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COOLIDGE GETS RAZZBERRY IN S"'NEW STUDENT" F.P.A. of the New York World Poke Fur at the President SUGGESTS JOB FOR "CAL" Satirizes Chief Executive's De mand for Spiritual Meaning "Our colleges," said the profound Calvin Coolidge, at the dedication of the South Dakota state university library, "Will fail in their duty to their students unless they are able to inspire them with a broader understanding of the spiritaul meaning of science, literature, and of arts." To which the Irreverent F. P. A, of the New York World adds, "What is the spiritual meaning of science, lit erature, and the arts? If the president wants a job when and if he emerges from the White House, why not take the Chair of Spiritual Meaning at his alma mater, Amherst? Or, if he wants to go back home, at Smith?" For the benefit of such skeptics as F. P. A., who shows dangerous pre judice, we offer illustrations of the president's theme: Student enters university library and picks up book, "The Story of Our American People," written by Charles F. Horne with the blessings of the American Legion and at the behest of patriotic societies. Takes bottle, labell ed "Spiritual Meaning Extractor," from pocket, and cautiously removes stopper. Pours liquid over book, the pages turn red, white and blue, and then yellow, while stench of decaying vegetables rises. Student next applies liquid to Wil iam Allen White's "Life of Calvin Coolidge." Pages shrivel up into asheq which are carried away by breeze. H. L. Mencken's "Prejudices" is the next subject of the extractor. First dose has no effect. Student empties remainder of liquid onto the book which turns in a pile of greenbacks. These explode and blow him through the ceiling. Act II. - Another student opens Wig gam's 'The Fruit of the Family Tree.' Applies 'Spiritual Meaning Extractor' in small dose. Ape, reading New York 'Graphic,' appears in smoke arising from book Next dose is tried on Oliver Lodge's Esther and Reality. Room sud denly grows dark, while red haze hovers over book. White shrouded figure, identified as Warren G. Harding, rises above haze, and reading 'The President's Daughter' fades away, slowly shaking "CHUCK" COLLINS Head coach at U. N. C., who brings a fighting crew of Tar Heelians to meet the Gamecocks tomorrow afternoon. NORTH C No. Name Pos. Age 63-McDANIE~L-E1nd .... 21.. 56-PRESSON-End...... 19.. 72-SAPP-E~nd. .... ....20. . 48-KESLE~R-End ....... 19.. 87-FENNER-End....... 18.. 75-SNIDER-End ....... 22.. 66-MOREHE~AD-Tackle 21.. 94-WARRE~N-Tackle .... 24. . 59.LIPSCOMB-Tackle .. 19.. 85-HOWARD-Tackle ... 20.. 9O-HARPER-Tackle .... 20.. 91-SHULER-Guard .... 21.. 8(O-BEARD-Guard ...... 22.. 49-DAVIS-Guard....... 22.. 71-RBTLOC.-FB......2. "RAr PROGRAM AT FLINN HALL (Continued from page one) since I came to Carolina." A short stunt was then given ,followed by a sirecho by the freshman class. Miss Frances Bethea, f:ankly admitting her present state of ignorance, told "What Carolina can do for me." The fresh man class gave another gong ensemble.. Miss Carolyn Carson of Coker Col lege, who is on her way to Atlanta to a Y.W.C.A. convention, concluded the program with a short talk to the fresh men. "Green," said Miss Carson, "is a sign of growth, so let that be a sign that you are growing. Don't get too busy with worldly affairs to keep tab on your self. Take time to know God." Miss Ida Johnston was elected to go to Atlanta to the Y.W.C.A. convention. She will be accompanied by Miss Car son. Misses Virginia Taylor, Willie Jo Hughes, Thelma Lockman, and Mi!drcd Conc were elected as delegates -o the state convention at camp Laf-a-Lot. -- UC MEETING OF UNDERGRADUATE HISTORY CLUB There will be a meeting of the un dergraduate history club Monday nignt at 8 o'clock in Davis College. This to be in the iorm of a reorganization meeting and all old members are urged to be present. head. Student pours one drop of liquid on collection of Dr. Frank Crane's phlio sophic and scientific discourses. Pecu liar wailing is heard as figure of old woman, bowed with grief, appears on pages. At the same time a chorus of little boys, each looking like Eddie Guest files through the room singing mammy songs. Act. III. Art student examines sketch of emaciated laboring man. Pours some 'Spiritual Meaning Extractor' on draw ing which fades into picture of the ar tist eating big steak in a Fifth avenue club. Student stares stoiidly at painting of sunset, but can derive no meaning. Sprays it with fluid, and witnesses sun set change into fried egg which hungry artist eagerly swallows. Student drinks remainder of fluid, and losts conscious ness as he is transformed into a vacuum. -USC I see where the president of the col lege is going to stop necking on the campus. I should think he would at his age. Bedtime Story: "I have perfect limbs," said the co-ed dancer, "yet I never try to display them." 1st Trapeze lady-How was your first husband? 2nd tropeze lady-Good to the last drop. 1st Soph-I feel a lethargy creeping on me. 2nd Fool-Yeah, the grass is full of them. I doctor myse?f by the aid of medical books. Yes, and some day you'll die of a mis print I Prof. Coleman (in Math. 8)-If the population of Columbia compounds at the rate of eight per cent, what will it be in five years?. Stude-I don't know, sir. Some of them won't be old enough to compound 'in five years. :AROLINA SQUAD SS Height Weig'ht No. Name .5'-10". .. .175 84-DONAHO1 .5'- 9". ... .165 67-SCHWAR'] .6'- 2". .. .175 64--EVANS-C( .6'- 1".... 175 54-FURCHES .5'-11". .. .177 57-WHISNAls .5'-10". .. .165 93-GRAY--Q1 .6'- . ... .200 69---YOUNG-] .6'- .... 185 55--LASSITEli .6'- 3"... .197 53--GRESHAIV .5'-10".... 198 61-FERRE~LL .6'- 3"... .210 68-FOARD-1 .5'-10". .. .180 77-REESE~--I .5'- 8". .. .160 74-WARD-H .5'-10".... 170 78-SHUFORI: . 5'-10". .. .175 70.--TNKIrNSc COUNCIL.bISCUSSES FORENSIC ACTIVITIES (Continued from. page one) . stitutions of the East. Several debates are yet to be announced, but will also be scheduled. Carolina, last year made a wonderful rec9rd in the forensic field and estab lished herself as one of the strongest debating contenders of the South and East. Not satisfied with defiating such state teams as Furman, Wofford, Pres byterian College and the Citadel, hse bettered in verbal conflicts, teams from the University of North Carolina, the University of Georgia,'the University of Tennessee, Temple University of Phila delphia, the University of Delaware and William and Mary College. This year she hopes for an even greater season and with victories, she can lay claim to the championship of not only the South but also of the East and West, since she is to meet almost every Southern state institution as well as some strong East ern teams. After mapping out the schedule, the Council discussed co-ed debating. An other thing to evoke discussion was the publicity that is to be given to debating this season. The Council plans to adver tise her contests extensively. Another feature of the meeting was the formu lating of plans for the entertainment of visiting teams. The first bow from the rostrum will be made the middle of December when students will compete fo rthe coveted Roddey Medal, awarded annually to the best individual debater of the Univer sity. Usc WARDLAW SPEAKS TO UNIVERSITY Tr (Continued from page one) realized by man. The first part says: "Thou shalt love the highestr with thy whole nature." That is, put yourself in harmony with the sum of the force of the Universe-the laws of nature and of spirit-and enlist on the side of the eter nal goodness, pitch yourself as one has said 'in tune with the Infinite.' The other part is, good will to all sentient beings-doing as you would be done by. This might well be our one and only standard. We need not bother with others, for all that are true are mere interpretations of this." After Dr. Wardlaw's talk the Chicora quartet gave several selections. -USC Dressing-'lhe girls go simply wild over this shirt. Distressing-Oh, I see. Sort of a broadcloth, isn't it? HARRY LIGHTSEY His Gamecocks begin one of the hardest weeks of the season by meet ing N. C. tomorrow, and continuing with Clemson next Thursday. ['ATISTICS Pos. Age Height Wei ght enter ......20....6'- 1"... .200 S--QB ..... 21. .. .5'- 8". ...155 T-QB . . .. 20. . ..5'- 8". .. .155 .......... 20. ....5'- 8"... .155 IB .. . ... . .20. .. .6'- . .. .170 -HB...... .20. . ..6'- 1". .. .166 [-HB ..... 21... .6'- ....158 -HB...... 22. ...5'- 8".... 160 IB.........2.. .. 5'-10.... 160 [B......... 21. ...5'- 8".. ..165 B ......... 22. ...5'- 9.....165 -B......21....6'--0".... 190 CHEERING CLUB "The entire purpose ofthe orgauln FORMED ON CM PUS tion," continued the writer's-nfofit'lit (Continued from page one) is torevive, rather than ly to understand, "for," said a member of the lub f4 frshma wh posese-4tention of drWhfg fresb1ien*ar_we are the club, "a freshman who possesseth iut fol class pride and spirit will conform to the unwritten traditions of the Univer sity that were formed before our fath. ers were born. Some of those tradi- ALUMNICOME tions are stated as concisely as possible HERE TOMORROW in the 'A. B. C.'s for freshmen."' (Continued from page one) A-Wear freshman caps at all times. B-Learn songs and yells; and sing and be a regular feature of every football yell. game. C-Attend pep meeting and parades. Alumni are welcomed to the Univer D--Loyally support Carolina teams In sity campus by every student at Carolina victory and defeat. and those who wish to do so are invited e-Practice campus courtesy (speak to to stay on the campus with their friends. fellow students and faculty men'- AlthoLgh the game is the p-imary reason bers.) for the celebration op Zaturday. Caro Note-Failure to comply with the lina alumni are "pected to get together foregoing will result in the offender's on several other little matters and the being called before the K. S. K.'. prediction is that the campus will re Motto-(Addressed to freshmen)- semble the Carolina of old on Saturday If you do not get the spirit, the Spirits night. Especially if the Gamecock take will get you. the Tarheels into camp n Always kee o a little Edgeworth ~si,on your hip Wingfield's Drug Store 1443 Main Street "As CoPeland Goes, So Goes the Fashion Learn the Way" MANHATTAN SHIRTS--STETSON HATS--BRADLEY SWEATERS--MUNSING UNDERWEAR Everything Seasonable and Stylish -for Men Who Care COPELAND COMPANY 1535 Main Street Columbia, S. C. Home of Kuppenheimer Good Clothes Phone 6061 Service Is Our Motto: Give Us.a Trial CHARLIE & MONROE McGHEE LINDSAY HTONSORIAL KING Whee Yu Met ourEid (Cpoted ferompe Hoe 1128Lad SteetNae to omn' totha ner Bilardthse h iht os r nie Wachfo OrNet isla toto the erapswt H thel, riend Monay,TuedayrndWeey cbt.io, ov. 1auda.2ao an acopltelie f urising afumn the colleceoget an.he P to ie Or Averotiherstl atr n h