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chuck * I Random Patterns "There was a time when you spent the night with someone, and the next day they would send you a dozen long-stemmmed roses with a sexy lit tie note. Now people send a bunch of balloons with cute cards saying such things as 'Being with you last night was like having my own circus.'"? Sandra Bernhard Hello, you damn students, welcome back to THE USC and the new year. Again, I'm going to have the unraveling pleasure of writing for ? you fine college folk, bringing blin- t ding light on the sordid side of life on i this fine campus. My goals this J semester are to give you as many 1 revelations, vulgarities and introspec- t tions that I can possibly do legally j and get away with. Indeed, it's going i to be a circus. A long, long crazy i circus. 1 First off, this day in history 1941 < saw the birth of that folk rabble- 1 rouser Joan Baez and, in 1973 in New 1 York, Lou Reed (who I sometimes i make believe is my daddy) married a < bar maid named Betty. If I were go- 1 ing to marry any bar maid in the i world, I definitely would want her 1 name to be Betty or Clarentine. There were two winners to my "Bring me the head of Janice Kraft i because ..." contest. Congratula- i tions go out to Bill Voegele, a i poiiucal science junior, ana Pauley < A. Smith, a biology junior. Bill wrote, "Bring me the head of Janice i Kraft because she is really Abbie i Hoffman's love child. She espouses her politically conservative ideas only to embarrass Abbie, who disowned ' her at birth when he sensed Janice's bad vibes." Pauley stated, "Bring me the head of Janice Kraft because obviously it's not doing any good on her neck. Perhaps it could go to better use, like a door stop or a toilet bowl plunger. (Perhaps Not)." Guys, you can pick up your prize, the 8-track soundtrack to The Holocaust, at The Gamecock office. < You know, sometimes I wonder ; what Janice's next step will be in her quest to stand up for all the repressed sign-toters in this mean old world. Will she kidnap James Holderman? Chain herself to a Shuttlecock? There is a revqfution brewing here, ; and y<?fdamn well should be afraid. i r 1 I CAI CONFEI UNIVERST HH SUMMER DESK MA] hiring, scheduling, training anc 24-hour main desk and front-d APPLICATION DEAI SUMMER CONFER management of youth groups supervising a staff of 6. Also i other University officials. APPLICATION DEA] What if firearms were to fall into this girl's hands? Let freedom ring, and stop Janice before she stops you. "There are about 300 people known to the FBI who want to harm me, and those are just the ones they are aware of. It's getting to be a very serious problem in the United States." No, this isn't a Janice quote; this is from America's most irritating self-proclaimed virgin, Brooke Shields. I read this in The National Examiner. I am glad that the FBI is tending to the populace who wish Brooke dead, and I honestly feel that if Michael Dukakis had added the preservation of Brooke and her purity to his campaign concerns, he would've won the presidental race. In this particular touching article, Brooke concludes,"You know, they joke about it being tough at the top, and they're not kidding. In fact, I'm probably the loneliest person I know." Tell me, people, how do you feel ibout poor lonesome Brooke? At his precise moment, she's probably it home, all alone with a bottle of lack Daniels and listening to The Wall soundtrack. Honestly, I think hat she could find that lost happiness on the bottom. The bottom sn't all that bad, Brooke! (Only in \merica.) I'll be accepting letters lere at the office for one week only pn why you would like to harm Brooke Shields. All letters will be Forwarded to Brooke, and all responses to this cute little 23-yearpld virgin will be published here in :he paper. So here's your chance to make an impression on Brooke and the FBI ? don't blow it! Tell me, what do you know about the drug "Ecstasy," commonly refered to as "X"? The drug has taken Europe by storm, forcing the government to crack down on "Acid Houses" and "Acid Music" where the drug is used a lot. God knows, I discovered over Christmas break it's a drug to reckon with and surely lives up to its kinky name. I first took it at Quarters, a quaint beer bar in Knoxville, Tenn., that's frequented by a cast of characters with names like Weed, Hawk, Leper, Danno, Cooter. Dumont, Wray, Governor and Jungle. I believe the drug compels you to adopt a nickname. I haven't found mine yet. "X" got my hormones and mind so cranked up that I was sure I was going to father a child or something, and now I'm able to appreciate Iron Butterfly's '' In-A-Gadda-da-Vidda'' as a classic lament to all us derelicts! Although I did wake up on a strange sofa, I look on this whole drug ordeal as a growing experience, but I piust advise that ."X" is definitely not for the weak at heart. iMmiiy mil I *STON] RENCE CENTER nr of south Carolina columbia, sc inn ii NAGER - Complete mana! I supervising a staff of 10. R lesk computer operations. )LINE: - JANUARY 1 ENCE MANAGER and sport camps. Includes hii involves working with coaches DLINE: JANUARY 12 Managers must be ri to work 10 hours pt period, May 8 Augi summer. Meal plan A I I Car tune maintenance Craig Galley, a freshman economics major, rep Hope for di By RUSS MESSENGER Staff writer The question of how to get a job without experience and how to get experience without a job is one that many college students eventually face. An answer? USC's Graduate Assistance Program. The program is divided into three areas: Staff Assistant, Teaching Assistant and Research Assistant. Graduate students are placed first into the role of staff assistant. The job consists of general office work, some duties as a lab assistant and running errands. Graduate students who are just joining the program usually get these jobs. The next type of graduate students are the research assistants. These students help faculty with research into projects that they are doing in addition to their class work. Most of these professors have gotten research grants and the assistants are paid out of these funds. Teaching assistants make up the next and most important division. This group is divided into graduate students who assist in the classroom and with paperwork, and graduate students who actually teach a class. Those who want to assist professors in their capstone fo: During the summer months, Univc halls. The Capstone Conference C program. PICK UP APPLICATIONS AND JO THE NORTH LOBBY OF CAPSTOI POSITIONS gement experience. Includes C0N1 lesponsible for adult groups, camps i Require 2,1989 4 positi (Upwari APPI r : LApCI ICIIUC LUIIIfJieiG ring, training, scheduling, and Three si , dining services, security and 12 midn at reduc 5, 1989 APPL REQUIREMENTS AND COM ising senior or graduate student,Supervisory e ir week. Required to live on campus during tl ust 18. $3.50 per hour during Spring semestf provided. *1 J fl ' p 4M f ^ airs his car stereo system in Bates parking lot Sunday erelict colleg specific field of study but who are not yet qualified to take over a class begin by grading tests and proctoring during exams. They help with the day-today grading of homework and begin to get a working knowledge of how a teacher/student relationship works in addition to their graduate work. They are also a communication medium between students and their protessors. leaching assistants are usually closer in age to the students and can therefore better relate to the tribulations of every day student life. The other group of teaching assistants are those who are in charge of a class. In order for a graduate student to teach a class, they must have at least 18 hours, usually one year of graduate study and maintain a 'B' average. About one-third of the 700 students participating in the Graduate Assistant Program teach class. The majority of students who do teach class are in the English and mathematics programs. They usually teach basic requirement courses and do not teach upper level courses. The pay for teaching assistants ranges from $6,000 to $9,000 per school year. Pay is based on supply and demand. For example, students in CONFERENC NOW HIRING R SUMMER 1! jrsity Housing Services houses youth, adult and sf lenter is now hiring student managers to help run IB DESCRIPTIONS AT THE CAPSTONE CONFEREh ME HOUSE. AVAILABLE: TERENCE ASSISTANTS - Prefer and youth sports groups. $150 per week plu d to live on campus in assigned residence I ons Youth Sports Camps June 6 - August j Bound, TAG, etc) JCATION DEADLINE: JANLM ASSISTANTS-Prefer rising junior or i lifts 8:00 am 4:30 pm $4.00 per hour: 4: ight 8:30 am $4.25 per hour. 24 32 hour: :ed rates at the Conference Center. ICATION DEADLINE: JANUA PENSATION: ixperience preferred. Spring semester require le summer. $225.00 per week for a 15 wee jr. Apartment available at reduced rate durin *31 gr \ > J . Sfc A Jm B^^9 mH w*5^ fH^HI - &apgr&|i s#^ DANA PURSER/Tke Gamecock ;e students physics, chemistry and computer science are in high demand. The teaching students are selected by the director of graduate studies of each college along with the faculty. Student responsibilities include giving exams and lectures to their classes like full professors. At certain times they are critiqued on their performance. Some colleges of the university, such as journalism, do not use graduate students to teach classes. "We have a strong tradition of classes being taught by full staff, although some good instruction is being done by teaching assistants here at the university," said Ron Farrar, Dean of Graduate Studies in Journalism. Farrar said he would like to see the graduate assistants doing some teaching in journalism but the college does not have a doctorate program and it really is not feasible. The curriculum does not lend itself to student teachers because a certain amount of practical experience is needed, he said. The teaching assistants in the College of Journalism usually work from 10 to 20 hours a week -and are paki about $4,500 per school year, Farrar coir? Cfoff iccictonte on/J arrirtontp oaiw. ijiair aoouiaiuo aiiu tvaviimg aaaiaiauia ait paid with state funds. :e center 989 ? jorts groups in the residence the summer conference > ICE CENTER LOCATED IN > rising junior or above. Work with youth s reduced housing. Meal plan provided, tall. 6 positions available. 11. 2 positions - Youth camps % lRY 26, 1989 ^ _____ \ above. Work conference central desk. 00 pm - 12 midnight $4.00 per hour; s per week. Campus Housing available RY 26, 1989 d k g