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TOLD HIS WIFE A GOOD JOKE. And Then Accused Her of Having No Sense of Humor. Englishmen are often accused of being unable t<> grasp the point of the American pun. and sometimes they may think they see the point of a joke when perhaps they do not. An Kng Usliman named Slorlet was walking along the sidewalk one day witli an American friend when the latter inad rertently slipped and fell down "All. my deah l?>y. 1 hope you are not hurt! How did it happen':" To which the friend replied: "It happened notwithstanding." They both laughed over the pun. and Morley said it was so good lie was go lng to tell his wife about it. At dinner that evening he remarked that he had such a good Joke on his friend Brown and by way of preliminary, leading up rn the nolnr of his storv. he proceeded to tell all about who Brown was. his associations and business connections, how he came to pet acquainted with him, commercial relations he had had with him. etc until he forgot about the story, but was reminded of it b\ the wife, who said impatiently: "But what about the story?" "Oh, yes!" laughing iniinoderntely as the recollection of it struck him "Why, you see. Brown and 1 were walking down the street together, and be slipped on a banana peeling and fell down, and when ! asked him how it happened he said 'Nevertheless.'" And he was sore at her all evening and declared she had no sense of hu mor because she said she didn't sec anything funny to that. Thought of His Past. Willie Collier, the American actor. ; was in England and was invited to spend a week end iu the country by a distinguished and elderly duchess who rather patronizes Americans. After Collier had arrived and had been shown to the great hall his hostess came In. "Oh. Mr. Collier." she gushed. "I am so glad, so very glad to have you as my guest! You see. 1 love Americans. and I know nil about you. un. inaeeo. yes I do! I know all about you." Collier looked around apprehensively "If that's so." he asked, "how did I pet in?"?Saturday Evening Post A Long Way Down. Senator Dixon of Connecticut one day brought an elongated constituent of his. a rnnu who was six feet ten /Itf lAitiJJ (A LOOKING DOWN ON HIM BY SIX INCHES. inches tall, to call on President Lincoln, and for the first and perhaps the only time in his life the president was flabbergasted by the sight of a man looking down on hiin by sis inches. Finally Lincoln's face was overspread by that lovely smile of his. and he said. "My friend, will you permit me to ask you a question?" "Whr portnlnlv Mr. President." the man answered. "I want to know." said Mr. Lincoln. I "If you can tell when your feet pet cold."?New York Times. She Said the Wrong Thing. "I shall never forpet the breakfast 1 gave to n pretty pirl when I tirst knew her." the short man bepan. "It would make your mouth water to hear what It was?prai>efrult to beinn with, the most delicate of breakfast food with cream, a choice bridled chicken?it was a late breakfast?the finest ol' fruit, coffee. I can't remember the thinps I ordered for her at that breakfast, and What do you timiK sue said wuen mic finished: She s:iid: 'You needn't have gone to so inu'ti trouble. I don't en re for anything but a couple < f eggs for my breakfast and a piece of toast.*" "It was the wrong thing to say. 1 will admit." sighed his wife. "I was that girl, and 1 have been living ever since on a couple of eggs and a piece of toast for my breakfast" Sidetracked. At a time when the Irish situation eemed critical to the officials nt Pub lin. In 1SS1 or a certain Liberal peer was delegated to go 'o Hawnrden and consult with (Jladstone. Upon his return his friends received him with eagerness. "Well, what did he ay? What policy did he recommend?" The peer blushed slightly, hesitated a moment and then mildly remarked. "Well, to tell the truth, the fellow was so wonderfully agreeable that we never got on to the subject of Ireland at all." . j lUCILE'S other dress BY P. W. MILLETT. ! ????????????? Tuesday afternoon about three j o'clock Arthur Knight telephoned me : that he had just heard there was to be an impromptu dance at the country club that evening, and he asked me to 1 to with him. The only frock 1 had i suitable to wear was my embroidered | swiss. and when I got it out I was dis ! | mayed to find it quite mussy and ! soiled. "Why don't you wear your pink and white marquisette?" asked mother. "I've worn it twice when I've been | out with Arthur." 1 replied "1 don't i want him to think it's the only sum ! mer gown 1 own." Then 1 threw the embroidered swiss over my arm and | started downstairs. "Now, Lucile. don't have Tilly do up that dress unless she is perfectly j willing." called mother after me. "1 j don't like to have extra work put or j her in this hot weather." I called back that Tilly need not do ! up my frock unless she wanted to ; And. to tell the truth, she did no' seem very enthusiastic when I firs' ! broached the subject. "Tilly." 1 said with a sudden insni- | ration lust as 1 was about to leave th? kitchen, "how would you like to have the whole day off tomorrow and go out the suburb where your aunt lives? If you'll do me this favor of laundering 1 this dress this afternoon in a hurry. | you may have a holiday tomorrow, and I'll give you the money to pay your fare out to your aunt's." |l Her discontented look turned into a || smile as I spoke Then she took the ' gown with alacrity, and it certainly looked exquisite when she brought it 1 up to me in my room two hours later I "Ycu are as fresh as a marguerite." | said Arthur, admiringly, when he saw me that evening, so I felt repaid for [ all my trouble in getting the dress l washed and ironed for the occasion. | As we whirled away in his car, he > asked, looking down the street: "Isn't i that Louise Erwin?" "Yes, I believe it is," I said, and | waved my gloved hand to Louise, who looked rather astonished. "I wonder if she wouldn't like to go along," said Arthur, and slackened the speed of the car. "There's sure to be plenty of extra men at the club tonight." "Oh. no. she is scarcely dressed for a party." I answered, laughing. "Yout suegestion is awfully kind, but most impractical. You know, Louise is quite old-maldv about wanting to have on the proper thing." When I got home mother was up. as is usual with her. I almost wish that she was under a doctor's orders to be in bed before ten o'clock, for 1 know it's injurious to her to stay up late, i nearly aiways nna ner nervou? i and overwrought when I come in from any party or little trip. "Lucile," she said, accusingly, "I think it was extremely thoughtless of you to forget that you had asked Ix?uise Erwin here to dinner. She seemed hurt at your going away as you did." "I^ouise is foolishly sensitive, mother," I explained. "It wasn't as if I had invited her to a dinner party. I just casually asked her to come up and help me make some fudge which I promised Cousin Fannie for her mission class picnic tomorrow." "Well, she made it," said mother, in a crisp tone. I had met Carl Pates' sister at the country club that evening and had aereed to go out to Evanston early the novt r^nrninp tn riass the dav with her When I pot home in the evening, after diniu r. mother met me at the door with a reproachful face. "Well. I surely have had a day of it!" she exclaimed. "I was greatly surprised. Lucile, when Tilly left the house this morning as soon as the breakfast dishes were washed. She said you told her that she could have a holiday and she looked so dreadfully disappointed at tbe thought of giving it up that, of course, I had to let her RO. "The worst of it was." she continued. "that Fannie had to be away on account of her mission class picnic ana mere was nu ou# iu ut-ip ?uc | lunch for your Aunt Rachel, who j dropped In." "Dear me!" I replied. "I do wish Aunt Rachel would have the kindness to let you know when she is coming." "I told her to come any time this j week, never supposing you would d< | prive me of a cook for a whole day." j complained mother. "1 also had to cy ; dinner. I must say. Lucile. that I'm j all out of patience with you!" "Why, mother, darling!" I cri- : j "you would never speak to me .-< hr.rshlv if Aunt Rachel had not intiuenced you. She is always critici-inr me. but 1 thought you loved me." I "Of course, I love you, Lucile." s. id mother, "but I'm so hot and tired tl;aT I'm afraid I'm feeling a little on You must forgive me. dear." What could 1 do but tell her that I forgave h?r? Poor, dear mother! What a pity it is that she permits small domestic occurrences to disturb her so greatly' It. would be a comfort to me if she had somewhat more poise and selfcontrol. Verily. "Put when you asked for my daughter you told m^ you had money enough, to support her in the style she was accustomed to," said the father who had been touched. "Yes; but that was a year ago, sir." replied the young man. "Being enI gaged for a year is expensive work J ' sir." A Slouiscoh THE ARGA f) 232 and 234 King Street / CHARLES ^ LARGEST WHOLESALE AND RETAIL n Surp 9) An Event without P (6 History. $75,000 JT Wholesale Cost an< fg Bargains! Bars J Abound All Over fi All of Our New Spring 5 fl Mammoth CI up 8 $12.98 Suits reduced to 15.00 Suits reduced to ajx 17.50 Suits reduced to J I 20.00 Suits reduced to 25.00 Suits reduced to 9) 30.00 Suits reduced to {0 JJ7.50 Suits reduced to W) All of our Dresses reduced in J WAISTS! WA1 W) 75c and 89c White Lawn Lin 'A *1.00 White Lawn Lingerie V *1.50 White Lawn and Linen J I $?. 50 White Lawn and Linen ^ Write us for your wants, 1 over our store. fl See Cliaile Put the Load \! F you are to 4j?IJ time and o L2nnr have efficier rvOf? You have i ' At i workwithou enercrv at wood-sawing, I stone-turning and the 1 gine to furnish power time, and with far less e the stock watered, the one-tenth the expense load where it belongs. IHC Oil an It is the cheapest eng it costs less per year < It is so powerful that b| per cent or more abov Perfect combustion mal IH C oil and gas er gasoline, naphtha, kero Sizes are 1 to 50-horse in every approved sty! portable, stationary, s water-cooled. Sawing, fits, etc. I H C oil tract ing, etc., 12 to 60-horsi See this engine at t place of business and 1 you. Or write for cata [ernaticnal Harvestei Uucori Columbia i ?n?? mm i mmmmrnarnxmmm ?? Soft Drinks Wi Vou can use them as a stimu'ani over." Every drink made at my 1 that's something to be remembert children. We give dirt dust and 1 where you get service at the wink Where every one is young, even tl you come here you are coming hor Candies that are made from the ter's nap. Cigars ?Well, yes, they are g??oi llread just 5c the loaf?loaf her* Meet me at Courtney's Courtney's Cafe an VIRGIL KIND Kingstree, !SSeS SS3SSS9Xl HEN & CO , 8 iDE STORE, fl and 203 Meeting Street, fl THY ft C, if A \/ 11 ^ Kjy V v ? i MAIL ORDER HOUSE IN THE SOUTH. l u_s Ssule. g arallel in Our Entire f) Stock Sacrificed for U) I Less. 9) fains! Bargains! U Our Groat Store, fl iuils Are Included in this fi earance Sale, g* $ O 49 W) II 79 (A 13 39 16 39 fi 19 98 yp 24 39 f) 29 98 [M likeper^enta^e for clearance, w) [STS! WAISTS! g perie Waists reduced to $0 45 ?) Waists reduced to 0 67 {A Waists reduced to I 32 Waists reduced to 2 15 JI ;he same price cuts prevail all M\ ston X^ixstl g fliere It Belongs make the most of your | pportunities, you must | it tools to work with. ? enough hard, tiresome K t wasting your time and I , water-pumping, prrinaike. Use an I H C enfor such work. In less ffort, the wood is sawed, tools sharpened, all at of hand work. Put the Buy and use an J Gas Engine | ine you can buy because ^ of service than others, it will carry a load ten | , e its rated horse power. || KCS 11 CUUUUIim.dl. OK lgines operate on gas, | sene, distillate, alcohol. | power. They are built { le; vertical, horizontal, * kidded, air-cooled, and , pumping, spraying out- ? tors for plowing, threshe power. he I H C local dealer's > earn what it will do for .logues. r Company of America >orated) & ; ^s.c " HHnanaaRSIKHHHiWHBBHHn thout The Kick. i ?>r as a "pick me up and carry me [ 'ouni gets our special attention.and d in choosing refreshments for the microbes the kibosh here, the place of an eye or the raise of a finger, lough their hair is silvered. When ne. first run of sap.at'ter the l?>ng Win1, try one: Price from 5r up. Make This Your Station Stop d Ice Cream Parlor E.R, Proprietor SoutH Carolina Kingstree Druj When you bring yov our store you are sure physician calls for?no ui 1111 ci iui ui ugs aic ? pounding. We keep on hand a c< Up-to-Date Toilet Arl fumes, Etc. Also an ment of Stationery. D. M. Ferry's C The Best Variel Tobacco, Cigars ai ^ THE KINGSTREE D g =- Z Go To S WHEN YOU NEED ANYTHII A record of more than tw< hind him. With a bunch of on hand, he is always ready Also Feed and Li\ J. L. Stuckey, ^????i?????i?i 1 BEST QUALITY. E I L. Wetherhoi ) CYPF I SASH, DOORS A I CHARLESTC I PROMPT DELIVERIES. I 5XXXXXXXXXXXXXC ? Tisoii it Jones, Yir X and Hercules Ibuqg q Columbus and Tho ? McGORMIGK MOWER! 8 Ha? mess, Summer I 0 Whips, etc. X Dr. Hess & Clark's 0 try Powders. 0 YOURS TO PI O Williamsburg Live S X KINGSTREl 2xx>ooooooooooo< storm-proof, too. CORTRIGHT METAL SHIM last as long as the building and never i Just the thing for town or country buil ^ meet every condition of comfort, EfF We have local representatives almost every locality, write us direct (or samples, prices an< CORTRIGHT METAL ROOFING C lr prescription to to get what your ? * a a cneap suDstitutes ased by us in com? fl :icles, Soaps, Per- 9| Excellent Assort- Hfl jarden Seed fl ties Grown. H rid Cigarettes HH RUG COMPANY ===5v >. 1 II >tucKey 1 ^MRSEFLESH d ?ntv vears stands be- S nice Worses and mules H for a sale or a swap. I fery Stables. B Lake City, S. C. 3 XPERT WORKMANSHIP. M 9 *n & Son. I I iESS 1 I lND blinds. 1 DN, S. C. | ISTI MATES FURNISHED. # ginia, Guilford O i IES.I , rnhill Wagons. X S AND RAKES, ? listers, Saddles, X Stock and Ponl- X LEASE, V stock Company, C E, S. C. K xxjxxxxxxxx2 beauty and security. where, but if nooe in your immediate d full particular!. OMPANY ~ 50 North 23d St. T .. PbUadolphia. Pa. ,