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By Wagner Halselle Roberts Emperor of North America My dauphin, often we are told how restless and active vampires are and, of course, it is no cause for wonder. Anyone would be restless with that kind of body chemistry. Vampires, however, seldom kill their victims outright but drink only enough blood for their immediate needs. They can also mesmerize their un protected victims with their eyes in order to have a docile host. Sometimes too, they will even make love to the poor stunned wretch before supping. So likewise it is with the vampires we have discovered in and around Columbia and the environs of the Carolinia Kingdom. The peasants there are actually so mesmerized with their presence, so filled with dread and terror, that they tar and feather any stranger who offers aid and a cure, for fear of the vampires' wrath should they be disturbed in any way. They fear the loss of Jockula should it get angry and sulk at the slightest wane in loyalty and patronage by them--the victims--for they are mesmerized into believing that his name will carry the fame of their community much farther and faster than any civilized attributes and that his name will also bring to them and the Carolina Community docile and or physically talented students much more to their liking and peasant taste, and that there is much money to be made from ticket sales, and CalabaA Carry Out P0-B Fresh Shrir $1.7 0-Boy Generous Serving ofF Po-oy Slaw - French Fries - Flounder Box Puppies - Tarter Sauce. $1.35 1/2 Lb. Fresh Filet P of Flounder Combinati Cole Slaw - F. Fries $. Tater Tots - Hush Puppies Fresh Filet of Shrimp &( Cole Slaw - F.FriE Hush Puppies - 1208 Knox / TELEPHONE 79 6-1 OPEN 11AAA .. - Hatrei grows i that sports builds character and strong bodies twelve ways and promotes good citizenship through obedience to the Fuhrer and the Fatherland without question. And that, (pipes in Fundamentula), it is also a wholesome thing to do for should we not also believe in our Maker-Savior-Holy Ghost without question? That when we waver in our duty and fumble near the goal line and foil the team effort we should be guilt stricken and entertain the greatness of our SIN and the smallness of man and that we should beg and plead with God to save us, and help us, and please, oh please, Father-Coach forgive me for I HAVE SINNED and I beg you to kick me through the goal posts of life!! Likewise they fear the loss and wrath of Milatria for his victims are mesmerized into believing that all will be lost if his prestige and demand for blood and tribute is diminished in the slightest. Both Milatria and Corpula waltz on this theme together, inseparably in tertwined; they fight for each other's interests and grow fat off the intellectual laziness and abdication of the ruling class while Jockula and Fundamentual glut themselves on the sweating ignorance of the masses. This is the state of things in America today. What a morass of Manifest Destiny per- countrt versions! What a despicable tradition of anti- chang intellectualism in our lives! student U.S. S impres Yest< missint where knowle remov( it and anothe: Aske have o taking way in proach him r deserv( fringen ' told abi any thir NHMNNFHNNE #1eefEemelliwTHEnot sat was a justice, words, around De a this c< Dining In " most A p Box people I it is p0 ash Shrimp - Cole rater Tots - Hush P-o Fried Oyster, Box .$1.75 As a Large Serving of Fresh have mn Box Oysters - Cole Slaw andlae French Fries - Tater Tots politici ludrHush Puppies - Tarter conditi ystuer Sauce. the en ySTteros ment-i ater Tuce have I arter dLJC Cban ksi abbott Drive I refeCi ORDERS among 654 letting DAYS A WEEK vna ..........n..r... Lf my heart It is no wonder the American children have rebelled, my dumpling, after being sucked, harried, and pestered by those vampires all their lives--now screamed at by hysterical parents at Little League games; there taken to church and force fed dogma and ideology and faireytales; here drafted and spending two years in Vietnam before turning twenty; and, finally, panting after more rewards and af fection from Corpula and in school with the aid of the G.I. Bill, saying, "See how good I am with my nice conservative ways and clean-cut looks! Why, I still wear the combat boots I wore in Vietnam!" Oh yes, a great many of the young have rebelled from this sort of nonsense, but are they in the majority? There are many kinds of traitors and turn coats these days, my souffle. Now some of you who have the audacity to think you are intelligent will no doubt point out that America is relativist in judging others, Letters America the v weeks ago I came to this deficient construction plan for as part of a cultural ex- these sites was ever approved in which allows British the first place. s to work and travel in the Columbia and the surrounding > that they will gain a real area are growing. People who ;ion of American culture. maintain that the "evils" of the big !rday a set of tools went city can never happen here would in the engineering plant seem to be naive. The clearest was employed. Without my solution. I would suggest, should be dge the manager saw fit to to anticipate the problems and my personal pouch. search results of growth and make efforts finding nothing leave it in to control them. This is not to say part of the factory. that progress or growth is bad; I in a civil manner, I would instead, through efforts to regulate pened the bag gladly, but and prepare for such growth by exception to the underhand observing comparative un which it was done, I ap- controlled conditions in other d the manager and told cities, we can at least attempt to ationally, I thought I secure protection of our en d an apology for this in- vironment and our society. ent of my privacy. I was These observations vere -uptly I had no right to ask prompted by the news of the g and could leave if I was WaegtdvlomnatLk *sfied. I left. Asking if this Muryadtesabih ntoa i example of American pbi akaogteSld ie I was told in so many bns "This is the way we operateJae .Bgeir here and you as a guest in166renSrt deficiet constuctionelanofo thesttis mn'Ae(ss wa everAppoedi )hyes noireresptatieeo er abused.ol cubi asdtheroundingeer BillyKay a jutreudo greing. reondin who mitthtthe souriras" of the dobig ~'i'iy EVLSeteemneed."d happe theraecwock. seem toeengve The lrest soieo tata eri,I ltion, appendd toggest,lehoul in loel oberedpraties the antiipat th sepolm n reso an eeoern Ist of "rwA menake tendency, tanstathv eule n prre or prowthdice" bad; nnstha seiouly hreten influence throg affcts nuyor eun-t viomn.Svrlaat ary. prp or" uchndigowthby ~ondoini compexes snting n."(takstv Fun cnrleeedcootructionlongnteoWhgr citeedm utetd Sti, we can athlat attemptu to int te rve. he ysery annerespotinpoint Theore en a situ~~hee bsration i loauig oa,frtoeo s ohvereo to th buk pasing rohmdtedb henf e (Gdewsid of ah 'r.aWaoermn f thogt devldpmenterprtivae )V(I' ho s rsposibe fr Murnalim' and the esablshment wofsa ch ractces,whih ar' in mublc('rk a(eolongationaud toiver 'n o la, tke pace ~ air,honst r Jectiv. 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