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Columi In the ongoing search for truth, justice and p...,...,.. . ^Tj nickel "beer ; night, I frequent a of different drinking oof oKlicV> P^obauiiou ments in the area. I feel these are the best places to RichardM. Gregg columnist pulse of the people, except for strip clubs, where you can typically get a lot more than a pulse. Not that I ever frequent these types of clubs, but I do pass them on my way to the Christian Science Reading Room (Ed. Note: The rest of this denial was edited out in nrHpr tn nrpvpnt ininripe enrh ae Ik : Bk ^B ^ 4 A V ^^^B. A > :% &??: & >< |kk > V MkuU Ik ' " ^ %.N ll ^x" * %%y/>ttM <1^ ;"^ wjjjgjyj^^t _ v? - - #>& - '^p^pBKpL' ? y0 & IjXivv' J&l&ig?&L ^ jjl IMI3B88SB I " ?fete??! IF YOU LIKE COTTON, YOU'LL LOVE US! ^flHHWVPHHHPVW9VI list wai pulled muscles and cramps, caused by hysterical laughter). Anyway, on one of my excursions mi the town, I couldn't help but overhear a conversation by two female students. They started out by complaining that there were no real men left. Now this got me into a panic. "No real men. No real men! Why then, the aliens from the Planet ZZZXXRUG must be manufacturing fake men and replacing us one by one. Where are Mulder and Scully when we need them? Ahhhhhhh!!!" After my companion assured me that my alcohol soaked brain had dulled my reasoning ability I picked back up the conversation. One of the ladies was now whining about how she had it so tough at school because her computer wasn't fast enough. Now this really got me to thinking. And the more thinking I did the madder I got. Students today have it much too easy at school. if \ 8^5^ 70^ lifetime kli Specializing in clothing over-runs & irregulars from your favorite mail order catalogs. This uniqu shop offers great looking casual clothing for all ages at about 1/2 the catalog price. tits to t< Of course the USC Administration (motto: We don't care, and it shows) more than makes up for it with a bureaucracy so asinine and unbelievably ridiculous that it must take rejected postal workers to fill the jobs that deal with students (think about that). Anyway, my point is that the students, myself included, are so pampered with computer labs and fafl breaks and receiving 90% A's given by most teachers (under penalty of slow torture by the students attorneys) that we are not being properly prepared for the dog eat dog real world. Can you imagine someone whining to Bill Gates that her computer is too slow? He would say he would look into it, then send in a team of ruthless corporate executives to beat the s? out of her. Then he would get an idea out ui it, ucatc a uiuiiujjuijr cuiu mcmc liit lions. """"""1 I day-saturday 11-7:30 jnday 12-6 * * * * * i saluda ave plve points 252-1390 I Vo .g (U <D JL J ? e? o <7 '1-8 S50 s I h " I 3 O oo < n Ji ? >>(N -3 e i < pq I 1 At 118? jughen Now back in my undergrad days, students had to (gasp) use word processors to write their papers on. Talk about fun, those things were more frustrating than watching professional soccer. We also had to park halfway across campus and walk in eighty degree weather to class (hey, I'm from Miami), carrying our books without book-bags! And grades, forget about it. In one of my classes the professor gave (and I am not making this up) one A to a class of 150. Of course he had to take an extended leave after a mob of 149 chased after him with pitchforks and torches. Now this was schooling meant to prepare you for the unbelievable weenies that inevitably become your boss. So I propose the following changes to toughen up the students: First, hire some of the American Gladiators to roam the hallway of the HM PREREQ Drive. Intensity, words you're likely course re quire me ] Army ROTC is un elective. It's han mei^t. ROTC will mentally and ] through intense training. Training THE SI T"? rc J Carolina C Welcomt As a stude< Along wit On-Cc Located at the Hi Fr< F CALL CARP 710 Pui (803) 251-8474 1-800-47 us up buildings so as to make reaching cla more of an adventure. I bet having tro firing rubber balls at 80 MPH w improve those reflexes. Second, every paper turned in mu be written in Sanskrit. Now let's s how well the spell checks work. Third, the number of A's given ir class will be determined by a compl formula including the students sh sizes, the phase of the moon and he much money each student can come \ with for the newly formed teacher's i lief fund; and Fourth, E-Mail will be replaci by the Pony Express where studen must grab for their messages off of moving horse while bandits lurk in tl bushes. These changes should pr pare our students to compete again the Harvard and Stanford graduat in the real world. Or at least help get them contrac with the WCW. Ipi mam H uisulad! Those aren't your chari r to see in many decision-] ats. Then again words otfte like any other But they're ds-on excite- succeed ir challenge you freshmen i ohysically rTeADERSHiSl out ob] leadership r^T^I aboutfh \ that builds ister this ARMY ROTC MARTEST COLLEGE COURSE YOU >r details, visit Legare College < 777-6543/6542 ~ pt^I^ It well ' BacI Collegiate Federal is you back to the nt of USC, you are eligible fo h many membership advanta? impus Surcha imanities Building, part of a state-wic ee Private Teller Se 24 hour computer account access ree Nightwatch Ser 24 hour telephone account access , FOR MORE INFORM linaIS? CPU Federa 'aski Street Columbia, South Care 6-5861 e mail - carolina@worU "IMAftNE-g&fdHE KMT m J/TTIf MR ^ ^ Wl^ A 6^^ SHOflTTw ^ rts CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC. RENAL1NE acter, confidence and making skills. Again, jr courses seldom use. the credits you need to i life. ROTC is open to and sophomores withiigation and requires re hours per week. Reg5 term for Army ROTC. CAN TAKE or call 6 :ome ?! Credit Union Fall Term! r membership, yes, we offer... reeATM ie Free ATM Network. rvice vice r. 1 AT I ON! .EGIATE l Credit Union ilina 29211 lnet.att.net www.carolina.org