The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, December 08, 1977, Page Page 16, Image 16
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By TOM "BILLY JOEl/'CLYDK
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Tom "Ed" Clyde, a writer for the Gamecock
entertainment section, has been accused by
other members of the staff of writing "one too
many" in-depth articles on Billy Joel.So far
this semester he has submitted eleven articles
on Billy Joel.
Recently the staff released a statement on
Ihe matter: "We are sick of reading about Billy
Joel." Some of the concerned staff,members
decided to get to the real reasoning behind
Tom "Ed's" apparent obsession with Joel.
A e I ?:-? i. .
n wvuiu-i<iMiuua nypiiuiisi was caitea in, ana
Tom "Ed" was put into a state of deep hypnosis.
An in-depth interview was conducted.
nun; <iit; iiiu u uiibunpis :
Hypnotist: "You are becoming very tired, very
sleepy. When I snap my fingers you will be fast
asleep."
Weird mo\
invade An
y BARRY GLENN Y
sst. Entertainment Editor
The American public has been treated this o
r*ai? f/v mrvirt /\f ?v*/%*> <-??-?
iu ounic ui me ucai uiuvica unu icicviaiuil ill S
ie history of both industries. Can next year ii
)me close? I think it can. Recently I received e
;veral exclusive newsletters detailing next 1
2ar's lineup at the theater and on the TV screen. h
lere are just a few of the promising upcoming c
latures at the local Bijou. E
itrk iL C
miiiuuijc. v*/*i\r> xvarui i-orceiain ana i~<UKe t
ightwalker go at it again in this sequel to last
jar's popular hit. Scrubbing Bubbles and the
idy-howl man are featured. (
c
WEST COLUMBIA, WEST COLUMBIA - A E
licken hut waitress makes it with a bait shop n
wner.
WELCOME TO S.C. - This thoughtful flick fi
ortrays the horror young aspiring actresses J
icperience when their Hollywood-bound bus is
ijacked to Batesburg-Leesville.
F
CLAWS - A gigantic homosexual blue crab h
;rrorizes citizens of Miami Beach, then holds a
oman and her family for ransom.
h
DIRTY SALLY, CRAZY MATT - Two jour- 1
alists go on a nationwide rampage tearing S
part everything from pinball machines to
x)tball coaches.
F
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 69TI1 KIND - I
xtraterrestrial porno. *'
And that is only part of the lineup.
It is notable that the motion picture industry is
hanging their rating code somewhat. Effective 1
anuary 1,1978 the ratings will be as follows: li
i-Gross
G-Pretty Gross t
l-Itaunchy r
[-Extra Raunchy I
Now, if you don't have the bucks to go and see "I
he aforementioned movies, some great en- I
ertainment is in store on the tube over the
olidays. Check your local listings for time and
hannel.
"USC'S WIDE WOULD OF PARKING" - This
veek from Russell House Parking Lot. 140
ontestants vie lor two parking places an hour. Li
Hso, from New York, Eon Bass gives tips on (
aking and delaying the game. Jim McKay
LOStS.
"COLLEGIATE FEUD" - This week Dr.
lames Holderman takes on the students of
Carolina. Richard Dawson hosts. .
THE THIRD REICH SQUARES - Guests include
Joseph Goebbels and Herman Goering.
Gamecock: "Is he asleep?"
Hypnotist: "Just a minute. (Snaps his fingers.)
Okay, he should be now!"
Gamecock: "Who was the 39th President of the
United States? Was Hitler a bed-wetter? Is
Billy Carter in the PTL Club?"
Hypnotist: "Nodummy! Interview Tom "Ed!"
Gamecock: "Oh, yeah. Tom "Ed" can you
hear me? Tom "Ed" can you hear me?"
Tom "Ed": "Go to the mirror, boy!"
Gamecock: "Who?"
Tom "Ed": "Exactly!"
(iamecock: "Do you like Billy Joel?"
Tom "Bd": "I don't know him. I met him once,
but he was shorter than me."
Gamecock: "Why do you write so many articles
about Billy Joel?"
Tom '"Kd": "He represents a part of mankind
that few others even take notice of."
Gamecock: "What part of. mankind is that?"
Tom "Ed": "The part that lives in New Jersey."
ries
ierica
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mat. nciuiiui iiiiiiiiiici. i\u stxrei square.
THE ABC MONDAY NIGHT MOVIE - "Attack
f the D-cups" (1973) A St. Louis lingerie
alesman who moonlights as a mad scientist gets
ito a cupful of trouble when some of his new
nlarging potion leaks into his sample case.
Yagedy strikes as one of the samples gets out of
and.
last
>r. Playtex - Lloyd Bridges
Captain - Charlton Heston
tuffalo Bill - O.J. Simpson
HORNY BOYS-NANCY PHEW MYSTERIES
continued from last week) - the Horny Boys
ontinue their rampage on Manhattan's Lower
last Side while Nancy taunts the boys with low
ecklines.
TAPPS CHRISTMAS DAY PARADE - live
rom Columbia, S.C. Hosts are Ed McMahon ahd
ames Edwards for ibis exciting annual event.
ETV CHRISTMAS SPECIAL - The life of
resident James Buchanan is recounted in this
our-long special featuring his descendants.
TWELVE IS ENOUGH - Tonight Jimmy and
is Cabinet discuss how to do away with the
A . .41~ U - <*? ?*
ciii)c*)i3cc v ciiicry f\UUIUHiy Wlinoui IIOOQing
outh Georgia.
TOMORROWNIG11T - Guests include Jane
auley who will be seen on the "Today" show
omorrow following a tape of yesterday's
Tonight Show."
THE ADVENTURES OF FLASH GORDON "oday
Flash demonstrates his raincoat to the
adies at the bus stop on 52nd Street.
Alas, so you see, the holidays need not be a
ime of boredom for you. So enjoy and write my
nother and tell her how much you enjoyed it.
ley, who loves ya?
Kups invade I
"H ?
Gamecock: "What started this 'thing' you have
for Billy Joel?"
Tom "Ed": "I don't have a 'thing' for Billy
Joel. What is this, you think I'm a gay bird or
something? What are you talking about?"
Gamecock: "His music."
Tom "Kd": "1 play the Diano. ()n<> niaht it -?n
began. It was nine o'clock on a Saturday, the
regular crowd shuffled in . . ."
Gamecock: "So you identify with him?"
Tom "Ed": "At times I am transcended into
his very existence."
Gamecock: "Meaning . . ."
Tom "Ed": "I become Billy Joel."
GameCOCk: "What hannono
Tom "Ed": "I become Billy Joel."
Gamecock: ' What happens then?"
Tom "Ed": "It becomes very hard to cash a
d- ck."
11vpnoiiKt: "Hey, let's huve some fun! We'll
hypnotize him so he thinks he's Billy Joel, and
See J OKI., page 17