The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, April 01, 1949, The Capon, Image 9
Campus Almost
Blown Up Cl ed
By Boomer Bloom OR, 'fHE GAMECOCK THAT DIDN'T Holida Declared
QUITE GET OVER THE FENCE
THE NEGLECT9D PUNIVERSITY
Volume o.2nV2 FOL' D Founded (Why?)
Cornell
Overflow Euroae
Men, Women On Alt
To Draw Lots; Nigh
President Norman M. 1mith,
nounced yesterday that the Q
story apartment building under
Sumter Streets, will be turned
its completion in September.
"I plan to use the structure as
a dormitory for our overflowing
enrollment. Every other floor
will be for men students, and
those In between will house coeds.
In this way, students will get to
know each other better," Smith
said. Mrs. Arney R. Childs, Dean
of Women, who was prement at the
interview, nodded In agreement.
"A night-On1b will be built on
top of the building and turned
over to the students, along
with funds to hire a bg.name or
chestra each week. The state
mixed-drink law will be waived
in this case."
The ground floor'will house the
Testing and Guidance Bureau, and
students will be tested and guided
every day on their return from
classes. Those failing to report
will be arraigned before the Dis
cipline Committee, Smith thun
dered. At this point your reporter
sneaked away.
The Bureau Of
Misinformation
Does Turnabout
Give Correct Info
In a Hurry For a
Change! What Next?
The Bureau of Misinformation
(the Registrar's office) was found
this week to be giving correct In
formation, quick answre to all
questions and free pictures of Miss
Holland and Captain "Trog"
Needham.
Miss Holland, the mis.director
of admissions and ass. registrar,
told a Capon reporter "We're al
ways glad to help the student.
Everything we do Is for them."
Just after she uttered those
oft-heard words the Jeani "Sam
the Terrible" Hill tree fell on the
Bureau office. Considerable dam
age was don', and mny employees
Were heard to moan "Rave pity!
We'll cooperate from now on."
At that, Seaman Needham and
Madame Holland fainted dead
away and the reporter went to
learn why the tree had faflhsn.
Standing nearby with her little
are in her little bants was "How's
the Weather?" Hill.
"I did It! I did It!" she ex
claimed.
At that point 'Mumbles" Welsh
and "Goatee" Laffeitee, who were
Passing by, put her In a stral$
Jacket and carrIed her away. It
is not known whether ow not th,
Madame Editor will be back neit
week. "The Walking Key-Chain
Man," Red Tyler, has effered his
service, to The Cape.
Read 41 4 bo.ut
T he Big Rope!
Uelineses
The local viee-squad today un
covered a narcotics sisg on the
eampus. Officials etated the
School of Pharmacy acted as head.
quarters5 for the ill5Iet ativities,
Several studente and fapuity seem.,
berg are now In eustody.
Last week detectives disclosed
infrmation a bothe w be
ing operated .on the upper floor.*o
Maecy Mogaent (Mtians
have been c& 4and .st.p
have been taken to ge99gmt C e
currenee of msh activity.
* * *
Arms C
it Accommodates
ernate Floors;
t Club Likker
Rear Adm. USN (Ret.), an
ornell Arms Apartments, 18
constriction at Pendleton and
over to the puniversity upon
The Face On The
Barroom Floor
W. Maning "HorrlbWe1 Harris,
. S., M. S. and P. H D.; P. D. Q.,
was stopped up out of a hypq
ath by "Terrible" Teal late Wed4
seeday night. Teal related that
omeone had mistakenly se4
'Horrible" for a mop to clean up
Llniversity Studios (It really
wseded It). He also disclosed that
it was the first time "Horrible"
ad. been In a bath of any kind
n months.
He has been hung out on the
ine to dry after having most of
ils sordid pest rung out of him
>y his sole-made Bunny Hare.
Blarris' moldy body will -be turned
bver to Steward's Hall as soon as
t has become sufficiently rank,
o0 as to make things properly sea
oned. (This special pictur,e of
leath was gleewully taken by Ben
talnvifle and Stan Lewis.)
Buy Your BI
The Den C
* Stale De
* Cokes
* Sour Mi
* Hot Sea
* Soap &
Flavorei
And Last Bue
Watel.
* * *
'iven Tc
Campus PA
How To Ma]
Startling New
Courses Have
Been Added
The Neglected Puniversity
Several new courses have been
added to the Puniversity curricu
luffi. A course in physics is of
fered to those students suffering
with constipation. Wet nursing
will also be an added feature.
The following is a list of other
courses with the instructor:
Law School Strategy-Clyde
Dean.
Hair Growth-Dr. Hoy.
Hiring Help-Dumas Turner.
Stalking Prey-The Judge.
How to carry the weight of
keys-Mr. Hutchinson.
' Privy Architecture-J. Carroll
Johnson.
The Delicate Art of Poisoning
Miss Burris.
Head Standing-J. Strom Thur
mond.
- Hubby Snaring-Mrb.- -Thur
mond.
Collapsible buildings - DSan
Sumwalt.
Tomaine Tavern
Menu Has New
Friday Dishes
Steward's Hall has placed sev
eral new dishes on the regular
menu. Friday's dinner will hence
forth consist of:
Winesap 4pples with hookworms
Fish Eyes in sour cream
Chicken intestines au gratin
French fried toenails
Used battery acid, or
Unsweetened creosote.
It was also announced that
Steward's Hall will no longer pro
cure mepts from the City Morgue.
Henceforth all meats will be ob
tained from the discard pile of the
dissection laboratory at the Char
leston Medical School.
reakfast At
)f Iniquity
>ughnts
1k
Water
Kerosene
I Cinnamon Buns
it Not Least -
Rawi
* * *
Punive
System Fina'
ke Sad Stude
WUSC Charged With'
Obscenity; Spitting
Machine Is Invented I
The campus static machine, A
WUSC, has perfected a secret
mechanism to force listeners to j
stay tuned to its frequency. This
apparatus works in lsuch a way
so that when campus radios are
not tuned to WUSC expectoration C
showers the room. Experiments
show that the average dormitory
roem cAn be flooded to the level '
of the window sill in only four
minutes.
WUSC announces that any lis
tener who tunes in another station
or turns off his radio will auto
matically be expectorated upon.
Information about this monstrous
plot leaked out yesterday. Staff
mmbers were overheard to warn
"If you have had your Saturday
bath already, stay tuned to
WUSCI"
WUSC's branch office of the
Puniversity Players has changed
its policy in order to admit hu
man bein- to the orgaxisation.
Hereto d 4wo 0h lasG
was produced by a mechanical ap
paratus which opened and closed
doors for thirty minutes. Ob
servers report this change has
not affected matters to any de
gree. ,
The Disciplinary Committee has
charged the campus station with
obscenity. With a flourish of fac
ulty thinking the 'Committee al
leges the piano music Is porno
graphic.
Several new shows have been
added to the schedule. The pro
gram, "Live Alone and Lack It,"
features a soprano who sounds not
unlike a cat being disemboweled.
Another addition is "So Loudly
We Fail" which star, a music
less ballet by six Egyptian mum
mies.
Bell Tried For Run
ning Gambling Hail
May Get Life Or
(Partially reprinted from 'The {
Chaste Chicken and the Foul Fowl,
April Fool's Day, 1944. Certain
improvements will be noted.)
The grave team of lawyers
(from the Prince School of Law)
consulted in whispers (they
couldn't help It. That bath-tub
gin is rough on the vocal cords)
in the corner of the cofutwoom
where they were shooting craps.
A littl, woman with dish-water
blonde hair with a haggard look
from lack of sleep and worry,l
staggered.into the circle of clerks
and barristers awaiting the verdiet|
of absent jurors and wailed "He
didn't do it-he didn't!"
The woman was Marie, the|I
"Dawn Is Breaking," Edwards,
and the defendant was Father R.l
0. Bell, executive smartary of thel
YM-YWCA. Bell has been on tria
for the past several weeks oit a*
charge of operating gambling ca
sino, as well as permitting- other a
nefarious activities In the TMCA. hi
It 'is claismed that he converted 9
Sally's kitchen into a gaming "t
room-Pass the Game Bil--and y
has permitted the pool sharks to S
wager big steaks in the down. t~
stair's rooms.
It Is further alleged that he bas
financed the "Y" by invitIng nieta t
bars of the State Legislatuea
down for "a friendly litije game."
Bell admpitted he invted thema I
down but "for a, pool partpe-4hat 0
was penny anti stuff." b
arie. - *as emhkud tellIng 0
ill that "Sol UR b - tigh..- 2
asys the roulette wheel welu
whred." 1
3*-Emm. DPus ht sets aeme-..T
** *
rsity U1
11Y Le&arns
nts Listen
Snufy Drops
Stone Cold
Dead ! !
Snuffy is dead! Long live the
:ing! A holiday he been da
lared for the rest of the semester.
0l students will be given A's for
his -term's work. Funeral ser
'ices will b- held &n the Horseshoe
oday. Refreshments will be
erved by the Pabst Brewing
,ompany of Peoria,, Illinois.
The following prayer will be of
ered during the services:
Our ghost which are in De
Laussure
Snuffy be thy name.
Give us this day our daily bath,
And wash clean our fresh (cen
ored)
As we shine bright thy brass.
Lead us not Into the Registrar's
atee
For that is a den of iniquity
Forever amd ever-Amen.
University heads commend stuf
move the school. "It is the first se
This comment was made at a di
whto has the remarkable record of
[,reat Mogul Taylor'
The Great Mogul Vermin Taller.
s eprsdes over faculty meet.
re fer suh ~ wiha
rerdose of HadaeoL. Absent f rom
Is pstur. ace the whi and horse
isto usua' emplydat such
stherins.Ts pbtgaph was
duhan the ari.in which
oguGea asked fer six far
ling. for lmp.ronst.t to the
lampus. (No man sheuld get credit
er meeh .a moestreuity.)
* 0ver. Why don't you just skip
Ver the next eenple of bese--en
ict, skip the whele For
hems the bons tea? Wbvto
en of aseree,, Weg el
eRi t h a. hti4
* * *
)on Con
Dynamiter 10
This Mornill
An attempt to alter the size
ancient buildings on the caml
morning when Watchman F. C
dent planting dynamite in the
Ye Gods And
Little Kittens!
432 To Be Exact
The ADPI sorority takes pleas
ure in announeing the birth of a
litter of kittens to their cat,
Nightmare Alley. The Rittens,
being 482 in number, will require
housing facilities much greatar
than those now available. At the
present time there are more
damned cats than can be pro
ceased by Steward's Hall. To meet
this housing shortage the sorority
members will construct an apart
ment house. It was decided that
the name for this cat house will
be "Pi PhV.
lent action on earlier attempt to
naible plan proposed" they stated.
mer given in honor of Mr. Wadell
sot saving a patient in 5 years.
Capon Receiv~es
Manifesto From
President Smith
The Capion received this mani
festo from the office of the presi
dent today. Student. may take it
with a grain of arsenic.
"The Puniversity faculty are all
against the students and are glad
to wrong them in any way.
"They are particularly impa
bient with any boy or girl who
has difficulty in meeting the scho
lastle requirements of the Puni
versity, and stand ready to give
hem strenuous beatings that will
lear them permanently with the
brand of the Puniversity.
"I feel very far from the sta
lents and am always ready to hin
ier' or brutallue them, and It
nakes me very happy to see any
mne of them growling .and comn
slaaining for scholastic dIfficulties
>r other easses.
"I have talked at some length
with Clyde, and ulso with the D)ean
md Paeulty of the Law Behool,
mnd I find that he has fsted to
Live up to his street under whish
th. faculty.of the Law Beho.l per
sitted him to reet his beek
Inan work. The seholastle stand
irda governing Law Behat oe
sures have been in effest fotsan
pears ad they have heena
Inequitahiy to al -stige."
Nwmmss )L
* * *
ipletion
loom Found
g At 4 A.M.
and the appearance of several
us was discovered early this
. Mathias apprehended a stu
basement of Davis College.
Thomas A. Bloom, sophomore
majoring in political science, was
seized by Mathias at 4 a. m. while
the student was drilling holes in
the foundations of Davis college.
Mathias said the noise of the pres
sure driven dril) attracted him to
the site. There he said he found
Bloom operating the drill, and
nearby, a bucket of dynamite, de
tonators, and fuses, which Bloom
claimed as his.
State police, answering a call
from the Marshal's office, insti
tuted a search of all buildings and
uneovered huge charges planted
throughout Leconte, DeSausaure,
McCutchen, and Davis colleges.
Patrolmen said the charges were
sufficient to have blown the build
ing to Maxey Gregg Park and left
little holes on the campus.
Bloom's jeep was found on the
second floor of Maxey. It con
tained an estimated 800 pounds of
dyname. The placing of the jeep
in the building went unnoticed by
sleeping students despite the fact
that jeeps make considerable noise
climbing wooden stairs.
Bloom was taken into custody
by state officials and placed in
the county jail on charges of con
spiring to deface state property,
premeditating a breach of the
peace, psuedo-legal possession of
explosives, and illegal parking.
Jailer L. T. Operator, said no one
would be permitted to visit Bloom
until his face had been washed.
He reported that Bloom appeared
mildly upset.
University officials, when noti
fied of the incident, observed that
recent murmuring in campus pub
lications had indicated a dissatis
faction of campus buildings. One
official remarked that he had read
recently some malicious material
which advocated revolution. He
added that Bloom was apparently
a revolutionary.
President Norman N. Smith de
clined to comment until further
light Is thrown on the attempted
demolition. He has asked state
officials to conduct a thorough in
vestigation of the incident.
Scarlet Dean