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Satire by Don Fobes Copy D*sk Chtef Perhaps you've noticed that SG has had r i lately. A new constitution has been designe j have used the courts to block implementati ( A major obstacle is the ignorance by ! their current constitution. It's Catch 22 in ; constitution is impossible because of the 01 '? to install a simpler constitution, but they c ; old one is so complex that simple minds c I plicity from complexity. Understand? If yoi t Recently I consulted with Dr. J. Hanc ( internist and part-time mystic, about SG ills: V Me: Dr. Hancockstein, what seems to be th< Dr. H: A terrible legislative diet resultinj > constitution ? you gotcha one sick patient tl i Me: Could you be more specific Dr. Hancocl ( Dr. H: The patient is definitely constipated. ? MP-TMKO^ U..UO MM? ? - ...v. A.wiuau, Iiuii: VTHitl 2> your KXT j Dr. H: A laxative. I recommend Preparatio Me: But isn't Preparation H a common med f Dr. H: Nein, nein. Preparation H ? I constitution. 1 I duly and dutifully passed the info on U ' members, and they duly and dutifully phone ! Hv, KJil I letters p t The Gamecock welcomes letters II I from its readers. Letters should be ~ a maximum of 300 words and must TV be signed with the writer's correct ' name, telephone, mailing address, class standing and major. " ovuuirujriiia cti e unaccepiaDie, Dut the writer's name may he withheld i by request if circumstances warrant. We reserve the right to | edit letters for space. Address IftttPr*: fn- Pomnno : ?:? ml , ~ v?. v/uuipuo upuuuii, me j Gamecock, Drawer A, USC, Columbia, S C. 29208. i gamecock i I Founded 1908 Mark J Lundgren Editor in Chief Don Fobes Copy Desk Chief Tom Travis News Editor David Baker Entertainment Editor Brett Friedlander Sports Editor * Dave Roback Graphics Editor Barbara Mathews Wire Editor Jim Phillips Editorial Page Editor LeiQh Grooan . wou/o Lehman Stiles. Assistant Entertainment Ed. Joey Holleman Assistant Sports Editor Janice Wood Graduate Assistant Jill Griffin Advertising Manager Fran Gporge Production Manager Jon Clemmensen General Manager Sam McKee Business Manager Mark Ethridge Jr Advi3er Sole reproduction rights granted to the noaubioiou ritisa. mm oinor material contained herein may not be reprinted without the permission of the editor. Opinions expressed in the Gamecock are those, if signed, of the writer and. If unsigned, of the senior editorial staff. I " u gotcha one s the conversation in part: SG: Hello, Hertz. We'd like a r ninor difficulties Hertz: What model? We got i d, but opponents progressive, on. SG: Just streamlined. SG personnel of Hertz: I see. Just streamlined tne nesh: a new SG: That's right. Few execul d one. SG wants representation. an't because the Hertz: Oh, You mean the "F an't create sim- model. Why didn't you say so? 11 do, run for SG. SG: The old one's a 59 long. W? :ockstein, noted Hertz: Sorry, we're fresh out c 's constitutional Avis tried very hard, natur 23-short constitution in an old t ; trouble? lease with the inclusion of a * in an unsound The lease was invalidated b; lere. who was miffed that anyone > kstein? year plans. So, it was back to the b backstabbing and slapstick nH. modities at senate meeting: ical drug? suggested making the ne\* Hertz rent-a- amendment to the old one, thuj A good college try, until it 3 influential SG ment to the old constitution ir id Hertz. Here's invalid, then that would make To the Editor: Concerning the Thomas Kevlii resignation, I feel Neil's statement " have a record of articles..." is total . reason to force D Publication a., i i i tribution to the clas: lOt Vital to reeducation, not his "publications. mialifAr Many professors ; v ^ v>| \j y involved in turning < that they forget the r\ nr why is a Professo UL UL'UCt LlU'Il turn out an increasi papers in order 1 worthiness? Wha student? Why doesn'l our education ever inspection? I comj recognize what I c gain as a student fro who turns out numei C u.s.c. vs jouesf^ FOR A f&ftT- fteaHWARY Y\tAKiMG REfiiAftptfJfif 1&el?i*LAMP fiSCAU KArtifKXOo^S fofiiPMlHGt to VWETWCR OR NOT A PeC*e?OlA \ 6HOOLP 6e MAP* CoHCeMHCr TfiC \ CMwmrtfUAnoN of TH?S H*AW^... J HVMOo Qumoo AMP ym< | ? ^rTYym Aj u up *JONE S ? ick patient t\ constitution ir lew constitution. constitution. C used or new, conservative or SG sought t expert ? non< detailed men scheme. New tive positions and superficial proponents sh< plumbers and 'ull-the-wool-over-their-eyes" weeks. What size? Fixin's solul ;'d like to try a 23 short. this was the pli >f 23 shorts. Try Avis... from the sain ally, and found a dilapidated was canceled rash can. SG signed a 10-year arose over v $100 non-returnable deposit. Sometimes 5! y President Slim Boldertan, Sometimes al vould try to surpass his five- showed up. So, Also, the plui trawling board. Screaming, to outlaw the ] s became everyday com- and temporar o l? 1 a. unc ungiu^jyea senator House like bats O'Boyle constitution an The problenr 5, superceding it. prevails. One s was noted that if an amend- the new propo idicated that the old one was "When I first h the amendment and the new could think was quality papers in comparison article about professor who stays involved i's forced his students and is dedicate Thomas C. teaching. ...he did not I realize there is always goii publications, be a certain amount of "bi ly absurd as nosing" at any university, >r. Kevlin to when the situation begins to in minal justice on my right as a student to ret ofessor's con- a quality education, I j sroom is vital protest! the amount of I can hardly believe that The Neil would stoop to fore \t USC get so resignation from Tom Kevlin 3ur "articles" to the lack of his publications, sir students. situation seems to be more r expected to personal problem of Mr. N ng amount of and, therefore, not a wise :o prove his ministrative decision. I w t about the much rather have a profe t the quality of concerned with w?v vjuaiuj come under education than the quantity o jletely fail to "publications". ould possibly m a professor Suzanne Mitchell rous, medium Criminal Justice sophomore M[Bhm| / ? - < * l 1 i~ , STUDENT C0UR1 iUUUUUUUUUUL "71 * ~ ? - ^ ^ 12_y ... GmVATZP iA iere' lvalid too, since they were part of the old atch 22 again. he advice of America's finest constitutional e other than Richard M. Fixin. In a highly no, Fixin sketched an alternating-week constitution adherents and old constitution mid divide into two camps, he advised ? the the plumbees. They would meet on alternate Lion proved leaky. Cries of '"But I thought umbers' week, not the plumbees'" resounded tly senate chambers. Whenever a meeting because of vacation or the like, squabbling vho should meet in the ensuing week. 9 senators showed up. Sometimes 23. 1 82 showed up. And sometimes nobody what else is new? mbers were constantly passing amendments plumbees and vice versa. Suits, injunctions y restraining orders flew through Russell ;. So, what else is new? i remains unresolved ? a trucculent truce enator told me off the record that he figured sal would spell trouble from the word go. leard of the new constitution," he said, "all I ?: Oh boy. Oh boy. O'Boyle." to a d'to Bowen picture "g to . rown m p00r taste, vade reader- says imas To the Editor: 0 Q . The picture of Richard Bowen in This 28 issue the Gamecock I is one of the most vulgar and feil's disgusting things I've seen in a ad- very time- B?wen should, at ould very *east. ^ ashamed of himself, and the Gamecock hCCQI* ' r , showed pretty poor taste by f his printing the picture. Lou Hiltz Business sophomore I -rwt Gt**cocts r? O I U U LJ 11111N n rJ -mmi ?? * *?*> ?' J '77 / '