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V HUMOROUS Surplus Popoulation? I i? A Harlesden butcher's shop is I ( exhibiting the notice: "Wanted, a I k boy for sausageR."?London Punch. I Prolonfce<l Itapture. I ^ Chaps that stutter, sore of utter I Strung-out vocables like t-t-t-thls, 11 C They must make the girlies flutter I ^ If they stutter when they I k-k-k-kiss. I 11 Why Not? I Somebody says the ideal struc- I ture muBt be fire proof, wind proof I and water proof. I Why not tax proof and gossip I _ proof??Cleveland Plain nonior 1 J ^4 The Heal Uonn. ^ "Well, which one of the newly married pair is boss?" "No one can tell." "Why not?" "Her mother is visiting her at present." Avoiding Extremes. "Do you approve of both lownecked gowns and short skirts?" "Yes," promptly answered the dress critic, "women's dress never should go to extremities."?Buffalo Express. Ruined by the Htage. _ "The stage ruined Plunkville's ^ best pitcher. ^ "How was that?" "He waB in vaudeville all winter and now he can't do a thing without a spot-light."?Chicago Ledger. ^ The Conscientious Dealer. C Indignant Female?"That lamp you sold me exploded ' and burned j ^ down the house." X" Dealer?"Well, mum, I'll give ^ you a new one." "A new house?" "A nett lamp." A Hare Film. ? "Madam, I understand that your daughter helps you daily with your . housework." "It is true." "What royalitips would you i ? ' charge mo for a moving picture reel of this most unusual sight?" The VhuhI Crop. "John, you promised at least a ] , dozen of our friends some early ^ vegetables." i "I know 1 did. 1 wonder if they wouldn't compromise on a trip to . the theater instead. 1 don't see how : W I am going to divide four radishes b among a dozen families." Breaking the Ice. r She?"If you don't stop letting ! me sit down on the same sofa with ] you, I'll tell papa." J Bashful Youth (much bewilder- J ed)?"Eh? Wha?what will he do?" She?"He'll make you marrv me." i 30 Then he proposed. til Inaccurate. 1 There were some celebrated pic- tif tores of Adam and Eve on exhlbi.<lon, and a professional gardener O ivas taken in to see them. "I think not much of the painter," said lie. "Why, man! tempt- ^ Ing Adam wi' a pippin of a variety ' 1 that wasna known until about 2 0 years ago." Bidn't Trouble ller at All. Jack?My darling, 1 want to tell you something. i have deceived you. I am not rich, hut utterly ljt penniless. Will it make any difference to you?" Ethel?Not the slightest, Jack. "I am so glad, dearest. Are you quite sure it will make no difference to you?" "Quite sure. I can marry old w Mr. Moneybags." Poor Man. , W? see our friend sitting with his head in his hands, moaning dismally. "Cheer tip!" we say pleasantly. ^ "It can't be as bad as all that." ! TJ1 "Can't it?" he sighs. "Listen. | My wife and 1 decided that our bills for vegetables were too high, and tknt V- - - vucii v? r ?uuiu ii?v?- our own jiar* i den. She thought it would be fine for she could do >-ome of the work ? in it, because she just loves to fool around plants, and besides it would be good for her health. And. furthermore, we figured that we could | save at least $100 by raising our own garden things. Well, we planted the garden, and then she went to the dressmaker and had a gardening outfit made that cost her a cold $210." I ^ We pass on and he resumes \ moaning. x Ten Modern Commandment*. "l will study the language of gen- xJ J tleness and refuse to use words that , bite and tones that crush. j "I will practice patience at home TI lest my testy temper break through unexpectedly and disgrace me. "I will remember that my neighbors have troubles enough to carry without loading mine on (hem _ "I will excuse others' faults and failures as often and fully as 1 ex- i pect others to be lenient with mine. ! "I will cure criticism with com- | inendation, close up against gossip and build healthy love by service | ^ "I will be a friend under trying x. tests and wear everywhere a good will face unchilled by aloofness Q "I will gloat over gains never, but amass only to enrich others and so gain a wealthy heart a| "1 will love hoys and girls, so that fi . - - oui apt' will not nil (I Kif sun and , _. il so'I ml. ai "1 will gladden ray nature by 3I smiling out loud on every fair ecru- | * sion and by outlooKing oj>tirnisti rally. f y ? "I will pray frequently, think I v\3 * K??(l things, believe men arid do a , 'ull day's work without fear or la- j , t farm and Fireside I ? ,>w 1 J" niarr- -?'mm SPECIAL CURTAIN GOODS)ne lot pretty colored urtain Madras?"An Jnusual Bargain" gong at the yard only 5 Cents BUT N< T* Aire DA Vote the ?oods a1 ioned o t is alw irge, thick, and prctti blue and white, and p value, at each onlv .. liite Rugs in same qus ice size Wash Rags, in We are showing no' autiful new Spring me dainty little fixing ing in this splendid as id Cuff Sets, etc., in >113 at 25c and 50c for s ts. P *ottv Pmi(rf>r? Aii+rmnrvl - - x/v/ a*, n ?/v/i : iv? and tastefully trimmei priced at only i idies' new white and 1: stylish, comfortable ai priced at only BOT eVe just received a i Boudoir Slippers, witl Cool, soft and comforl ack Satteen Petticoats quick selling at only . /Ve are gi\ turn Roast d you pers iPKCIAL I INGHAMS- , 1 case beet 6 cents [>ron ginghams in rst tfrade full peices nd clean patterns I jecially priced at only cents the yard \ - ?. THE LANCASTER NEWS, MAY 2 APRIL Ft Has] OT ALL OF ^ 1 i "AT THIS Sr. Y IS A BAR* ./ uv TV dil A X V (111 t still more * n this page, ays a pleasur< BATH RUGS ly designed Bath Bugs, in white and ii ink and white combinations, an excellen $1.0 ility, but smaller size, at only . .75c eac] WASH RAGS porous knit and Turkish, at only 5c eacl NECKWEAR w a strong line and big assortment o Neckwear. Nearly every woman like for the neck and you can tind just tha isortruent of Collars, Jabots, Ties, Colla diite, ecru and the Bulgarian combina single pieces and at 50c, $1.00 and up fo ONGEE COATS )ilc Coats, made of excellent materia rl. Each coat a splendid value, specially $5.50 and $10.0( ftAAT GTITTHHO n i U1XXXV X O dack and white Madras Coat Shirts, th nd popular garment. This lot specially 98c eaci JDOIR SLIPPERS nice assortment of Ladies' pretty Ki< i very low heel, in black, tan and red table. Specially priced at the pair onh $1.11 PETTICOATS j, a dollar value, but specially priced fo ,.. 89c eacl Free R nng as premiums ing Sets and shall on ally. See display of the: LANCASTER rfiM > . 1913. ioVSDAl Massed APRTT'S u ? JLJPi rORE," FOR I 3-AIN DAY H] s and other a ittractive pri and don't fo e with us to sh HAND BAG n One lot large White Crocheted Hand t kind we've offered. To go while th 0 Other nice Hand Bairs at. vorv r?h< O " J K PONGEE One piece 36-inch Pongee in natural i h Coats. An excellent value at the y< MILLINER" Our stock of Millinery this season f prehensive, but is very stylish, up-to-d s You will do well we are sure to buy y f GALATEA SPEC I* One case excellent quality 30-inch Oa r the average) in light and dark, soli 18c cloth, but having bought it at a at only """* BUTTERICK PAT We have recently become the loo ^ "Butterick" Patterns, Delineator, S ^ stocked a very big line of these> wliic stock arrangement and reorder syster efficient service in this department. e Patterns Delineators ^ Style Books (with pattern free) .... Monthly Fashion Sheets 1 GENTS' FURNISHING I [, Up-to-date Spring Furnishings fo: v new stylish and comfortable Straw ai 9 ing. Oxfords, Shirts, Collars, Neckwet COAT SUIT r Ladies' Spring Coat Suits in the seaso i Every suit an excellent value at.... I _1 oasters on cash purchases I be glad to explai se useful sets in our show windo MERCANTIL PANY?? A A AA 1 ML 3jl J SPECIAL | GAUZE VESTS-One I lot Ladies' full size 10^ cent puze vests, priced for April at only 5 Cents Each ARGAIN 1 3VERY t ERE ittractive ESIMXIAL 1 HAND TOWELSBest prrade 25 cents Huck Hand Towels, if ? specially priced for \ ZH \^>ri 1, at only 111 cents 1 the pair. fl I ^ I & , ces menrget that ow goods s Bags, biggest value of the ey last at only.... 50c each ?ap prices. shade. Especially nice for ard only 50c r i is not only large and comlate and moderately priced, our hat here. 3IAL" latea (3 inches wider than d and mixed patterns, an bargain we have priced it 12% c the yard TERNS ;al agents for the famous tvle Book, etc., and have h enables us with our new n to give very prompt and 10c and 15c 15c 25c | FREE )EPARTMENT r men and boys. Crisp and nd Felt Hats, Caps. Clothir and Underwear. S n's newest and best styles. . .$12.50, $15.00 and $20.00 nice Alumin conditions ws. II $