks are bowls of sugar,
pitchers of cream, and saucers of sliced
lemon. Tea is served either hot ot
cold, to suit the desire of the patron,.
and it is also supplemented with. &
sandwich or apiece of pie or cake?
The prices charged for thes? enjoy
ments range from one cent for plain
tea to fivo cents for tea with solids,
and the price is the same whether the
beverage is hot or iced. As it is the
custom in the neighborhood where the.
tea-saloon is established for families,
to uso the "growler" for bringing,
drink from the saloon to the home,'
Colonel Hadley has tea on draught to
sell by the quart for outside consump
tion. Ho has even planned an ioi
proyed can for carrying it, with a central
compartment for tea and an outside
one for ice, with faucets arranged for
drawing off either tea or ice water.
In the back of the tea-saloon ?B ar
ranged an ossembly-ioom, whereat is
the custom to hold mission meetings
every evening, consisting largely Of
attractive music, and into these meet
ings the patrons wunder in increasing
numbers. Upstairs the house is divi
ded into twelve rooms, all of which
aro furnished, and are rented to de
sirable applicants at ono dollar a week.
Tho tea-saloon is open from 6 a. m.
to midnight; its patrons are increas
ing daily; and it is. expected that ii
will be a formidable rival to the liquor
saloon, and will prove the strongest
weapon against alcoholism that phi
lanthropy has ever wielded in defence
of the weak and ignorant.-Harper's
Bazar.
The liest School.
The best and cheapest sohool ot
journalism is the country newspaper
office. No one can become a .banker
or a broker or a merchant by attend
ing a commercial college. No more
can a college course in journalism flt
you for newspaper work. Theory is
one tiling; practice is another. If
you .aspir? to .enter the higher ranks,
work on a country weekly as a starter.
There is the best possible training for
a young man who desires to. become
an accurate writer and a reporter of
events. In the city one rarely if ever
meets tho people he writes about, and
{?here are no consequences to be feared
on that score. - But in the c?oirtey
there is a personal accounting in store
for the scribe who garbles pr errs in
statement of facts. This knowledge
drills the habit of accuracy into:one
as nothing else will.
A Sad Case.
Dr. Chargem-"Your friend needs
vigorous treatment;. I never' .saw a
man in such a state of mental depres
sion. Can't you convince : hun; that
the futuro holds some brightness for
him?" .-ri; <-\ . .
."ly?i jathetioFriend-"Thot.is un
fortunately impossible. He has drawn
his ?^lo^y for three weeks ahead and
spent the money."-Pearson's Weekly, \
BREEZY KANSAS .YARNS.
low Eastern Correspondents A<M to thc
Unique Fame of a Great State.
HR- C?bn?S, the agricultural coin
iissicmeY oiKanaas, charges all thc
cft;orit?ty that Kanutte has suffere?
i-?'rii during the las! quarter ot a cen
nry to" c'n^tei?f newspaper corrflHpon
leuts, who, he* rfny's; have visited that
tate, and have tried td interest their
eaders by inventing freaks ?vJdfabul
us stories.- t
"It has been left to the correspon
teflts of eastern papers to portray
Ca"ns?#:?o ibo world in all the various
hades aut? tr?ts,-" says Mr. Cohurn,
'from those of frloCxniftet midnight
.nd deepest woe to brightest -ftotuiday
?nd heaven's gilding. His n?'?tf*
Fork, that which has always stamped
tim ss possessing the true artistic
eihp?rflm?nt, haft,-been his. treatment
>f werttlV r conditions, especially our
?nprilsiv . zephyrs pud periods ,of pro
rastiualed rainfall. Tb? lines of
bbbght always discernibleiirbiswork
.re thai Wo ?>ro in a.;cbronic condition
)f cyclone, droiig?ii er,bl?zzard, yarie
;ated by invasions and c?cys*tatious of
.hrnehbugs "and grafe'shoppeni.' Xn
[ealing with the former he describes"
be wind wbich,h?.says,blew n cow.up j
igalnst tho 'side of a barn and held
ter there fbr 12 days, or until she
tarred io death* The same ,windf6ays
his veracious c'urcnkler, blew the
racks out of the fences, bucked a
.istern from the ground, moved fb*
ownship Hue and changed the doy
tf the week, while it yanked the bung
lole out of a barrel and buried ic in a
larid??il! 80 miles away.
''On another occasion, w hst* stopping
it a farmhouse, a cyclone came np and
ie,'with tho family, went into the ce?
ary Tho.houso was soon blown away;
u-Ssently'tha collar went, too, rolling
jver and over like a silk hat; He was
?arly ?pilled out, but with infinite
abor.dragged himself back in thc
eeth of the wind, intending to take
eftige iri the hole the cellar came out
>f, but tcrb?s great: consternatiou he
bund that the h?jo had been blowu
iway also. Shortly aft Or this, a far
ner was ridiug along the road with a
ug of sorghum tied with u strap to
ils saddle-horn. A cyclone came up,
iud after it had passed the jug handle
vas foudd inside the jug and the strap
vas sticking out of the jug's month,
he jug having been blowu inside out
vi thou t spilling a drop of the molasses.
Ouriug the same blow a goat happened
0 get ia its path; and. his huir was
down off until he looked as clean as
1 skinned banana. ' This made the
joat look so mitch, like a Mexican dog
vith horns that it was placed on ex
libitiou at the World's fair, attracting
Mention as one of the great cnriosi
-lOl w ru l l,g ^y . -u
Through/ him a. wondering world
learns of the alleged Kausas. ferry
man w'tio waa tb haiti water' ten
mantUH in the year in order: to keep
bis boat running; of the families who
Bach morniug are compelled to run
their W?lls through cl othes wringers
that thfly may obtain water for cook
ing purposes; of neighborhoods where
it is PO dry that water is wet only on
Dne side, and where fish,to allaythirst
?nd rince the dust from their, throats, .
swarm .out od the prairies and lap the
boiling dew from tho' buffalo gr?s-s.
Ile it is who says thi? distressing
scarcity of moisture is forced uptfn us
by the corporations that have cornered
the water supply to put into their
stock?,, aud to such an extent that far
mers have to soak their- hogi over
night in order to make them hold
swill.
"Another remarkable story is told
of a mau who was arning over the
divide north of Dodge City, when a
sliowor came up/ :Be '.wa* -.riding a
buckboard, w'hic jaS-a-bottotn made
by'fa?fenjng cl eats.-?bet weep the-axles
with spaces ?a half; nu iucji. .between
the cleats/ Tbe'watcr foll so fast that
it could not run through tho bottom
of'the'Wk1)b?i??ras/'f?s?' n's' it 'fell, ,
Iiushiug down' tho'vrriV of tho divide
the water struck ?-barbed wi e fence
and dammed np ,until the, water ran
over the top wire bf the fence. This
was because the iain'caine'so fast that
it couldn't get .through befween the
wires of the fence* Ou the same .trip
the traveler says ho saw a j'ack rabbit
drown white it was jumping through
the air." ? '.. < ? . . -.J .< .'. .-. :...
How They Catch Scorcher? in London.
A great many communications have
recently been sent to the London
papers.saying t at the Kingston police
always catch'th? wrong person when
they attempt to ?top- the wheelmen
from furious riding. T.be policemen
have contradicted these aecusatiou?.
There seems to be ? mistake some
where. Possibly the true explanation
may be found in, -what is said to be a
"true American story" printed iu the
London 'Mail. This" Story, says The
Mail, has a great bearing ou the case
at hand. There is a certain time when
the vision of the officer loses the real
offender and he never gets him within
the raiige of his. eyes again. Here is
the stoiy, which is said to explain
matters: "A gentlemnu was leaning
?Ut of a railway carriage window to
kiss his wife, who was on the platform
bidding him good-by. ,'fhe train, how
ever, mored on with that celerity for
which American "trains are famous iu
anecdote; so fast, indeed, that the
chaste salute was bestowed on a por
ter at tho next station. The sugges
tion is that, as the cyclists travel so
fast in Kingston, the police do not
catch the scorcher, but the slow rider
who is coming up just behiud him."
The Sol lier Hoy ?t Sea.
A Kansas boy with the regulars go
iug to Manila writes thus to his folks:
"For a time this morniug we were
very badly frightened because we
thought we were lost.at sea. One of
the sailors told us that the capta n had
neglected to- wind the compass the
night before, that it had r in down,
aud that nobody kn?\v where we we?e
br Which way lo sail! After a while
we fd ?md it-was-ouo of there fool mai
lor jokes. "-Kansas City Journal.
?Stgt/h propose." soys Dr. Low.
To whlclf >.* al! ;naen answer ''Pshaw!"
Unless they Wfcb to be more roupL-.
And cry out "Noi/wnscl" ..Tat!" or "Stuff?
Let girls propose!
Why, goodness! let us jwt suppose
How things would be ii ih*y were thus
"Twoiid truly bo a dreadful joass.
Tblrk yon of Miss Matilda Jane,
Who's reallyjust too very plain
For any mortal use.
Would she enjoy this now-born ruse?
*b? goes to dances everywhere.
Afid bog a pleasant time while there;
And fellows dance with Mattie Jone
Despite sire is t<o very plain.
Because they know, while on the floor,
'Tis just a dance, and nothing more.
But If the malden could propose.
why. goodness knows,
As she came jn thu salon door,
?WJtb maddened rush and frightened roar.
The* J.*d? would stampede from her sight
And hide ?bern trembling in tho night
On t'other band, ?appose a girl
With dimpled cheek ?nd fluffy curl.
With sweet blue eye nod creamy chin,
But^empor like an imp Of Bin
ti uppoae abo got that eye ar work,
And cherry Jip began to perk*
And fluffy i}\irl began to graze,
In manner any .saint to craze.
The chet* of -little Willie boy/
To All bim wllh auMnstant joy ?
Do you euppose that young man could j
??iy? "No, roy girf?-I've understood
?oi?f fcfap?r is not v??y good.
I like ycTttf shin, JMlke'your curl
But you are *3ehiTtjX'ippy girl!
[ lore your eyes', ?dpre-^our cheek
Dut no; you're mu?fl %QO /ar from mee! '
I rather gtleW
>. ? ' He'd answer yes,
And then, when they were ri?ao\and wifo,
Can't yon imagine Willie's llfeV
Antf??fcr.case: Didst ever see \
A maid Jost turning forty-three- \ ?
3?me oidor finn she nsed to be- vgK
With some poof boy just past eighteen,
She in the yellow, hv the green'-'
Indeed, so green ho doc? not seo .
The maid's a most autumnal she?
What chance would such n lad as thia
Have under this new"scheme of bliss?
Today he speaks not to hie fair
Because tho poor chap doesn't dare;
But let her pop the question-Gee!
What would the.old maid's Hervest be?
Lot girls propose?' Ah. Dr. Law.
Excus? me if I answer , "Pshaw!"
And add to this both "Humph!" and "Stuff!"
The good old way is good enougD,
-Harper's Brozar.
HUMOROUS. i
"No," 6aid Fido through the fence
to the tramp dog, I don't mind being
wasbtfd. It is such fun to roll in the
dirt afterward."
Biggs-Dobbs has a big opinion of
himself, hasn't he ? Bogga-I should
say so. Why, he thinks he knows
more than his office boy.
He^-My dear, the bank in which
my money is deposited has failed.
She-What a mercy you've got your
check book at home, love! ?
"Friend," said the mendicant? "I
have seen better days. " "Great Scott!
??-i soi.it ''i- - v .
??seo h? -:
Sm ii! " . 0 - - .0.
boy. Mama-Very well, dear; how
shall we play it 1 Little Johnny-I'll
tell you; you start to do something
and I'll tell you not to.
"What do they mean by 'tacking'?"
asked a young woman, on her first
sail, of a yoting woman who wac on
her secoud. "Why," said the wise
one, inn careful whisper, "tackingis
just-just sailing on the bias, Helen."
Across the board she looks at me
lly soul responds obediently;
Sne is my wife, and with her eye
Hbo tells me there ia no more pie.
"I tell you what it is," said the
silly little fish to his long-headed
mother, I have been following your
advice and letting those nice, plump,
juicy worn-s alone long mough. I
sm now going on my own hook."
And he did.
There was a disagreement, and tue
mother undertook to straighten things'
out. "Why can't you play nicely?"
she asked, " 'Cause he wauts to boss
things," answered the younger. "He
wants me to play I'm president of the
United States." "Well, why don't
you?" "'Cause it's my turn to be
Dewey." .
Flnrhonses in Malta.
Valletta, the capital of Malta, has
been invaded by the Harlem flat and
the Maltese are delighted. One large
flntkbuse having proved a success,8ey
eral moro are shout to be built and
the Maltese want to know just how
the thing is done in New York. The
capitalists who are to build the fiat
houses have been to John Grout, Jr.,
the United States consul at Mal tn, and
told him. that they want the latest
thing in electric outfits for fiats, such
as bells, etc., and new ideas as to
plumbing and elevators. . '
Mr. Grout says: "I have had sever
al conversations with the men in re
gard to their getting American goods
for the new buildings, and have ex
plained to them, as far as I have
'been able, how our flat buildings
are -constructed and finished and the
fittings used. The result is that
they^aye become interested to such
au extent as to request me to get them
illustrated catalogues and price lists of
goods appertaining to the interior
iitting up of buildings of this class,
and especially of doors, locks, hinges,
bolts, window fastenings and house
hardware in general. -New York
Press.
The Onward Mardi of Discovery.
An intelligent farmer has* discovered
that by planting ou ions and pbt?toes
in the samo field in alternate rows'the
onions become so strong that they
biiug tears to the eyes of the potatoes
in such volume that the roots are kept
moist and a big crop is raised in spit?
of the drought.-Mingo. (W. Va.) Cir?
dilator.
A Very Funny Sight.
"I love to make visits in the morn?
iug."
"Do you?"
"Yes; all the other women are busy
cleauing house, and it is so funny to
i ee them try to act glad to see nie."
D?troit Flee Pi ess.
Tentir-Mea Nerve ?nil Skill.
A Giles county citizen is reported
. have carried a bushel of eggs in a
.neal s.i;:k on horseback ro Aspen Hill
without breaking au egg.-Nashville
Tenn.) Banner.