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SMILES. Prof. McCutchen (on public finance)--"What was the tithe, Mr. Cain ?" Cain-"Ancient tax on salt, sir." First. Circus l.oy--"W\'hat's the biggest thing you ever did?" Second - "Washed Ihe ele phant by myself." Fresh -- "What time is it, please ?" Soph-"One-fifty-eight." Fresh--"That's right. I have two to two, too." Houck ( writing home ) - "Mackie, how do you spell 'financially'?" Mackie MacGown - "Fi-n-a-n c-i-a-l-l-y, and there are two s's in 'embarassed.' Ligrhtibus outibus in parlorum Boyibus kissihus sweet puel larum Dadibus quickibus cum cluba rum Kickibus boyibus outside doorum Hoyibus limpihus ad his domo rum Swearibus he kissibus puella nomoriinm. If you d:n't feel .just right, If you can't sleep at night, If you moan and sigh, If your throat is dry, If you can't. smoke or drink, If your grub tastes like ink, If your heart doesn't beat, I f you've got cold feet, If your head's in a whirl Why don't you marry the girl? ---Tiger. A woman's first kiss may be attributed to childish eurosity; her s('cond to lisplaced confi dence. btt the others are down rhtcarlessness.. --Tar Baby. "Her cheeks," he said. ''are roses red, And lovely as can be; ier r'u}by )ips are t reasurYe ships That speak of love to me." BItt when to kiss this little miss The poor boob took a notion. lie founi her lips were painted ships Upna painted ocean. "CAROLINA" Sunday Nite. My Dearest Jane: Sick ?--Symipathy. Dedia ?--Regrets. Engaged ?--Congi atulations. Married ?--Best wishes. If not--for the love of Mike, write!. She--I don't think it's right to say that a woman can't keep a secret. He--Why so? * She--Because no woman ever tried. Dad--"Do you know my sofl John dowrn at Carolina V Stude-"Yes, he and I sleep on the same history class." Most of us feel like pelicans when we see the size of our bills. "Gee, what a defeated coat." "HIow so?" "Frayed around the botLom, frayed around the edge, frayed arounl the collar, and frayed around the cuffs." "Watchful waiting for me," said the inspector of weights and measures as he tested the scales. She was engaged to a man with a wooden leg, but when she found it out she broke it off. "Here's where you break into print." said the editor, as he shoved the cub reporter's head through the case box. Have you heard of the latest debut ?" "No." "Ears have just come out." A business man stepped into) a butcher's shop. "A piece of beef for roasting," he ordered, briskly. The meat, mostly bone, was thrown on the scales. "Look here," protested the man, "you are giving me a big I)iece of bone." "Naw, I ain't," said the butch er.; "yer paying for' it.." .Ex. It is about time all fresh be came acquainted with the .joke about the inmate of the (leaf and dumb asylum who, when a water heater exploded, broke his 0humi1b hollering "Fire !"-Ex. Ilunme without a mother can be nothin;;' other than an incu bat or. lie lid)'t. want to hit him hard, so he pilled the t rigger easy. P'aren)t "1)o you know, WVil. ,it. what you ought to get for tl;ling w. ith hat ioy across the street?" W illie----.\ nt'd l. IIe's twice the siz of lle." THINGS I CAN. NEVER UNDERSTAND Why hei' letter dIidln't r'each me. Why all collar buttons when dropped run under' the bureau. Why the janitor' insists on sweeping my soft shoes to the back side of the wall under neath the bed and leaves them there. Why every college has to have a faculty and tr easurer's office. Why the gong in Davis goes off just as you drop off to sleep. Why the professor comes in at 'Bine and a half minutes past 'Why Dr. Sniowden loves math emantics so. BOTH U. of S. C. We Laugh Drink tussick Smoke Cuss We Make friends Make money Make clothes Make love We Overdraw bank accounts Arrange dates hate overhalls Dance We Fight Shoot craps Sleep on classes Flunk exams And yet They love us just the same. SPECULATIONS ON STYLE. I. Perhaps, since overshoes are So popular this winter, Spring may introduce Rubber boots. They'd really be as good Advertising since they Are just as awkward Only there Are no buckles to jingle Hut maybe bells could Be attached very Harmoniously. And if they were hip boots, How delightfully short Skirts could then Be worn. But think of the shins hip Hoots would conceal Unless they were Transparent. H. At that we may be thankful That the fair sex are Content to bob Their hair. They might have been led io having it shingled, Or even having their leads shaved. Ill. The latest on rolled socks Is that it is perfectly All right, because Ssh! The basket ball men all (10 Theirs that way, and They're all such Nice b)oys. IV. As Mary says, even Fashion IHas limits but just Now they tendl To meet Or Mathematically speaking Style is a variable That has passed Its limit. --R. McE. Wimgfi 1A DF US C. C. They Powder their faces Scream Smile Do, too They Are friends Spend it Wear some Do, too They Prolit thereby Give punch Love evening gowns Do, too They Scratch Play rook Stay away altogether Do, too ut Still We love them just the same. The University Press COLLEGE AND! COMMERCIAL PRINTING Phone 2776 Columbia, S. C. LOAF AT GITTMANS BOOK SHOP THE ARCADE ROOM 3 ARC WANTED- our friends at sity to know that % shp and have purch we are prepared to 'Give u LEO and ALBE PROPR I ave this car witht fonstrated to you. You re * land 4. Overland Colu R. D. LAMBE ild 's Dr 143 Main Stre( A SHORTER SHORTHAND SYSTEM IN TEN EASY LESSONS This course covers ten easy lessons which will enable the Student, Profes sor. Journalist, Doctor, Lawyer or any one : orking a professional career to go thru life with 100 per cent. ef ficiency. THIS COURSE Is short and inexpensive, and is given with a money back guarantee it nel satisfied. SEND THIS CLIPPING TODAY. PYRAMID PRESS: ITILISHIIERS 1416 Broadway. New York City. c'entlemen : Enclosed herewith is $5.00 for which kindly send me your shorthand course in ten easy lessons by mail. It is understood that at the end of five (lays, I am not satisfied my money will be gladly refunded. Name .......................... Street ..... City and State................... You Have Written Poems! Do you care to have then revised or constructively criticised by successful authors? If you do. thea send us your nanutscrilpt (stories, articles or poems). We will criticise, and place them should they provo to be accepta ble for publication. There is no actual charge for our services. If. however, you have not previously enrolled with the advisory department of this association, we re quest (hat you enclose the initial fee of two dolbars, which we must ask of each new contributor. There is no additional expense, no future obliga ! ion. It must. be realized that we can only be of aid to those of serious intent. If you do mean to strive for literary sue cu-ss. We can hell) you In many ways. Our services are yours until we have actually sucreeded in marketing at least one of your manuscripts. Send something today! NATIONAL LITERARY ASSOCIATION 131 W. 39th St. New York ('ity. Advisory Department BARBER SHOP ADE BUILDING id the boys at the Univer ve have left the Palmetto sed the Arcade shop. where give the very best service. % a trial IRT MAYFIELD IETORS .....:..;..;.........;..... """".. mbia,, hd Coman 4.RT rsdn 'Stor