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Inaugural TIM THORSEN 'Tis the season to be jolly, and ?oes as we all know, it is much better to (??P} give than receive. Thus, in keeping |own with the Christmas spirit, I humbly ^1V( offer to you this first edition of the ^en Foolies. And now for the first J^asei award Ihf snhiecl* hasehall Pass C-U1C the envelope please... dropj The Cleveland Browns Foolie, for making it one step away from their sports championship game, . only to miraculously snatch defeat racia^ out of the jaws of victory, goes to...the Pittsburgh Pirates. addet The Denver Broncos Foolie for going one step farther and humili- 10 ^ ating themselves in the champi- ^uti onship game. Also know as the ^ .-? - ? The backstroke was one of USC's strenj Women swimn By NANCY SALOMONSKY placin Sports Editor freest) South Carolina's undefeated u;: women s swimming team contin- YV1 ued its domination of their oppo- Gamei nents downing Clemson 210-90. Otl The Lady Gamecocks were led South by diver Vivian Alberty, who fin- 50( ished first in the one and three 5:03.7 meter boards with 256.20 and ? 20C 452.10, respectively. Burns Freshman Kathleen Wilcox, an ?400 Ann Arbor, Mich., native, was a (Sava< dual event winner for the Tigers, 3:34.5 GIVE YOl SAME CAR] YOU GIVE Nursing positions are available now in N"?W Vinsrritfll.Q artrl medical facilities around the world. As a Navy Nurse you'll be part of a team of highly trained professionals, providing your patients with the very best medical treatment available. And, you'll get the respect and responsibilitv that comes with J ? ? being a Navy officer. Salaries are good, b exist for specialty trail Navy expense. Find out if you qual 1-800-622-1404, IN NAVYNUl Foolies delh IL Heimlich Award. The Monday Nytol F The winner is...the Foolie goes to the boneh Atlanta Braves. ABC who actually televis The Ronnie debacle between Seattle Sc Garvin "Hands of and the Denver Bronco Stone" Foolie lor IISC/Arkansas slaughter h? fielding excellence in the way of excitement ar to...Pirates second baseman tic value than that dog of a : s I forgot he was run out of Anyone, like me, who ; by angry mobs with guns, stayed up and watched th; :s, surface to air missies, and of filth ought to have the udo tapes) Royals second examined. Those four h( man Jose Lind. Comprende, doom set back the sport of o. Unfortunately, Chico sional football about 50 )ed his trophy, stepped on it, Word is that Paul Tagliat :d it around and just generally been on the phone wi ;led it trying to pick it up. McKenzie Brothers trying I te Darryl Gates Foolie for a trade between the NFL ; 1 harmony goes to Cincinnati CFL. owner Marge Schott. As an Reportedly, Tagliabu J bonus, Schott and her Nazi offered both the Seahawks will receive a one-way ticket Broncos for the Winnipe e black township of Soweto, Bombers and a copy of 1 Africa. There she'll get what movie Strange Brew. eserves. The next award is the I - & *-. F^ Lm^ ' . - -?P ; :. > v . v, : V ' m %$y> fe,. , ... F gths in downing Clemson, 210-90. iers remain undefeat< ig first in the 100 and 200 200 Medley Relay: USC de events with times of 52.99 (Albert, Henninger, Wo 53.55, respectively. Fraas) 1:49.09 th the victory, the Lady 200 Backstroke: Mi cocks improved to 8-0. McCarthy 58.30 ter first place winners for 100 Breaststroke: Carolina included: Henninger 1:06.60 3 Freestyle: Sheri Burns 200 Breaststroke: Kristin 6 2:21.95 ) Individual Medley: Sheri One Meter Diving: > 2:09.09 Alberty 256.2 Freestyle Relay: USC Team Three Meter Diving: A >e, McCarthy, Iddings, Fraas) Alberty 452.1 6 1000 Meter Freestyle: Burns 10:18.88 JR CAREER THE EFUL ATTENTION YOUR PATIENTS , j|W ^ ?fj &P*- / 9 ?-\ * tr-fSiP X\ V ' >W : ' ' : :;.S - ?\ '^Jp /J&'yr-p:.,. v; enefits generous. Opportunities ling and advanced education at ify for a $5,000 bonus! Call today. londay-Friday, 9AM-4PM. II CT? You and the Navy. tVkJJLi Full Speed Ahead. /ered to the s ootball Reality Foolie. It is awarded to the quapterbc eads at team, or player, who played over in purgat ;ed that their heads last year, and are just tiple inte :ahawks now realizing that they stink. quack m 'S. The Interestingly enough, we have might be id more our first tie in Foolie history. The quarterta id artis- winners, or losers, are the Wright IV game. Washington Redskins and their Speak actually waste of material quarterback Mark backs, th it piece Rypien. for pass i 1 T'l? n _ j_i_ i- _ i n ncau me KeusKins nave come crasn- LJemson mrs of ing back to Earth this year after The Cler profes- somehow managing to win the trying to years. Super Bowl last year. Their season shells tha )ue has is epitomized by their humiliating after cor th the loss to the hapless Phoenix intended [o work Cardinals. and well, and the And they have the nerve to think U. they can beat someone like San The J le has Francisco, or Dallas, or Foolie f and the Philadelphia, or Cleveland, or goes to ( g Blue Atlanta, or Seattle, or the rim-clang the hit Saskatewan Rough Riders for that night aga; matter. In case Sack to Any team with Rypien as their Alonzo ! College basketba COLLEGE BASKETBALL I Ok. So now the college basketball !^0Sf.ren season is officially in full swing pV with th% completion of the ^hns W< Preseason NIT Tournament. man Poss Here's a real shocker: Indiana Michiga won! And here's another stunner: ice melts at temperatures above 32 ^7? degrees Fahrenheit! i, r Do you get the point? Canisus Actually, the Hoosiers were test- ^eo s ed twice, once by Florida State and Well, once by Seton Hall in the Finals. Maiathon Indiana forward Calbert Cheaney w0| (he is sooo smooth!) lit up the scheduled 'Noles and Pirates for 34 and 36 *rom ltle points, respectively. Even General a^ ^av* Knight thought that Cheaney Sisters of played "great." Yep, Bobby actual- a fa ^ P lle Ph0,? iy said "great" without referring to a himself! ~ 'woHUC This week gave us a couple of weeKena^ /i upsets and a few close calls. porarily s b-'Vj. My how the mighty ACC has 1 unkings. fallen. UNC-Wilmington! 96, N.C. MlchlS Team q0 seahawks. going to zniak, How about Arkansas over previ- then mak ously number eight ranked 'oo^ed b< chelle " bad as Mi ~ Send Graduati : : Or Holiday Wi Sheri f Vn Ill a special treat for the Gamecock is providing y special holiday or graaua These ads are offered at , HF ' ftOtrhlliL ' HJjlKJL'A tef'iMj A ^th you &- - & M &0M rA_0-i>J- AMV* rA-&-1 Z3^ / Qon } I k. To place your ad simply examin office to place your ad or call in print your ad exactly the way yc Gamecock Room 31 Phone:7-4 ;porting inept tck is doomed to a season appears to have come to a close, ory, forced to watch mul- and thank you Mr. May for your rceptions and passes that kind contribution. The drive totaled lost foul. The Redskins five cents, but it was those five decent if they could get a cents that, I feel, made the differick the caliber of say, a ence. litchell. Amazingly, I received the donaing of horrible quarter- tion the day before Mourning e Wright Mitchell Foolie signed, so just maybe... ing ineptitude goes to In closing out the semester, I quarterback Patrick Sapp. would like to personally thank the nson bomb squad is still few literate people out there who defuse some of his mortar took the time to read and, hopefult got lodged in the ground lv, eniov the various Fools this tiing nowhere near their semester. receiver. The scud is alive In addition, I would like to espe, and flying around Moo daily thank the even fewer of you who took the time to write in and eff Raulston Memorial express your hatred towards me. or dunking proficiency Sure, it's easy to leave death 3brad Ignjatovich for his threats on an answering machine, ing dunk attempt Tuesday but I'm truly impressed when I get inst Florida Tech. Letters to the Editor questioning you were wondering, die my upbringing and heritage. Mourning Salary Drive Until next semester. 11 season in full swing Memphis State. Duke hasn't played a REAL The biggest game yet. This one could go either scare went to the wav The Wolverines have mnre 0 Fab Five from talent than the Blue Devils. Michigan who Michigan has revenge on their side ?I could've and losing to Duke twice last year. But should've lost to remember, the game is in Cameron, owned Rice Owls. But... Duke just doesn't lose the big pulled it out thanks to ones at home. Call it Duke by six. ibber who played like a Maybe 77-71. essed. If not for Webber, Kansas against Indiana at n would have been Indianapolis. This one should sell OUT! out the Hoosier Dome. Of course in ng of blowouts: Kansas Indiana, they could sell out the athon Oil 54. Duke 110, Hoosier Dome for elementary 62. Georgetown 88, St. school girl's basketball. These two teams are probably at least Kansas against the most fundamentally sound on Oil was an exhibition. the planet. This one is as tough to rd as to whether USC has call as the other game, but Indiana 1 a game versus the boys has played a couple of tough teams Shell station yet. They already. Let's go with the Hoosiers : to settle for Our Little by a bucket. 70-68. Mercy. Whoops! They're Of course, our beloved aying Clemson. Oh well. Gamecocks take on UNC in the tore serious note, their are Diet Pepsi Tournament of jE games happening this Champions Friday night in These two should tern- Charlotte. ettle the Top Five in the Santa Claus, if you're listening, all I want for Christmas is a win ;an at Duke. If you are over Dean's boys. And please, no watch one game all year, more coal this year! No matter how :e it this one! Michigan much I plead, neither one is gonna id on Tuesday. Well, as happen. The North wins by 20. chigan can look. AH f AMMllllltlAllfi I vii vviici vidian una ishes To The One(s) iu Love i end of the semester The ou with the opportunity to send a tion message to special friends. far below half price!!. SlA} Only Pj*j n ooo ,. HURRY! Deadline ' Monday, December 7th i-l-u a,aoJIxi/ vtoget-^Kicv!, \| I f '5 Gao r vowt ro <2C."r 1 ^ou uNEec. T?e s ivu^teeroe.( (cj) ? !.* - ^fo-EEA^ ^.*1 X^VWVWVWVVVVVWtfVWV^ / e the samples above. Then come by our and use your Visa or Mastercard. We can >u write it or we can typeset the ad for you. Advertising Office 3, Russell House 249 Fax: 7-6482