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~DRI By Marguae EXCHANG] She fell upon the icy pavement I And a man who watched her I whirls, Said, "There you'll have to lie, my dear; I never pick up girls." * C C Microscopic lens doth show Water teems with insects queer What comfort it is to know There are no wiggling things in beer. * o C Scene: Cocktail party. Host: "High ball or Martini?" Guest: "Just straight ginger ale will do." Host: "Pale?" Guest: '"No, Just a small glass will suit me." "Did any of your family ever make a brilliant marriage?" "Yes, my wife did." 0 0 0 I was standing on the bridge at midnight, The wind was full of air, Someone took the bridge away And left me standing there. 0 0 0 Patient: "Doctor, you remember last Summer you recommended I go out with girls to get my mind off my business?" Doctor: "Yes." Patient: "Can you prescribe something to get my mind back on my business?" A motorist approaching a vil lage was surprised to see an elder ly native running down the road at full speed. "What are you running for?" the motorist Inquired. "There's a wild beast show down there, a lion's broke loose," was the gasping reply. "You don't mean it! Which way did he go?" Said the villager, "Well, you don't suppose I'm chasing the durn critter, do you?" We got to wash the windows, Mom - the neighbors are strain ing their eyes." There was a 'young lady named Carol, Who loved playing cards for ap parel. But her opponent's straight flush Made the little girl blush And 'Carol went home in a barrel. I wish I was a wittle egg, Away up in a twee, I wish I was a wittle egg, As wotten as can be, And when some bone-headed rite Webb S I EDITOR "rOf, would start to shout at me, 'd frow my wotten wittle self, knd spatter down on he. Drunk: (to splendidly uniformed >ystander) "Shay, call me a cab, will ya?" Uniformed Bystander: "My good nan, I am not the doorman; I am k naval officer." Drunk: "Awright, then call me 4 boat, I gotta get home." 0 0 0 'here was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket; But his daughter named Nan Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. A famous college athlete, holder of a dozen track records, was sent to the hospital with a bad case of the flu. A doctor took his tem perature, shook his head doubtful ly, and said, "Hm-m-m, looks pretty bad. You're running a tem perature of 108." "Yeah?" said the athlete, sud denly interested in his condition. "What's the world's record?" A city and a chorus girl Are much alike, 'tis true; A city's built with outskirts, A chorus girl is too. She this is like the her kind at of look a you girl makes that "Half the legislature ar( croks1" ran a glaring headline. A retraction in full was demand. ed of the editor. Next afternoon the headlin read: "Half the legislature are noi crooks I" Ons sensitive youth, his feelingi wounded by what a professor wrot on a paper he had turned in, wen4 in to. see what the prof. meant. He breathed freely once morn when he found out the barried teacher had intended to write "Good I" Next time, he promised he wouldn't leave out one of the Now I lay me down to sleep, The lecture's dry, the subject's deep. If he should quit before I wake, Give me a poke for goodness sakel JANUARY M-.ff FHT. Good Graduate Work Valutble To.Any School A graduate school is highly im portant to the standing of any col lege, according to Prof. Baskin Wright, of the political science de partment. "The graduate school is the arm of education that reaches all over the country. It shows what is of fered in research and higher stud ie. If a college is to gain national recognition, it must develop a grade-A graduate school." Prestige gained is immense when such a step is taken, but it is only one of the many benefits. Stu dents are attracted from numerous sections and bring a bzoader view to the campus. Of great importance is the betterment of the faculty, Wright declared. Research facilities are costly, but lasting dividends more than repay what is spent. Education cannot be measured in dollars and cents. In spite of that it is easy to see growth and progress in a good graduate school, the political science teacher said. States Need Aid To Have Equal College Set-Ups Federal aid to education is high ly desirable in order to equalize educational opportunities, Prof. E. Baskin Wright, of the political science department said last week. "Many states are putting forth sustained efforts to provide for their educational needs, but their limited resources hold them down. The best of which they are cap able is not great enough to com pete reasonably with the richer states. Only through help from the government can all states have an equal chance." It is unfair for a state to do its utmost in financing schools and still be on a level lower than others, the political science teacher said. In many cases the poorer states are spending a far greater proportion ate share of their incomes than the results would indicate. Even in do ing that they are hopelessly out classed. Everyone should have equal op portunities to learn. If outside help is necessary, it must be obtained. ARTIST (Continued from Page 2) sota) consists of light tones of grey blue with shadows done in dark aqua and black. The wharves lead to two outstanding warehouse one brown, the other red. "Rocks and Clouds" (Wisconsin) picture two large rocks in red brown, and black, meeting In an arch. Large grey and pink clouds in rock-like appearance are seen through the arch. John Rood's work is colorful as well as interesting. His sculpture leans towards the abstract and is well balanced in form and contour. 6400.n Your DIal WUSC Radio Log intereelleglate Broadcasting System MONDAY THRU FRIDAY 7 :00-SIgn on 7 -MornIg Show alONDAY -- WEDNESDAY -- FRIDAY 7 :00-SIgn On,. Interlude 7 :15Platter Part 7 :45-HIt Show For Today 8 :00-The Gerard Show 8 :15-The Oerard Show 8 :30-Hopcats' Holiday 8 :45-Hepeats' Holiday 9 :00-News and weather Report 9 :05-F1rlday only-nirIef Encounter 9 :0-reert on y) n. trand Wed.) 9 :30-Argosy Into Dreamland 9 :45-Argosy int D)reamland 10 :00--HlusIc to Study By 10 :30--News in Brief 10 :31-SIgn Off P. T.UESDAY -- THURSDAY I 1-Susigent Melodies 8 :00--ClassIal aMusi'cda 8 :15---Classicai Music 8 :30-ClassIeal Music 8 :45-TBA 9 :00-New. and weather Rept 9:15-Piano Music By Smoky Folder 9 :30--Piroudiy We Hali 9 :45-Proudly We Hall I0:00--Musle to Studly Ily 10:l5-Music to Study By 10 :30-News, In Birlef FRIDAY AND SATURDAY 12 p. m.-2 a. m. -Mldnite Jam Slam 7 :00-SIgn On, Interlude 7 :15-Vespers (to conclusion) STUDENTS! FACULTY! FREE Wash Job with Each Grease Job Every Monday FIVE POINTS PUROL HENRY "Hank" REYNOLDS Prnnrieo BIRDS- i-VIEW The Birds-I-View editor this week graciously allows an abject reader to unburden himself with the following parody on university life. Any similarity to any univer sity is purely Incidental. Dear Birds-I-View, It's about time that someone be sides the local "wheels" lets the world know wiat he feels about eonditions. Chapter 1. (Entitled: "The Grab Bag") The service rendered by our cam pus laundry consists of throwing students' clothing into a whirlpool and fishing them out at random. The chances are that your pair of pants will be creased in one of the following ways: 1. The crease will make a com plete turn around the leg, giving it that dashing barber-pole look. 2. Five or six jagged ridges wandering aimlessly. Chapter 2. (Entitled: "The Snake Pit") Students who enter the Infirm ary in the afternoon frequently have to wait until late the next morning before a doctor will see them. (But then, that's one way to ease the crowded dormitory situ ation.) One student with a broken finger was treated for a sprain. As a result, the finger must be re broken and set. And, if you have a cold you still must ray one do lar per day for three glasses of orange juice and a pitcher of wa ter, while other patients pay the same for full meals. As if this weren't bad enough, dogs are allowed to run around in side, and the rear of the bui%ding resembles the Old Cat's Home. For a treat instead of a treatment visit the infirmary. Chapter 8. (Entitled: "Head for the Roundhouse, Dean, He Can't Corner You There".) Members of the Administration moan complaints of a lack of co operative spirit among the stu dent. WhenAvAr RtudentA approach a member of the administration with a request, what sort of co operation do they get? A song and dance that would make Strauss and his waltzes look sick, followed by a suggestion that "you should see Mr. Soandso". Even before the of fice door has closed behind tho stu dent there is a wild lunge for the telephone with a warning to Mr. Soandso to watch out-here comes another one! Cooperation? Yeah, like a booby trap. Yours truly, Allen J. Wiley ...choose yours earl: to get the cream of 1 COTTFONS SECOND LOOnR SI I Tear this section out, fill in lobby. This survey is condue body and will be compiled wil I. Do you intend to remain it versity? . .......... ......Y es Reason for leaving or stay: 12. In your opinion what field state? W h y ?7 ........................ ......... 1. What phase of the life of for bettering the position ' W h y ?7 .......................... .......... DROP BALLOT I Forensic Tourney And Euphrosynean To Be Held In Dr. The Forensic Tournament Hypatian literary societies wi Drayton Hall according to Ire university debating team. A cup will be awarded to the i society winning the tournament. Judges will be members of the fac Ulty. Th6 iprogre.am Includes debating, oratory, impromptu speaking, ex temporaneous speaking, poetry reading, and address reading Refreshments will be served after the contest. .I o /t IU1 () In ThI ainlFudto o n filePrlss crpsu hecrp 'UDENT SURVEY the blanks and drop In the ba ed by THE GAMECOCK In ti h results published in the nex k South Carolina upon your ng.... in South Carolina is most in Industry Government Education Agriculture Other ........................ the university do you believ of the university? Student Activiti Athletics Administration Faculty Alumni Interest Other .N BOX IN POST.4 Between Hypatian Literary Societies iyton Hall Tonight between Euphrosynean and ill be held tonight at 7:30 in ne Krugman, president of the For Fraternity ani Dance Programs, ] See Troy BALFOUR Locatek Todd's Sportir Official 937 S. U.S.C. CL STORE HOURf SATURDAY Telepho 13 COLUMBAt re15 Page Seven I llot box in the pot office te interest of the student t issue. graduation from the uni-I No ...................................... ...............1 iportant in developing thel I should be improved first' as Which? I VAN HEUSEN SHIRTS Wright-Johnston, INC. MEN'S CLOTHING FORMAL DRESS FOR RENT Phone 2-4223 130 Main St. I Sorority Jewelry P'avors, Stationery Newman JEWELERS I With g Goods Store Jeweler Main ASS RINGS 1-2 to 6 P. M. -9 to 1 P.JM. e 6918 elLs