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Movies From page 16 of his affections, Bo Derek was most mouth-watering. The scene . where Moore joined an orgy with his face shot full of Novocaine will be remembered as a classic. THE 10 WORST 1. SKATETOWN, U.S.A. and ROLLER BOOGIE. Indistinguishable from one another, therefore listed together. The roller disco craze made its way to the silver screen and tranished it forever by subjecting us to dialogue like "We'll win, but don't go gassin' up the moped 'til we do." The scantily-clad darlings of the Clearasil set who made up the casts of both films were so defiantly cute that they seemed to have the personalities of baby fuhrers. Maybe that's why I longed to see them transferred from roller rinks to concentration camps. 2. LAST EMBRACE. Director Jonathan Demme used so many quivering hand-held camera shots in this demented, tasteless rip-off of Alfred Hitchcock that I became : 11-. in ?-l-ii- *?- * pnysiuauy in wnue waicning li. Roy Scheider has never been so laughably nervous in a role and, as his foil, Janet Margolin made the silliest looking hooker I've ever seen. How such a film could have been financed is beyond my realm of comprehension. 3. AMERICATHON. By pandering solely to antiestablishment, pot-headed teenagers, Neil Israel's futuristic bucket of swill alienated everyone else. But the film's major flaw was that it tried hard to look like a television show, even though television served as the target for most of its satire. The effect of such inane plotting was that the . film constantly seemed to be trying to disgrace itself. A movie so bad that two of the country's hottest comedians, John Ritter and nm vcjr lYui iuuu, uouiun i save ll. 4. THE VILLI AN. A live-action Roadrunner cartoon for the lame of brain. Kirk Douglas was a handsome enough coyote, but Robert G. Kane's shoddy script and Hal Needham's childish direction reduced a novel idea to junkyard scrap, the only highlight of which was Ann Margret's bosom. 5. NIGHTWING. Steeped in a urAtpcniip cnrt nf rolicf ir?nc Awards rr?mpa3?16 appeals to things more enduring than disco or meditation. The music, by Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher, is so damn happy and optimistic that we couldn't accept 11 irom numan oeings; we have to get it from puppets. We let Kermit and friends say the things we'd like to say because if we said them, we'd be laughed out of the room. THE TEN WORST ALBUMS OF 1979 1. Get the Knack The Knack x^rtu iiiusif, expiuiuiuve lyrics, criminal ad campaign, plagiarized image - everything bad about rock and roll. The Knack sets the music world back twenty years without any of the nostalgia. Never have sa many been so screwed by so few. 2, Blondes Have More Fun.... Rod Stewart It's hard to find words strong enough to condemn this incredibly bad record. The single "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy" alone has done more to reduce popular music to a shambles than the Osmonds and Partridges combined. And talk about overplaying a record! 3. C'est Chic/Risque Chic Who are these people? Why are they doing such terrible things with their voices and instruments? And why are people dancing to them? Disco has never been so faceless, toneless, meaningless. v.?w JtwA fanaticism that sent even the most gullible pea-brains into convulsions of laughter, this tacky little piece of garbage wasn't so much a film as it was an insult to movie-goers across the nation. In no scene was director Arthur Hiller able to create even the smallest degree of suspense, while the script, by Steve Shagan, Bud ShrakeA'and Martin Cruz Smith (based on Smith's novel), left no Indian (or bat) cliche unturned. And if all actors were as wooden as Nick Mancuso, David Warner, Steven Macht and George Clutesi were here, America's furniture makers would be well advised to open lumber mills in Southern California. b. ilie, ih/vmi'. rnougn 1 aian i see anyone crying at the screening I attended, rumors were rampant that while watching Franco Zeffirelli's sugar-coated remake of King Vidor's 1931 classic about an over-the-hill boxer, people were virtually awash in tears. I don't know exactly why people reacted that way, but I do have three theories about them: l)they were crying because they had wasted two hours; 2)they were crying because they had wasted three dollars; or 3)they went into the theatre so primed to open up their tear ducts that even the slightest bit of bad news (such as the girl at the concession counter announcing that the theatre had sold out its 1 _ . - V _ 1.1 t_ supply or popcorn) wouia nave been enough to send them running from the theatre in search of Kleenex. 7. PHANTASM. Ghastly horror item that featured the latest in mind-blowing (and cookie-tossing) special effects - gushing yellow blood, severed fingers that returned to life, and a flying silver orb that bored through human skulls while the owners were still alive. Don Coscarelli directed the no-name cast, all of whom are destined to remain that way. 8. THE PROMISE. A young architect couldn't stop thinking about his dead fiancee, who, in reality, had gone away merely to get a much-needed facelift. One of the first lines Steven Collins was forced to utter in this outlandish screwball non-comedy went something like this: "Sometimes it feels good to be corny." If that were true, The Promise would heard Chic. I'd rather hear the animals die. 4. Cruisin'/Go West Village People Just what music needs - a living homosexual Saturday morning cartoon. 5. Dynasty Kiss What a sad waste of a good guitar player. Who cares if Kiss goes disco? If anyone deserves it, they do, for promoting a silly image through endless silly and repetitive albums. Let Cher have em. 6. Flag James Taylor The world's best case of a musician losing all of his prodigious songwriting talent and yet trying to make albums. Sorry, but that's the way it is - Carly Simon must have poisned him or something, because Flag is the latest in a line of sad efforts without force or direction. 7. Toto Toto 8. Head First The Babys 9. Llvln' Inside Your Love . George Benson 10. Monolith Kansas have sent millions of viewers rocketing off into the outer cosmos of orgasmic bliss. But it doesn't, so it didn't. 9. THE FISH THAT SAVED PITTSBURGH. The cinematic equivalent of a pimpmobile - loud, tacky, covered with glitter and full of trashy people, all of whom did nothing but listen to monotonous disco music and yell "Get down!" CI?A #alaajea yat&in ' . YTr T1 And gave... And gave. O jjwl. Until she had PfCjMgj nothing left . to give. X$||l .iini ts&m THE ROSp m r Mon-Thurs ? 1-7-9:30 Fri-Sat-Sun? 1-3:30-7-9:30 REQUIRE READINC EVERY MONDAY. WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY v^V \ ^ J \ Z-3&?< !:' ! ilLq^vA'l^m **? lliiiiliam fiHHBVHBAk ^ ynRVSvvAWiSVSfTM < 9 an USC's 4 ~ at the drop of a hat (or, in this case, at the drolp of a pink fur beret). The plot, to which about 15 minutes of the movie's two hours were devoted, concerned dissention among the members of the Pittsburgh Pythons basketball team. 10. PLAYERS. It was hard to tell whether director Anthony Harvey ?" '194 laugh m I I I I I I |^J B WM p 1 fl III i 1 i B 111 I I n 1 ^ I / 1 _ j <V \ AO" \ ? "J>5- ,<"?>\ VtJ"- ,.'J' <0^ \ && ^ ^*6>?vo v^?* V.# ^<? "P v* ***&$ ^ ~*i,^' *'v v +s$& <*& Bp: 'X^1 -o9\^\ ? '*$&??< - ,?<>*;.<; * ^>fe. ^!#S> ^ A* 1 ^ 6? ^ \tfti ?+yrr^<' .^ <* ,0\ T ?* ,.<. \S| L * .---' ft<A*A ^? vi^ %* '^* ?.*?*> ^1 \ yv> 4 hhk ?>?? .%^> ^ -/ <& v?,,.^. RBIB^ ## <$%?' ' .-s< WKSkw^m ML ;^'-5 <-i>'.'?' ffiipipiiik w>:^ ifilipiiisim'"V* *P^5f? tri-weekly news ^ ?*< /TrtUfc* ?v->? v?* ***& ? . ?*? *? *f*VA ?V^r?VV!V.-?' V intended Players to be a simple love story between an older woman and a younger man or a siirpleminded love story between a haughty older bitch and a younger tennis-playing male bimbo, but either way, the movie was destined to fail the minute Ali MacGraw signed on to portray the female half of whichever couple it was. 1' is a slapstick feast. It's a ovie, not a smile movie. " ?After Dark i*' JOMIUSHU a? ?f Mon-Thurs? J .30-7:30-9:45 Fri-Sat Sun - 1:30-3:45 7:30 I 9:45 ?mi\ $v\ \ - , ^ iW v* v->*v + * ^\A \ r^jfJaWL. \^^#S8 w Z&vl s'-zz S&S- " i^iir & v j* 21* ^ * >?& *'f<*<&&& *&?&* i?* f* , &&*&. . - *&S S ?>' ., > ^_?*2^** ^ r-^v*^ ^ ek "-^tfcl*,"?"",,,Tl'! B","^il* v spaper