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it." *; V) ? A CASE OF COHSClEWt Why an Editor Could Not Bo i?dgo 4a ? Literary Contoct. Phe editor of a magazine was hinted to act as a judge in a prize ftory contest "Is it to be an anonymous contest ?" the editor asked. "Yes, indeed." "And I suppose ail the stories will be typewritten?" "Certainly. \Yc have particularly stipulated thaL" "I'm very sorry," was the reply, "but I can't possibly." "But?but you will be asked to read only the best of the stories submitted," reminded the publisher. "A staff of competent readers will gift the wheat from the chaff, and"? "I'm very sorrv, but 111 have to refuse, and I can't tell you how it grieves me to say this, for I appreciate the great compliment you are paying me, and I would appreciate j equally the remuneration you offer. But the fact is this?my conscience would smite me if I undertook the work. You see, I have had about twenty years' experience in editorial J work, and during that time I suppose the manuscripts of every popular and unpopular author of the day have come to my desk for attention. I have been in such long correspondence with many of these inthors that I know their handwrit- | ings well, and even a glance at my morning's mail will tell me who my j correspondents are. And?do not fmile?I know their typewriters. equally well. I know the various makes they own. and those who prefer elite type to the ordinary size, And those who use italics and in- : erted quotation marks. I can even recognize an author's peculiar method of making a caret and his own j manner of punctuation. But all this is nothing to my ability to spot at once an author's 6tyle. Attempts have often been made to deceive me, hut onlv on rare occasions have they succeeded. But you must not think this so astonishing after all. I have been tied down to my one line of work for a long time now, and the jmmber of really successful writers \ is not bo great after all. It would be quite remarkable if I had not learned something about their characteristics after all these years. Almost all of them would doubtless submit stories in your contest, and perhaps the majority of their manuicripts would be passed up to me by your readers. If, recognizing any i particular writer's work, I pretended to give an opinion based on supposed complete ignorance of that writer's identity, I should not be doing the fair thing. For that reafon I must decline to act You understand me, I hope." "Yes," said the publisher, "I do. But whom shall I ask in your place?" "Some one who is not cursed with quite so much conscience," replied the ed^or?Bookman. Alligator m Food. There is reason to believe that the flesh of a young boiled alligator if barely distinguishable from veal, mvs an English traveler. It is prob ably cleaner and more tender than jnuch of the meat of the animals that are usually consumed as food on the continent or in the east end of London. I have never desired to taste the flesh of alligators, cooked or uncooked. But in India I have seen the Sontals and other casteless natives greedily devour the flesh of D alligator without waiting to cook it The flesh was very pale in color and probably was much superior to tne flesh of snakes and rats and such like vermin which form the ordinary food of the predatory Sontal when hunting in his native woods. V A Little Ambiguous. A group of interested citizens was observed standing in front of a billboard in one of Chicago's suburbs readine a large poster that had just been put up. Some of them were greatly amused, while others were highly indignant. A nearer inspection showed that the purpose of the poster was tp advertise a "genuine colored minstrels' entertainment'' that was to be given at one cf the local amusement halls. The particular portion j that had roused the emotions of the i crowd was printed in great, flaring | letters: "It will be enough to make a mule laugh! Bring your wives and children !" Lost Dignity. Irish viceroys are stripped of their sovereign attributes as soon as they reach English waters, which gives point to the following 6tory told of one viceroy and a lady with whom he was acquainted. They both found themselves on board the Holyhead packet. During the voyage from Ireland the lady treated the viceroy with ceremonious respect. So soon, however, as the packet entered Holyhead harbor she aid to him, "Now, Bobby, you're no longer viceroy, so take my bag and make yourself useful." ? London Truth. Qmhm Steward en Pacific Liner*. We nailed from San Francisco, bound for Honolulu, on a ship whose steward* and sailors are Chinamen. Even if all does not go well with the boot's motion in day# of storm, one cannot fail to be entertained by these spry sons of the orient The costume worn by the stewards is juite remarkable. For ordinary, everyday wear tln-y don white garments that lesemble American pajamas Id their style of cut and fit For dinner each evening and on Sundays the white suits are exchanged for light blue garments of the same description?rather en odd livery to our prosaic minds! Of course, every Chinaman preserves a habitual, solemn silence. If. owing to an interesting conversation, the passenger fails to notice the dish with which the table steward is trying to serve biiu the patieut Chinaman stands immovable, with outstretched band and sphinxlike countenance, until attention is drawn to him, after which, his duty done, he slips in silence on his way. Plodding, silently, the sailors attended to their duties with mournful faces that strongly appealed to me. They ate with chop sticks, sitting on their heels the while, and were. In fact, eminently satisfactory s|?ecimeus in every way.? Travel Magazine. A Hopeless Case. A Scottish paper tells a story of an old Scottish woman who was "unco' droutble," without tbe money to boy "a drappie." "Lassie," she said to ber little granddaughter, "gang round to Donald McCallum and bring me a gill. Tell him I'll pay bim 1' tbe morning." Back came tbe child with a refusal. Donald declined to part with bis whisky without the cash. Eager and irritated. the old woman cast about for some means of "raising tbe wind." and ber eye fell upon tbe family Bible. "Here, lassie." she said, "gie him this and tell him to keep It until I bring him the siller." Off went the little girl, but she soon returned, still carrying the Bible. Donald was obdurate. "He says be maun hae the baubees first, granny." In anger the disappointed grandmother threw up ber bands and exclaimed: "Losh. did onybody ever bear tbe like o' that! The man will neither tak my word nor the word o' God for a gHl o' wbusky!" A Can in* Shirker. Rex, a thoroughbred Spits, must perform th? natnfnl dntv of eecoirtlng a certain neighbor borne wben she baa been calling at our house. However, It it not without a show of reluctance that be doet It Recently our friend misted her escort, and no amount of whistling proved equal to recalling him. This occurred several times and It was always in about the same place that Rex disappeared. One night oar friend determined to discover Rex's little game. After whistling and ceO* j Ing she mads s pretense of going on. She stopped Is a deep shadow. Around the corner of the nearest bouse appeared slinking figure. Stealthily i quitting the shadows Rex coept out tDd peered long and anxiously up the street whither, as be well knew, be should have continued to conduct the lady. After this he turned shamelessly around and lit out for home.?Chicago Tribune Baby's Share sf Blame She had been fitted for two gowna, the total coat of which wti neany $600. "Now," she aaid to the saleswoman, "I want yon to do me a favor." "Certainly," waa the prompt response. j The customer colored deeply. *1 want yon to make out the bill partly for gowns for me and partly for baby dreaeea and a baby's cloak." The saleswoman waa naed to the whims of fashionable women, bnt this was something she was a little slow In comprehending. The customer explained. "Ton see," she said, "my bos band Is very fond of oor baby, and If be sees that the bill la partly for dresses for her?well, he won't mind so much."? Exchange. Takes His Own Medicine. In Baluchistan when the physician gives a dose be Is expected to partake of a similar one himself as a guarantee of his good faith. Should the patient die under his hands the relatives, though they rarely exercise it, have the right of putting him to death unless a special agreement has been mads freeing him from all responsibility as to consequences, while If they should decide upop Immolating him he is fully expected to yield to his fats like a man. Man's Ruling Wish. There Is one wish ruling over mankind, and It Is a wish which Is never In a single Instance granted?each /nan wishes to be his own master. It Is a boy's beatific vision, and It remains the grownup man's ruling passion to the last Bnt the fact is life Is a service. The only question Is, Whom shall we serve??W. F. Faber. Still In ths Dark. "Does your maid object to being called a servant?" "I don't know. We've only had her two weeks and she hasn't really permitted us to get on speaking terms with her as yet"? Chleogo Record-Herald. ' The Return. Mneiatrate?What! Do you mean to say your husband struck you, and be that physical wreck? Mrs. Mnloney? Yes. yer honor, but he's only been a physical wreck since he struck me.? Independent Discontent Is the want of self reliance; It is the Infirmity of wflL?Emerson. \ Mj*fMFs! irff J? We have the honor of presenting to you Monsieur Beaucaire BY BOOTH TARKINGTON Author qf "The Gentleman from Indiana," "The Two VamreveU," "The Conquest qf Canaan." etc. 4 1,-lP ILLUSTRATED BY PARKER : *'9 The Bookman says: " Monsieur Beaucaire was one of those very occasional bits of fiction which are absolutely sui generis. It was light, delicate and charming, the very breath and essence of romance." r . ^ Will Be the Most Delightful Story You Have Ever Read Publication Will Begin in Our Next Issue .. op. ^ Free Madieal Adviea. * A well known London physician at a Tobacconist's Effigy. dinner party one evening was much One of the most peculiar things worried by one who waa seeking gra- in the whole history of signs is the tnltooa advice. "Do yoo know, doc- fact that while all other shopkeeptor," said his questioner, "1 know a j erg were patronizing the embrvo man who suffers so terribly with Indl- pajnters the tobacconist always callgestlon that at times he can do noth- fj ing bat howl with pain. What would J? p. woodcarver on the conyoa do In that case?' tment 88 wel1 88 in England. As j "Well, I suppose," responded the loDg ag? ^ Elizabeth's reign the medical man, "I should howl with pain wooden image of the black boy was too."?Westminster Garette. the favorite sign of the tobacco dealers. Later the customary sign Flabbergast*d Pa. was the highlander or a figure of "Ah, pater, I am no end glad to be Sir Walter Raleigh. In Holland, "WtJSr-' ' *?r SOine stran^e reason> the tobac"lamtolly'wellnlensed y'knnw" c<mist adoPted the dalr3'mald 48 "Han*, clean oat tie' old ,U|U ! their swi, with the motto, "Conso There's a new critter on the place."? lation for sucklings. The Indian, Louisville Courier-Journal. j naturally enough, has always been : the predominant sign in this counA Thorough Sport. j try, although once in awhile a reThe Deacon?Young man, don't you ! version to tvpe crops out with the know that there's a rainy day com- 1 ancient blacic bov. * " ? a.l IM U.VV.. tk... I. knt ! mg : cpeuuiuntl?JJCUU; ucic ID, UU> j I've got $5 that says the weather man won't call the turn. Come, now, If _ Has No Wash Day. you've got any nerve, show your Fans sends all her washing out money. in the country?that i6, the bonton Parisian. The city laundries that do A Good Imitation. up the linen of the foreigners from The other day an amateur artlat waa England, Asia and America wash by producing com. rapid tfctcbe. to machine and dry by steam heat onamuse his children. He drew a sketch ?_ ? _ of . hen ? n*tnrnlly that wbeo It wn. P*"ment ? * ?" afterward thrown In the wart, paper "tenet. It u against the law to basket it laid there. out wash. If a tenant put a pocket handkerchief or a towel in A Lfttio Different the window to dry the concierge T suppose," she said with fine ear- would have a fit, and if he couldn't catm, "you were sitting up with a persuade her to remove the nuisance friend?" "No, m'dear," replied he gendarme would. Large and tra^Lfu^; *2 TV cm ^ wlth small concerns send delivery wagons a e on Post about for work, which is expressed Hard to Fit. *? 1111(1 1D She?He bae a moat extraordinary week or tc? day8- 7116 *ork 11 ?*" figure, hasn't be? He-That'e so. I quisite ana prices are reasonably beliere an umbrella is about the only but the strain on the garments if tblng be buy ready made.?Ally treble the wear. Rop?r. m Weak Kidneys .Weak Kidney*, ratly potat to weak kldtaay arret. Tbt Kidney*. like the IHean, tad the mm*, find their fDMt Ml in the organ Itnll. bat la the nerrtt that control tad tulde lad atnofthea them. Dr. Sboop'i Reetoraare it I medicine ipedflctlly prepared to reach thctt controlling nerree. To doctor the Kidney* alone. It futile. It U a watt of tirna. and of money aa veil. If your back achet or b weak. If tha urine tcaldi. or it dark tod itroog, If you bare lymptom* of Bright* or other dlstreatint or dangerou* kid. aey dlieaae. try Dr. Shoop'i Rectoratire a month? Tablet* or Liquid?end aee what It can aad will lo lor you. Drugyirt recommend and tell Dr. Shoop's Restorative! D. C. SCOTT. [Mi Iti AN IDEAL RESORT FO Everything New CIGARS, CANDY, A? ; Hahn's Ice Cream -rSggSj PROPRI ur W a Kmgstree ISot 5-16-07 X = ? "A dollar is a dolh There is no better way t dealing with J. L Stuceky, the ol< mail. I have a splendid line o Bill!. lip that in view of the. hard times above cost. A nice hunch of HORSES at pric es to suit. J. L St u< 1 rrs summ ? 49 ??????? 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