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Ma ting Love Lorn Letters By Liven Learn Dear Liven Learn; I am a professor in a big Law School, the University of South Caro lina. My outlook on women is that of the typical Southerner-I think that the woman's place is in the home, while her husband's is not only that of making a living but protecting her honor and that of her family; My dear lady, the most serious case to a lawyer, whether young or old, (I am young) is that of which cupid takes charge, therefore I plead to you as Judge,. I am 26 years old and have an excellent mind, and am the most popular professor at the Law School; I am in a financial position such as would invite matrimony, I have a good automobile and am from a good family, in short, I am accep table in every way as a husband. She, Miss Warren, is a big sorority girl, ,an acedemic student, and much younger than I (which causes me no end of worry), in fact, Dear Liven, one of the Law students is apparently beating my time; this, of course, puts me in a desperate state of mind, with my ability unquestioned, with my love undoubted, I beg of you, Dear Miss 4 Learn, to advise me as to the most expedient method to bring about the culmination of this love affair in matri mony. Yours in Dispair, 4 Carlisle Roberts. Dear Carlisle; My poor boy, yours is not a problen which may be handled in a legal or theoretical manner, rather it is a prac tical affair of the heart and must be so dealt with. My advice to you i. that you bust the guy who dares tc compete with you, put the girl in yout shiny new automobile (without an es cort of sorority sisters) and take het to Florida (preferably Gainesville) and there, amid the beauties of nature shining in the reflected light of youi b brilliance, she will .no doubt conseni to be your ball and chain. Here's Hoping, Liven Learn. -U. ". 0. Brazil is 250,000 sq. miles largei than the U. S.-Brazil's populatior is 41,079,000-The U. S's. populatior is 122,775,046. We Smoke Paul Bearer Cigarettes (It's Roasted) Blend of domestic hay and well, you guess. Smoke one at breakfast-8moke one at din ner-Try to smoke one at sup per. F. WILDS. GILLESPIS AND omon. MEEKS 1307 Hampton Avenue (Opposite First Baptist Church) a BEST COOKED FOOD IN TOWN Mrs. J. H. Hope Mrs. L. H. Spann. e DEPENDABLE' 'FJgip Trucking. e gene.. .and . * - Taxi * I a ISERVICE I e ' elephone~ 3189-3183 H * Checker Cab Co. . The White Clars "COLUMBIA'S MOST UNIQUE" Opposite the Jefferson Hotel Open All Night Phone 8754 Problems. The Wages Of Sin This twilight scene was snapped just before dark, and at whal other time. would a twilight scene be snapped? Huh? Anyway it'i on Sumter Street just across frons the library, and Bill Brown, that aJi-ro und;.but-very-little-good-for anything-athlete, is expected any minute now, so be patient. Hii father-in-lay-don't-want-to-be, the sartorially perfect gentleman'witl the cane, is guarding the object of Bill's affections until aforemen: tioned Don Romeo sneaks along Bill must be a pretty good guy, be. cause the bearded gentlemat won't trus t his accomplished daughter alone for one minute foi fear a heartless villain will gral her before Bill comes. Bill told me that all his girl friends fathers were glad for theii daughters to go out-nay evex pass outr-with Bill. But you no tice that the old codger is stil waiting-and lookingfor Bill. I'LL BITE Deer....Dear...a muhup histwaght senoaela poanae Sthti. ould Whc til nihanefo winthe ary anBlBw, th ai .anhngatLet,Bs epce f taterly,donwn-o eenth, thDance sgardi th P ogra ec, Al Bi's afcotionl Pnti fng. 18o1e Daon Rome sne long casered barde agehours won't tr nshis aompf se dau htraone for one mue 0 he|efr|Bl Ph oes.197 to father wee gladefo thde. daghes o god oItnay ee waiingad lookng-ora ill Turn 1 IDrys' Cony Dean Frierson's headquarters foi immediate vicinity. You might obs Desparado Di Doing De With Threats And Bullets Flying, B Among The Desks Of TI With two six shooters (guns-not pints) flaming, a curly headed bandit backed out of the Treasurer's office last evening carrying a gunny (no pun intended) sack containing Frankie Welbourne's week's take from Chase's various nefarious rackets under his arm. Your reporter, from his vantage point behind the extension building (whither he had scurried after the first shot, still speaking of guns, mind you) recognized Scruggs Hope as the dastardly villian; we (Dr. Baker had then joined the vigilantes behind the Extension building) phoned the Mar shall's office and having succeeded in arousing that inestimable gentleman from his noon (12 a. m. till 12 a. m.) siesta, reported the criic; the mar shall, having elicited a promise that we would warn him if the bandit came within his territory (office) went back to sleep, and Lenny and I were left to stop the desparado unaided, so, pocketing our pride, we dashed into Chase's office and described the hap pening. Chase then went smoothly into action; he called Bradley and ordered that the Machine be put in motion, he even called the Kiwanis, in fact he fairly screamed, he spouted Pettycoat Fey Plague T( An epidemic of pettycoat fever has spread over the University campus. Such notables as professor "Billy" Woods, Gus Pearlman, Rhea Haskell and Bill Howey have already suc cumbed to the dreaded plague. Grave doubt is expressed as to their possible recovery. The situation is tense. Specialists, attending the victims, have been un able to determine the origin of the malady. No one seems to know the initial victim or where he might have become exposed. Rumors are prevalent. Facts are jumbled. It is even gossiped that the dean of women could throw light on the matter but she refuses to enlight ene. Professor "Billy," the most serious case, was only recently exposed to the disease. Shortly after the exposeur, EQUIP: New beds, springs, matresses, a have been Insalled in the infirmary of Sawbonies Heyward. If you will the dresser, you can see the smi Doctor. ro To ention Stamp ing his next temperance convention. All erve him behind the barn stealing a s: covered F stardly Deeds In aker And Chase Leap Into Action . 10 Extension Building statistics as to how much had been taken in the numbers racket and how many students' fathers were farmers, to he called Flinn Gilland and demanded cla a report on the religious preferences of me the students whose money was being dri stolen, but then appeared the hero. Or Wild Bill Carrigan had been stroll ing on the campus and, seeing the the robbery, had captured the culprit, he wit now dragged Scruggs into Chase's stu sanctum and tossed him on the desk, w his job being complete he modestly withdrew, leaving us in the embarass- tin ing predicament of 'having to face this fin d!esperate and well armed character with no greater protection than a filing cabinet with Gilland in it; fortunately ha( for yours truly the great Machine had bul been put in motion in the interim and Fri now, fresh from having elected a May Eli Queen, it arrived piloted by Louis an Searson and completely demolished the ge bandit and is now well on the way to taking control of the entire Regis- thi: trar's racket, except that Chase is for holed up in the vital statistics file and J the Machine has no access to the in- cer formation comcerning the type of corn- hol flakes preferred by the out-of-state at students without which it cannot func- sh< tion. cot er Proves an > Young Prof he fell seriously ill. The latest bulle tin reports that his heart has speeded - up and in his delirium lhe is whisper ing sweet nothings into the ears of his physicians.1 The insidious affliction has affected 2 Mr. Peariman in an entirely different 3 manner. It has driven him mad. He is continuously raving of his true love.2 WVe regret that it is impossible to quote his remarks. His physician, at-1 tempting to prevent spread of the 2 plague, has already quarantined the 2 patient. The remaining cases, Mr. Hlaskell and Mr. Howey, are not quite as seri ouis as those mentioned above but great fear is expressed for them by their friends. These young men have b)een exposed on numerous occasions, each time being immune, but it seems that they are finally victimized. K(ENT. ieets, dressers, and pillow oases thanks to the progressive work take a close look at the mirror in lng countenanoe of our beloved "Empty Ground the food will be raised in the noke-but you probably won't. rosh Lawyers Battle Doctors Drinking Tourney ,st Year Law Students And Freshmen Pre-Meds Wage War For Alcoholic Title nnouncement was made Yesterday the effect that the freshman law ;s had challenged the freshman dical class, in Charksa iu a raking tournament to be held in ingeburg, neutral grounds. )ean Frierson seems to think that lawyers will defeat the doctors h all ease since a number of his dents have entered examinations ile under the influence of intoxica i beverages and on one occasion, senior passed-out while taking a il. tules for the drinking tournament I not been drawn up at press time a committee composed of Dean erson, Carlisle Roberts, and Charlie iott will tour the foreign country I make arrangements. It was sug ted that the team that passed out th of the other's should win. In respect, the lawyer's will have to feit in two or three cases. t the freshman law banquet re tly, Berry Lane Anderson. he who ds hands with coeds while looking furniture, was the first to hit the wers. He held out as long as he ild but could not stand the pace set other members of the class. ~reparations for the classic will be ounced in the 1947 issue of the ow sheet. -U. fi. 0. HALL OF SHAME resident--Jim Goggans. it V.-Pres.-J. H. Pruitt nd V.-Pres.-Fred Davis rd V.-Pres. Jim Polatty it Bull-,Tohn Owings nd Bull-Zack Sabbagha it Cow-C, S. Wright ud Cow-,J. Swearingen eer Boy-Andy Hill as. Asst.-M. N. Milhious "CE LLOP HR IT FACTOl 15$ Bo ttle" PAULEY REPLACES BEN WANNAMAKER Frankie Pauley, noted sprint artist, has consented to taking over the du ties as chief waiter at the University mess hall, since Ben Wannamaker has been incarcerated in the municipal bas tile. When approached by an inquiring reporter, Pauley was munching on a "Graham" cracker, his favorite brand. "I would like the job very much," he said. "I have never liked to eat and this job might bring out that inmate quality which I have longed for since my college days." -U. 8. c. Paul Gaffney Suffers From Love Bird's Bite Paul Gaffney, would-be shortstop on Stamman's wonder team (wonder what it's gonna do) was stopped short of his goal this week by A. D. Pi's Catherine Turner, and forced to hand in his uniform. "She sapped me of my sap," ex plained Paul after collapsing upon the field. "The bat isn't big enough and the balls seem to shrink. I can't go on." The first sign of Gaffney's weakened condition made itself apparent last Monday when Coach was batting out flies during field practice. Gaffney just couldn't seem to hang on to Stamman's balls as was his custom. While the Turner gal could not be reached for a statemernt last evening, she confided in her sisters that -Paul, in spite of his reputation, "just can't take it I" CANTON GARDEN 1233 Main Street CHINESE & AMERICAN FOODS Luncheons - Dinners PHONF. 7593 CAROLINA STUDENTS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME AT CAPITOL CAFE COLUMBIA'S OLDEST ARTIST MATI JAL for the Profesional al. " cudent ROSECTALBERT PAINT CO. 1223 Taylor Street Phone No. 6962 NE KEEPS Y FRESH"