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Darn you, nasty Gamecock DEAR MS. MILLER: In reference to Bob Craft's ar ticle on "Company," I would like to know if any members of the Gamecock staff can find anything right with anything? Most of the Gamecock's articles are severely critical. Hold on-I might have to take that back. Instead of being "critical" myself, I should thank these writers(?). It's not every paper that has a critic in all fields. Who knows, one day Jesus Christ might return and the Gamecock can bless us with another critical article. SPENCER STARR I want my three dollars DEAR MS. MILLER: SCPIRG has refused to give me my three dollars. They claim it's because they haven't collected it yet, but if they can tax me in ad vance, why can't I get my refund in advance? ROBERT WASHINGTON Students will control SPIRG DEAR MS. MILLER Re Michael Trinkley's letter in the February 2 Gamecock, I would like to know which issues SCPIRG has refused to discuss. Which questions have been left unan swered? And YAF has accused SCPIRG of making statements which were too general? Mr. Trinkley's has been the most general to date. Secondly, it is ridiculous to say that SCPIRG is demanding sup port of the students. This wouldbj obviously self-defeating. Would you sign a petition that someone demanded you to sign? Have we demanded that you support us, Mr. Trinkley? Finally, regarding Ms. Stirling's letter which Mr. Trinkley has put down so well, if one will simply read the following letter for YAF G A MI The GAMECOCK is published i semesters with the exception of U Changes of address forms, subscr should be sent to Drawer A, USC, C $3 per semester or $6 for both seme GAMECOCK this year received $5 entitling full-time students to a sut GAMECOCK are in Rooms 316 a University campus. Phones are 73 class postage paid at Columbia, publication of the students of the Ur official publication of the Universi not necessarily represent those of I staff members of the GAMECOCI Editor. ...... .. .. .. Managing Editor... .. .. .. Associate Editor... .. .. .. Assistant Managing Editor.... Business Manager. .. . ... Sports Editor.... .. .. ... Asst. Sports Editor.. .. .. Photo Editor... .. ..--.. News Editors... .. .... Feature Editor... .. .... Circulation.... . ... .. .... Classified Advertising. .. .. Staff Writers.... .. .. .. .. .. L Gilbert, Bob Grondahl, Julie Lul Ellen Murray, K ris Schweickert, \ Betty Woodruff and Charlie Felli Sports Writers. .. .. .. .. ..Bill Photographers...........Cour S Advertising Manager . ... (written by Thomas Foster), one notices "remarkable undercover work" by YAF. The students in Oregon received a full refund, not just 85 per cent. They received an 85 cent refund, but, as YAF would have noticed if they had taken the trouble, the only PAID 85 cents. Yes, SCPIRG is failing to get more student support. But that is the point. It proves that the students control PIRG groups, not professionals. If students are not satisfied with the work of PIRG groups, THEY control the financial strinus. The same applies to SCPIRG, obviously. MIKE MCCRAW 'Silly goose' DEAR MS. MILLER: In my efforts as Emperor of North America- my REAL title and not Mr. Fennell's 'Emperor Roberts' and if he and I should ever meet, pox take the event, face to face 'your magnificence' and a simple prostration will do -I have tried to raise the standard of the average letter to the editor by simply sending my own in; not only for the enlightenment of the commonwealth but also as an excellent example of prosodic entertainment, conciseness (when possible), grammatical beauty, and intellectual brilliance. But alas, Mr. Fennell seems bent on lowering the standards I have been trying to set for almost a year now. Only Michael Trinkley, Ben Wynn, and Funky Foster near the level of his mediocrity, rambling intellect, and just plain boring pitter-patter. This however, is a chief characteristic of YAF and conservatism in general- they gag at a gnat and swallow a camel. Let us briefly explore this charac teristic. Firstly, my critics, true to their legal- minds, demand that I use some sort of statistical background to my arguments instead of 'running off at the mouth.' Very well. Do you know that South Carolina is no.1 of 50 states for being meteorologically the worst of areas to have heavy industry? And yet our glorious leaders are moving mountains to bring in the industrial bacon. Do you know that the Columbia sewage treatment plant, now under construction, was already obsolete in terms of lCOCK ri-weekly during the fall and spring niversity holidays and exam periods. iption requests and other mail items olumbia, S. C. Subscription rates are sters. Bulk copies are $6 per 100. The 0,000 from the student activity fund,' >scription to the paper. Offices of the nd 318 of the Russell House on the '7-8178, 777-4249 and 777-3888. Second . C. Although the GAMECOCK Is a siversity of South Carolina, it is not an ty. The opinions expressed herein do he University, the student body, or all . . . . Glenda Miller .......... .. . . Holly Gatling ... .. .. .. ..John T. Gash ... .. .. .. . ...Sharon Givens .. .. .. .. ...Ute Huckatb.. .. .. .. .....Deog Williams . . . . .. . Steve Parker ... .. .. .. .....Fran Zupan ..... .. ...Karim Burchsstead Vicki Thomas ....... .. .. ...B.ob Craft . . . . .. .Monty- Prestos. ........ .. .. Patty McGulllan arry Evans, K. Wayne Ford, Armida mpkin, Ruthie Lyon, Hugh McKlnight, an Sfeigliti, Lou Tenant, Ann Winters, mnbaum. Grant, Jim Hersh, Gary West, Teddy Hefner, Charles Collins tney Dicely, Doug Holladay, Alan Hul, leve Kish, Lewis Phillips, Murry Sill .. ........... .. Art Frank ending staff organization. Letters consumption before the first brick was laid? With the proper in vestigation I'm sure much else can be uncovered that isn't common knowledge (Remember the S. C. Wildlife scandal?). The industries S. C. already has pollute with impunity (i.e. Savannah River Plant, etc.) and yet you and YAF piously fight our only means of defense, short of revolution, on principle alone. Your vanity overshadows even mine. I will make only one concession here and that is to agree that you DO have a case on principle alone in the form of 'no taxation without representation,' but must we sit and argue inflexibly on this point while the garbage piles grow higher, the mercury levels more potent in our foods, and the pesticides more concentrated in our tissues? Do you want to die gasping with your last polluted breath, "Well, (choke! gasp!) at least we didn't break any rules or bend any principles!"? I could write here a volume on en vironmental abuse to our beautiful state that I have seen with my own eyes and volumes more imploring the need for organized legal action but I know in advance that it would be in vain- YAF is obviously an unaware and unethical entity hopefully on an entropic decline. Secondly, my critics insist on attacking me in the most mediocre, distasteful, and unimaginative ways available to them, which, judging from the evidence, must be very limited. Have they nothing more to say than old jokes and cliches? If as Emperor, they insist, I have been unable to surround myself with men of talent, knowledge, and a knack for good PR, then I insist that those who ARE in my court are at least literate and can read that which is placed before them. I have placed before them, and before people who don't agree with what I have to say, Mr. Fennell's letter and mine and they cannot find 'glaring errors' nor 'obvious contradictions.' Neither do I see how I have incorrectly quoted John Garcia - the marks are plainly visible to the literate, in cluding book and page number. For all these pitiful charges he says that I am a fugitive from a funny farm; that my friends are neither talented, knowledgeable, literate, or good PR men, and that I am an elitist. I must confess, Mr. Fennell and Company, that it is the small, legally-minded, petty gnomes like yourselves that force me to conclude that democracy is a pearl-lined road to hell. Thus my monarchist posture which, you will notice if you have eyes, includes in its court some of the greatest ALL YOU CAN EAT SPAGHETTI.9 Meat Sauce Mnday and Wednesday PANCAKES -75 5 Syrup Flavors Tuesday and Friday FRENCH TOAST .85 5 Syrup Flavors Thursday INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES 10'1 ASSEMBLEY Hrs. 7 am till 12:00 Mid ni ht FRI..SAT 2 am minds in this university. As for good PR, I and my friends say what we think - often this includes a good bit of the truth which the 'silent majority' find unpleasant - for example, insisting that the proper function of this university is to promote Total Awareness through the Arts and Sciences which includes PROPER financial support for the Crucible, student orchestras and choruses, literary societies, a new library, SCPIRG, etc. and any other 'expensive playpens for student liberals' as opposed to stadium additions every year, Astro-turf, Roosts, Athletic Centers, book store profits to athletic scholarships and other unnecessaries- or if these are necessaries, must they be given priority over the real functions of the university? NO! A thousand times-- NO!!! And to those who think otherwise, we not only give the usual cake-eating advice but suggest further, if they find the flavor distressing, to put it where the sun don't shine. As Emperor, I can and will speak for my court but it is presumptious of you, Mr. Fennell and Company, to speak for Carolina when you say, "...SC PIRG or any organization that cannot survive on voluntary funding is a SCPIRG the students don't want." Firstly, all your tiresome questions ahd doubts about SCPIRG are answered, not only by me today but in last The grea By HARRY HOPE Guest Columnist "...and now, ladies and gen tlemen, USC poet-in-residence, James Dickey." Thunderous applause from the 35 members of the Later Day Social Club and Debate Society. Dickey enters. He is wearing levis, blue denim shirt, USC sweatshirt and buffalo jacket. Atop his head sits a jeweled black cowboy hat and he looks for all the world like a refugee from a margarine com mercial. "Hi, there. I'm James Dickey and I am the greatest poet in the world." More applause. "Wanna introduce you to my good comrade, Yevgeny Yev tushenko, a really great Gamecock. Say 'help,' Genya." "Da! Wodka." "Yessir, ol' Genia here's true Gamecock. Aintcha', Genya?" "Da! Wodka." "'Course he's a good poem writer , too. But not as good as me, or my English. After all, I am a writer who teaches, not a teacher who writes. As I was saying to Burt Reynolds before I got thrown off the set of 'Deliverance,' "I'm the greatest poet in the world.'" "Da! WODKA!" Shut up, Genya. I do heroic things--like ride down the river in a canoe, and shoot bows and arrows. In fact, I even ware this cowboy htto France just to show all thoe forignes hboW heroic I am. I. Subscribe to a the a Gamecock >m Wednesday's Gamecock (Jan. 26) as well, including a good put-down by Ann Stirling with specifies from Russell Brahm. Secondly, while It may be admitted that SCPIRG relies on student apathy towards reclaiming of funds for its support, YAF does nothing constructive itself except whine and complain while trying to wheedle money out of the Student Affairs Committee, hoping no one will notice such hypocrisy-even to go so far out in THEIR smokescreen tactics as to suggest that they only submitted the request to prove that it would be rejected. What martyrs! What hoodwinking! At least SCPIRG dares publicity, Mr. Fennell. And to refer to Ann Stirling as some sort of 'Agent' goes beyond belief. What paranoia! It is as if the conservative element in our society WANTS a revolution with its in comprehensible stupidity and know-nothingism. Mr. Fennell, in matters of principle, you and YAF remind me of a single drake leading a gaggle'of geese onto the blacktop of 1-26 in protest of the automobile- a grand gesture perhaps, but tending to get rather messy with goose flesh underfoot, feathers in the air, and a great waste of fine fowl all around. To such impractical foolishness your Emperor can only remark- "Silly Goose!" WAGNER HALSELLE ROBERTS test poet sleep in my hat, I eat in my hat, I go to bed in my hat, I drink in my hat, I teach in my hat, I-" "Da! Wodka!'" "Shut up, Genya. I'm down to earth, I play a guitar-box, I write novels and self-interviews, I'm a great Gamecock supporter, I prove my manliness all over the place..." "Da! Wodka!" "Shut up, Genya, they don't have to know. And now I wanna in troduce a good friend of mine: the finest Christian coach I've ever worked with-Paul Dietzel!" "Hi, there Jim. You know, as I tread the goal line of life, I am sure that your really tremendous poetry and its emphasis on body rather than mind will influence my fine, fine Christian athletes and their search for a better beer bottle--I mean, better way of life. And you know something else, Bobby Richardson and I were huddling yesterday and we were just discussing the fact that "Honesty is the best policy. Radix malorum cupiditas. America, love it or leave it. Everything above board and fair and square. By the way, the carpets still on sale at $36 a square yard. And If you put one of my birds on your next book cover, I can give you 15 per cent off" "Thanks, Paul. As I said to President Nixon the other day, "I don't like name-droppers. Do you?' Anyway, we're all here to hear a lile great poetry. Sorta cast pearls among the swine. Little joke, there." "Da! Wodka !" "And so, here, without further ado, is a poet I really admire. One who will go down in the ages as one of the truly great poets and writers of this or any other era. A master, a genius, a prolific prodigy of poetry, a dynamite dude: JAMES DICKEY!" "Da! Wodka!"