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UNC wins... So sue me, I wa I would like to thank God die Final Four is over. Fxcept, since North Carolina nr/Ml llio noli/MVil litla ?p wwii mv~ iKii i v 'i it ii nut, inv^ik. 10 obviously no such entity. And even it there is, this proves once and for all that He cares absolutely nothing about sports. Of course, I've been wrong before, as evidenced by my |-f most heinous predictions for ft* who would advance to New T Orleans. On that note, I would L? like to thank (seriously!) letter of the writer Drew Schwalbe for point- Rumors ing out exactly how pathetic my This picks were. Thus, once again, it from A is time to dust off the cobwebs saying t and take an adventure into ingrate, "Fool Mail." turncoat Drew's letter says, in part, in a loc "I'd like to recall your predic- saying I tions for the NCAA Tourney, been tal Seton Hall bowed out of the big Let rr dance well before the Final Bxxxy Four, as did Vandy. It's a good nitely r thing I didn't 'want to make tion. I s grotesque amounts of money' in a m off your predictions. You blew admit tl it, pal (Almost as bad as lost his Webber Monday night)." he nevi Well, Drew, first of all, place, thanks for the letter. And for make it Ihfw of vnn who Hnn'r rfmem- hprp ber my pre-toumament predic- And tions, they were Vandy, Seton Four pr Hall, UNC and Kentucky. I had naturall Vandy winning the national title give m> over UNC. I guess I deserve the You Bonehead of the Tournament have k Award for actually putting those picking monstrosities in print. Yes, I in the blew it. Vander But not nearly as bad as Chris Title. ( Webber. I haven't seen a bigger pelled choke since Old Lady Sawyer here it < got that ham hock stuck in her Firsl throat. Nasty. Of course, how League can I be the Bonehead of the time th< Tournament when Chris is the the pac obvious choice? I mean, he this pat wins the Ultimate Bonehead scraping Award for his little faux pas. East qu; From now on, the Bonehead of to get It the Week will be named in hon- than the or of Chris Webber, and each guess is winner will receive a huge mel- Baltimo on, symbolizing Chris Webber's only tea big, bald, empty head. to win Honestly, was this guy point Mussin; shavinsr. or is he inst that stu- and eve pid? First, he does the "Ickey "Tiajut Shuffle" right in front of the Valenzi obviously blind, or just brain shade b< dead (see Cxxxxxs below), ref- defense eree. Then he goes down the offense court and calls a timeout. What but witf a moron! I'm glad I don't like Deverea Michigan, or else I'd be really Harolds angry. the O's I think, though, I've figured edge the out what happened. Dean Smith In the is the Anti-Christ. It makes so the gan much sense. Why else would Sox wil Freddy Brown throw the ball to AL We James Worthy in the 1982 and Rol Championship? I suspect that Robin Dean Smith has some kind of enough covert, mind-controlling abilities know, ; that are strongest when he is in on this the state of Louisiana, and more wouldn' specifically, New Orleans, pitchin Think about it. Dean Smith has Methust been to eight Final Fours. But And he has only won two. And they Braves, were both in New Orleans. of heari Smith has never lost a game pitching in New Orleans. He must have And some sort of telekinetic powers NL Ea that are activated when he gets Phillies to the land of voodoo. That's best in i why Brown threw the ball to lion of Worthy. Smith had control of Schillii Brown's brain and made Tommy Worthy look like Sleepy Floyd. They al And the Webber time out was Tyler ( all a product of Smith getting majors, inside Webber's head (notice I best in i didn't say brain) and telling him Dykstra to call a time out. That's it. Daulton And now for a new segment John Kr SUMMER J Housing Services 1 rooms av J summer< Sign-up i: " from 12 r J at the Ho which is 1 Blossom! For additional information, please contac Residential Services at 777-4283. I c s wronp! ? By AN] Staff W J| "I re (1]e jas| IM THORSEN (here j ?ame " old column, Fool " ' I he i Ihp ("I'll week's big rumor comes tlanta, where people are Fat a certain jerk, punk, came 11 can't make up his mind, inning. :, Benedict has been put 111 the g my bin. Yes, people are son tota hat Bxxxy Cxxxxxs has "We' :en to the funny farm. game," le set the record straight. Cxxxxxs is most defilot in a mental institu- / ay this because to be put I ental institution is to hat Bxxxy Cxxxxxs has mind, and quite frankly, SV1 er had one in the first Staff W rhat's why he couldn't With up on whether to come Alumn USC S now, since my Final sprins [ edictions were so awful, parj y, tne thing to do is ... Gamec ' baseball predictions. q would think 1 would Methot earned my lesson alter lost tQ , Denver vs. Philadelphia : Supei Bowl and happy bilt to win the NCAA )f course, I feel com- i to vindicate myself, so /\ t joes. IX V t off, the American East, where at press By ROl e Boston Red Sox lead Assistar k. By the time you get ~USC ler, expect to see them Laidlav 5 the bottom of the AL. honore igmire. So, who is going Monday icky and not stink worse The * rest of the division? My honored > those wild and wacky or re Orioles. They are the Ume Ir m well-balanced enough j-Qr ean the AL East. With point a a, McDonald, Sutclitfe :rybody's favorite chico ina" Fernando lela, their Ditchinc is a 1 2tter than Toronto's. The Mk is spectacular, and the Jh is solid. It'll be close, ;H 1 Brady Anderson, Mike iux, Cal Ripken and the (Reynolds and Baines), have enough punch to i most boring division in ^ ne, the Chicago White 1 reign victorious in the st. They've got Batman Thispr?ar bin (Frank Thomas and Ventura), and maybe pitching to do it. You an A-bomb could drop ; division and it just t matter. Texas has no g, short of the ilesque Nolan Ryan, now the NL West. The even though I gel sick ng it, just too much darn the big shocker in the WM ist, the Philadelphia . Their pitching is the fl the division, with a rotaTerry Mulholland, Curt ng, Danny Jackson, Greene and Ben Rivera. Iso have superstar-to-be HL ireen coming up to the The offense is also the die NL East with Lenny , Dave Hollins, Darren , Wes Chamberlain and uk. war Hig mac syst . FUN ^ 5 Eve; and Residential the 1 las on-campus ^ mai ailable for both 3" abk ip school sessions. ^ Can s April 13-14 JJJ* Wh; toon until 4 pm J* using Office ocated at 1215 ? 5treet I El Q t Housing and Sporl lemson ed i DREW BORGERT WWM riter ison's baseball team dcfeat1 9-8 Wednesday night, but Score b ie wasn't deeided until Rob r's 360-foot fly ball was wOrnSC in left-center. 1 9f! i.son Coach Bill Wilhelm OUU 1 thought the ball was out of ally have to admit that on rjon crn t out, when he hung it in UZU OU thought it was a tie ball- Chns Muldrow/Th< Wilhelm said. Raines_ ?We win, Clemson's second over ^ ^ a g00< necocks in two days, was Early on, 1 >y five unearned runs. 1 wo taking a 3-0 ? Clemson's five-run fourth on singles USC committed five errors DeBoer. But, ame, which brings their sea- 3.2 in the fc J to 67 in 33 games. Clemson's J< re averaging about two a mn double tl ' said USC Coach June ^ jw0 unea 3ccer team H O POSTIC are filling th< rjter uation of ti a 6-5 win over the Carolina Tufino, Chi i team last Saturday the 0 ;s|ant ioccer Team finished its "Billy practice. Peler Dui ier this semester, the Baumhoff in ocks beat Charleston 4-1, pier in the itadel 5-2, Spartanburg- stepped up t list 3-0, Furman 3-0, and excellent.'' , on ? J|*UUI?.UU1S --V. iwo U5L coaches said they are very the sprins with the way some players because of*l hletics depar, 3 RODUSKY spring semest it Sports Editor Program s Athletics Department and Coryell said, / Environmental Services commitments d 213 student-athletes ment by the afternoon. are people ii student-athletes were not really heroic for tackles, points scored, *be laculty an for turning in the fastest Don James tstead, they were awarded dent publi ling at least a 3.0 grade about his co iverage for the fall and in the receptit ^Tuesday, April 13 7:3 in the Golden Spu om paid for, in part, by student activity fees Nice car, m ni tSBB She's a beauty. of the best i You got everything you tions arour ited. classes are h performance for that corner, i dash to class. An audio But loc em that let's you play offer. At W rs of music while you have low si t for a parking spot. the apartm n a oaint job that will turn furnished c heads of all the meter Now d ds. What more could you Mill seem 1 for? to move? V Maybe an apartment you can't get a walk to school from? At aley's Mill, we have one <Tw 5JWWJ* Office Hours: XJi M-F 9:30-5:30 ^ mi 211 Main Street SSOCIATES 254-7801 Where! ts ges USC 1 w/ inninnc IIKhW II 11 114 wJi iUll 0 White J 1020 O DeBoer ; Gugino >, 100 9 ip h r er ?Gamecock O V O SS $5;;;*$ can't kick it around RBI, spelled a 7 3 ballclub " tage tliat USC w Carolina looked good, come, lead in the first inning For USC, Wee by Mac White and stars were Mac A with Carolina leading ues to hit well, >urth, the roof fell in. Mark Gugino, ^ ;ff Miller had a two- three, and Rob tat, when teamed with only one-for-fiv ined runs and another the game with finishes s] ; void left by the grad- U.S. National un hree seniors, Ruben Junior Chris is Crosby and Hans team's leading Rob Smith had coach Doug Allison recently finish* Clifford on defense, Australia. The tsman and Billy eliminated in tht the middle and Steve ing to the eve offense have really Brazil, his Spring and played USC head sc Berson has ann< players have missed of six high sch practice altogether standouts, heir obligations to the The signees i 1 tment honors ers. the student-ath coordinator Dave sees," he said. " "We understand the get recognition, and the overachieve- really to be coinr student-athlete. There Both the mei n this room that are swimming teams . This helps to bring for having two ol d students together." in the nation, s , Laidlaw's vice presi- respectively, c affairs, was excited "These stud mpany's involvement extremely com }n. "This is the part of Parker-Medlin, I H WV r simp tx CoroJ i no Prog rum Union Nex ???i Che an. Chc Bw/ci expire off-campus loca- A| 11 Jfl m\ id. All of your I H .? mM I right around the l|R ll M fi ation isn't all we haley's Mill we tudent rates. And ents can come either >r unfurnished. MIDLAND oesn't Whaley's As a guest ike a smart place . ^ell, at least we ever t0' flat during exams. semester intc Weekend Col Besides an InQftgJfr our foreign lc nHnHH x French, Gerrr rhaley\ l make the 1 mill Technical Col HWfP* May 2I, so pit information iome isn't far away. 0 >aseball team Biree ot l^em ^a<Jtwo KB Is. H y H Carolina's pitching staff has been bitten by the injury bug. Pitchers Matt Threehouse and Jim J? r h... bi Stoops, first and third in the rotate-, J2, ?. ? 1 tion, respectively, were unavailable ^ *9 1 9 i ?f . o _ _ o UtXaUJ>C Of ICllUIIllllS. OliUlCr OCUtl ' 1 .Z Z pace {Qok the j0SSj giving up two. RHl||niH earned runs in three and a third innings pitched. bb SO The depleted stall ancT'thfc errors illiiifl:;;;:; combined to doom the Gamecocks _ against Clemson. -3 CICmson advan- , , . , ... You ve sot to have pitchins 'as unable to over- , , ? ? and defense to win games, said Inesday's offensive Raines' whose team fe" t0 23"9"1White, who conlin- He wiU have 10 hoPe ?et "oin^ two-for-five better soon, because Auburn will vho was two-for- be *n town f?r a three-game weekDeboer, who was end series starting with a Saturday e, but nearly tied doubleheader. The first game his last out. All begins at 2 p.m. Diing practice der-20 team. of Alpharetta, Ga., a goalkeeper Faklaris was the and the 1993 Gatorade Player of scorer, and junior the Year in Georgia, Mike Solano three assists at the and Jason Talbert of Dallas, Texas, sd World Cup in members of the highly successful United States was Storm Soccer Club, and David Tart 2 quarterfinals, los- of Gainer, N.C., a first-team Allntual champions, Conference attacker. The Gamecocks will be looking )ccer coach Mark for their eighth NCAA bid in the ^unced the signing last nine years when they open the ool student-athlete season Sept. 5 at home in the Third Annual Umbro Kickoff Classic include John Mills against Santa Clara. : student-athletes lete that no one team coach, said. "Last year, we 'It is important to came in fourth, and everyone wantThese people are ed to be No. 1 this year. Hopefully riended." , - this will be a new movement for l's and women's the school." ; were recognized Jerry Fitch,, who helped CorygH, f the top ten GPAs coordinate the event; saiSrthe USC ixth and second, student-athlete is "a pef^4n who isf diligent. They work hard and ask ent-athletes are for no quarter and are ready to petitive," Kelly compete on the field as well as a women's swim off." cA'Celzcj tfewe/eM A B F AII ASSOC MC 00 Cherry Park Shopping Center 1344-1 Knox Abbott Drive Cayce 791-5598 pert Jewelry Repair We Offer: t Day Sizing Pearl Restringing jin Solders Stone Setting jin Clasps Engraving FREE LAY-A-WAY f hain Solder 13 Rings Cleaned FREE Dupon j w/coupon >s 5/7/93 I expires 5/7/93 s Technical College has plenty of them. student at MTC, you now have more opportunities earn college credit. We've broken the summer ) one 10-week and two five-week sessions. And our lege classes will fit into nearly any schedule, i extensive selection of courses of all descriptions, inguage program allows you to earn credit in lan or Spanish. nost of your options this summer with Midlands lege. Classes begin ^ " irr Technical .call738-8324. college