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Colum Punk ( I V, I f Student becomes Joel > n nn ' m m m m , lock w th C( se y< i le CC N / y< T cl U! | F e: h U w n a i f< c c J JSe s J ( By TOM "BILLY JOEl/'CLYDK flamop/uib Cloff \?wiMvv<wn mull vflllCI Tom "Ed" Clyde, a writer for the Gamecock entertainment section, has been accused by other members of the staff of writing "one too many" in-depth articles on Billy Joel.So far this semester he has submitted eleven articles on Billy Joel. Recently the staff released a statement on Ihe matter: "We are sick of reading about Billy Joel." Some of the concerned staff,members decided to get to the real reasoning behind Tom "Ed's" apparent obsession with Joel. A e I ?:-? i. . n wvuiu-i<iMiuua nypiiuiisi was caitea in, ana Tom "Ed" was put into a state of deep hypnosis. An in-depth interview was conducted. nun; <iit; iiiu u uiibunpis : Hypnotist: "You are becoming very tired, very sleepy. When I snap my fingers you will be fast asleep." Weird mo\ invade An y BARRY GLENN Y sst. Entertainment Editor The American public has been treated this o r*ai? f/v mrvirt /\f ?v*/%*> <-??-? iu ounic ui me ucai uiuvica unu icicviaiuil ill S ie history of both industries. Can next year ii )me close? I think it can. Recently I received e ;veral exclusive newsletters detailing next 1 2ar's lineup at the theater and on the TV screen. h lere are just a few of the promising upcoming c latures at the local Bijou. E itrk iL C miiiuuijc. v*/*i\r> xvarui i-orceiain ana i~<UKe t ightwalker go at it again in this sequel to last jar's popular hit. Scrubbing Bubbles and the idy-howl man are featured. ( c WEST COLUMBIA, WEST COLUMBIA - A E licken hut waitress makes it with a bait shop n wner. WELCOME TO S.C. - This thoughtful flick fi ortrays the horror young aspiring actresses J icperience when their Hollywood-bound bus is ijacked to Batesburg-Leesville. F CLAWS - A gigantic homosexual blue crab h ;rrorizes citizens of Miami Beach, then holds a oman and her family for ransom. h DIRTY SALLY, CRAZY MATT - Two jour- 1 alists go on a nationwide rampage tearing S part everything from pinball machines to x)tball coaches. F CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 69TI1 KIND - I xtraterrestrial porno. *' And that is only part of the lineup. It is notable that the motion picture industry is hanging their rating code somewhat. Effective 1 anuary 1,1978 the ratings will be as follows: li i-Gross G-Pretty Gross t l-Itaunchy r [-Extra Raunchy I Now, if you don't have the bucks to go and see "I he aforementioned movies, some great en- I ertainment is in store on the tube over the olidays. Check your local listings for time and hannel. "USC'S WIDE WOULD OF PARKING" - This veek from Russell House Parking Lot. 140 ontestants vie lor two parking places an hour. Li Hso, from New York, Eon Bass gives tips on ( aking and delaying the game. Jim McKay LOStS. "COLLEGIATE FEUD" - This week Dr. lames Holderman takes on the students of Carolina. Richard Dawson hosts. . THE THIRD REICH SQUARES - Guests include Joseph Goebbels and Herman Goering. Gamecock: "Is he asleep?" Hypnotist: "Just a minute. (Snaps his fingers.) Okay, he should be now!" Gamecock: "Who was the 39th President of the United States? Was Hitler a bed-wetter? Is Billy Carter in the PTL Club?" Hypnotist: "Nodummy! Interview Tom "Ed!" Gamecock: "Oh, yeah. Tom "Ed" can you hear me? Tom "Ed" can you hear me?" Tom "Ed": "Go to the mirror, boy!" Gamecock: "Who?" Tom "Ed": "Exactly!" (iamecock: "Do you like Billy Joel?" Tom "Bd": "I don't know him. I met him once, but he was shorter than me." Gamecock: "Why do you write so many articles about Billy Joel?" Tom '"Kd": "He represents a part of mankind that few others even take notice of." Gamecock: "What part of. mankind is that?" Tom "Ed": "The part that lives in New Jersey." ries ierica ixxoi. Ti: A mat. nciuiiui iiiiiiiiiici. i\u stxrei square. THE ABC MONDAY NIGHT MOVIE - "Attack f the D-cups" (1973) A St. Louis lingerie alesman who moonlights as a mad scientist gets ito a cupful of trouble when some of his new nlarging potion leaks into his sample case. Yagedy strikes as one of the samples gets out of and. last >r. Playtex - Lloyd Bridges Captain - Charlton Heston tuffalo Bill - O.J. Simpson HORNY BOYS-NANCY PHEW MYSTERIES continued from last week) - the Horny Boys ontinue their rampage on Manhattan's Lower last Side while Nancy taunts the boys with low ecklines. TAPPS CHRISTMAS DAY PARADE - live rom Columbia, S.C. Hosts are Ed McMahon ahd ames Edwards for ibis exciting annual event. ETV CHRISTMAS SPECIAL - The life of resident James Buchanan is recounted in this our-long special featuring his descendants. TWELVE IS ENOUGH - Tonight Jimmy and is Cabinet discuss how to do away with the A . .41~ U - <*? ?* ciii)c*)i3cc v ciiicry f\UUIUHiy Wlinoui IIOOQing outh Georgia. TOMORROWNIG11T - Guests include Jane auley who will be seen on the "Today" show omorrow following a tape of yesterday's Tonight Show." THE ADVENTURES OF FLASH GORDON "oday Flash demonstrates his raincoat to the adies at the bus stop on 52nd Street. Alas, so you see, the holidays need not be a ime of boredom for you. So enjoy and write my nother and tell her how much you enjoyed it. ley, who loves ya? Kups invade I "H ? Gamecock: "What started this 'thing' you have for Billy Joel?" Tom "Ed": "I don't have a 'thing' for Billy Joel. What is this, you think I'm a gay bird or something? What are you talking about?" Gamecock: "His music." Tom "Kd": "1 play the Diano. ()n<> niaht it -?n began. It was nine o'clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffled in . . ." Gamecock: "So you identify with him?" Tom "Ed": "At times I am transcended into his very existence." Gamecock: "Meaning . . ." Tom "Ed": "I become Billy Joel." GameCOCk: "What hannono Tom "Ed": "I become Billy Joel." Gamecock: ' What happens then?" Tom "Ed": "It becomes very hard to cash a d- ck." 11vpnoiiKt: "Hey, let's huve some fun! We'll hypnotize him so he thinks he's Billy Joel, and See J OKI., page 17