The Lancaster news. (Lancaster, S.C.) 1905-current, May 02, 1913, Page 3, Image 3
V
HUMOROUS
Surplus Popoulation? I i?
A Harlesden butcher's shop is I (
exhibiting the notice: "Wanted, a I k
boy for sausageR."?London Punch. I
Prolonfce<l Itapture. I ^
Chaps that stutter, sore of utter I
Strung-out vocables like t-t-t-thls, 11 C
They must make the girlies flutter I ^
If they stutter when they I
k-k-k-kiss. I 11
Why Not? I
Somebody says the ideal struc- I
ture muBt be fire proof, wind proof I
and water proof. I
Why not tax proof and gossip I _
proof??Cleveland Plain nonior 1
J
^4 The Heal Uonn.
^ "Well, which one of the newly
married pair is boss?"
"No one can tell."
"Why not?"
"Her mother is visiting her at
present."
Avoiding Extremes.
"Do you approve of both lownecked
gowns and short skirts?"
"Yes," promptly answered the
dress critic, "women's dress never
should go to extremities."?Buffalo
Express.
Ruined by the Htage. _
"The stage ruined Plunkville's ^
best pitcher. ^
"How was that?"
"He waB in vaudeville all winter
and now he can't do a thing without
a spot-light."?Chicago Ledger. ^
The Conscientious Dealer. C
Indignant Female?"That lamp
you sold me exploded ' and burned j ^
down the house." X"
Dealer?"Well, mum, I'll give ^
you a new one."
"A new house?"
"A nett lamp."
A Hare Film. ?
"Madam, I understand that your
daughter helps you daily with your .
housework."
"It is true."
"What royalitips would you i ?
' charge mo for a moving picture reel
of this most unusual sight?"
The VhuhI Crop.
"John, you promised at least a ] ,
dozen of our friends some early
^ vegetables." i
"I know 1 did. 1 wonder if they
wouldn't compromise on a trip to .
the theater instead. 1 don't see how : W
I am going to divide four radishes
b among a dozen families."
Breaking the Ice.
r She?"If you don't stop letting !
me sit down on the same sofa with ]
you, I'll tell papa." J
Bashful Youth (much bewilder- J
ed)?"Eh? Wha?what will he
do?"
She?"He'll make you marrv
me." i 30
Then he proposed. til
Inaccurate. 1
There were some celebrated pic- tif
tores of Adam and Eve on exhlbi.<lon,
and a professional gardener O
ivas taken in to see them.
"I think not much of the painter,"
said lie. "Why, man! tempt- ^
Ing Adam wi' a pippin of a variety ' 1
that wasna known until about 2 0
years ago."
Bidn't Trouble ller at All.
Jack?My darling, 1 want to tell
you something. i have deceived
you. I am not rich, hut utterly ljt
penniless. Will it make any difference
to you?"
Ethel?Not the slightest, Jack.
"I am so glad, dearest. Are you
quite sure it will make no difference
to you?"
"Quite sure. I can marry old w
Mr. Moneybags."
Poor Man. ,
W? see our friend sitting with his
head in his hands, moaning dismally.
"Cheer tip!" we say pleasantly.
^ "It can't be as bad as all that." ! TJ1
"Can't it?" he sighs. "Listen. |
My wife and 1 decided that our bills
for vegetables were too high, and
tknt V- - -
vucii v? r ?uuiu ii?v?- our own jiar*
i den. She thought it would be fine
for she could do >-ome of the work ?
in it, because she just loves to fool
around plants, and besides it would
be good for her health. And. furthermore,
we figured that we could
| save at least $100 by raising our
own garden things. Well, we planted
the garden, and then she went to
the dressmaker and had a gardening
outfit made that cost her a cold
$210." I ^
We pass on and he resumes \
moaning. x
Ten Modern Commandment*.
"l will study the language of gen- xJ
J tleness and refuse to use words that ,
bite and tones that crush. j
"I will practice patience at home TI
lest my testy temper break through
unexpectedly and disgrace me.
"I will remember that my neighbors
have troubles enough to carry
without loading mine on (hem _
"I will excuse others' faults and
failures as often and fully as 1 ex- i
pect others to be lenient with mine. !
"I will cure criticism with com- |
inendation, close up against gossip
and build healthy love by service | ^
"I will be a friend under trying x.
tests and wear everywhere a good
will face unchilled by aloofness Q
"I will gloat over gains never,
but amass only to enrich others and
so gain a wealthy heart a|
"1 will love hoys and girls, so that fi
. - -
oui apt' will not nil (I Kif sun and , _.
il so'I ml. ai
"1 will gladden ray nature by 3I
smiling out loud on every fair ecru- | *
sion and by outlooKing oj>tirnisti
rally.
f y ? "I will pray frequently, think
I v\3 * K??(l things, believe men arid do a ,
'ull day's work without fear or la- j ,
t farm and Fireside I ?
,>w 1 J" niarr- -?'mm
SPECIAL
CURTAIN GOODS)ne
lot pretty colored
urtain Madras?"An
Jnusual Bargain" gong
at the yard only
5 Cents
BUT N<
T* Aire
DA
Vote the
?oods a1
ioned o
t is alw
irge, thick, and prctti
blue and white, and p
value, at each onlv ..
liite Rugs in same qus
ice size Wash Rags, in
We are showing no'
autiful new Spring
me dainty little fixing
ing in this splendid as
id Cuff Sets, etc., in
>113 at 25c and 50c for s
ts.
P
*ottv Pmi(rf>r? Aii+rmnrvl
- - x/v/ a*, n ?/v/i : iv?
and tastefully trimmei
priced at only
i
idies' new white and 1:
stylish, comfortable ai
priced at only
BOT
eVe just received a i
Boudoir Slippers, witl
Cool, soft and comforl
ack Satteen Petticoats
quick selling at only .
/Ve are gi\
turn Roast
d you pers
iPKCIAL I
INGHAMS- ,
1 case beet 6 cents
[>ron ginghams in
rst tfrade full peices
nd clean patterns I
jecially priced at only
cents the yard
\
- ?.
THE LANCASTER NEWS, MAY 2
APRIL Ft
Has]
OT ALL OF
^ 1
i "AT THIS Sr.
Y IS A BAR*
./ uv TV dil A X V (111
t still more *
n this page,
ays a pleasur<
BATH RUGS
ly designed Bath Bugs, in white and ii
ink and white combinations, an excellen
$1.0
ility, but smaller size, at only . .75c eac]
WASH RAGS
porous knit and Turkish, at only 5c eacl
NECKWEAR
w a strong line and big assortment o
Neckwear. Nearly every woman like
for the neck and you can tind just tha
isortruent of Collars, Jabots, Ties, Colla
diite, ecru and the Bulgarian combina
single pieces and at 50c, $1.00 and up fo
ONGEE COATS
)ilc Coats, made of excellent materia
rl. Each coat a splendid value, specially
$5.50 and $10.0(
ftAAT GTITTHHO
n i U1XXXV X O
dack and white Madras Coat Shirts, th
nd popular garment. This lot specially
98c eaci
JDOIR SLIPPERS
nice assortment of Ladies' pretty Ki<
i very low heel, in black, tan and red
table. Specially priced at the pair onh
$1.11
PETTICOATS
j, a dollar value, but specially priced fo
,.. 89c eacl
Free R
nng as premiums
ing Sets and shall
on ally. See display of the:
LANCASTER
rfiM
>
. 1913.
ioVSDAl
Massed
APRTT'S u
? JLJPi
rORE," FOR I
3-AIN DAY H]
s and other a
ittractive pri
and don't fo
e with us to sh
HAND BAG
n One lot large White Crocheted Hand
t kind we've offered. To go while th
0 Other nice Hand Bairs at. vorv r?h<
O " J
K PONGEE
One piece 36-inch Pongee in natural i
h Coats. An excellent value at the y<
MILLINER"
Our stock of Millinery this season
f prehensive, but is very stylish, up-to-d
s You will do well we are sure to buy y
f GALATEA SPEC
I*
One case excellent quality 30-inch Oa
r the average) in light and dark, soli
18c cloth, but having bought it at a
at only
"""* BUTTERICK PAT
We have recently become the loo
^ "Butterick" Patterns, Delineator, S
^ stocked a very big line of these> wliic
stock arrangement and reorder syster
efficient service in this department.
e Patterns
Delineators
^ Style Books (with pattern free) ....
Monthly Fashion Sheets
1 GENTS' FURNISHING I
[, Up-to-date Spring Furnishings fo:
v new stylish and comfortable Straw ai
9 ing. Oxfords, Shirts, Collars, Neckwet
COAT SUIT
r Ladies' Spring Coat Suits in the seaso
i Every suit an excellent value at....
I
_1
oasters
on cash purchases
I be glad to explai
se useful sets in our show windo
MERCANTIL
PANY??
A A AA 1 ML
3jl
J SPECIAL
| GAUZE VESTS-One
I lot Ladies' full size 10^
cent puze vests,
priced for April at only
5 Cents Each
ARGAIN
1
3VERY
t
ERE
ittractive
ESIMXIAL 1
HAND TOWELSBest
prrade 25 cents
Huck Hand Towels, if
? specially priced for \
ZH \^>ri 1, at only 111 cents 1
the pair. fl
I ^
I
& ,
ces menrget
that
ow goods
s
Bags, biggest value of the
ey last at only.... 50c each
?ap prices.
shade. Especially nice for
ard only 50c
r
i is not only large and comlate
and moderately priced,
our hat here.
3IAL"
latea (3 inches wider than
d and mixed patterns, an
bargain we have priced it
12% c the yard
TERNS
;al agents for the famous
tvle Book, etc., and have
h enables us with our new
n to give very prompt and
10c and 15c
15c
25c |
FREE
)EPARTMENT
r men and boys. Crisp and
nd Felt Hats, Caps. Clothir
and Underwear.
S
n's newest and best styles.
. .$12.50, $15.00 and $20.00
nice Alumin
conditions
ws.
II $