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"KEEP A STIF I There's a bit of homely wisdom Floating 'round this busy world for the weak and sad and helpless Who, alas! are often hurled 'Gainst the rocks of old Misfortune, t Off the cape of dark Despair. ' When they fail to gain a foothold On earth's surface anywhere ; And it loves to come and tell them, %v . As it sees them slide and slip. "The man wao does the winning Keeps a good stiff upper lip!"' Ah! it seems a little matter ; To the man on solid ground That your legs are knocking under And your bands are simply bound By the cruel gyves of weakness. Wrapped around your quivering frame; Though you're working tooth and talons To "get there" all the same, 1 He'll often kindly tell you I'.r i That you "mustn't lose your grip, But roust sally forth to battle With a good stiff upper lip!" ; There is value in the saying jtftf ' Ami there's value iu the fact. And there's many times its value In just the simple act : But 1 often stop to wonder When 1 hear it glibly said A JW-JC J*. A A, a THE Q10HTQHQE II W " T| BY ANNIE RAM) V Tilly stopped ironing and listened. The pounding, with its accompaniment of baby language, had ceased. "Roddy Doo! Rotldv Doo!" called Tilly, in alarm. Had he run away again??Oh, dear! c-r "It's that gran'mother knot I tied!" she thought. "If I only could learn f to tie a square one that he couldn't undo!" Hh?? trot down from the salt box iu a ff hurry. It fell over with a little crash. Tilly was so short and the table was so tall that the salt box was as necessary to ironing day as the irons themselves. , "Roddy! Roddy Doo?oo!"sheoalled all the way oat to the apple tree. Yes | ?just as she had expected. He'd rnn away! The clothesline trailed away jrith sinnous curves down to the little one-hinged gate, but there was no Roderick DLu, rosy and dimpled and dirty, at its end. Only his crumplv pink sunbonnet with the white "poker dots" was left of him. Tilly snatched it up. 'NRoddy Doo-oo! Rod-dy Doo-oo-oo! Where are you-oo?" she kept calling, unconsciously poetic. There was very little poetry in Tilly Gamble's hard, unsheltered little life?and so much prose! The big calico apron that went with the irons and the salt box trailed ronnd Tilly's toes and got in their way persistently. The crumplv sunbonnet1 ^ flapped against her knees as she scurc.' ried on. - ?_ Al 1,1<? "WUCrtJ U lur IT mm nunu o uct *?*? to?" she. gasped. "He ain't up the road or down the road or crossways o' ^ the road. I can't see a single inch of I him, and it's too far to the riv? Oh, no, no, no!" She shuddered all over her thin little i frame, and the freckles on her small face stood out unduly prominent on f its sudden whiteness. "He never could run there, with & such teenty-tonty short legs?lie couldn't! he couldn't!" She comforted herself, but the fright stayed behind in her heart. That terror was never quite out of Tilly's heart, except at night when Roderick Dhii was asleep And beyond its reach. !- '*Oh^dear!" sometimes she thought, 4tif Moses Brady's last name was only fe Bulrushes and he ha I a miracle rod and could dry that river up!" l~. But Roddy Doo had not run away ' 16 the river. Tilly found him?of all f places!?in (ler shorn Flint's front | i yard. Was there ever such a baby | I there before? Did ever another baby rummage among his flower beds? It terrified Tilly to see him there. ^ She caught him up and twisted him in her apron. "O Roddy Doo!" she cried, softly. : j "Ton ran away, you naughty baby? p run naughty, naughty Roddy Doo!" | "Fow! fow! see!" piped Roderick Dim, opening his tiny moist palm to .4 display a broken-spirited flower or two L \ crushed into it. His little face peepge ing out of Tilly's apron was freighted -with mischievous glee. ^ "Mo'fow!" he cried, struggling to get down. "No, no: no n o*e flowers. Roddy Doo must go rigiit home with Tilly' Ian' never, never, nev-er run away! again! An* O Roddy Doo, when you do ran away, don't run to this man's I > liouse. He don't tike little babies? J . naughty babies!" she added, pointing . y a hasty moral. She hurried home aud retied RodI: erick Dhu with au extra, knot to the rope's end. Then she went back to her ironing. It was Mrs. Primble's Y t ironing, but when Tilly took it home ; by and by a sharp disappointment awaited her. "You needn't come after the clothes next Tuesday, Tilly," Mrs. Primble ; } said, ".in' von needn't go to Miss I g Kath'i "ne'8 neither. She told me to say so. She an' me's g.?iu' to put out oar washin's an' ironin's both. We're V decided to." "May?may I do 'eui for yon?" . pr asked Tilly, eagerly. "Ton, child? Why, you're crazy; You ain't no more tit to scrub than a awaddlin' baby." "Oh, yes, Mis' Primble, I'm real . strctg?feel of my arms. An' they're just as tough! I?I wisht vou'd let n.o ' . me. "Xo, no, child. Wn&t an idea!" Mrs. Primble's voice was uftconscions. ly sharp. ' Besides, we've got a I woman all spoke to. How's Roddy?" she added, hastily changing the snbject. "What'm? Oh, Roddy Doo? He's pretty well, thank you. ma'am. I? guess I'd better be goin' now.'' Out in the street Tilly's tense little hands beat tattoo against her sides. tJhe winked rapidly to keep back the tears. ri F UPPER LIP." How much there is in knowing You have easy paths to tread. And can hold the hand of fortune And need not fear her whip While you sing and dance beside her "With a good stiff upper lip!" And oft I wonder further In behalf of him who's down. As ho watches through the darkness For some cherished good to crown The efTort he is making In the silence and the night. If. standing in the doorway In a blaze of welcome light, He should chance to see the preachers Who give this brilliant "tip," Holding out their hands to help him, "Keep a good stiff upper lip !" But e'en through all its phases That mock our load of care This homely bit of wisdom Is a tonic to despair : And we need to take it humbly as wt* wanner 10 ?tnu iru. For the God-man made it holy On the cross of long ago : And though we drink the wormwood And life's pleasures seldom sip. We must still toil on. my brothers, "With a good sti.T upper lip !" ?Chicago Chronicle. ^ ^ * * A A AAAAAjy IN H0DER1GK DHU. > LTON DON SELL. F I I | "She might's well've said it," she thought, bitterly. "She might's \ I well've said, 'you don't iron 'em | smooth enough, Tilly Gamble, an' i ! you wouldn't wash 'em clean.' I ! 1 guess I knew what she meant! Poh, : l 1 should }iope you ain't goin' to cry, \ Tillv, or I'm ashamed o' von, ves I j am! , But in the night Tilly's tears per- j sisted in pushing their way out. She , 1 could not wink them back. In her ; | plain little nightgown she sat up straight in bed and gazed into the 1 darkness unseeingly. Mechanically she put out her hand and pitted Boddv Doo's warm little body beside her j | over and over again; it comforted her. | "Somebodv else has got to let me j ! iron," she was thinking. "I've got ! to do something. If?if I don't, au' !?an'Jthe money gets all gone, then ! I'll have to carry Roddy Doo to the I 'sylum?Oh, I can't, I can'k!" Poor little Tilly! The thought of that was more than even her stont little heartcould bear?to have Roddy Doo taken away from her! It had stared her in the face ever since her mother died. That was nearly a year ago now. If Mis' Primble an' Miss Kath'rine had given her up an* the Peters' moved away?"an'they're goin'to!" | moaned Tilly in the dark; what should she do? She couldn't go out to work i ?there was Roddy Doo. And the j money?mother's money?was almost j gone. v * Another trouble?but Tilly would j not think of that?was the little shanty | house they lived in. By and by the j man that owned the land was going to j I taao 1 /Ia rwl Kn il<1 a Timr i tcai if uvfiiu auu uuuu a rai> ut ? house. By anil by?its very indefiniteness comforted Tilly, and there were nearer dangers now to brood over. Until "by and by" she and j Roderick Dhu were permitted to live, j rent tree, in the tiny, unkempt house, j "But you can't live in free bouses j without eatin'," rau ou the child's , anxious thoughts: "an' yon can't eat I when there ai.Vt anything, an' folks ; won't let you iron their clothes. Oh, I dear me!" It was very late when at last the : stiff little figure swayed back on the . pillow asleep. There followed hard ! days fbr Tilly. She hardly knew how : she got through them, the load on her heart was so heavy anil the dread of the " "sylum" loomed so before her. The Peters moved away, and, one by one, Tilly's slender little means of support seemed to desert her. She kept her trouble to herself, and, when il L M -I. ^ ?a. LaM'| lurrt" wu^ uu iitri|? iui n, sue *?cv uci ? little white teeth and got Roddy Doo j ready. It was a very short process, j The night before the day she had set ; to carry him to the orphan asylum she I 'ay awake all night, with the baby in ; her arms and his sweet, warm breath ' fanning her cheeks. Her trembling j ] fingers patted him incessantly, hour ; after hour. Just as the faintest daylight began to creep into the world Tilly's inspiration came to her. It took away her : breath. It set her pulses lteating j with wild, triumphant joy. She j hugged Roddy Doo fiercely against i her breast and then crooned over him ; till he went to sleep agaiu. "I'll do it, I'll do it!" she whis- ! pered. "I'll go today?oh, I'm goin' | to keep Roddy Doo?I've found a , way!" Gcrsliom Flint was the richest and the hardest mau in Prospectville. People said he had heen keen and j snug and hard as his own name. The | boys nicknamed biin Skiu Flint, and | ; to all appearances he admirably fitted : the unsavory name. About half the i houses in the tow n were under mort- 1 gage to Gershom Flint?woe -betide them!?and a sharper mau could uot i j easily have been found to carry so j tuanv of other people's burdens. i That w as what people said. If old Mary Jessup, who had kept Gerskom ! Flint's house for him for 20 years, thought different, no one knew it. If j she eottlil have told of many quiet J good deeds done during all these years, i she never did tell. Her face,as grave 1 and stern as her master's, was as in- j scrntable. They lived their lonely, ! uneventful lives in ap]>arent indiffer- ' ence to people and people's tongues. At his breakfast one day Mary in- 1 terrnpted him in an unusual way. She j was smiling, and her master felt a ; sudden wonder that he had never seen [ before how really good looking Mary , was. "There's some young ones to see i you, sir,'' Mary said. "They come to the front door, an' they're waitin'. There's a little gal an' a baby." [ "Children?to see ihe!" Gershom , * ' ' - '- , Flint's voice bad . astonishment in it i It was such an unusual occurrence? chihlreu! When had any childrou ever been to see him before? He got up and pushed away his chair. "Where did you leave them,Mary?" he asked, w ith affected indifference. "I asked "em in, but the little gal said she'd stay to the door. She's got the baby tied to her." "She's got what?" "The baby, sir?tied to her with a string. She said she had to or he'd run away." "Oh! Well, go and fetch 'em in here. Tell 'em I've only got a minute to spare. Hurry 'em up." Confound it! What could auv chil dren want of him,Gershom Flint! He wasn't really on visiting terms with any of their kind; must he little beggars, confound 'em! He took out his watch and held it in his hand as Tilly and Koddv l)oo came in. Roddy l)oo was tugging hack on his leash Rtoutlv. His small, round face was very shiny with recent soapsuds and puckered with grieved revolt. Tilly put both hands on his tiny shoulders and pushed him toward (iersliom Flint. Her face was full of i eager purpose. "I came ?Roddy l)oo, make a how ? quick?to the man?to get you to mortgage the le.by." she said. "If you please,"she added,in polite ?Ltert hou glit. Mr. Flint stared astonished. "Her?" "To mortgage the baby?hiui, you kuow," prodding Roddy Don's fat cheek with her finger. -"I want him mortgaged right off?if jou please. I It's the way they do when?when they i haven't any more money left, isn't it?" ; she asked, easrerlv. She had gone up i quite close to iiim and wfca peering wistfully into his stern face. Roder- [ ick Dhu, on tiptoe, reached tip and j cluched his dangling watch chain with i a murmur of approval. The little i moist, velvety hand touched his for an instant on its way. The girl's anxious face close to his | face, the baby's touch unfamiliarly, j oddly pleasant, and. above all, the ex- j traordinaiy proposal, combined to get her to produce a strange effect upon i Gersbom Flint's senses. If he had ever >cried or laughed iu Lis life he ; would have better understood the con- i fusion of sensations. As it was he merely waited for further develop- I nients. What would come next? "Won't you do it?" asked Tilly, a little note of apprehension in her ; voice. "He's a beautiful baby to mortgage. I wisht von would!" "You wi$h I would, hey? Mort- j gage the baby,hey? Come here,little ' chap!" Gershom Flint actually lifted tue ' child to his knee in an awkward, nu- j accustomed way. Little amused ! wrinkles were beginning to nutate | from the corners of his eves?stiffly, i at if the skin were unused altogether j to the process. A warm spot somewhere in Oershom Flint's heart was ; manifesting itseif insistently. He Jran his fingers lightly over the wrig- j gling baby body as if testing its sonnd- j ness. ? "What do yon value him at?" he asked, gravely, "ff?what?" quavered Tilly, looking blank. "I'm not accustomed to mortgage ,! for more than two-thirds the value. So I must know what price you set on ; the youngster?how much yon think j he's worth, that is." "Oh!" breathed Tilly. Her brows were knit in puzzled thought. She looked at Koddy Doo with ail her love in her eyes and an anxious quiver in her chin. The tiny fellow's head was nestled against Gershom Flint's coat, as he clinked the gold chain, with soft repetition, against the buttons. j ?' 4.V. .11 41,... lie n nui i ji Cinj i uiu^ ?u vuc t v is?to rue." said Tilly, slowly. "Exactly," Gershou Fliut nodded j gravely. "Well, I will mortgage him at two-thirds of liis value, interest at six per cent., payable quarterly. Does i that suit you, hey?" "Oh, yes?ob.I thauk you so much! . An' I needn't put him in any dredful 'sGurn?no, no, no! Roddy, Roddy | Doo, do you hear, darlin'V You're guin' to stay right with Tilly an' be tied to Tilly's clothesline?" Gershom Flint uttered a queer gut tural sound. Roderick Dliu was asleep! His little hand slowly relaxed about the watch chain and fell with a soft slap to the big hand under- i neath. Through the thick coat his j little head felt pleasantly warm. When Tilly went home that after- ! noon she carried, tightly held against . her breast, a little role of "mortgage 1 money" that meant home and Roddy ! Doo and all things beantifnl to her. 1 She hid the most of it away with care- | fnl prudence and only resorted to it under actual stress of need. For little Tilly Gainb'e carried on her narrow, | thiu shoulders a wise head of her own. She went patiently about among the neighbors seeking wt^rk, squaring the ' thin shoulders and trying to look "grown up" and capable. It was a discouraging quest for the most part, but Tilly kept persistently, stubbornly at it till she found, here and there, little tasks to do that helned to make Roderick Dhu's mortgage 4'upend." But the little hidden hoard dwindled j in spite of Tilly. There was the interest money?that came out of it ! every month?and every month, with precise regularity, Tilly and Roddy i Doo, shining ami cle&u, paid it to | Gershom Flint. He came to anticipate their coming ; with more interest than he would con- ; fesf to his dogged old heart. It grew to be the one bright, fresh spot in his j lonesome existence ? the sight of j Tilly's plain, honest little face and Roddy l)oo's nestle.on his knee. Between times, too, he kept the children in view, quietly aid with a feeling of responsibility that greatly astonished himself. Once he made them a call at the scanty house. He had heard that its owner was planning to tear it down and rebuild in a short time. The news disturbed him unaccountably. Tilly was ironing,pieced oat by the sal* box. The baby,pieced ont by the o* .ifiesline, was placidly making mud pies outside the kitchen door. He held one up to Gershom Flint with prompt politeness, pressing it upon him. "Xo, thank you, I've had my dinner, Roderick Dliu. Where's your sister, eh?"' Tilly appeared at the door, rolling dowu her sleeves precipitately. ''Oh, Mr. Flint," she said, "won't you walk right- in? I'll wash Roddy Foo's face an' untie him. Won't you take a chair?" Gershom Flint's keen eyes looked over Tilly's head at the kitchen's bareness and tiny dimensions. He noticed how clean it was. He saw the salt box. and it appealed with dumb pa- | thos to him. And this was the home they were poin<; to be turnetl out ol! | "No. No, I won't come in," he said, slowly. "I was going by and thought I would stop and see if my? | ah?property was in good condition? j or needed repairs?or anything of that sort." He looked down at the little mudpieman, with the wrinkles again around his eyes. "He seems?yes, I should say he was in perfect repair. I am entirely satisfied," he added, gravely. When winter arrived affairs in the sbanty house were sorely out of joint. The old eontiugeney e ared Tilly in the faee, aud new troubles augmented her alarm. Roddy Doo's mortgage? that was all gone, and, oh, the interest money! Tilly wrung her thin little hands in nespais. The interest had not been paid for ever so loip. And the last?not least?straw ^ras the shanty house itself. For they were ordered ont in three days. It was interest day, and Tilly muffle 1 Roderick Dhu in her shawl and led his little lagging feet to Gershom Flint's. Not to pay it?oh, no! But they must go and tell him.thev couldn't' yet.* "I?I can't pay it, Mr. Flint," she _ ? t x 1 ? i 4T U 14 cneu, iremuiouHiv. ? r?u i. um u you'll wait?" "Xo," Gershom Flint Mid, distinctly, "I shall foreclose." "F-fore?what, sir?" Tilly did not comprehend the word, hnt the sound of it terrified her. It sounded like " 'sylum" in her ears. "I shall foreclose," said Gershom Flint again. "And that means the baby belongs to me. Wten the interest is unpaid the possessor of the mortg ige has the right to the mortgaged property. Roderick Dhu, come here! Take off his shawl." He held out his arms, and the child leaped into them. "Tilly come?Tilly too!" he cried in his shrill little treble. "Tilly come too." Tilly stood in fixed despair. Her gaunt little face slowly whitened. What was this that had happened? No wonder that word sounded like " 'avium"?it was " :?ylum"?it was! it was! And no help for it in all the world! A low cry escaped from Tilly's rigid throat. , "Tilly ? Tilly too!" shrilled the baby voice importunately. "Yes," (lershom Flint's voice rang out distinct and gentle and comforting. Ho held out his hand: "Yes, Tilly?Tilly too," he said. ?The Housewife. QUAINT AND CURIOUS. Blonde hair is the finest and red the coarsest that there is. There are silver ingots lying in the Bank of England which have been undisturbed for 200 years. In the Klondike regions in midwinter the sun rises from 9.30 to 10 a. m., and sets from 1 to 3 p. m. It is expected that when ihe 1899 season opens there will be a cogwheel railway from Chamounix up the Montenvers. Benjamin Bisseil, who lives near Ballston Spa,X. Y.. says he has voted for eighteen presidential candidates, not one of whom was elected. Giraffes are from fifteen to sixteen feet from the ground to the tip of their horns. Specimens from eighteen to twenty-three feet have been known. Toffinnrj n lin faiierlif in tliA late war against China have petitioned their government to erect a monument to the memory of the horses that fell in the battle. The toothache excnse for absence from duty dues not work in the postoffice service in Switzerland. They have government doctors to pull out the offending molars. The beautiful lace known as Fayal is made from the fibres in the leaves of the bitter aloe?grown in the Azores or Western Islands?a relative of the common century plant. A fat men's club *as been instituted in Paris, with the novel aim of increasing the weight of the member*, the rules enjoining all the comrades to sleep, eat and drink as mnch as possible. A runaway horse at Florence, S. C., jumped a six-foot gate and, the dangling check rein catching on a picket, the horse's head was pulled in such a manner that the animal turned a somersault, landing on its back, bat it gained its feet and ran on. The American eagle is about thirtythree inches in length and eight feet in the spread of his wings. It is this wonderful wing power which gives the bird not only his fleetness. but enables him to remain in the air an indefinite length of time. A KEMAKKABLE CAREER DRAMATIC EPISODES IN THE LIFE OF EDMUND C- ROSS. From Typesetting to the United States Senate -Hark to the "Cane" Again--HowHe Wan Appointed Chief Executive of New Mexico?"Gov. Kou, if Yon Please." Forty-one years ago, writes J. A. Watrous in the Chicago Times-Herald, a family named Ross, then and for some time residing in Milwaukee, constitnted a part of a Kansas colony which *eiit all the way from Wisconsin in covered wagons. It is not nec A it-.l Al A L cssary 10 Bay ma* mere were ixuuulous times in Kansas in 1856, when John C. Fremont was the first Republican candidate for President and James Buchanan the Democratic. Shooting between men was an everyday occurrence, and men shot to kill, too. The colony from Wisconsin was armed, both men and women carrying revolvers and the men rifles besides. Nearly every day, while on the way to "bleeding Kansas," there was a stop to practice shooting at a mark. Some of the young fellows made a frightfully bad showing; couldn't even hit the tree upon which the mark rested. A printer, Ed Boss, a member of the family mentioned, was a most dismal failure as a marksman. His mother, quite an elderly woman, wearing spectacles, stood for some time watching the practice. After the printer Ed had s)iot four or live times and missed the tree each time, his mother said: "Afv bov, votf can't shoot for shucks; give me that revolver." She carefully reloaded it and took position several yards farther away from the mark than Ed and the other poor shooters had been located. Planting her left foot sixteen inches behind her right and bringing the revolver up like a professional, she took a quick glance at the mark through her glasses, pulled the trigger and down came the white patch. "Stick it up again,"said Mrs. Ross. Again the mark fell to the ground and again it was replaced and lusoeked down. When Mrs. Ross offered the revolver to her son he said: "No mother, you keep it. I'm no gunner; you are. I will get a "sit" in a printing office when we get there and use another kind of "shooting stick," and you can kill my share of those border ruffians." Ross kept his promise. He went to work at his trade and in due time be uiuic au runvi ?uu |/ivsj/iiowi, mvh long after the war Kansas had one of its regdlar rip-roaring senatorial contests, which resulted in the election of the printer-editor, Edmund 6. Boss. He went to Washington a Republican, but would not follow his party in the enterprise to depose President Andrew Johnson. The Kansas Republicans ne rer forgave him. Since then he has b'jen a Democrat. When Mr. Cleveland became president the first time Ross was a typesetter on a New Mexico paper and very poor. One day, while setting up a list of presidential appointments, the old printer, whose family had been scantily clad and fed for some time, got to thinking over his past good fortune. He said to himself: "The last Democratic president was saved by my vote, and I have suffered for that vote ever since. I could have been re-elected to the United States Senate, maybe several times, but for that act. As it is, I'm poor, in need, my family lacking the comforts of life, and I working at the case. I'll ask the new president for the governorship of New Mexico." The next day his application and the letters of several influential Democrats were on their way to Washington. It was not many weeks after that when the foreman handed the old printer another "take" of presidential appointments. When his dim old eyes, looking through spectacles, fell upon "Edmund G. Ross, to be governor of New Mexicca" the "stick" fell from his hand, and when the foreman looked over his "case" the printer's face was in his half-closed hands, resting on the "space" and "a" "boxes " "What's the matter, Rossr' asked the foreman. Thfl old man slowlv raised Lis head. looked at tbe foreman and said: "Governor Roes, if you please; look at that," and lie pointed to his "copy." "Drop your work and come here, all of yon," called the foreman. "I want to introduce you to the governor of New Mexico. Together, hip, hip, hurrah!" One of the printers dodged out of the office and ran over and told the Ross family of the good news, and when the governor was about halfway home he saw his household coming to meet him. The baby, a winsome young lady, threw her arms about his neck, gave him a noisy kiss, and in a half laugh and half cry voice exclaimed: "Ob, papa, w e are all so glad for your sake. Now you won't have to work so hard." "Well, daughter, I'm so glad for yonr sake and that of the family." Mr. Ross made an excellent governor, as he had senator twenty years before; but his old mother outranked liira mauy times in revolver practice. The last I heard from him he was still living in New Mexico. A Servant's Stipulation. Servants have long ruled in American homes, and the servant qnestion seems to be giving equal bother abroad now. In Russia the governor of St. Petersburg lias taken it in hand, and now the news comes from London that servants are demauding the use of a bicycle on their "day out." It is an old story that they wanted the nse of the piano for at least one evening in a week. But this latest stipulation for a bicVcle has (so we are told by a London paper) been acquiesced in by one gentleman in London rather than lose a promising servant. ^ ' y PLEASURE'S PROFESSION Though the perfume of the roses Brings uo more its blandishment! Though the honey bee now dozes In luxurious content; Let us still be bland and smiling, Nor lament the days of yore; Let ns turn to the beguiling 1 . That the future has in Store. V Though the honeysuckles vanish, Though the frost may reign supreme, * f Ruthless autumn cannot banish Tt Redolence and dainty gleam. f Our good cheer cannot be shattered; Fancy sweetly bids us wake, To inhale the incense scattered t : By the radiant buckwheat cake. 7 -Washington 6tazJ ^ HUMOROUS. "I'm sorry to hear you have bee* _ vj ill. Had you to keep your bed?" "No, miss; I had to sell it." First Cyclist?Oh, you wouldn't' likeJobson; he's got a wheel in hi* head. Second Cyclist?What make? J "My dear, why are you saying thoae old fly papers?;' "Why, you said yost always have to buy flies when you go j lishing." . ; Si Hayseed?Hyar, young fellarl I don't allow nobody ter ketch fish on. my farm. The Young Fellow (dis- rJj gustedly)?Who's catching fish. "Why do prosperous men always * say that the ladder of success is made op of broken rounds?" "Well, they < ? do it that other fellows won't toy to i rrawl up after them." The Sunday school class' was stag1ing "I Want to Be an Angel." "Why don't you sing louder, Bobby?*' asked the teacher. "I'm singing as loud as I feci," explained Bobby. Sister?There! yon have candy all, .? ^ over your new suit. What will mamma say? Little Brother?Well, mtmma won't let me have any fun in theee clothes till I get 'em spoiled. j; Blinks?You don't mean to say you're found a sure way to make money at the races? Jinks?Sure as shooting. I never fail. Blinks?My! my. Do yon buy tips? Jinks?No; I sell them. "Our typewriter girl asked the boas '* if he couldn't lighten her work." % "What did he ssv?" "He told her not " to bit her typewriter keys so hard and- . v| to lick her postage-stamps only on tfco ?"UWK Foster?Look here, Felton! I took \,M vour advice 011 that hone Felldown, and I'm dead broke. I thought y fa said the owners were going to play him to win? Felton?That's right. * ^ They did win. They bet against him. "Now, really," said the Thonghtlitt Man, "did yon ever see a woman who was homely enough to stop a dock by looking at it?" "No," said the Hon- . sensical Chap, "bnt I have seen a woman stop a car by looking at the conductor." ' "I saw Jones this mording;" said the gentleman with the pea green* -h whiskers, "with an awfnl eat on bis head that his wife had given him. Ho was harrying as fast as he could to the " "To the doctor?" "Ha*. ' *4$ To the barber's to have it cut right.'* Pleasant Woman (in art gaUer|^Jjjj|3 noticing an artist copying one of tbb old masters)?Whv do theT oeift this picture twice? Hear Husband?Why, that's quite plain. "When the new picture is done, they hang that one oie the wall and throw the old one away. vj "So, I have won the wager," ha said, joyfully, "and the ten kiMee mine. I will take them at once.** "George,'' siid the beantifai girl,with a generous light in her eye, "I am not jf the one to drive a hard bargain. Let'a call it nine ninety-nine." Aft ten o'clock the score was past the hundredth mark. Peg Eevlous ef the Swfawelaa Cel. Every one of the kaieerf' Six eons, even the youngest, can erwim like rats, and this reminds me?whoeter heard * of a cat swimming} But there it a \ certain cat of clerical associations and' impeccable social standing,who swims like a fish, and what is more, appears to enjoy it like any duckling. A pug dog in the family seems to thiuk the performance unnatural, and whenever the cat goes down to take his bath,the pug follows, showing every sign of <i; jealousy when visitors applaud and express surprise. rne otner amy gas Muster Pug could stand it so longer; . he, too, took a plunge, and in a few moments having reached puss seized the creature by the throat and held ' its head under water until life wan * "/ nearly extinct. Fortunately some one saw the deed andiushedto the rescue, but even this painful experience haa failed to deter the cat from taking bin , | favorite amusement. One might readily believe now that even the animal species were "degenerates'* | and turning topsy-tnnry in this century 3& end, like their superiors. ?Boston ' % Herald. The Karth at the Pole*. . A French scientist, M.de 1'Apparent, . y finds in Nansen's discovery of the un- | expectedly great depth or the Arctic * w ocean an argument tending to show that the earih is slightly top shaped, the protuberance corresponding to the ri point of the top being at the South Pole. This, he thinks, would explaim the different results arrived at by the various measurements of astronomers 'IS and geodesists. These differences are very small in comparison with the en- ,/?? tire bnlk of the globe, yet tiity are readily appreciable, and one of the explanations that has been suggested for them is that the earth is tetrahedral in form, But M. de 1'Apparent thinks the top-shape theory is preferable. 3 The fact that to an eye looking at the earth from a point in space it would not sensibly differ in appearance from a trne sphere shows how refined are f the metbo?ls of science which enable men living on the s irface of the glebe ^4pj to detect variations in its general coa- * tour. , . Wi M