The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, April 01, 1936, Page Page Free, Image 6
Ma ting
Love Lorn Letters
By Liven Learn
Dear Liven Learn;
I am a professor in a big Law
School, the University of South Caro
lina. My outlook on women is that of
the typical Southerner-I think that
the woman's place is in the home,
while her husband's is not only that
of making a living but protecting her
honor and that of her family;
My dear lady, the most serious
case to a lawyer, whether young or
old, (I am young) is that of which
cupid takes charge, therefore I plead
to you as Judge,. I am 26 years old
and have an excellent mind, and am
the most popular professor at the Law
School; I am in a financial position
such as would invite matrimony, I
have a good automobile and am from
a good family, in short, I am accep
table in every way as a husband. She,
Miss Warren, is a big sorority girl,
,an acedemic student, and much
younger than I (which causes me no
end of worry), in fact, Dear Liven,
one of the Law students is apparently
beating my time; this, of course, puts
me in a desperate state of mind, with
my ability unquestioned, with my love
undoubted, I beg of you, Dear Miss
4 Learn, to advise me as to the most
expedient method to bring about the
culmination of this love affair in matri
mony.
Yours in Dispair,
4 Carlisle Roberts.
Dear Carlisle;
My poor boy, yours is not a problen
which may be handled in a legal or
theoretical manner, rather it is a prac
tical affair of the heart and must be
so dealt with. My advice to you i.
that you bust the guy who dares tc
compete with you, put the girl in yout
shiny new automobile (without an es
cort of sorority sisters) and take het
to Florida (preferably Gainesville) and
there, amid the beauties of nature
shining in the reflected light of youi
b brilliance, she will .no doubt conseni
to be your ball and chain.
Here's Hoping,
Liven Learn.
-U. ". 0.
Brazil is 250,000 sq. miles largei
than the U. S.-Brazil's populatior
is 41,079,000-The U. S's. populatior
is 122,775,046.
We
Smoke
Paul
Bearer
Cigarettes
(It's Roasted)
Blend of domestic hay and
well, you guess. Smoke one at
breakfast-8moke one at din
ner-Try to smoke one at sup
per.
F. WILDS. GILLESPIS AND
omon. MEEKS
1307 Hampton Avenue
(Opposite First Baptist Church)
a BEST COOKED FOOD IN TOWN
Mrs. J. H. Hope Mrs. L. H. Spann.
e DEPENDABLE'
'FJgip Trucking.
e gene.. .and .
* - Taxi *
I a ISERVICE I
e ' elephone~ 3189-3183 H
* Checker Cab Co. .
The White Clars
"COLUMBIA'S MOST UNIQUE"
Opposite the Jefferson Hotel
Open All Night Phone 8754
Problems.
The Wages
Of Sin
This twilight scene was snapped
just before dark, and at whal
other time. would a twilight scene
be snapped? Huh? Anyway it'i
on Sumter Street just across frons
the library, and Bill Brown, that
aJi-ro und;.but-very-little-good-for
anything-athlete, is expected any
minute now, so be patient. Hii
father-in-lay-don't-want-to-be, the
sartorially perfect gentleman'witl
the cane, is guarding the object of
Bill's affections until aforemen:
tioned Don Romeo sneaks along
Bill must be a pretty good guy, be.
cause the bearded gentlemat
won't trus t his accomplished
daughter alone for one minute foi
fear a heartless villain will gral
her before Bill comes. Bill told
me that all his girl friends
fathers were glad for theii
daughters to go out-nay evex
pass outr-with Bill. But you no
tice that the old codger is stil
waiting-and lookingfor Bill.
I'LL BITE
Deer....Dear...a muhup
histwaght senoaela poanae
Sthti. ould Whc til nihanefo
winthe ary anBlBw, th ai
.anhngatLet,Bs epce
f taterly,donwn-o eenth,
thDance sgardi th P ogra ec, Al
Bi's afcotionl Pnti fng.
18o1e Daon Rome sne long
casered barde agehours
won't tr nshis aompf se
dau htraone for one mue 0
he|efr|Bl Ph oes.197 to
father wee gladefo thde.
daghes o god oItnay ee
waiingad lookng-ora ill
Turn 1
IDrys' Cony
Dean Frierson's headquarters foi
immediate vicinity. You might obs
Desparado Di
Doing De
With Threats And Bullets Flying, B
Among The Desks Of TI
With two six shooters (guns-not
pints) flaming, a curly headed bandit
backed out of the Treasurer's office
last evening carrying a gunny (no
pun intended) sack containing Frankie
Welbourne's week's take from Chase's
various nefarious rackets under his
arm.
Your reporter, from his vantage
point behind the extension building
(whither he had scurried after the
first shot, still speaking of guns, mind
you) recognized Scruggs Hope as the
dastardly villian; we (Dr. Baker had
then joined the vigilantes behind the
Extension building) phoned the Mar
shall's office and having succeeded in
arousing that inestimable gentleman
from his noon (12 a. m. till 12 a. m.)
siesta, reported the criic; the mar
shall, having elicited a promise that
we would warn him if the bandit came
within his territory (office) went back
to sleep, and Lenny and I were left
to stop the desparado unaided, so,
pocketing our pride, we dashed into
Chase's office and described the hap
pening. Chase then went smoothly
into action; he called Bradley and
ordered that the Machine be put in
motion, he even called the Kiwanis, in
fact he fairly screamed, he spouted
Pettycoat Fey
Plague T(
An epidemic of pettycoat fever has
spread over the University campus.
Such notables as professor "Billy"
Woods, Gus Pearlman, Rhea Haskell
and Bill Howey have already suc
cumbed to the dreaded plague. Grave
doubt is expressed as to their possible
recovery.
The situation is tense. Specialists,
attending the victims, have been un
able to determine the origin of the
malady. No one seems to know the
initial victim or where he might have
become exposed.
Rumors are prevalent. Facts are
jumbled. It is even gossiped that the
dean of women could throw light on
the matter but she refuses to enlight
ene.
Professor "Billy," the most serious
case, was only recently exposed to the
disease. Shortly after the exposeur,
EQUIP:
New beds, springs, matresses, a
have been Insalled in the infirmary
of Sawbonies Heyward. If you will
the dresser, you can see the smi
Doctor.
ro To
ention Stamp ing
his next temperance convention. All
erve him behind the barn stealing a s:
covered F
stardly Deeds
In
aker And Chase Leap Into Action .
10 Extension Building
statistics as to how much had been
taken in the numbers racket and how
many students' fathers were farmers, to
he called Flinn Gilland and demanded cla
a report on the religious preferences of me
the students whose money was being dri
stolen, but then appeared the hero. Or
Wild Bill Carrigan had been stroll
ing on the campus and, seeing the the
robbery, had captured the culprit, he wit
now dragged Scruggs into Chase's stu
sanctum and tossed him on the desk, w
his job being complete he modestly
withdrew, leaving us in the embarass- tin
ing predicament of 'having to face this fin
d!esperate and well armed character
with no greater protection than a filing
cabinet with Gilland in it; fortunately ha(
for yours truly the great Machine had bul
been put in motion in the interim and Fri
now, fresh from having elected a May Eli
Queen, it arrived piloted by Louis an
Searson and completely demolished the ge
bandit and is now well on the way to
taking control of the entire Regis- thi:
trar's racket, except that Chase is for
holed up in the vital statistics file and J
the Machine has no access to the in- cer
formation comcerning the type of corn- hol
flakes preferred by the out-of-state at
students without which it cannot func- sh<
tion. cot
er Proves an
> Young Prof
he fell seriously ill. The latest bulle
tin reports that his heart has speeded -
up and in his delirium lhe is whisper
ing sweet nothings into the ears of
his physicians.1
The insidious affliction has affected 2
Mr. Peariman in an entirely different 3
manner. It has driven him mad. He
is continuously raving of his true love.2
WVe regret that it is impossible to
quote his remarks. His physician, at-1
tempting to prevent spread of the 2
plague, has already quarantined the 2
patient.
The remaining cases, Mr. Hlaskell
and Mr. Howey, are not quite as seri
ouis as those mentioned above but
great fear is expressed for them by
their friends. These young men have
b)een exposed on numerous occasions,
each time being immune, but it seems
that they are finally victimized.
K(ENT.
ieets, dressers, and pillow oases
thanks to the progressive work
take a close look at the mirror in
lng countenanoe of our beloved
"Empty
Ground
the food will be raised in the
noke-but you probably won't.
rosh Lawyers
Battle Doctors
Drinking Tourney
,st Year Law Students And
Freshmen Pre-Meds Wage
War For Alcoholic Title
nnouncement was made Yesterday
the effect that the freshman law
;s had challenged the freshman
dical class, in Charksa iu a
raking tournament to be held in
ingeburg, neutral grounds.
)ean Frierson seems to think that
lawyers will defeat the doctors
h all ease since a number of his
dents have entered examinations
ile under the influence of intoxica
i beverages and on one occasion,
senior passed-out while taking a
il.
tules for the drinking tournament
I not been drawn up at press time
a committee composed of Dean
erson, Carlisle Roberts, and Charlie
iott will tour the foreign country
I make arrangements. It was sug
ted that the team that passed out
th of the other's should win. In
respect, the lawyer's will have to
feit in two or three cases.
t the freshman law banquet re
tly, Berry Lane Anderson. he who
ds hands with coeds while looking
furniture, was the first to hit the
wers. He held out as long as he
ild but could not stand the pace set
other members of the class.
~reparations for the classic will be
ounced in the 1947 issue of the
ow sheet.
-U. fi. 0.
HALL OF SHAME
resident--Jim Goggans.
it V.-Pres.-J. H. Pruitt
nd V.-Pres.-Fred Davis
rd V.-Pres. Jim Polatty
it Bull-,Tohn Owings
nd Bull-Zack Sabbagha
it Cow-C, S. Wright
ud Cow-,J. Swearingen
eer Boy-Andy Hill
as. Asst.-M. N. Milhious
"CE LLOP HR
IT FACTOl
15$
Bo ttle"
PAULEY REPLACES
BEN WANNAMAKER
Frankie Pauley, noted sprint artist,
has consented to taking over the du
ties as chief waiter at the University
mess hall, since Ben Wannamaker has
been incarcerated in the municipal bas
tile.
When approached by an inquiring
reporter, Pauley was munching on a
"Graham" cracker, his favorite brand.
"I would like the job very much," he
said. "I have never liked to eat and
this job might bring out that inmate
quality which I have longed for since
my college days."
-U. 8. c.
Paul Gaffney Suffers
From Love Bird's Bite
Paul Gaffney, would-be shortstop on
Stamman's wonder team (wonder
what it's gonna do) was stopped short
of his goal this week by A. D. Pi's
Catherine Turner, and forced to hand
in his uniform.
"She sapped me of my sap," ex
plained Paul after collapsing upon the
field. "The bat isn't big enough and
the balls seem to shrink. I can't go
on."
The first sign of Gaffney's weakened
condition made itself apparent last
Monday when Coach was batting out
flies during field practice. Gaffney
just couldn't seem to hang on to
Stamman's balls as was his custom.
While the Turner gal could not be
reached for a statemernt last evening,
she confided in her sisters that -Paul,
in spite of his reputation, "just can't
take it I"
CANTON GARDEN
1233 Main Street
CHINESE & AMERICAN
FOODS
Luncheons - Dinners
PHONF. 7593
CAROLINA STUDENTS
ARE
ALWAYS WELCOME
AT
CAPITOL CAFE
COLUMBIA'S OLDEST
ARTIST MATI JAL
for the
Profesional al. " cudent
ROSECTALBERT
PAINT CO.
1223 Taylor Street
Phone No. 6962
NE KEEPS
Y FRESH"