The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, March 05, 1979, Page Page 14, Image 16
Satire by Don Fobes
Copy D*sk Chtef
Perhaps you've noticed that SG has had r
i lately. A new constitution has been designe
j have used the courts to block implementati
( A major obstacle is the ignorance by !
their current constitution. It's Catch 22 in
; constitution is impossible because of the 01
'? to install a simpler constitution, but they c
; old one is so complex that simple minds c
I plicity from complexity. Understand? If yoi
t Recently I consulted with Dr. J. Hanc
( internist and part-time mystic, about SG
ills:
V Me: Dr. Hancockstein, what seems to be th<
Dr. H: A terrible legislative diet resultinj
> constitution ? you gotcha one sick patient tl
i Me: Could you be more specific Dr. Hancocl
( Dr. H: The patient is definitely constipated.
? MP-TMKO^ U..UO MM? ? -
...v. A.wiuau, Iiuii: VTHitl 2> your KXT
j Dr. H: A laxative. I recommend Preparatio
Me: But isn't Preparation H a common med
f Dr. H: Nein, nein. Preparation H ?
I constitution.
1 I duly and dutifully passed the info on U
' members, and they duly and dutifully phone
! Hv,
KJil
I letters p
t
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IftttPr*: fn- Pomnno : ?:? ml
, ~ v?. v/uuipuo upuuuii, me
j Gamecock, Drawer A, USC,
Columbia, S C. 29208.
i gamecock
i I
Founded 1908
Mark J Lundgren Editor in Chief
Don Fobes Copy Desk Chief
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I "
u gotcha one s
the conversation in part:
SG: Hello, Hertz. We'd like a r
ninor difficulties Hertz: What model? We got i
d, but opponents progressive,
on. SG: Just streamlined.
SG personnel of Hertz: I see. Just streamlined
tne nesh: a new SG: That's right. Few execul
d one. SG wants representation.
an't because the Hertz: Oh, You mean the "F
an't create sim- model. Why didn't you say so?
11 do, run for SG. SG: The old one's a 59 long. W?
:ockstein, noted Hertz: Sorry, we're fresh out c
's constitutional Avis tried very hard, natur
23-short constitution in an old t
; trouble? lease with the inclusion of a
* in an unsound The lease was invalidated b;
lere. who was miffed that anyone >
kstein? year plans.
So, it was back to the b
backstabbing and slapstick
nH. modities at senate meeting:
ical drug? suggested making the ne\*
Hertz rent-a- amendment to the old one, thuj
A good college try, until it
3 influential SG ment to the old constitution ir
id Hertz. Here's invalid, then that would make
To the Editor:
Concerning the
Thomas Kevlii
resignation, I feel
Neil's statement "
have a record of
articles..." is total
. reason to force D
Publication a.,
i i i tribution to the clas:
lOt Vital to reeducation, not
his "publications.
mialifAr Many professors ;
v ^ v>| \j y involved in turning <
that they forget the
r\ nr why is a Professo
UL UL'UCt LlU'Il turn out an increasi
papers in order 1
worthiness? Wha
student? Why doesn'l
our education ever
inspection? I comj
recognize what I c
gain as a student fro
who turns out numei
C u.s.c. vs jouesf^
FOR A f&ftT- fteaHWARY
Y\tAKiMG REfiiAftptfJfif 1&el?i*LAMP
fiSCAU KArtifKXOo^S fofiiPMlHGt
to VWETWCR OR NOT A PeC*e?OlA
\ 6HOOLP 6e MAP* CoHCeMHCr TfiC
\ CMwmrtfUAnoN of TH?S H*AW^... J
HVMOo Qumoo AMP ym<
| ? ^rTYym
Aj u up
*JONE S ?
ick patient t\
constitution ir
lew constitution. constitution. C
used or new, conservative or SG sought t
expert ? non<
detailed men
scheme. New
tive positions and superficial proponents sh<
plumbers and
'ull-the-wool-over-their-eyes" weeks.
What size? Fixin's solul
;'d like to try a 23 short. this was the pli
>f 23 shorts. Try Avis... from the sain
ally, and found a dilapidated was canceled
rash can. SG signed a 10-year arose over v
$100 non-returnable deposit. Sometimes 5!
y President Slim Boldertan, Sometimes al
vould try to surpass his five- showed up. So,
Also, the plui
trawling board. Screaming, to outlaw the ]
s became everyday com- and temporar
o l? 1
a. unc ungiu^jyea senator House like bats
O'Boyle constitution an The problenr
5, superceding it. prevails. One s
was noted that if an amend- the new propo
idicated that the old one was "When I first h
the amendment and the new could think was
quality papers in comparison
article about professor who stays involved
i's forced his students and is dedicate
Thomas C. teaching.
...he did not I realize there is always goii
publications, be a certain amount of "bi
ly absurd as nosing" at any university,
>r. Kevlin to when the situation begins to in
minal justice on my right as a student to ret
ofessor's con- a quality education, I j
sroom is vital protest!
the amount of I can hardly believe that The
Neil would stoop to fore
\t USC get so resignation from Tom Kevlin
3ur "articles" to the lack of his publications,
sir students. situation seems to be more
r expected to personal problem of Mr. N
ng amount of and, therefore, not a wise
:o prove his ministrative decision. I w
t about the much rather have a profe
t the quality of concerned with
w?v vjuaiuj
come under education than the quantity o
jletely fail to "publications".
ould possibly
m a professor Suzanne Mitchell
rous, medium Criminal Justice sophomore
M[Bhm| / ? - <
* l 1 i~ ,
STUDENT C0UR1
iUUUUUUUUUUL
"71 * ~ ? -
^ ^
12_y
... GmVATZP iA
iere'
lvalid too, since they were part of the old
atch 22 again.
he advice of America's finest constitutional
e other than Richard M. Fixin. In a highly
no, Fixin sketched an alternating-week
constitution adherents and old constitution
mid divide into two camps, he advised ? the
the plumbees. They would meet on alternate
Lion proved leaky. Cries of '"But I thought
umbers' week, not the plumbees'" resounded
tly senate chambers. Whenever a meeting
because of vacation or the like, squabbling
vho should meet in the ensuing week.
9 senators showed up. Sometimes 23.
1 82 showed up. And sometimes nobody
what else is new?
mbers were constantly passing amendments
plumbees and vice versa. Suits, injunctions
y restraining orders flew through Russell
;. So, what else is new?
i remains unresolved ? a trucculent truce
enator told me off the record that he figured
sal would spell trouble from the word go.
leard of the new constitution," he said, "all I
?: Oh boy. Oh boy. O'Boyle."
to a
d'to Bowen picture
"g to .
rown m p00r taste,
vade
reader- says
imas To the Editor:
0 Q
. The picture of Richard Bowen in
This 28 issue the Gamecock
I is one of the most vulgar and
feil's disgusting things I've seen in a
ad- very time- B?wen should, at
ould very *east. ^ ashamed of
himself, and the Gamecock
hCCQI* '
r , showed pretty poor taste by
f his printing the picture.
Lou Hiltz
Business sophomore
I -rwt Gt**cocts
r? O
I U U LJ 11111N n rJ
-mmi ?? * *?*>
?'
J '77 / '