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Left Hand 7^ home, then." "Good thinking, Marci. We'll just forget about the odd crucially important phone call." "Okay, 'bye." Click. 1 went to the CPD first to check with Hobbs. Detective Eddie Hobbs had a cute little habit of exchanging information for financial reimbursement. Maybe I could interest him in a rummytum-tum or two. 44Yeah, we got something like that," he said, downing his umpteenth Dr Penner of tho morning -r I o "A call came in this morning from the Smith household in Lexington. Something about a male Caucasian, deceased, dressed like a Gong Show washout. Here's the address." I stuck the paper in my pocket. "Thanks, Eddie. I'll check back." "Hey, Philbert. Had any action lately? I mean, it's been pretty dull for me..." "I got you," I said. I handed him MrirciV nhnrw> nnml?>r "lloro'c rt real hot dish." Should be a quiet evening. Just Marci, and Eddie, and Marci's parents, from whom she inherited her remarkable intellectual capacity. I caught a bus out to Lexington and only had to go to six or seven places before I found the right one. I wnlkpH in tho front Hnnr naul thr? WARNING POLICE LINE barrier and heard kids wailing. I shuddered. Kids make me break out. I rounded a corner into the living room. A brightly-lit Christmas tree was blinking away merrily. Underneath the tree sprawled the very dead body of a chubby old man with whiskers, wearing a furtrimmed red suit and shiny black boots. "What's the story?" 1 asked Doug Fletcher, the police dick on the scene. "Looks like a heart attack About 3a.m." "ID.?" "None. You know him?" "Think so." I walked over to the ' little boy and little girl crying into their mother's skirt "Hi. there," 1 said to tne link' boy. And what s your name?" "Hie," he said, stabbing me with a plastic soldier. 1 came out of my erouch planning to drop-kick him into the next century before I got hold of myself. "Are you sad because Santa's dead?" "Who cares about Santa? I didn't get my All-Pro Football game or my Realistic World War Two Tank or my Fully Operational Star Wars Light Sabre so's I could kill Rhonda." His little sister said, "Oh, yeah? Well, if I could have gotten my Official Wonder Woman Magic Lasso, I wouldn've turned you into a frog! Or my Certified Bee Gees Tennis Racket, or my Shaun Cassidy Shoe Tree, or my Billy Joel Wallpaper..." I looked over my shoulder. "I think I know what killed the old guy, Fletch. Book these two kids. Murder One." "Wait a minute," Fletcher replied. "Look over here." I stepped across the portly corpse to look into the big cloth bag he was holding open. Inside were hundreds of electronic games: Beeper Bowling, Circuitry Skeetshooting, Rheostat Rowboats. All the games were blinking and making annoying nuises. "See?" Fletcher asked. "All of them were set to go off at once. The sudden noise must have triggered a heart attack." "Beeped to death," I muttered. "What a rotten way to go." ("Homicide, no question," Doug decided. "But who?" "I think I might know," I said, plucking a small paper flower from Sin int MinU-'c hnltnnhnlp "I'll SI check back." I went to a deserted warehouse P by the river. A sign nailed on the door said, "The All-Islam People's Temple of Hare Krishna BornAgain Muhammadist Scien| tology." | In answer to my knock a smiling face peered out. "Yes, Brother?" "Do you have a second?" I asked. "I'm from the Unification oage 9 Church of Charismatic Buddhism, and I was wondering if you'd like to make a small donation in exchange for one of our hand-made flowers." "I don't think so. We give out flowers just like that. See?" he asked, holding up an identical flower. "Just as I thought," I growled, flashing my badge. "Why did you knock off Santa Claus?" The next thing 1 knew I was tied up in a chair with a bunch of vaguely foreign-looking types standing around with semiautomatic weapons. I felt like someone had used my head for an Air Force target range. "Wake up, American dog," said a guard, poking me in a rather uncomfortable spot with his gun barrel. "Your 'trial' is in an hour, heh heh." "Okay, okay." I said wearily. "I just gotta know one thing. Why Santa Claus?" I worked silently at loosening the ropes. They may be terrorists, but Boy Scouts they weren't. "A false god!" the man screamed. "What good is a spiritual being who is kind, generous and loving? Gods must be mean, cruel and feared!" "Gods?" I queried, "Or their ppSpillSl mmmm v /v' / ">% > ' : ' . .y'i? *?v iv^-y- - -: " ' ,, ; ?>* W/ 5, :t\y 3 qoo i Ik ex.. m Kfo/V: ~V'.' V. v. miijHiici JIKI Vvvy. V * . ^ r V ' ' c.?k ubt t * \ / I s"?i*"w ... >!: 1^^ Hr IWI >?y-. 7! 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The TI-58C will seem li calculator ? its computerlet you design your own p Ttexaa Instruments uniqu State Soft ware'M modules Texas Inst rut 11960 T?tt$ [nsfotwu followers?" "Silence, pig! You will meet the wrath of Allah soon enough." I felt the bonds loosen and tried a ploy. "Look !" I cried, peering over their shoulders. "The Ayatollah!" When the guards whirled, 1 shed the ropes, jumped crashing through a nearby window and called Hobbs to send an arrest detail. It was over fast. The ell appeared, handing over I ten crisp hundreds. "We understand you like this kind of present better." "Indeed." I said. "What are you going to do about another Santa?" "Oh. we're already taking applications. We're real interested in this Ted Kennedy guy ..." "Never mind," I said, heading lor my oil ice. When 1 got there, my ex-wife's lawyer was sitting at my desk Hobbs was standing bv him. "Sorry. Phil," Hobbs smiled. "Kit her cough up your back alimony or go to the clink." "You must have met Marci." I said sadly, handing over the hardly-warm thou to the lawyer. So there I was. Marci was out somewhere confusing people. Mv ; ex-wife was buying a thousand dollars' worth of Woolco's with my money. Somewhere in Lexington. J f,y , ;' ' : u p|p T. j ... * > A . ,k>?- V "H .'' V.r^^J' , - v.N Hp? Getaproc Iving probk roach the prob- use programs. A M nore you need a (included with the c; E?re. programs in math, ble calculators areas of general int< n take you from library modules inci i right into the plied statistics, ad^ ? the ones who routines, electrical < ams to simplify decisions, and much it the Winter With all of its cap the TI-58C is simple 1 letsvouftnenfl AOS'" altrphrair* ni spts instead of AOS entry system k the way they are v, calculator can right?and handles K problems, but theses in accordance of time doing it. braic hierarchy, ram steps or up With the TI-58C y keyboard func- Personal Program 11 be amazed at ming, an owner' the TI-58C will manual that'll hel get you started ii tant MemoryT" programming program in the even if you've nevei turned off. You programmed before. OQ VA1 laorn in TU A T1 Pvnnvant. J VM IVWI II III A IIV ft a ft I (4111 iew the concept mable 59 goes from ou can store re- engineering to the itor, even if you Winter Olympics. $300*. ke more than a The reason the like capabilities Winter Olympics ch rograms or use ifying scoring result! le plug-in Solid same reason it can h ; with ready-to- from your courses ? t nents technology - hringin Texas Ins INCORF two kids were strangling each other. And far aboye my head. Te d Kennedy was learning to fly a sleigh. I COMMUNI1 LEARNING Sign U[ Volunteer E Midlands Center 1 Bryan Psychiatric Morris Village Dr Abuse Centei Free Bus Service IV Leaves Russell h Returns b *Continuing Educai I For more informat Russell House-We ngi^l^ guni 'V fv "* ' ?#glsaf.Wt? v;;,: .; '= .,v: 'f H "T- "I;!fe ilciii stiver ms m the re aster Library module Up to 960 alculator) has 25 basic memories pli statistics, and other 10 user flag ?rest. 1\velve optional subroutines lude programs on ap- ming help yi /anced mathematical plex problem engineering, business Even with more. and operatioi abilities and functions responds to (to operate using TI's system contr derating system. The part of the >ts you enter problems problem. bitten ? trom lett to lne I l-by up to 9 levels of paren- State Soft wi with the rules of alge- the Master I the added v rou'll also get a copy of magnetic cai / ~ grams. With See the w ose the TI-59 for ver- vanced Tex; s at many events is the calculators elp you get all you can bookstore versatility. dealers ever? U.S. puggfttted r g affordable electronics to 1 KUIV1LIN 1 ^ 'ORATED I downed the last swig of Southern Comfort and shivered in the cold Nope. It just doesn't pay to Ik* a private eye oil Christmas Y SERVICE/ PROGRAM ) Now for xperience* at For Retarded Hospital ug and Alcohol r londay-Wednesday louse at 5:30 pm y 8:30 pm tion Credits Awarded ion, calt777 5117 st Wing-Room 108 ?i , :, -,v> > ./ - v '. ? ,r\ . '*. - , :? '-K \:2X \ &&&'; ;.\*Y~. >-:V.nv^' t.;^ inign^H:-;v_ WPwBI -. ^^GMmwi mtl*35 sal world. program steps or up to 100 us 4 types of display testing, s. 72 lahpls. and ft IpvpIs nf let the power of program-.}, J ou make short work of com- T. ?s?-, : is. - Mm 5 all the 175 keyboard functions *v *. is at your command, the TI-59t$g$3> r simple AOS algebraic entry ol. So the calculator becomes.' ; solution ? not part of th<? v ^ ; uses Tfexas Instruments Solid are modules and comes with library module. You also get ersatihty and capability of , rds to record your own prothem you can also tie into promodulea for extended ? routines. . a copy of Personal Prograntjur new TI-59 that'll help you ower we put into it. And irt you programming evenflf tried it before. I Parting on the way to a career ig get a calculator that'll hetp ' \ ?. And get one that'll continue v ^ well on the job. p? hole line of ad- fifty*"* as Instruments p^100 at your college J or at other TI /where. ^ etail price. your fingertips. ' " t