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I i WISHES. Whatever you want, if you wish for it long With constant yearning and fervent desire. If your wish soars upward on wiugs so strong That they never grow languid and never tire, Why, over the Storm-clouds and out of tbe A ofV It shall come flying some day to you, As the dove with the olive-brauch flew to the ark; And the dream you have cherished, it shall oome true. Bat, lest much rapture should make you mad, Or too bright sunlight should, strike you blind. Along with your blessing a something sad Shall come like a shadow that follows behind. Something unwelcome and unforeseen, Yet of your hope and your wish a part, Bh&ll stand like a sentinel in between The perfect joy an I the human heart. I wished for a cloudless aud golden day; It came; but I lookel from my windows to see A giant shadow which seemed to say: "If you ask for the sunlight you must take me." Oh, a wonderful thing is the human will When serving one purpose and seeking one end; But I think it wiser just to sit still And accept whatever the gods may send. ?EUa Wheeler Wilcox. A TERRIBLE NIGET. ? 1 STORY OF THE MICHIGAN PINERIES. There were four of us college boys and \ Raymond, the engineer of a shingle-mill ?t On!a :agan. We had been boarding it his house. The mill hai shut down for a few weeks, and h.* h:id gladly joined In our tramp, eager as a b >y for the free ] life of the woods. ] "We had found an old lumber camp for ( our camping-place. Before it our lire ] was burning. Kaymond was the only | imoker in the party. He tilled his pipe j ?nd leaned back upon the pile of hemlock i bought to watch the inoou come climbing ] Dver the tops of the trees. j It was nearly twenty years ago, boys, be^an liaymoud, just after the war, that i} I w nt to work in a lumber camp on th : ^ lluskc.ou river. I was a young fellow ? then, too light for an ax, and they put t me to driviug the to-e-ream. It wa< a ? tiresome lonely life. I can tell you. A t fellow had to he out in all kinds of weather with no company but his horses. r Many times have 1 spent the night on the j road with t ic wagon stuck iiist in the j * mud, or with a big tree blotvn down 1 tcro^ the read. } There was only one house on the road between the town and the camp. That t was a little log cabin where old man Bil- a lings live.l with his wife and daughter. It got so that I couldn't get by that place i " without slopping for a drink of water or to ask the old man some question I made ( op on the ro.id. Ti;e horses got so they'd i itop right in fr.jnt of the house every t trip. i We had the roughest crew in camp that I ever saw. There was nothing too s mean for them to do, aud they got the a upper hand on the bo3s, and so had j 8 ,v things their own way. i One morning I got up early to feed ray | f uuioco ou x wutu yui a gyuu i auu reach Billings' in time for breakfast, g Four of the roughest men in camp fol- \ lowed me out to the stables and asked me t right out if I wo ild smuggle a jug of s whisky back with ray load. It was dead i gainst the rules, and I knew it, but | when they told me, in so many words, j that I didn't care to do it, I was foolish ] enough to promise. As things happened, 1 It's a good thing perhaps that I did it. i I bought the whisky and .-t irted back l to camp just after dinner, I had two passeng<is. They were the quietest ] workmen in camp, go ;ds friends of mine, 1 both of them. They knew nothing about ] the whisky, and I was ashamed to te'.l i them about it. < The thiug never would have happened i anyway if my wagon seat had held. It broke down just as we reached the middle : of the little hill in front of old man Bil- i lings 8 house. I had my feet out over the i front of the wagon when it broke, and I i fell flat under the horses feet. They topped as soon as they could?I could trust them for that?but before the i wagon came to a stand the front wheel ran over my leg, and I could hear it snap J UKe a SUCK. : Charlie and Ben both jumped to the ground in time to save themselves. They pulled me out from under the load aud laid me on scm~' grain sacks at the top of the wagon. It was only a few rods down the hill to the house. Charlie drove the horses on while Ben held me in the wagon. We drove right into the yard, and 1 tell you I felt bad when Mary Billings came to the door with her big eyes wide open /with fright. The girl was all alone in the house. Her father and mother had gone to town. She was not afraid to be left alone. As I lay on the ba^s I could s-.-e, standing in <he corner, a bright shot-gun.and I knew he could use it if necessary. i The boys carried m<j into the kitchen and put me down on the lounge by the stove. Oh! how my leg hurt D>e! I be- 1 gan to feel faint and dizzy as they tried to move my foot. The awful grating of : that broken bone tilled me with a terrible feeling. The boys did their best to make me comfortable. Charlie proposed 1 taking one of the horses to ride back to ' town after a doctor. < He had even started for the door to carry out this plan when the room seemed suddenly to darken, and great flakes of now ca ne with a quick rush against the windows. As he opened the door the thick, blinding storm swept in up >n us with a wild fury. The storm was as fierce as it was sudden. We were shut j up in the midst of a whirlwind of snow, that hid even the road and the passage under the trees. There was no help for it. The boys drove the wagon undt-r the shed and unhitched the horses. Then they came back to the kitchen, where we all sat watching the storm. It grew darker and darker, jmd at last Mary lit the lamp and put the supper things on the table. I lay and watched them with thnt awful * faint feeling on me. At last I spoke out the thought that was on my mind : "I wish I had a drink of that whisky, boys Mary dropped the plate she was carrying and looked at me so queerly that I was ashamed of myself for speaking. I wished I had bitten my tongue off before I had let her know of that part of my load. "No, I don't, boys! I was only fooling," I said, as quickly as I could: but thej looked at each other eagerly and then at m?. In a few minutes they started out to feed the horses. "Oh, what made you tell them about it?" Mary almost cried as she came over to where I was lying. We were great friends, you see. It wasn't for the old man's talk or the water alone that I had stopped there so frequently. "iney ar gooci lenows?tncy wuuv drink too much. You will be safe with them!" 1 said, but she would not believe me. ' If I can't trust my own father alone with such stuff, how can I trust them?" she said; and she was right, for Charlie and Ben both showed by their manners, when they came in, that they had found the jug. Their eyes were bright and their voice* were a "little thick. They were lavish in their attentions to me, but they handled my leg with singular roughness, and Ben nearly fell over the lounge. After supprr they made another trip to the barn and came back surly and ugly. They took their seats by the stove with their hats on. When Mary went past them with a pile of di hes Ben tried to catch her by the arm. I couldn't stand that. "You miserable scampi" I shouted,and tried to get up from the lounge, but my feet gave way under me and I fell back. I could not move. "Bring me that gun," I said to Mary. 1 do believe I would have killed them both if I could have got that gun in ray hands. But, before she could stir, Ben rose with a fearful oath and walked un- | steadily to the corner where the gun %vas standing. He rai-ed the weapon in his drunken hands. I could hear the lock click as he walked ur> to me and pointed the gun within six feet of my head. I tell you, boys, if you want to see death you want to look i ito the muzzle of a Ioaiod sh?t gun with a d unken man at the other end. Could this be the friend who had carriod mr; s.> tenderly but a few hours befor -? What a cursed thing this whisky must be that could change him thus! He held the gun in front of me for a moment and thtu dropped the muzzle to the floor. v vuij, vaaiiiu^ o.iiu, uiiivi^t "let's go and get another drink." He reached the door and opened it. The wild, biting storm blew directly into (lis face; with a snarl of rago he raised lis gun and tired both barrels at the >j>en door. Then clubbing the weapon, le struck desperately at the snow, and ;hen rushed out into the storm as if fightngsome unsein enemy. Charlie followed lim, yelling at the top of his voice, and Vlary quickly closed the door and bolted t. Charlie brought my miserable jug with lira. He put it down beside the stone vith a wild laugh; then he glanced (agerly around hiin. "Where is that jal?" he demanded, roughly. He staggered to my side and repeated the qucs:on. "She's gone," I answered, trying to aise myself on my elbow. "You lie!'' he shouted, in his thick, >rutalvoice. "You lie! She's here fou've got her hid somewhere?bring ler out!" He started a<? if about to drag mc from he lounge, when suddenly a new thought leemed to strike him. "Bring the jug here, Ben, and we'll uake him drunk!" Ben unsteadily poured out a quantity >f the whisky into a dipper and brought t to the lounge. "With a curse he caught nc by the arm to pour the drink down nv throat. I never can tell just how I did it, but lomehow I brought my sound leg up igainst his breast and kicked him as hard i3 I could. He staggered back, and fallng upon Charlie, carried him to the loor. Then (hey began to fight. They iecmcd to forget ull about me, and atacknl each other just like dogs. Over he floor they rolled like brutes, kicking, itriking, tearing and biting, with horible sounds which no one could suppose would come from any human throat. <V.t times they fought up against my ounge; once they fell across my broken leg. Then they rolled over the floor, up xgainst the table where the lamp waa i>u ruing. At last they rolled up to the stove. Ben lay underneath, Charlie's hand fell j ipon a stick of wood under the stove. it r?J :l i.ui~?, I nurui>:eu it uuu ^struuiv. vivw miui uiun it Ben's f?cc, till the hands stiffened out, the neck turned and the chin dropped down horribly. Charlie desisted at last and came back to me. lie staggered toward me, muttering as he came. I threw myself back till ray head pressed against the corner of the wall. lie had ine at his mercy. He stopped within three feet of me, steadied himself and raised an ax high above his head. May I be killed before I ever live another five seconds like that again. I could see the ax coming nearer and nearer through the air. I could he ir it cry. My head felt as though a red-hot iron had been drawn across the place where I knew the blow would fall. I could not close my eyes. The drunken arms missed their aim. The ax swerved and plunged into the log wall within an inch of my head. I could feel its cold side against my cheek. Before Charles could draw it out for another blow the door of the other room fl nnf Anan finrl Mortr unf-inff lilro o Uln vfvu? i*4*vl ? panther to my side She gave the drunken man a push that sent him sprawling. Befor; lie could rise she placed her little foot on his throat and pinned him to the floor, till I could pull out the ax and atun him with a blow from the handle. She turned him over on his fate, and tied his hands behind him with a towel. Then, for the first time, she screamed, threw herself into a chair, covered her face with her hands, and began to cry. I want you to keep in mind, boys, the picture I looked at as I lay helpless on that lounge. The lamp was bright and I saw it all. One man with his still face one mass of bl< od and horror, the other flat on his face muttering and cursing in drunken stupidity, and that girl sobbing as though her heart went out with every sob. How do you suppose I felt when 1 thought that it was that miserable whisky that had done it all? Do you wonder that I would sooner sleep with a mad dog in the house than to know that a companion of mine had that which changed my friends into murderers? Raymond paused. The moonlight still streamed in over him. His face was hard and stern, as though he had lived again that dreadful night. We could say nothing in reply. Frank broke the silence at last. "That was a mighty plucky girl, tVionrrli- T wrmdnr what became of her." Raymond's face grew lighter. 4,I guess I can tell you about her," h? said, with his old laugh. "You see the company made up their minds that I needed watching, and as Mary wanted a job, she took me in charge for life. I don't know which makes me hate whisky the most? the memory of that fight or the promise I made her just before her father and mother came back in the morning. ? Herbert W. Collingwood. Between New York and the Gulf of i Mexico there are only four natural entrances to harbors where the depth at mean low water is over sixteen feet, while the largest ships draw from twenty-six to twenty-eight and a half feet. | ^ . ONE BLIND MAN. REMARKABLE CAREER OF A SIGHTLESS OHIO RESIDENT. Losinir His Siicht in Boyhood?Study' itie Law?Editing Newspapers? Elected Mayor of Youngstown ?Visiting Distant Cities. A Youngstown (Ohio) letter to the New York World says: Ex-Mayor Campbell is a blind man of whose achievements people are justly proud. Walter Lowrie Campbell is as remarkable a personage as was the late Postmaster-General Fawcelt, of Englaud. He has gained eminence as a lawyer, professor of music, municipal reformer, politician, classical scholur and journalist. All this though he was entisely deprived of shjht at the age of four years. Mr. Campbell was born at Salem, Ohio, on November 3, 1842, of Scotch-Iri h parents. His father, who was a dissenting preacher, died in 1842. His mother is still living, at the ndvanced age of eighty years, with her blind son in this city. The accident wmcu raaac Mr. Campbell bliucl occurred one sunshiny clay in May, 1847, during school recess. The frolicsome youngsters were throwing lime at each other. A piece containing some hard substance struck Walter in the left eye and cut a deep gash. He suffered intensely for several months, inflammation set in, spread to the other eye and he became totally blind. When nine years old the youth was sent to the Institution for the Blind at Columbus, where he devoted much time to music, and in a short tim? be came an expert pianist and organist, lie played a pipe organ when thirteen years of age, and at the present time presides at the splendid pipe organ in the First Presbyterian church of this city. For the purpose of completing his musical education he went from Columbus to the Institution for the Blind at Philadelphia. When he returned from the Quaker City he taught music in his native town of Salem aud studied in the high school to fit himself for college. He entered the "Western Reserve College,then at Uud-on, Ohio, now at Cleveland, in I860, and took a classical course, incluuing mathematics. In 1867 he was graduated, second in his class, aud delivered the salutatory in Latin. In his Freshman year he took the prize for written Latin translations; in his Sophomore year the prize for English prose composition; at the Junior exhibition he delivered a philosophical oration. After graduating he studied law in the office of J. A. Ampler, at Salem, and in 186b he was admitted to the Harvard r ?? Sfhnnl where he remained until the following June. In studying the classics, for instance, the blind student committed Latin and Greek at the rate of one or two pages a day, when a classmate read to him. In reciting his professor would read a sentence and Campbell would translate and construe it. About the time he left Harvard his brother, General J. A. Campbell, was appointed as the first Governor of Wyoming Territory. Walter went to Cheyenne to practise law and assist in organizing the Territory in 1869. Shortly after he was appointed United States Commissioner of Wyoming. Later on, both branches of the Legislative sent written memorials to Governor C :.*npbell ask ng him to appoint his blind brother Territorial Treasurer. General Campbell dm-Uned. nartlv because of a desire to avoid the appearance of nepotism, and partly on account of a desire to be loyal to a nomination previously made. In 1871 Walter L. Campbell came to Youngstown, where his si-ter, Mrs. McMillin, was already, withthj intention of re-uming the practice of law. The county seat of Mahoning was then at Canfield. and this caused Youngstown lawyers much inconvenience. For this reason the practice was not entered upon. Campbell took an active part in the political campaign of 1872. Possessing journalistic talent, Mr. Campbell purchased an interest in May, 1874, in the Mahoning Weekly Register, and acted as its editor, local reporter and general utility man until December of that year, when he issued the Evening Jfcgist< r, a daily paper, and the first printed in this city at two cents. It was consolidated in the following February with the rival morning paper, the Tribune. He acted as managing editor of these papers until 1882, wnen he was consolidated out of them by the union of the Neics and Retjister, under the name of the Ntws-Iter/inter. During his editorial caiecr the blind journalist wrote most of his own matter by means of a grooved board to keep the lines straight. At other times his wife a ted as his amanuensis, and also read the daily papers to him. In 1875 he beg in using the typewriter and soon attained great expertncss and aeuracy in operating it. Mr. Campbell was married in October, 1877, to Miss Helen C. Lagourgue, of this city, but formerly of Cleveland. Two beautiful children have blessed their union and aro a great joy to the father, though he keenly feels the deprivation of looking upon them. Intellectual and influential people were soon attracted to Mr. Campbell's side, and in April, 1884, he was elected Mayor of Youngstown after the most exciting local contest ever held, the vote being larger than ever previously cast at any election, municipal, State or national. Mr. Campbell began his official career with the resolution that Youngstown should be no longer a village but a city; that the ordinances must be strictly enforced or gcod order could not be preserved. His methods bore good results and the morals of the city improved surprisingly; there were few street brawls or other disturbances and little or no business for the police court during the last year of his administration. While Campbell was Mayor the city debt was also reduced $80,000 in two years. A few months ago he was renominated, but his opponent was returned by a majority of twenty one votes. Ex-Mayor Campbell lives in a comfortable house, furnished with excellent n?rl finwkaiinrlii/1 Iw r???nff ?f /vk/vii n/lo Ltirjuu auu ouuuuu'tvu ijj pi vtcj ^ i uuuvio, on Elm street. He never failed to visit the Mayor's office, one mile from his home, every day during his term as Mayor, walking both ways entirely unassisted. He knows almost every stiect and lane in the c'.ty and goes everywhere alone, r.irely encountering an obstruction. During the past twenty years he his visited all of the principal cities of the country. Though traveling alone he never met with an accidcnt. "With the sole assistance of his cane he has traversed the streets of New York, PhiladelDhia. Washington, Pittsburgh, Cleve iand, Cincinnati, Columbus,w Chicago, Cheyenne, Wyoming Territory, and San Francisco, Cal. Mr. Campbell never forgets the sound of a man s voice or his name. A few days ago a gentleman from Canfield, whom he had not seen for twenty years, grasped his hand and spoke to him. Mr. Campbell, by the sound of his voice, at once recalled his name and when and whore they had met last. His - ? manner is gentle and his voice tinged with melancholy. He has the respect ol the entire population of Youngstowo. riAmiilAnrft. r A corresp indent, who, without anj known organic or functional trouble, is greatly incommoded by superfluous fat ?he wrongly, calls it Jiesh?requests an article on the subject. The condition is known as corpulence, or obesity. It consists in a tendency to the formation and depositor fat. A certain amount of this deposit is normal. Ii is an element of beauty, rounding out tho form. It lessens the effect of sudden changes of temperature. It is a reserve of nutriment, to be drawn upon in emergencies. thus saving the muscles and other tissues. Some persons inherit a tendency to it. Some race< axe more liable to it than others. Women are more so than men. Both sexes are more inclined to it after the age of forty. There are individual eases of extreme obesity. A boy at the age of three weighed one hundred and twenty-four pounds; a gin, one n marca and eighty-two, at twelve. A woman, who was thin and dclicate at eighteen, died at forty-one with some eight inches of fat around her body. The famoui Daniel Lambert's maximum weight wis seven hundred and thirty-nine pounds. Much the large&t part of the body in these persons was pure fat. In all cases of obesity, there is a deficiency of uvygen in the blood, either absolutely, or relatively to the amount of food. Excess of food tends to produce it, and yet some are corpulent on a spare diet. Lack of exercise favors it, by lessening the oxidation of the tissues. It is also produced by disea-es which diminish the number of the red blood cormischs. It is the latter that absorb oxygen from the inspired air and convey it to the tissues. According to yuain, very corpulent people have large hearts and small lungs. This may help to explain the deficiency of oxygen. It has also quite recently been proved that, women have fewer, by many millions, of red blood corpuscles than men. This, too. mav be one reason for their greater tendency to corpulence. As the muscles become infiltrated with fat, they are weakened. Hence corpu i lent persons are apt to be indisposed to active exercise. For the same reason,tho heart is rendered feeblii and is easily disturbed. The deficiency of oxygen tends to the formation of uric acid, and hence to the production of gout. Thy very corpulent are specially liable to various forms of congestion, and acute diseases are apt to have an unfavorable course. In treating the corpulent, regard must be hud to the fact that the heart is weak. The main reliance for reducing the obesity is on diet and exercise. Tho latter increises the power of the blood to take up oxygen. The more oxygen one can receive, the better, if kept well within the person's strength and the capacity of a weakened heart. The diet should contain but little fatty or starchy food, and much animal food?lean meats, fish, but not the richer kinds, also fresh fruits, vegetables, and bread with only a moderate allowance of butter. Alkaline water is believed to be helpful. ? Youth's Companion. No Cyclones in Florida. There has been but one approach to a cycloue in the State of Florida within i the memory of man, and that was prob- J ably a dip of the tail of a West India hurricane which had spent its force out ! on the blue Atlantic. It is notorious to scientific men that Florida lic3 outside of the cyclone belt-, which run from northca t to southwest on either side of the range of mountains known variously as the Alleghenic3, Blue Ridge, etc., and along the base of the Rocky Mountains from Manitoba to the Gulf of Mexico. I The cy lone, which is "a rotary storm ' or whirlwind of extended circuit,", sweeps with its irresistible gyratory mo- ! tion in a given direction, "it derives its great power from its whirling capacity, j * * 11 * which applies tne iun iorce 01 me wmu to all sides of the object at once. The j storm forms in the air, and when it takes ; to flight rises and falls in its onward j progress like a wave or a bounding ball, I The hurri:ane is "a violent storm char- j acterized by the extreme fury of the wind and its sudd n changes." It blows straight ahend until some cause in nature changcs its course to the right or left oblique, or at right angles, or it maj ruturn over its track, but it generally blows in one direction. It is generally also accompanied by violent thunder and lightning. Minor wind-storm i partake more or less of the character of the cyclone and the hurricane; but they may be strong enough to fell trees and blow down"loo ely construct', d buildings, and yet not have the distinctive character" ? A? A^Vl/?P issues UJ U.U1CI IU' uuc Ul 1110 tnun. It is one of the recommendations of Florida that it lie* in a region of the world which, fron its geographical situation, exempts it from violent storms of any kind, whether arising in the mountains and valleys of the Northwe>t or in the torrid equatorial regions. This situation gives it its equuble climate and. makes it impervious to the extreme action ' of the elements in any form. To characterise the little wind dips and gales which'occasionally blow down a shauty or upset a weak tree as cyclones is a ridiculous misnomer, which creates a wrong impression on the public mir d and creates injurious impres-ions elsewhere. There are no cyclones in Florida. ?Florida Times- Union. Oct an Pilots. The pilotage systems of the different countries of the world have been at various times subjects of discussion, and romnarisrjiis are interesting to nautical "XT " w racii. Probably the most dangerous coasts are those of the kingdoms of Norway, Denmark and Great Britain. The pilots of Norwaj and the Black Sea lead lives which are replete with danger. In lheir little luggers they shoot alongside a vessel and in many cases simply grasp a line aud climb hand over hand up to the vardarni. In a gale and heavy sea their work of boarding a ship as accomplished requires agility and is not unattended with danger. Their pay, too, is very slight in proportion to their duties. Frennnntlv a innk of "salt horse" or a bs.cr "1 J "J w of pilot bread is thrown aboard as a.n extra recompense. The English pilots, and channel pilots also liad a life of great danger iu th -ir watch and care of the great fleets that are constantly pissing to and frr.in the ports of the United Kingdom. In nearly every European *** AMfn AAiinfrir fliA QVCif^m of compulsory pilotage has been adopted, not only as insuring a better reward for faithful service, but also as a safeguard for the shipping interests. In the United States the ports of New York and Boston have probably the most difficult and hazardous service. In the winter time,especially during this severe gales and accompaniments of icc and snow, the life of a pilot cannot be a happy one. In San Francisco, lihough tne climate is mild, yet the aei ice ia not devoid of danger, ?nd it reraires the best of skill at times to prevent disa.ter.?San Francisco Gall. BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. He Had Capacity?Misunderstood tho Person?The Congressman and the Cow?Curious Coincidence?Dakota Dogs. Squire Bunker?"Professor, my son has been at your institoot for some time. What do you think he is capable of?" Professor Simpson?"What calling or profession do you wish him to follow?" j Squire Bunker?"Well, you see, I'm well fixed. All I've got will be his, an' I'm not expectin' him to do anything." Professor Simpson?"From what I bave seen of your son, Squire, I would say that he has capacity enough for that." ?Sifiings. The Congressman and the Cow. Ben Lefevre, the member from the Fifth Ohio district, has managed to rel_ * i. /i r ,_ ii. | ta.ji a scat iu congress it>r wuu pusi scvcu or eight years upon the hypothesis of being a farmer. I heard a good ytory ou Ben illustrative of his luck of fanning knowledge. Ben had bargained for a blooded cow at the sum of $200, and as j I the drover was driving her to Ben's farm | I to deliver and get his money he met a I | gentleman who admired the animal and ] asked whether she was for sal*. The drover replied that she had been sold to General Lefevre for $200. The gentleman replied that if any means could be ] deviled to make Ben rue the bargain he 1 would give $2."50 for her. Th'j drover, anxious to make $50, cudgeled his brain, and, remembering the limited extent of Lefevre's knowledge of farm animals, hit upon an expedient. He took the cow to j Ben's house, where she was duly ami j admiringly paraded to an assemblage of j | friends gathered for the purpose. "Come in and get your money," said , Ben. "General," replied the drover, "I am . your constituent, and want to deal fairly ! by you. The cow is all she is repre-! I sented to be, thoroughbred and a good j milker, but I am compelled to state that j I slie is not exactly perfect." "Why, what is the matter with her?" ! queried Lefevre. | "Well, the fact is," replied the drover, I "she has no upper front teeth." I "Great heavens!" ejaculated the Con-; gressman farmer. "No upper front! teeth! That won't do at all, and I don't; wmther; in fact, I would not take her i for a gift. Still, you shall not lose any- j thing. Here's a five-dollar bill for your i trouble in driving here and back." I "All right,'' replie 1 the drover, as he j pocketed the V. "I don't want to take ! advantage of you. General, so good-by." j And away he went and sold the cow to i the gentleman, clearing just $.15 by the; transaction. This joke was too good to j keep. Imagine Big Jicn's discomfiture j when it leak< d out, and he learnc:! that I no well-regulated cow ever has any upper front teeth. ? Chic tgo llerald. i*iisuiiucrsiuou uic rvnuu. Jonathan Chace, the quaint old Rhode j Island Qunker?who has a tender side, \ by the way, for all the victims of Cupid i ?had been taking the subscriptions of j his colleagues of the Senate for the wed-I ding present which they were to give j General Anson McCook, the Secretary ofj the Senate, at his marriage, lie went to j Dolph, of Oregon, and said: "We are i going to give McC'ook a wedding pres- ; ent. How much will you subscribe?" j Dolph seemed astonished. Finally he sa'd. with some appearance of confusion: 41 Why, I'll give you something of course, : if you want me too; but I'd like a little time to think nbnut it." "Oh, certainly," responded Cliacc, somewhat miffed, and then he walked off. Then Dolph hurried over to his colleague, Mitchell, j of Oregon, and said to him in a puzzled way: "Chace asked me just now to join j him in giving a wedding present to his j cook. What do you suppose he's driving | at? When ray cooks get married I don't I go round asking other fellows to send ' themwedding p esents." "Oh," laughed Mitchell, who has been in the Senate before, "he m'.-ant McCook?Anson McCook, the Secretary, you know. It's the ' custom, you know, for Senators to give i the officers of the Senate presents when ^ they get married. "Oh," said Dolph. ! breathing freely again, "of course, of: course."? Washington Letter Curious Coincidence. The other day \7hile a Michigan Central train was waiting at St. Thomas a young man of twenty-five was observed to be closely rogardingasolid-looking old gent of fifty who had come through from Chicago. Finally the young man stepped up and inquired: "I'n't this Mr. B , of Chicago?" "Ye?, sir." "I am Mr. J , formerly of the same place but now of Toronto. Do you rc LLlU.iiuci mv < "Really, but I do not." ' I was a clerk in your pork house. I' aspired to the hand of your daughter. You drove me hence because I had no ducats." 4'Oh, yes, it seems as if I do recall something of the sort." "Well, sir, I want you to understand that you made a mistake. I am now worth $18,000, and could give your daughter every luxury." "Eighteen thousand dollars,eh? That's j quits a sum." uv.. _ _ _ ,1 T* ?.-3 I "ICS, Sir, uuu irn tut; IIUIU juu uiuvc hcnce." "Eighteen thousand dollars," mused the old gent. ''What a curious coincidence! That's exactly the sum my daughter's husband gave her the other day to buy summer pug dogs with! I must, jot this coincidence down." Somebody held the young man up until the weakness left his knees a little, and then he weut hence some more.? Free Press. Dakota Dogs. Persons coming to Estelline to reside will find that our dog resources compare very favorably with tho>e of Eastern communities. In fact, gentlemen may move here right from Dogtown and not miss any home privileges. Our canine residents largely run to bird dog, though several rare specimens of the imported yellow dog are owned by some of our more wealthy citizens. The bird dog has a thin, spectral appearance as if he ha I just pissed through a winter twelve years long and had had nothing fn fl.it hut nno soun bone which had been distilled two or three times. Their legs nre very long. If one of them would get up on its hind legs and put on a plug hat it would be over eight feet high. A grand concei t is called by our dogs every moonlight night at eleven o'clock v. M. All dogs are cordially invited to attend. Visiting dogs from other towns always welcome. Dogs who may have left their voices at the shop for repairs need not hesitate about coming as secondhand barks and rejected yelps will be furnished by the leader. Dogs not on good howling terms with the moon are not wanted on the grounds. ?MB? These coucert* are led by a large black dog with only the lower part of a voic< left. His howl sounds as if it came up out of a fifty-foot well and is like unto the cry of the offensive partisan. Then the bird dogs rest their chins up on the cornice of our three-storv postoffice build ing and howl like a lost soul. Just before they stop a job lot of miscellaneous dogs catch the eye of the moon and break out into a wild smashup of barks and conflagration of wails. This procession is followed by private citizens in bedroom windows carrying double-barreled shotguns and rcpeatiug Winchesters. After the dust settles the audicnce is respectfully requested to remain seated as the performance will be repeated one block farther down the street. Nothing can be more innocent than | one of our dogs the next morning. Dogs | that took a leading part in the pcrformI auce and others, who, perhaps, have pot got the bird-shot which struck them in the way of applause extracted from their persons yet, will move about the streets wiha bland smile, and even patronizing air, and present their moist, red tongues to everyone who offers them a hand. Dogs that split the scared night with graveyard cries till the moon went down will be on hand when the sun comes up chusing your chickens around the front yard. . Some day the pale, dark-eyed editor of this journal will be missing from Estelline. Ilis friends will rush hither and thither, but thev will not find him. The ()olice will join in the fruitless search and lis creditors will fall by the wayside in the long and weary chase. He will be gone far away?oceins may roll between him and these self-same poor, struggling creditors. And he will never return?no, never! This will be when the cats become numerous enough to alternate with the dogs, and give concerts on the dark nights. He is no hog?he knows when he has got enough.? Premature Baldness. G. Lassar has continued his observations on the nature of premature baldness, and has further convinced himself of the communicability of the form associated with dandruff. "When the hairs which fall off in such cases are collected, rubbed up with vaseline, and the ointment so made is rubbed among the fur of rabbits or white mice, baldness rapidly makes itself visible on the parts so treated. That this is not done by the vaseline was stxown by anointing otner j animals with the vaseline alone, which produced no effect whatever. He considers that the disease is spread by hairdressers, who employ combs and brushes ! on their customers, ono after auother, | without any regular cleansing of those | articles aftcr each time they are used, i During frequent visits to the hairdressers, it can scarcely fail that brushes are used which have be.-n shortly before J dressing the hair of one affected with so common a complaint as scaly baldness. Females arc !e s often alTected with this form of boldness bet a ise the hairdresser more frequ ntly atterds to them at their own homes, and there uses their combs and brushes. In order to prevent as far as possible the commencement of premature bnldness, the hair should be cut and dressed at home, and with one's own implements, and these thoroughly clean. When it has begun, the following mode of treatment is suggested: The scalp is to be daily well soaped with tar or fluid glycerine potash soap, which is to ba rubbed in for fifteen minutes firmly. The head is then to be drenched with first warm water, and then gradually coldei water. A two per ceut. corrosive sublimate lotion is next to be pretty freely applied. The head is then to be dried and the roots of the hair are to have a one per cent, solution of napthol in spirit rubbed into them. Finally, a pomade ol one and oue-half to two per cent, of car1?? ~:i In 1\A An i IJUIIC ur SilllUVJIU Ull xa iu i;c uocu vit iuu head. This "treatment ha3 now in many cases brought the disease not only to a stand, but the hnir has been to a considerable extent restored.?Journal of Health. Gambling at Monte Carlo. The hangers-on comprise men and women of all kinds, spies, cappers, persons who lend money on watches and je\vclrv,to those who have lost and thos? who follow numerous other nameless occupations. Thote who patronize the games are chiefly Knglish and Russians, among whom are the principal scandals arising from lost fortunes and unpaid debts. The Czar is often called upon by members of noble families to forbid theii relatives to visit Monaco, where they have already lost the greater part of theii fortunes. There have been Russian princesses who have spent half their live* at the Casino, only ceasing their visiti when old age or disease rendered the dissipation impossible. The trouble in th< Balkan Peninsula ha3 prevented tha Czar from following out his hostile designs in regard to Monaco, which he threatened just aftei the attempted suicide of Princfl Gargarme last summer. English people, ' - ' 1 1 T?awa Kann WHO J1UU IU I UJCII IUI buuca, ur?T? tso<-u known to leave their children at a hotel as security for the bill while thev returned home to seek means of payment, and, not returning to seek them, the landlord has found it necessary to take them to London. Americans resident nt Nice visit Monaco with the re t and lose money, but are seldom utterly ruined. They rarely, so far as known, increase the list of suicides. But Nice is in its decadence. Not more than half the usual number of guests were there this winter, and its hotels are nearly all ruined. With the misfortunes of Nice and thi hostility of all the countries of Europe, except France, must come also the fall of Monaco, which will, perhaps, be hastened by the accession to power of th?. heir apparent, who is said to be hostile to the Casino.?Pans Letter. rri./v Kniaaa.Pntino'" fflllllhllir JLIIU M ittOJThe sword-swallower educates hi? throat to allow the presenoe of a sword the glass-eater prepare* his to receive a tube of some description, which probably has a strainer in the end to allow tha water which he drinks to filter through, but retains the glajs until such time as he can dispose of it without being observed. That silver tubes can be worn in the throat we all know from tho numerous surgical operations. Meanwhile glass eating is becoming one of the crowded professions, and it behooves the managers of dime museums to be on the hunt foi some new dietetical monstrosity. Glasseating is already a 'chestnut."?Boston Transcript, Waiting. I sit and watch the rain drops fall, I gaze out at the dull gray skies, I only see the rain clouds' pall, Or watch the ghostly mists that rise. I do not turn my head to see The narrow room that holds me here; I watch the rain and long to be rar irum u*y piwuu & wui ui?m. "Why, laughter waits for me out there, And hearty clasp of loving hands, And merry songs and faces fair? Could I but break my prison bands. But here I pine, as one in ban, Forbidden by tho fates to roam, Until that laggard tailor man Shall send my only trousers home. ?Burdette, in Brooklyn Eaqle. " - :;; ???i^?????im FACTS FOB THE CCRIOUS. George Bristol, of Piano, III., sneezed o hard that he fractured one of his ribs.; The first temperance agitation in th? United States of which there is any record, it is stated, occurred in 1651, at Orient, L. I. In England the Speaker of the Hons? of Commons, is the tirst Commoner of the . kingdom, and always receives a peerage when he resigns, that he may not step back into the ranks. The combs of cocks are considered a delicacy in some parts of Europe. They are cooked, put in small, long glass bottles filled with white vinegar, and sold at wholesale for one dollar per bottle. A resident of Minnesota, who has seen several severe tornadoes, says that theit most peculiar feature is the singular sucking movement. Buildings are sucked up into the clouds entire, and come down soon in fragments. It is said that ths oldest merchnnt-vea-' sel afloat is the bark True Love of London, 296 tons register. This vessel wafl built in that city in 1794, making her 122 years old. She is owned by John S. Ward," of London, a large owner of vessel property. The True Love is yet in active service. The population of London now exceeda every other city, ancient, or modern, in the world. New York and all its adjacent cities combined are not equal to two-thirds of it. Scotland, Switzerland and the Australian colonies each contain fewer souls, while Norway, Serbia, Greece and Denmark have scarcely hall so many. Yet in the beginning of the present century the population of all London did not rcach 1,000,000. During his expedition to Mount Kilimanjaro Mr. II. H. Johnson noticed a singular resemblance of "mimicry" between the appearance of the tall redbrown antelope a id the mounds built by the white ant. The coloring being the fiflmp and thp lnno <rrn.qn h:din(7 thft ani? trial's legs, it was really difficult to distinguish an antelope from an ant-hill. A more ludicrous exactness was some- times given to the mimicry by the sharply pointed leaves of a kind of squill, which suggested the horns of the antelope. Did you ever think of the huge proportions of the payments for pensions by the Government? It has come to stay for generations, aud as widows of deceased soldiers aie entitled to pensions, it is estimated that there will be a pension bill until the year 2004, or 144 years after * the close of the Civil War. For example, a soldier is twenty at the close of the war, marries fifty years later a girl of twonty. The girl proves to be tough and live? to be eighty years old herself. She would draw a p:n-iion till 1975. Exaggerate all these a?jns and we would have a case that would extend to the limit named. An Old Clothe?Man's Scheme. Competition is keen among the old clothes men. Tlicy are eager bidders for stocks and will walk three miles any day in response to a postal card which states that the writer has some cast-off clothing to dispose of. The garments of deceased persons a*e frequently sold to these ubiquitous dealers, and, desiring to cultivate this fijld to the greatest possible advantage, p State street old clothes man has adopted an ingenious plan. He had a printer set up for him a card-form with a heavy black border, like this: Sacred to the Memory of John Smith. Every day he runs over the list of death notices in the newspapers, selects f-Vtn tintrtna tttVii\rnmiao a rir?V* Kortroaf tuc uarnuo n Uivu |/m/uiiow u 14U?I um tvqv in old ^clothes, and sends them to hia 1 printer. In aD hour or two he receives a bunch of pretty, bladk-bordered cards, one sacred to the memory of the late John Smith, another sacred to the memory of Bill Jones, and so on. These cards he mails to relatives of the deceased with his condolence and compli-^ ments, and enclosing a postal card which' the mourners may sign and re-mail, and thus easily call to their places of abode the "sympathizing and honorable merchant who is ready to pay the highest cash price for tl e garments of the beloved dead." The ingenious old c'othes man is investing his large profits in the South Side real estate.?Chicago Herald. The Soldiers' Home. The charming spot known as Soldiers' Home is a large estate on the range of hills north of Washington, embracing fios arres. the co-t of which has been $325,327.50. This is exclusive of the buildings, which have cost as much more. The nucleus of the fund from which payments have been made was a contribution of $100,000 levied upon the City of Mexico by General S:ott as a punishment for having permitted guerrillas to fire upon the Ameri an troops. Besides, a tax of twelve and a half cents per month is levied upon all soldiers in the army and whatever is due deserters and collected in fines. The whole, with the interest on the funds, amounts to nearly $160,000 per annum. There are now about 590 inmates of the Home, with 150 out pensioners who receive $8 a month. President Buchanan pas>ed a summer in one of the cottages at the Soldiers' Home, and President Lincoln also resided there during the summer months, coming in to the White House every week day, escorted by a company of cavalry. General fifonf- r?rAf/?rrpd f or or Brftnt-h. but Presi VJUMV |/. V.V.w^ ? / " deut Hayes passed his summers at the Soldiers' Home. President Arthur went there, but President Cleveland did not occupy the cottage fitted up for his reception last year.? Wathington Critic. Ingredients or Bogus Butter. It maybe well to enumerate here some of the ingredients included in the bogus butter patents named, as they may have escaped the memo:ies of some of our readers. Here is the list: Sugar of lead, bisulphate of lime, borax, salicylic acid, benzoic acid, orris root, cotton-seed oil, bicarbonate of soda, glycerine, capsvlic acid, alum, capsie ai id, sulphite of soda, cow's udder, sulphuric acid, pepsin, tallow, lard, salt, corn starch, butyric ether, caustic potash, castor oil, chalk, slippery elm bark, caul, oil of sesame, oil of sunflower seeds, olive oil, turnip seed oil, broma chloralum, chlorate of potash, oil of sweet a'.monds. oil of peanuts, peroxide of manganese, stomach of pig, sheep, or naif, nitrate of soda, mustard seed oil, nitric acid, dry blood albumen, sugar, butyric acid, bicarbonate or potash, and caustic soda. Ia addition it is well known that the fats of animals of all kinds, dying from disease, disappear mysteriously in the vicinity of the bogus butter factory. A more villainous and disgusting swindle than this counterfeit butter was never perpetrated upon any community.? Homo Farm. Barbers near Mono Lake, CaL, whose water is heavy with salts of sodium and borax, use it as a natural shampooing water, to the satisfaction of their customers.