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A PROTEST. I thought I had finished "Inside Dope" And was hoping to retire, But now I am back as a white man's hope, For the last "When" I don't ad mire. A game chick, just in full bloom, Thinking lie would be bright, Used another's noni de plume, Which we won't tolerate one mite. Now when you read "Gamecock" dope And find another "When," You will be considerate, I sincerely hope, And credit my obliging friend. "Inside Dope." A REPLY. Because the last "When" didn't take, Don't be subject to cold feet; Be calm, you'll some day be a poet, Sit steady in the seat. Straight Tip. Beelzebub Telegraphs From Brim stone Alley. The following telegram has been received by the Editor of THE GAMECOCK from the dark and shad owy regions of the lower world, and it is published in the certain knowl edge that it will prove of interest to many on the campus. The message reached here on the asbestos wires of the Post-hell Telegraph Company. It follows: Erebus, Brimstone Alley, February 19, 1912. Dear old Editor: I am requested by his Satanic Majesty to convey to you and yours the ineffable pleasure which lie has experienced in the work on the cam pus this year. He bids me hand to Carolina red-hot bunches of con gratulation. The Devil has often been mindcl to rise from his sulphur couch and pay you a visit. Especial ly would he enjoy rambling in rumi nating reminiscence through the dear shadows of Monte Carlo, where lie could extract from out the white wash the poker accents of a by-gone age. But, alas, his excellency is kept busy with the new arrivals. His Imperial Fire is considering seri ously of increasing the number of his secret agents on the campus, for lie has found that his lone represen tative, Mr. Bob Purdhy, indulges in too much senitimental slush to be reliable. The Devil has high recoin nmendations of Mr. A. G. H-art for this -position, but is afraid of such developments for the amply suffi cient reason that the Pitchfork Po tentate wvouldI keep the Hadlean graft to himself. Please extend the kind regards of my master to the presi dent and officers of the Woodlrow Wilson League. He only regrets that a previous promise to T. R. will prevent his helping their cause. I hope that you are enjoying more moderate weather than we are. It is impossible to tell you the exact de gree of heat, for our thermometers have long since been vaporized. How we did envy you your recent snow! It may be, dear friend, that I can visit you in the near future, for our concern is planning branch headquarters in Charleston since the racing has begun there. However. don't think for one moment that we are seeking to secure options upon any Charleston people, for we feel that our regions would become a torment to us through the many defects Charlestonians would find here. We are after some of the Yankees hibernating there. Hoping to hear from you and ex pressing to you the Devil's high per sonal esteem, In torment yours, Beelzebub. Oh! Beautiful Spring. Away down South Where's "the fountain of youth," In the land of the flowers, Springing from the earth's bowers, We travel over the fields On the flowers which it yields. In Dixie's land, With its hills of sand, There are orchards of fruit And many gardens of sooth, Where the lovers do sing In the beautiful spring. Where wooers can woo. James DeTreville. A brave attempt at poetry, it must be admitted I The nerve of the author must be admired. But he should quit the poetry business. It is not his line. Join a matrimonial bureau, young man ; you are in love and yet you are not; you want to love and yet you are not a lover. It is said that faint heart never won fair lady, but cer tainly poetry like this will never win the hand of a charming damsel. Start a cannery and make use of those orchards of fruit, but first of all can this "poem." DO'S AND DON'TS. You'd better attend your classes, And study your lessons well, Or the Dean'll have you in his office, And he'll give you hell. You'd better quit flirting wvith the lad ies, For they'll get you in the worst of trouble; WVhen examinations come in early spring, Your wvork you'll have to dlouble. You'd bet tcr put your mind on your lessons, And do each day's work wvell; Acquit yourself as a true Carolin ian, And you will surely excel. J. L. Greene. Billy Beard, the real singer of real songs, at the Lyric. BIRD Prof. Davis: "Mr. Passailaigue, have you read Shakespeare's Rich ard 3?" / Mr. Passailaigue: "Yes, sir." Prof. Davis: "Give the class the most famous quotation that you found in this work." Mr. Passailaigue: "A horse, a mule, my country for a jackass." Passailaigue's lady, who has just returned from a Citadel dance in Charleston and who has been given an excellent time: "Oh, Mr. Dutchy, how did you ever leave the Citadel?" Pass "- - - By request." The all-absorbing question in Monte Carlo at present is: "Billie Cop, what made you do it ?" Bob Owens says that the reason he lost his case in Moot Court is that the jury failed to heed the call, "Ship a-Hoey." BOOKKEEPING -:- SHOR' Learn Your Business Co Have the Satisfacti Attende 25% Discount Allowed Unive Best Courses; I WV lll Planirgithe utu - Eg ting lterbutno plaue or -ieFtms 20 or gi;^gi;fg/ 15ceta?q e nehee SEED A Brother Woodrow, Toots Ehrlich and Gilbert Newman spent the 22nd on a dove shoot at Ft. Motte. Brother reports dove hunting more profitable than clear hunting. Prof. Mitchell: "Now, Mr. Mills, yes, thank you, what were the imme diate causes of the French Revolu tion, yes?" Big Mills: "The failure of the czar to grant woman suffrage." Professor Thomas: "Now, Mr. Alexander, suppose that the Judge were to ask you such a question, how would you answer him?" Alex. blurted out: "I wouldn't be afraid of him, Professor." Such an expression in some juris dictions would be considered an "admission against interest," but here it is termed a "self-serving declaration." 'HAND TYPEWRITING urse at Our College, and on of Knowing You d the Best rsity Men. Call in to See Us 3est Reputation 4/ dAumbial S. C. ev