The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, April 24, 1989, Page 6, Image 6
Random Patterns
This is it, the last Random Patterns
ever. It has been great writing for you
students. Though, I must confess I'm
worried about your future at The
USC. But keep in mind, I also worry
a lot about TV's Today show
weatherman Willard Scott and his
sex life. I even wonder if anyone else
in America worries about Willard's
doings away from the map. I know
that Willard does it; he looks like a
sexual person. My questions are,
"With whom?" "Where?" and
"What's it like?" Is he a warm lover,
offering you wine and some crackers
with a cheese ball? Does he light
candles, blow the candle out sensuously,
then put a Johnny Mathis
album on and his arm around you for
some snuggling? Or is he vicious,
rough and brutal, like a real man,
like a real lover? Does Willard take
control with a wild animal attitude
and give you love Willard Scottstyle?
I wonder, and I worry.
But students, let's not get caught
up in Willard Scott; he isn't our main
concern. It's your future that's of im
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781191
Friar sgate
Ill A mo
portance here. I'm worried about the
artist-in-residence program here at
The USC. How do they pick the artists
who come here to teach us? I
think there should be a structured
selection process. Wait, I think that
The USC should have an artist-inresidence
major for you students. It
would be practical, educational and,
most of all, fun! Here are my suggestions
for officers for the first College
of Artist in Residence (CAR) for The
USC:
President: Bette Davis ? Sure, she's
old, but she's so spunky! And she's a
legend to boot. Physically, she may
nrtt Ko n o r\ D r\KK\; V\nr
II\JI ut auit IU uu wnai i\uuu) naa
done, but mentally, I don't think
there's questions concerning her
capabilities.
Vice President: Henry Winkler ?
We've all seen him and loved him on
Happy Days\ now it's time to see him
and love him at The USC. He could
help Bette handle any hostile students
who get upset about certain degree
requirements by saying, "Heeeyyyy!
You're cruising for a bruising, and
you want to graduate don't you?"
Plus, he could give Bette a ride to the
bank on his motorcycle. Fonzie is a
perfect choice for V.P.
Secretary: Fawn Hall ? Who
could better fill this position? She has
already proven she can handle the
hell out of office equipment and a lot
more. Plus, she's dedicated, reliable
and cute as a button. She'd add more
brightness to the College of Artist in
Residence than flowers could.
"Fine," you might say, "but
where are we going to locate the offices
of the College of Artist in
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atts Edward James Olrt
W Rose
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Color; Rate
me depictii
cc
i
Fre
7:C
Join
Residence?" This is simple ?
Capstone!
My uncle used to have this strange
philosophy that I neW understooc
as a kid. He'd say, "Chuck, if you've
got something that rotates, by God
use it!" I'd say, "OK." Now, ]
understand what he meant by that
Capstone looms over campus like ?
bird with oil in its wings ? a birc
that once flew, who is temporarily
crippled, but could fly again
Capstone once rotated, but doesn'
anymore, yet could rotate again. A1
it would take is the implementatior
of a College of Artist in Residence.
Wouldn't it be great to be register
ing in the coliseum and have som(
worker tell you, "You'll need to tak<
this card and go over to the Colleg<
of Artist in Residence. It's located a
^ 1 ^ _ C i ?* *
me lop 01 capstone, yuu can i nuy
it. It rotates." Then, the workei
would tell you, "You'll need to tel
Fawn, the secretary ? you'll lov<
her, she's so nice ? that you want tc
talk to either Ms. Davis or Mr
Winkler, whomever is in, and they'l
take care of you," In the end, you'l
feel good that programs are beinj
run effectively, space is being utilizec
properly and that you're an Artist ii
Residence major here at The USC.
Once again, thanks for reading
me, folks. I hope your future years a
The USC will be as fun and unpredic
table as mine. One wprd of advice
keep laughing. It seems to get yoi
through the toughest of times
TEXT
BROKE
Hyland Can
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cheer for a movie
:he ROCKY of the
- Pat Collins, WWOR-TV
10s, Lou Diamond Phillips,
ina De Sota
ected by Ramon Menendez
d PG; 102 minutes
ig the lifi
mmencen
Jaime I
^DMISS
:e Popco
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us for the la
R.E.M., wrestlers
j By TODD HINES pic
Features editor wil
Since this is our swan song, there will be more time for the
students to catch up on activities around town instead of j
spending those vital few hours each week getting the Fa
scood on camnus news in their codv of The Gamecock, vs.
The following is a brief explanation of many of the He
events transpiring for the next few weeks because we
don't want to leave anyone hanging. ]
R.E.M. with special guests drivin' n' cryin' will appear Ro
j at Carolina Coliseum Tuesday. wa
This quartet from Athens, Ga., has finally garnered
the fame they have deserved for their unique style of pop. at
Rolling Stone has heralded them as America's best rock 1
'n' roll band. Their latest album, Green (Warner Bros. To
[ Records), is on its way up the charts, making the band an
American success story. me
R.E.M. is doing for the '80s what Led Zeppelin did for me
the '70s in rewriting an entire decade. And they're doing i
it all without mass marketing. Sla
j Opening act drivin' n' cryin' hails from Atlanta and is Re
just getting under way with the 1987 debut Whisper no
Tames the Lion and new relese, Mystery Road (Island 1
Records). The albums are a diversified combination of all the
j their musical tastes. is i
Tickets for the show are still available at all the usual alb
outlets and at the Coliseum Box Office for $17.50.
J For those who love a good pile driver, WWF Cham- $8.
"1 rDISPOSA
Unibed Wfry $CC()C
^ J ^^Russi
\1 I * Lc
_ _ 2?K
000 CsGBBCOBi
1 I I WMm
t_t 1 ^f t *klj?n Carolina Mall
L llCip.. Russell House
irn $20 during first visit!
us on 6th donation, $10 bonus
donation! g
asma Center 0f^
rvais Street wi
Appointments in
available but COLUlVl
not necessary
rmat ion 254-2280 I I
on is Worth $ 772-9(
DLLARS$$ | 208 Jam
ime donors * Free Trailer,
/? J 1 1
ice or tne rresic
i Student Body 1
tg of:
? or our 19
lent speaker:
? seal ante
HON FREE
rn and Drinks
; Golden Spur
st event before finals!
coming to town
mship Wrestling at 7:30 p.m. May 2 at The Township
11 feature Big John Studd and man-mountain Andre
: Giant.
\lso featured on the bill are The Rockers versus The
bulous Rougeau Brothers, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
King Haku, Jim Nidhart vs. The Barbarian and Barry
>rowitz vs. The Genius,
rickets for the event are $13 and $10.
For a different kind of slammin' and jammin',
ckafellas' will be host to Metal Church May 4 for a
rm-up of heavier things to come,
rickets for the show are $10.50 in advance and $12.50
the door.
Funnyman George Carlin will appear May 7 at The
wnship with his own brand of irreverant humor.
T^L n ^ 5 . *11 1 xl _ 1_ ^ _ r _ 1 1
men is.ucKaieiiai> win oe me signi 01 a neavy neavy
tal showdown May 9 when Dark Angel and Death
et for an electric speed battle.
\ngel has shades of the better-known speed busters
lyer, but their new album, Leave Scars (Combat
cords), should distinguish their own brand of invative
and threatening metal.
Death has been called the "Florida sickness squad" by
;ir underground fans, and what their enemies call them
lot for publication. They will be supporting their new
urn, Leprosy (Combat Records),
rickets for the double dose of metal mayhem are
50.
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