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V/VXI. TT UAUV>A&V by Stephen Brown Hollywood has made som colossal blunders over the years. Remember "Exorcist II" c "Superman III"? How about th "Brady Bunch Reunion"? Perhaps "Dying Young" will b Julia Roberts' next "Prett Woman"...Hoffman and Beatt together in "Ishtar" is a guarantee smash...Madonna's next film wi be a hit...Think again! Hollywood has forged an emba rassing track record in whetting th American appetite with glorioti spectacle and following up wit fizzling fiascoes. After popping the cork an n n i-r* thn nr/~\T> H PTC C UAAAAIVAAlg Ail I11U VT WIIUV1 O V Spielberg's superb "Jurassic Park, the summer blockbuster "La! Action Hero" is a most bitter cha! er. Hordes of happy movie-goei who finally witnessed a dinosau: sized hit to satiate their cinemati needs will feel cheated and disaj pointed by "this summer's ticket a film that does an appropriai amount of damage to the career < Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. KXuai I TTT 1 M H tty p Pay for two itei id Present Coup Rj Hours 7:30 - 6:30pm Mon. 435 Asser (One Block .....--v \^Pib> j Summer Specials I Shampoo & Conditioner, Cut and Style $10 Men $15 Women ! Also $5.00 off | all Chemical Services ( With this coupon Expires 6-30-93 i Papillon offers upscale services i 631 Harden St., Upstairs i 799-0234 igger stars as no "Last Action Hero" is a mess of a movie. At no point did "Die Hard" director John McTiernan give the characters a sense of location or a sense of humor, or the audience a piece of action. The film's story revolves around an 11-year-old boy, Danny Madigan, who is obsessed with Schwarzenegger's on-screen persona, Jack Slater, and magically e enters the film world of his favorite hero. ,r Armed with his movie knowle edge, Danny leads Slater to the bad guys, and they battle on both sides e of a parallel universe, y There are several inspired touchy es, including celebrity cameos, d movie in-jokes and spoofs of other 11 Schwarzenegger movies. The problems are very evident: r- A muddled tone, an uncertain tar le get audience, flat action sequences, is poor special effects and an absolute b void of dramatic structure and human chemistry, d Attempts at sappy sentimentality >f between Danny and an eccentric " old film projectionist are amazingly >t contrived, only to be outdone by ?- buddy film moments between Arnold and the boy. These scenes s are half-baked, mostly because r- Arnold seems more unfocused as ic an actor than ever. And that's say> ing a lot. With the action unfolding at te Masterpiece Theater-speed, the 5f film has about two genuinely exciting moments in its two hour run nuhimi 1 CLEANERS =9 Cleaning J ns the third is FREE | >on When Ordering el - Fri. 8:00am - 2:00pm Saturday El nbly St. 799-2030 from the Coliseum) i /.tfNSATIONAL i T UAH 1 | ESPli ^ssc^ ' 1217 College St. (Next t< I i & i i : | 1?uinv^I-I ; : | 500 OFF ANY Limit one coupe Coupon must accompany ; Serving Lunch I n-action hero ning time. Counting the film's technical mistakes becomes the only source of entertainment during long stretches. Instead of standing on its own as a summer action comedy, "Last Action Hero" relies on all old stand-bys. Product promotions range from Coca-Cola to Baskin Robbins to, yes, Burger King. At least Spielberg resisted the urge to stamp his dinosaurs with golden arches. "Last Action Hero" is a showcase for shameless plugs placed clearly in view and a heavy metal soundtrack of annoying proportions. Advertisers have praised the film as a family movie, but the language and violence make it a strict PG1 ^ Af oil thnnnh tKoro to lif_ tie reason why anybody of any age would completely enjoy this movie. And those who do not believe the critics, should ask a friend. This movie, plagued by production problems, went through lastminute editing as late as a week before its release because test audiences panned it, making Columbia Studios nervous about their $60million-plus entry in the summer box office wars. In "Last Action Hero," Schwarzenegger does little to prove himself a hero, even the action is boring, and if he keeps making : ? iii? .l:. :? u,. iiiuvies 11K.C una, 11 iiiay uc ma iuji.. i WUSC-FM Mi I Buy One-Get One I I FREE 1 919 Sumter St. ^holeSub ] | 256-7763 With Med. Drink | Widewater Square - Get 1 Sub FREE | 772-1538 of Equal or Less Value | 2850 Rosewood Dr. Not Valid for Delivery * 256-1285 Expires 7-30-93 I tESSO | a Sfwcia&kus o Burger King) 256-4246 Special j r SANDWICH ! >n per customer. t order. Expires 7-14-93. i Daily llam-3pm Mindfunk resurfaces By DEREK McKISSOCK Staff Writer Playing with their angry angst strings, the Seattle band, Mindfunk, on kprnlnnk with th? cAmotimp rvc\/_ uiv ovuiviuiiv yoj chedelic-sounding grunge of their second album, "dropped." Dropped by the label Epic after their debut album, Mindfunk has resurfaced with an impressive guitar technique and, on rare occasions, pleasing melodies. However, Mindfunk is sunk by the self-indulgent lyrics of singer Pat Dubar. Ranging in themes from paranoia to neuroses over masturbation and the "Man inside my walls," this album leaves one wanting to shake Mr. Dubar severely and tell him to lighten up. n 1 1 1 ~ in ?>au lyrics aiiu a iacn. ui vcuifciy m the overall sound give Mindfunk an album that fails to yield all it could have had or promised. The album opens with the song, "goddess," which rumbles along predictably and is made vaguely interesting by the guitar interplay of twin-leads Jason Everman and Louis Svilleck. The lyric seems to be about a woman who is God. Who knows? __________ kJ LUUOll L Special 20% OFF Shampoo, Cut & Style 01* Full Perm, Relaxer, or Curl with Cut Command^ Performance STYLING SALONS Iii Five Points 728 Saluda Ave. 254-9715 Also at Woodhill, Dutch Center & Fashion Place ( Yet in the songs "zootiehead," "11 To Butterfly," and "hollow," they take a melody begging gentle on their instruments. This bombardment unfortunately ends up inducing a sore head. More junk from Mindfunk follows in the song "in the way eye," which sounds like serious Spinal Tap and then descends, ad nauseam, into a mania "cool" by Beavis and Butthead, but even they would have a bard time headbanging to the frantic pace of this overwrought rock 'n' roll extravaganza. Not all the songs of the Mindfunk stunk, "wisteria," for example, is a song that makes itself gladly welcomed. It's Beatlesque melody is pleasing to the ear. Still, for this listener, the overall mnnH r\f thp alKiim (Hpcnoir on/1 liiuv/u v/i UJV uaisuaa* yuvopun UllU anxiety) does not give one any sense of hope for the human condition. With frequent playing, Mindfunk could pull you down into a funk with the visions of a world with no redeeming qualities. Mindfunk as musicians cannot be faulted technically. Even Dubar's voice is pleasing enough though his words are not. Yes, changing their name from Mindf?k to Mindfunk may have been a step in the right direction, but these guys need some more therapy if they want their listeners to feel pleasure instead of pain. I Orlando's Bar & Grill 919 Sumter Street 256-5266 FREE Lunch or Dinner With purchase of same or greater value and two drinks at regular prices Expires 7-31-93 Think You're Pregnant? Find out Now! ? . rr i _. . _ i \ conjiaeniiat pregnancy est takes only minutes! 0tanned Parenthood also provides counseling, omplete GYN exams, ow-cost birth control and ibortion services. p| Planned Parenthood faring, Convenient, Confidential 256-4908 3ff Forest Drive between Providence Hospital & Richland Mall Dpen Sat. 10-2