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Campus Almost Blown Up Cl ed By Boomer Bloom OR, 'fHE GAMECOCK THAT DIDN'T Holida Declared QUITE GET OVER THE FENCE THE NEGLECT9D PUNIVERSITY Volume o.2nV2 FOL' D Founded (Why?) Cornell Overflow Euroae Men, Women On Alt To Draw Lots; Nigh President Norman M. 1mith, nounced yesterday that the Q story apartment building under Sumter Streets, will be turned its completion in September. "I plan to use the structure as a dormitory for our overflowing enrollment. Every other floor will be for men students, and those In between will house coeds. In this way, students will get to know each other better," Smith said. Mrs. Arney R. Childs, Dean of Women, who was prement at the interview, nodded In agreement. "A night-On1b will be built on top of the building and turned over to the students, along with funds to hire a bg.name or chestra each week. The state mixed-drink law will be waived in this case." The ground floor'will house the Testing and Guidance Bureau, and students will be tested and guided every day on their return from classes. Those failing to report will be arraigned before the Dis cipline Committee, Smith thun dered. At this point your reporter sneaked away. The Bureau Of Misinformation Does Turnabout Give Correct Info In a Hurry For a Change! What Next? The Bureau of Misinformation (the Registrar's office) was found this week to be giving correct In formation, quick answre to all questions and free pictures of Miss Holland and Captain "Trog" Needham. Miss Holland, the mis.director of admissions and ass. registrar, told a Capon reporter "We're al ways glad to help the student. Everything we do Is for them." Just after she uttered those oft-heard words the Jeani "Sam the Terrible" Hill tree fell on the Bureau office. Considerable dam age was don', and mny employees Were heard to moan "Rave pity! We'll cooperate from now on." At that, Seaman Needham and Madame Holland fainted dead away and the reporter went to learn why the tree had faflhsn. Standing nearby with her little are in her little bants was "How's the Weather?" Hill. "I did It! I did It!" she ex claimed. At that point 'Mumbles" Welsh and "Goatee" Laffeitee, who were Passing by, put her In a stral$ Jacket and carrIed her away. It is not known whether ow not th, Madame Editor will be back neit week. "The Walking Key-Chain Man," Red Tyler, has effered his service, to The Cape. Read 41 4 bo.ut T he Big Rope! Uelineses The local viee-squad today un covered a narcotics sisg on the eampus. Officials etated the School of Pharmacy acted as head. quarters5 for the ill5Iet ativities, Several studente and fapuity seem., berg are now In eustody. Last week detectives disclosed infrmation a bothe w be ing operated .on the upper floor.*o Maecy Mogaent (Mtians have been c& 4and .st.p have been taken to ge99gmt C e currenee of msh activity. * * * Arms C it Accommodates ernate Floors; t Club Likker Rear Adm. USN (Ret.), an ornell Arms Apartments, 18 constriction at Pendleton and over to the puniversity upon The Face On The Barroom Floor W. Maning "HorrlbWe1 Harris, . S., M. S. and P. H D.; P. D. Q., was stopped up out of a hypq ath by "Terrible" Teal late Wed4 seeday night. Teal related that omeone had mistakenly se4 'Horrible" for a mop to clean up Llniversity Studios (It really wseded It). He also disclosed that it was the first time "Horrible" ad. been In a bath of any kind n months. He has been hung out on the ine to dry after having most of ils sordid pest rung out of him >y his sole-made Bunny Hare. Blarris' moldy body will -be turned bver to Steward's Hall as soon as t has become sufficiently rank, o0 as to make things properly sea oned. (This special pictur,e of leath was gleewully taken by Ben talnvifle and Stan Lewis.) Buy Your BI The Den C * Stale De * Cokes * Sour Mi * Hot Sea * Soap & Flavorei And Last Bue Watel. * * * 'iven Tc Campus PA How To Ma] Startling New Courses Have Been Added The Neglected Puniversity Several new courses have been added to the Puniversity curricu luffi. A course in physics is of fered to those students suffering with constipation. Wet nursing will also be an added feature. The following is a list of other courses with the instructor: Law School Strategy-Clyde Dean. Hair Growth-Dr. Hoy. Hiring Help-Dumas Turner. Stalking Prey-The Judge. How to carry the weight of keys-Mr. Hutchinson. ' Privy Architecture-J. Carroll Johnson. The Delicate Art of Poisoning Miss Burris. Head Standing-J. Strom Thur mond. - Hubby Snaring-Mrb.- -Thur mond. Collapsible buildings - DSan Sumwalt. Tomaine Tavern Menu Has New Friday Dishes Steward's Hall has placed sev eral new dishes on the regular menu. Friday's dinner will hence forth consist of: Winesap 4pples with hookworms Fish Eyes in sour cream Chicken intestines au gratin French fried toenails Used battery acid, or Unsweetened creosote. It was also announced that Steward's Hall will no longer pro cure mepts from the City Morgue. Henceforth all meats will be ob tained from the discard pile of the dissection laboratory at the Char leston Medical School. reakfast At )f Iniquity >ughnts 1k Water Kerosene I Cinnamon Buns it Not Least - Rawi * * * Punive System Fina' ke Sad Stude WUSC Charged With' Obscenity; Spitting Machine Is Invented I The campus static machine, A WUSC, has perfected a secret mechanism to force listeners to j stay tuned to its frequency. This apparatus works in lsuch a way so that when campus radios are not tuned to WUSC expectoration C showers the room. Experiments show that the average dormitory roem cAn be flooded to the level ' of the window sill in only four minutes. WUSC announces that any lis tener who tunes in another station or turns off his radio will auto matically be expectorated upon. Information about this monstrous plot leaked out yesterday. Staff mmbers were overheard to warn "If you have had your Saturday bath already, stay tuned to WUSCI" WUSC's branch office of the Puniversity Players has changed its policy in order to admit hu man bein- to the orgaxisation. Hereto d 4wo 0h lasG was produced by a mechanical ap paratus which opened and closed doors for thirty minutes. Ob servers report this change has not affected matters to any de gree. , The Disciplinary Committee has charged the campus station with obscenity. With a flourish of fac ulty thinking the 'Committee al leges the piano music Is porno graphic. Several new shows have been added to the schedule. The pro gram, "Live Alone and Lack It," features a soprano who sounds not unlike a cat being disemboweled. Another addition is "So Loudly We Fail" which star, a music less ballet by six Egyptian mum mies. Bell Tried For Run ning Gambling Hail May Get Life Or (Partially reprinted from 'The { Chaste Chicken and the Foul Fowl, April Fool's Day, 1944. Certain improvements will be noted.) The grave team of lawyers (from the Prince School of Law) consulted in whispers (they couldn't help It. That bath-tub gin is rough on the vocal cords) in the corner of the cofutwoom where they were shooting craps. A littl, woman with dish-water blonde hair with a haggard look from lack of sleep and worry,l staggered.into the circle of clerks and barristers awaiting the verdiet| of absent jurors and wailed "He didn't do it-he didn't!" The woman was Marie, the|I "Dawn Is Breaking," Edwards, and the defendant was Father R.l 0. Bell, executive smartary of thel YM-YWCA. Bell has been on tria for the past several weeks oit a* charge of operating gambling ca sino, as well as permitting- other a nefarious activities In the TMCA. hi It 'is claismed that he converted 9 Sally's kitchen into a gaming "t room-Pass the Game Bil--and y has permitted the pool sharks to S wager big steaks in the down. t~ stair's rooms. It Is further alleged that he bas financed the "Y" by invitIng nieta t bars of the State Legislatuea down for "a friendly litije game." Bell admpitted he invted thema I down but "for a, pool partpe-4hat 0 was penny anti stuff." b arie. - *as emhkud tellIng 0 ill that "Sol UR b - tigh..- 2 asys the roulette wheel welu whred." 1 3*-Emm. DPus ht sets aeme-..T ** * rsity U1 11Y Le&arns nts Listen Snufy Drops Stone Cold Dead ! ! Snuffy is dead! Long live the :ing! A holiday he been da lared for the rest of the semester. 0l students will be given A's for his -term's work. Funeral ser 'ices will b- held &n the Horseshoe oday. Refreshments will be erved by the Pabst Brewing ,ompany of Peoria,, Illinois. The following prayer will be of ered during the services: Our ghost which are in De Laussure Snuffy be thy name. Give us this day our daily bath, And wash clean our fresh (cen ored) As we shine bright thy brass. Lead us not Into the Registrar's atee For that is a den of iniquity Forever amd ever-Amen. University heads commend stuf move the school. "It is the first se This comment was made at a di whto has the remarkable record of [,reat Mogul Taylor' The Great Mogul Vermin Taller. s eprsdes over faculty meet. re fer suh ~ wiha rerdose of HadaeoL. Absent f rom Is pstur. ace the whi and horse isto usua' emplydat such stherins.Ts pbtgaph was duhan the ari.in which oguGea asked fer six far ling. for lmp.ronst.t to the lampus. (No man sheuld get credit er meeh .a moestreuity.) * 0ver. Why don't you just skip Ver the next eenple of bese--en ict, skip the whele For hems the bons tea? Wbvto en of aseree,, Weg el eRi t h a. hti4 * * * )on Con Dynamiter 10 This Mornill An attempt to alter the size ancient buildings on the caml morning when Watchman F. C dent planting dynamite in the Ye Gods And Little Kittens! 432 To Be Exact The ADPI sorority takes pleas ure in announeing the birth of a litter of kittens to their cat, Nightmare Alley. The Rittens, being 482 in number, will require housing facilities much greatar than those now available. At the present time there are more damned cats than can be pro ceased by Steward's Hall. To meet this housing shortage the sorority members will construct an apart ment house. It was decided that the name for this cat house will be "Pi PhV. lent action on earlier attempt to naible plan proposed" they stated. mer given in honor of Mr. Wadell sot saving a patient in 5 years. Capon Receiv~es Manifesto From President Smith The Capion received this mani festo from the office of the presi dent today. Student. may take it with a grain of arsenic. "The Puniversity faculty are all against the students and are glad to wrong them in any way. "They are particularly impa bient with any boy or girl who has difficulty in meeting the scho lastle requirements of the Puni versity, and stand ready to give hem strenuous beatings that will lear them permanently with the brand of the Puniversity. "I feel very far from the sta lents and am always ready to hin ier' or brutallue them, and It nakes me very happy to see any mne of them growling .and comn slaaining for scholastic dIfficulties >r other easses. "I have talked at some length with Clyde, and ulso with the D)ean md Paeulty of the Law Behool, mnd I find that he has fsted to Live up to his street under whish th. faculty.of the Law Beho.l per sitted him to reet his beek Inan work. The seholastle stand irda governing Law Behat oe sures have been in effest fotsan pears ad they have heena Inequitahiy to al -stige." Nwmmss )L * * * ipletion loom Found g At 4 A.M. and the appearance of several us was discovered early this . Mathias apprehended a stu basement of Davis College. Thomas A. Bloom, sophomore majoring in political science, was seized by Mathias at 4 a. m. while the student was drilling holes in the foundations of Davis college. Mathias said the noise of the pres sure driven dril) attracted him to the site. There he said he found Bloom operating the drill, and nearby, a bucket of dynamite, de tonators, and fuses, which Bloom claimed as his. State police, answering a call from the Marshal's office, insti tuted a search of all buildings and uneovered huge charges planted throughout Leconte, DeSausaure, McCutchen, and Davis colleges. Patrolmen said the charges were sufficient to have blown the build ing to Maxey Gregg Park and left little holes on the campus. Bloom's jeep was found on the second floor of Maxey. It con tained an estimated 800 pounds of dyname. The placing of the jeep in the building went unnoticed by sleeping students despite the fact that jeeps make considerable noise climbing wooden stairs. Bloom was taken into custody by state officials and placed in the county jail on charges of con spiring to deface state property, premeditating a breach of the peace, psuedo-legal possession of explosives, and illegal parking. Jailer L. T. Operator, said no one would be permitted to visit Bloom until his face had been washed. He reported that Bloom appeared mildly upset. University officials, when noti fied of the incident, observed that recent murmuring in campus pub lications had indicated a dissatis faction of campus buildings. One official remarked that he had read recently some malicious material which advocated revolution. He added that Bloom was apparently a revolutionary. President Norman N. Smith de clined to comment until further light Is thrown on the attempted demolition. He has asked state officials to conduct a thorough in vestigation of the incident. Scarlet Dean