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,r " I. * Citizen sanity Stories o BY STAN SEARS Citizen Sanity began reading his "student" newspaper while getting his brain into another world in the student bar. The student bar was his world's answer to the mini-bottle question. Instead of trying to tie themselves * 9 down with asinine and unen forceable laws, they made EVERYTHING legal. It was in a state such as this that Sanity felt the paper should be read. "Those fools are trying to control our minds again! They ought to be drawn and quartered. President Trix would endorse that," moaned Sanity in anebriated groans. Sanity read on about how the paper criticized student govern ment. Those on the paper did not do a fair job. "Hell, those fools on student government are backing the paper all the time. Then, those fools on the paper have the audacity to cut o * the student government down. They're both a bunch of brown nosers. Only, student government doesn't have the brains to strike back. Oh, sure, occasionally the student government called the paper a few dirty names. But, nothing of substance." Everyone at Carolina knew that student government wasn't anything more than a group of bureaucratic people who dedicated o * their college careers to the propagation of bureaucratic tradition. Student legislators could HOW /// F bureaucrats easily be distinguished. They wore around, Chief Fatba red hats at registration. That way nowhere to be found. A everyone knew that they were could usually be in the official bureaucrats, and they bar, spending money th could register early. Occasionally gotten ahold of in ps4 they came up with "paper ways. resolutions" that would strike terror into nobody and accomplish Chief Fatbac absolutely nothing at all. But, thisPoicohmefHed made people think that they were paigagm ald" doing something.poiis"Atal,h The paper was much the same. gopo epet up An orderly assortment of t oe,te undo bureaucrats who were dedicated to wsbcmn ou the job of preserving bureaucracynobegplydyMc and propogating pseudo-pop Ti' poet opinions that students did not Fo,jsas cGv actually believe, but, read for theabnoe thswo comic relief that they normallyhm,CifFtckisa reserved for Donald Duck comicthswoorgnlyup books. After all, that was what theyangvehmratise were getting student funds to do: Fyu upreshv keep the students happy. The pseudo-head of the paper was Chiefwilhvtofnfryu F~atbacks. Bcue o,a al Of course, this Chief Fatbacksotesnthsafar was known as an "honorable"Saiy ndfedswt man. That's what President rahit otrt n Spinner said before Chief Fatbacks Glwtrbtosa began a notorious campaign Masil pnusdr against his former companion. Ah,sweolda.Aray such are the ways of Carolina rjcso h opln politics,.oei oenetcn It should not go unnoticed thatrega. Chief Fatbacks thought of himself Strig Satyfl as a crusader for the minority. He tyererwhahoet kept this public image to soothe hisoniswyPehp t ego. Unfortunately, Chief Fat- sriewl r ob backs was about as benevolent as Prastesaewl Dickens' Scrooge. His employeeswefr.Myevnfo knew him as a ripper. When It was Adtermlnso liefrpyhcst oe nhr go n a nd.. /E DOING, LARRY? Id$I MXK GAMECOCK The Gamecock is published twice weekly on Monday and Thursday eks was during the fall and spring semesters with the exception of university [though it holidays and exam periods. student's Change of address forms, subscription requests and other mail items it he had ,udo-legal should be sent to The Gamecock, Drawer A, USC, Columbia, S. C., 29208. Subscription rate is $3 per semester. The Gamecock this year an old received $38,000 from the student activity fund entitling full-time stu lighted in dents to a subscription. Offices of The Gamecock are rooms 317, 318,and rnixonian 319 in Russell House on the university campus. Telephones are 777-8178 got one and 777-4249, news, and 777-3888, advertising. Second class postage rt his rise i them. It paid at Columbia, S.C. ar game, Although The Gamecock is a publication of the students of the Univer 3overnor, sity of South Carolina, it is not an official publication of the university. The opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent those of rnor had the university, the student body, or all staff members of The Gamecock. supported rndoninmg Editor..................................... Charles Fellenbaum . Well, C. Managing Editor .................................. John Gash left; you rself. Asst. Managing Editor........................ Jerelyn Eddings y and the News Editor..........................BtyWorf starving. have to Sports Editor..........................DogWlim awn their d Jayne Asst. Sports Editor.....................SeePre anung of Advertising Manager Art....... they are idethusme McClure ider them (Continued from p. 3) past ae25cnesi s to the four days of personal in- teU .o n o vr at relief is struction. Each session takesmilo pel.Mcur de dining 1% hours.eplieththegaiso ibe him. The first lecture will be etbihcnesaon h rant him Thursday night in room 323l o aete nweg :i stamps! at Russell House beginningofmdtinadthscee starving at 7:30. o cetv nelgne TheMaarshi aaibe to erone.revr