University of South Carolina Libraries
Fhilbert privat It was freezing that day in Columbia. My second-floor walkup office was as cold as the stare of a jilted blonde. Seems the electric company had taken exception to I v\ % t ??/\i v M * I* -- - ? 1 1 * my iciuiniii^ nifir iasi Dill wrapped around a week-old trout and had cut off my power. So I kept warm in the best spirit of the holiday tradition. Chestnuts roasting by an open bottle of Southern Comfort, and all that jazz. Sure, it was Christmas day, but where could I go? All my family j had moved without sending me a forwarding address My friends? Let rue tell you - when you're a private dic k, no one's your friend j at ('hristmas. So there I sat. mulling over the odd unpaid hill or subpoena from my ex-wife's lawyer scattered j about my desk, when in walks a | loot-tall elf. "Ilmm, good stuff." 1 . said, looking at the Southern j Comfort. "I need your help." the elf said in a voice reminiscent of th<? Uei> ! (ices on a i>< )<! day "Sorry, kid; 1 don't work on holidays." 1 said, trying to ignore j the creature's Spock like ears and pointed shoes "1 think you'd better reconsider. Santa Claus is missing " llmm. The Big SC." Who would want to knock him off? Oh. sure the major toymakers had a contract out on him for destroying their year round market, and the Flvinn Reindeer Union was after him ? something about illegally making his lead reindeer double as a fog light. But he had always managed to ho-ho-hold them at bay. "Okay, Shorty; move along. Philbert Foiley doesn't mess with fat men in red suits." "What about your brother Murray?" "Murray doesn't count. He's a uotu-vai 9dii:Aiiidii. | at Catal .A IT < J, / y m. Take this coupon with y Area and ski all day, an Thursday, for only $ 10.( ($6 lift ticket and $4 eq Enjoy the free, open fee skiing at this special ra Cataloochee, in Maggi< Cataloochee has 8 slop trails, beginner to expe longest run 5300 ft., vertical drop 740 ft. Three lifts (chair, T-bar and rope), plus a full range of rental equipment for all levels of ^ jf&j DC mm m ? LjiV.'if r. gj l| : v r,;; jj Foiley: e dick "Okay, Foiley," the diminuitive sideshow refugee said. "We can make it profitable for you." "How so?" The elf hopped up on my desk and leaned over confidentially. "All the little tin horns and little 1 Ma^e B -~K~V -?' : ?^v Street A IB 1C State | T ' I ' Soc. Sec. NO I ^ i ' * ;t Crad. Senior 8 .* i I jli ' Please enclose cl I,' v> MEDIA BUSH \ coSg ! JfttN Ttti iReserve your 1 979-81 J Only $ S 5555^5?^% ! ^ naassss5S5KSMSSH I ^FI loochee ou to Cataloochee Ski y day Mondayuipment rental.) &jjr ^ ling of uncrowded ^ te at // 4*^ 3 Valley, NC es and ^St ,?W Area This r-c $4 equip 1979 80 sea be ptest Vol For ski conditio! MMaM ______ MMMM Hi Hi H I toy drums you can cart away." he 1 whispered llmm Rooty toots and rummy- j turn turns won't huv nmcli i ' V ?/l I ?V I beef. but there must be a market lor them somewhere 'I'll take the 1 ease," I said "Good. We'll he checking in," . the elf squeaked Then, laying a ! linger aside his nose, he disappeared in an explosion that ruined the drapes. I punched the intercom to my secretary. "Marci, I'm going to be 1 out for a while." "What? Who is this?" "This is Mr. Foiley," I replied. "The person for whom you work." Nice girl, Marci. Has the reasoning power of a loblolly pine tree. "Oh. okay," she said. "I'll go I See Left Hand, page 1 1 'if i ^ >. B Zip % j I /ft I I J I neck and mail to: NESS OFFICE }b ? I 31, USC, /'S-CX ! SC. 29208 /A 4? ] i & ft AW ft 'if OGarnet & Black Now[| 12.00 ! \ O ;9%wy^ \A ' % V > ) V?* / I ^ / <^// w ^$41 C* a equipment ^ 3 Rental |g| 1 Si Lift Ticket ^ >upon good lor special j :' ! ment and $6 lilt rates, i ," j only, when presented xx'hee Ski Area in the son This coupon must ' >nted tor special rates ] lid lor one person only BSI EQjyilijSB lili^iSlP^ Kelty The North Pace B U) MB mblS4lIN O 1 uuainu year 5; O South Carolina's only complete wilderness outfitter -y 03 L. ^ """ *** ?mm mmmam - MM www mm ' ~J"4 "" """g 0/3 !30% off All Ski Gloves! | 1 g 1 |$ 2.5 0 off Any Day Pack| | +-< I z, 0 I 1 o 0 I CQ I Bring This Coupon , w sj 1 ! 5 CT jg Store Hours: 1 0-6:30 Mon.-F > 10-6 Sat. 1 Phone: 799 7571 8 Alpine Products * Mountain HouveFoodl ONEWE^ I ?pH^TH?z_* VAfl ^'V||n ?? ?Hp P; FRI SAT SUN 3t 1.50tU\ftiMBM<HlfflVhJWflJBMMMlBBMlM>|iM 3 50.5 50.7 ?0.9 30 " Highest Rating 'Soldier of Orange' is an extraordinary film, an epic tribute to n I itrh mcictan^o in \A/a\ r I rl \A !*%* II M kwa v%?i?7IUI I W III WW V/ I I VJ ft Ql II that is probably the best war movie in over a decade..." ?William Arnold, Seatt!o P-l 1 THF RANK ORGANIZATION PRESENTS ROB HOUWERS PRODUCTION P? ERIK HA/ElHOEES FAMOUS WORLD WAR II ADVENTURE STORY SOLDIER ' ORANlit DIRECTED BY PAUL VERHOEVfN STARRING RUTGER HAUtR J( ROf N N -ABBf j i" . inn A m i n m I..- lit til fi'i"i' ''. r?r /-. .w . . . DLI im'M IVIVUIUIJ'N nr'Ht "Ul urnurr DUOHiN rc?Mn?t IV.1UIX LT I H' V\ ' lOWAHl K)X AS l.Oi )NU RAf I I 1 l f AtIMANIaH OH