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Random Patterns This is it, the last Random Patterns ever. It has been great writing for you students. Though, I must confess I'm worried about your future at The USC. But keep in mind, I also worry a lot about TV's Today show weatherman Willard Scott and his sex life. I even wonder if anyone else in America worries about Willard's doings away from the map. I know that Willard does it; he looks like a sexual person. My questions are, "With whom?" "Where?" and "What's it like?" Is he a warm lover, offering you wine and some crackers with a cheese ball? Does he light candles, blow the candle out sensuously, then put a Johnny Mathis album on and his arm around you for some snuggling? Or is he vicious, rough and brutal, like a real man, like a real lover? Does Willard take control with a wild animal attitude and give you love Willard Scottstyle? I wonder, and I worry. But students, let's not get caught up in Willard Scott; he isn't our main concern. It's your future that's of im ^HS OB/ VFree Pregnancy Testing/Wt Early Detection Pregnancy 1 ^Affordable Birth Control Pil Weight Loss Program Payment Plan for Prenatal ( ^Convenient Scheduling Even ^P Private Office Care & Folli Setting & Compassionate I V Student Discounts & Birth 781191 Friar sgate Ill A mo portance here. I'm worried about the artist-in-residence program here at The USC. How do they pick the artists who come here to teach us? I think there should be a structured selection process. Wait, I think that The USC should have an artist-inresidence major for you students. It would be practical, educational and, most of all, fun! Here are my suggestions for officers for the first College of Artist in Residence (CAR) for The USC: President: Bette Davis ? Sure, she's old, but she's so spunky! And she's a legend to boot. Physically, she may nrtt Ko n o r\ D r\KK\; V\nr II\JI ut auit IU uu wnai i\uuu) naa done, but mentally, I don't think there's questions concerning her capabilities. Vice President: Henry Winkler ? We've all seen him and loved him on Happy Days\ now it's time to see him and love him at The USC. He could help Bette handle any hostile students who get upset about certain degree requirements by saying, "Heeeyyyy! You're cruising for a bruising, and you want to graduate don't you?" Plus, he could give Bette a ride to the bank on his motorcycle. Fonzie is a perfect choice for V.P. Secretary: Fawn Hall ? Who could better fill this position? She has already proven she can handle the hell out of office equipment and a lot more. Plus, she's dedicated, reliable and cute as a button. She'd add more brightness to the College of Artist in Residence than flowers could. "Fine," you might say, "but where are we going to locate the offices of the College of Artist in Z/LCl t i VH, czJ~f^a?tfz GYN j also offer a Low Cost 2 Minute rest. 1 & Annual Exams ]are & Delivery ling Hours. aw Up In a Luxurious Atmosphere at Clinic Prices Control Pill Assistance 7815 Blvd. Irmo, S.C. specia Stand i TERRIFIC. T gripping and cc "Stand up and with heart. It's t classroom." atts Edward James Olrt W Rose Warner Brothers; Dir Color; Rate me depictii cc i Fre 7:C Join Residence?" This is simple ? Capstone! My uncle used to have this strange philosophy that I neW understooc as a kid. He'd say, "Chuck, if you've got something that rotates, by God use it!" I'd say, "OK." Now, ] understand what he meant by that Capstone looms over campus like ? bird with oil in its wings ? a birc that once flew, who is temporarily crippled, but could fly again Capstone once rotated, but doesn' anymore, yet could rotate again. A1 it would take is the implementatior of a College of Artist in Residence. Wouldn't it be great to be register ing in the coliseum and have som( worker tell you, "You'll need to tak< this card and go over to the Colleg< of Artist in Residence. It's located a ^ 1 ^ _ C i ?* * me lop 01 capstone, yuu can i nuy it. It rotates." Then, the workei would tell you, "You'll need to tel Fawn, the secretary ? you'll lov< her, she's so nice ? that you want tc talk to either Ms. Davis or Mr Winkler, whomever is in, and they'l take care of you," In the end, you'l feel good that programs are beinj run effectively, space is being utilizec properly and that you're an Artist ii Residence major here at The USC. Once again, thanks for reading me, folks. I hope your future years a The USC will be as fun and unpredic table as mine. One wprd of advice keep laughing. It seems to get yoi through the toughest of times TEXT BROKE Hyland Can If first time donor, e? APRIL SPECIAL: $5 bon on 8th Hyland PL 1620 Ge, Hours MON & THUKS 7am- 4pm WED 7am- 2pm TUES & FRI 8:30am- 6pm Call today for info ipfipip^lpiP>P^'PiP'f^'P'T>T''T^>Pirir'r*P'r $ This Coup I $$20.00 D( I for first t ip?(?(?<??(?(?d*i?(Pl?(?frlP(?(PlP(P(Pfrft' <p P ^^p>P u) u>u)ip>pip 4>>piP>p>p>PiP>P J>i The Off ivites th< il showir md Deliver remendously impelling." Jack Kroll. NEWSWEEK cheer for a movie :he ROCKY of the - Pat Collins, WWOR-TV 10s, Lou Diamond Phillips, ina De Sota ected by Ramon Menendez d PG; 102 minutes ig the lifi mmencen Jaime I ^DMISS :e Popco )0 in the us for the la R.E.M., wrestlers j By TODD HINES pic Features editor wil Since this is our swan song, there will be more time for the students to catch up on activities around town instead of j spending those vital few hours each week getting the Fa scood on camnus news in their codv of The Gamecock, vs. The following is a brief explanation of many of the He events transpiring for the next few weeks because we don't want to leave anyone hanging. ] R.E.M. with special guests drivin' n' cryin' will appear Ro j at Carolina Coliseum Tuesday. wa This quartet from Athens, Ga., has finally garnered the fame they have deserved for their unique style of pop. at Rolling Stone has heralded them as America's best rock 1 'n' roll band. Their latest album, Green (Warner Bros. To [ Records), is on its way up the charts, making the band an American success story. me R.E.M. is doing for the '80s what Led Zeppelin did for me the '70s in rewriting an entire decade. And they're doing i it all without mass marketing. Sla j Opening act drivin' n' cryin' hails from Atlanta and is Re just getting under way with the 1987 debut Whisper no Tames the Lion and new relese, Mystery Road (Island 1 Records). The albums are a diversified combination of all the j their musical tastes. is i Tickets for the show are still available at all the usual alb outlets and at the Coliseum Box Office for $17.50. J For those who love a good pile driver, WWF Cham- $8. "1 rDISPOSA Unibed Wfry $CC()C ^ J ^^Russi \1 I * Lc _ _ 2?K 000 CsGBBCOBi 1 I I WMm t_t 1 ^f t *klj?n Carolina Mall L llCip.. Russell House irn $20 during first visit! us on 6th donation, $10 bonus donation! g asma Center 0f^ rvais Street wi Appointments in available but COLUlVl not necessary rmat ion 254-2280 I I on is Worth $ 772-9( DLLARS$$ | 208 Jam ime donors * Free Trailer, /? J 1 1 ice or tne rresic i Student Body 1 tg of: ? or our 19 lent speaker: ? seal ante HON FREE rn and Drinks ; Golden Spur st event before finals! coming to town mship Wrestling at 7:30 p.m. May 2 at The Township 11 feature Big John Studd and man-mountain Andre : Giant. \lso featured on the bill are The Rockers versus The bulous Rougeau Brothers, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan King Haku, Jim Nidhart vs. The Barbarian and Barry >rowitz vs. The Genius, rickets for the event are $13 and $10. For a different kind of slammin' and jammin', ckafellas' will be host to Metal Church May 4 for a rm-up of heavier things to come, rickets for the show are $10.50 in advance and $12.50 the door. Funnyman George Carlin will appear May 7 at The wnship with his own brand of irreverant humor. T^L n ^ 5 . *11 1 xl _ 1_ ^ _ r _ 1 1 men is.ucKaieiiai> win oe me signi 01 a neavy neavy tal showdown May 9 when Dark Angel and Death et for an electric speed battle. \ngel has shades of the better-known speed busters lyer, but their new album, Leave Scars (Combat cords), should distinguish their own brand of invative and threatening metal. Death has been called the "Florida sickness squad" by ;ir underground fans, and what their enemies call them lot for publication. They will be supporting their new urn, Leprosy (Combat Records), rickets for the double dose of metal mayhem are 50. BLE CONTACT LENSES luctory Offer Includes: J initial examination ?including eye ell House hea!th ,est >cation ,. . , Only * first Palr of disposable lenses. PnMil| glasses prescription mjjjy for more information call 777-2569 n-ui TUDENT SPECIAL I IE MONTH FREE RENT TH 3 MONTHS LEASE I BIA MINI STORAGE I DIRECTIONS il Rd. _ I Available \ ~ $ *** 1. m H S*V"W' f I