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*NL7A SONG. Bp; 1 It *vas only a simple ballad, Sunt; to a careless throng; There wore none that knew the singg% '' And fow that heeded the song; Yot the singer's voice was tender And sweet as with love untold; r8urely those hearts were hardened, That it left bo proud and cold. She sang of the wondroas glory Thit ti.uclied the woods in spring, -Of tho strango, soul- stirring voices When "the hills break forth and sing," Of the happy birds low warbling Tho requiem of the day, And the quiet hush of tho valleys la tbo dusk of (ho gloaming gray. And one in a distant corner, # A woman, worn with strife, Heard in that song a message From the spring-time of her life Fair forms rose up before her, From the mist of vanished yeu**^ She sat in a happy blindness Her eyes were veiled in tears. Then when the song was ended, And hushed the last t-weet tono, Tho listener rose up softly, And went on her way alone; Once more to her life of labor She passed; hut her heart was strong; And she prayed : "God bless tho singer ! And ohl thank God for the song 1" ^ Florence Tyler. IN THE ALTMARKT. BY MARY N. PltESCOTT. Violet had lost both licr situation and hor lover when Mrs. Van Buren called. "I've just had a letter from my old friend Fran Schilling, in Dresden," she said. "She wants me to find her a companion in America who can sing a little. Could anything be more fortunate? I propose to send you, Violet." "You are very kind to think of me. But in order to go I shall be obliged to use all the money I have put aside for a rainy day." "But it is not exactly fair weather bow, is it? Besides, it will be capital well invested. You will see the world, you will learn German, and you will forget Mr. Dabney, and perhaps marry a German baron." "I don't want to marry a German baron, but I think I will go, thank .vou." ''*** And the next outward-bound steamer carried her to Hamburg. Not knowing a syllable of the German tongue, she ( engaged a young German woman who was returning home to travel with her to Dresden, where Frau Schilling met her. She found her situation no sinecure, to be sure. Frau Schilling's English was so broken as to bo almost beyond repair. Once or twice Violet went out with her to afternoon tea, wherr ?hc sat like a statue, trying with all her might to grasp the thread of the conversation in vain; the loneliness of a stranger in a foieign land, unable to speak -the htniruage, possessed her. It OAmAfimAD c>AA*>%<\r1 /v V? ?? 4-?? 4- nV. ? OUIUUIIIIICO OUCUiUl I 1 \J UCi tllttlf 9UU 9I1UUIU die unless she could find, somebody to whom sho could rehearse her thoughts and trials in good terse English. Frau Schilling lived in the eastern part of the city, in a street leading out ot Durerstrasse. Although it was remote from the central market-places and the shops, and.from almost everything, it made up for this inconvenience in being cheap; 1 . ]but Frau Schilling convinced everybody that she lived there for the pure air and the view. Of course the tramway ran near, on its way to Blasewitz, but ?|Frau Schilling and her companion always ^walked when they went out?it was so much healthier. Violet had been to ' the Royal Gallery and the Altmarkt but once, in the convoy of Frau Schilling, when one afternoon, after she bad been a fortnight in the city, it occurred to her '* to walk out alone, and make acquaintance with the place. It was quite late in the day, however, before she got started, ^"and the sty was already a deep saffron color in the west. She remembered that Frau Schilling had conducted her down Durerstrasse, pnst Holbeinplatz, through the narrow Zeigestrasse, pausing to look at the old Saxon monument at the corner of the Botanical Garden, where Death, with his hour-glass, stands like a shadow behind the warrior. The stream of passers scarcely observed her as she loitered upon the Terrace of Bruhl, and stopped to count the spires in the Neustadt: a band was nlavirur in ^_ - #i ?r? ? the Belvedeie, some homesick strain that pursued her as she went on toward the gilded groups of statuary that adorn H the flight of steps giving upon the Schlossplatz. m 8Unset light was upon everything; a steamer was towing a fleet of barges up the river; the hills across the Elbe looked blue and enchanting in the disH tance; but it all made her feel more alone and bereft. It was a fair, a great K world; but what did it signify to her. B2 . now that John Dabnev had forgotten H her? . Sho crossed the Platz and went slowly up Sctilossstrasse and into the iAitmarkt; it was the. longest way round, but it was the only way she knew. She ventured into one or two shops, and struggled to make herself understood, vainly: she stopped with the crowd to gaze in at the windows of a print-shop at seme edort of the modern masters, and wondered if it was wrong to think them quite as satisfactory as some of the masterpieces Frau Schilling had pointed out to her in the Royal Gallery; the Altmarkt was thronged with people; carriages hastened, who knows where; e/ery one seemed gay and cheerful; she wished with all ner heart iliat she knew a few of. these pretty women, these kindly matrons; she longed to hear somebody speak her name over her shoulder, to ' happen suddenly upon some familiar face. Once she passed two people peaking English, and she turnca back and made believe an interest in the cmBH broideries in a neighboring window S that she might listen Co the delicious 44I was so surprised to see him," the was saying. "He said he had come ^ to Dresden on important business; I can't think what it is." "Perhaps he will tell you," laughed HH "Oh, no; nothing of the kind; he * '' . '' .v ? >V 1 X9; v ' . < * v ',J " * was never sweet upon me; we nre flrsi cousins." "And cousins are dangerous things. When did he leave New York ?" New York I Violet's heart bounded; he was somebody straight from home, Perlivps she knew him. At any rate, he must know John Dabney.; and she found herself wondering what thia stranger's "important business" might be; but at the thought of John her "eld sorrow waked ami cried." It wa? such a mere trifle that had separated them, "the little rift within the lute." How foolish it hud been, and yet how irrevocable! How sorely she missed his kindness, his presence, the right to think of him as belonging to her! how blifak and barren the world seemed without him! Life was ended for her; that is, all that made life worth living had left her; nothing signified after that; she could think of nothing that she could substitute for his love; nothing in all the world could make amends to her for all she had squandered, and she had a doubt if heaven would be heaven without him. In the distraction of her thoughts she had walked on till she was tired, and now she turned back into the Altmarket. How the scene had changed! the people, the shops, the carriages, were still there, tc be sure, and the figure of Germania in the centre of the square still seemed tc soar into the violet heavens. It was all another world by gaslight ; such necromancy had been wrought that Violel could not tell wnich direction to takt toward home; so many cross lights puz zled and blinded her. Everybody was hastening homeward; everybody hac some one waiting and watching for hi! approach, sonic one thinking of him Only she was forlorn and alone ant desolate. She forgot that "No wind could drive her bark aatray, Or change tho tide of destiny." Of course it would be impossible fo Violet to lose herself to-day in Dresden she laughs at the idea; uut at that tinn it was quite a different story. The Alt markt, as everybody knows, is a s<|uar< shut in with shops, with two street! leading out of it from each of its fo corners, so to speak. In a frenzy of i'ea Violet chose one of these streets; if i were the Schlossatrassc through wliicl she had come to the Altmarkt, she kuev it would presently bring her in view o the thoroughfare leading into thi Schlossplatz, where the gilded group; on the stairway of Bruhl's terrace woult show her that she was all right fo home. That was the only route sh( knew. But after walking some dis tance the street ended against a darl and forbidding building; then she re traced her steps and hurried in tin opposite direction, into "NVildrufTer strasse, and as this opens upon the Port platz, she soon saw that she was wron< again; always she returned to the Alt markt, feeling that this was her onl; guide and safety, as the street wliicl had brought her there must still leac out of it, unless some enchantment hat been at work. In her haste and excitement she ex plored one street after another withou hitting upon the right one, and, in fact following several of tluim more thai once before recognizing her mistake If it had been daylight she felt that al would be well, the adventure wouk have been delightful; but here, witl the clocks striking eight in the dark ness, made more perplexing by the num berless lights, without a German wore in her Vocabulary, it was anything bui comfortable. Desperate at length, whci this Schlossstrasse really seemed to vanish out of existence, she accosted f woman and asked her way in English, The woman smiled, and shook her head, It was of 110 use asking the way; ho body understood her. She was hungn and cold and faint. It seemed to hei that she had been hunting for th< Schlossstrasse for hours, anil might con tinue in that occupation all night if nr one came to her aid. There were th< drosclikas, to be sure, drawn up in lon?i lines, waiting for passengers who ncvei seemed to arrive, the driver wrapped ir their blankets, smoking or sleeping contentedly; but she dared not take one, even if she could have made the drivei understand where she wished to go. At that time she did not know that a Dresden droschka is as safe as one's roof tree. At last she paused in her faad and despairing haste to beg help of t gentleman with his wife upon his arm. They stopped and listened, regarding her compassionately. Thev answered her m broad German, and she replied ii effusive English. It seemed to her thai the woman began to regard her witl suspicion, to question if she wer< a beggar, or what. The man openee his pnrse. Violet shook her head, anc the tears sprang into her eyes. "I hav< lost my way," she persisted. "If ] could find the Terrace, 1 should be all right. I know the way well from there.' While she spoke, somebody else stopped and listened, arrested by her voice. "Violet! Violet!" somebody said close to her elbow; and Violet an swered: *v>u, ,ionnf .John: is it youV "Yes, it is I. I found I could'nt liv< without you." And Violet was in hi: arms, safe and happy, and the Germai gentleman and his wife smiled at eacl other and at Violet, who no longer sa? anybody in the crowded square bu John Dabney.?Harper's Bazar. Tim Iowa courts hnve made an im portant decision regarding the civi rights of colored people. A negro whf was refused admission to a place o amusementbecau.se of his color, appealec to the law, when the Circuit Court helc that it did not appear from the aver mcnts that the plaintiff had any logn right to enter the place of amusement The Supreme Court affirms this ruling and says: "The act complained of b] the plaintiff was the withdrawal by th< defendants, as to him, of the offer whicl they had made to admit him, or to con tract with him for admission. The} had the riyht to do this, as in Mm n an^ other member of the public. Thi: right is not based upon the fact that h< belongs to a particular race, but arise from the consideration that neither h< nor any other person could demand as i right under the law, that the privilegi of entering the place be accorded t< him." So flne an Irony has history that that whlc make* tbe shame of its wives makes the glor of ita kings. THE MYSTERIES OF A DAY. man to tt STRANUK ANI> CUKIOUN THINGS OC- the ] CUItltlMJ AM, ABOUT US. agtti watc In 11 Fit?Tlio lilintl PoNtmuxlRNlicncral- wasl 1 A ToucIiIuk 1>Ipnmrk<*?South Wales <?old she ' 1 Ocposlts?ltiiiti* in Aloxlro* Ktc.. Etc. He ( ' appl, Somk singular facts arc given in rela- 1 1 tion to the character of the remarkable ^ gold deposits which have been discov- Sen' gred in some localities on the Fitzroy E> River, New South Wales. The most by tl notable feature is nn isolated cone, ris- mala \ , , .... . . . . ' , mar irom uie pinin tnrougli wlixcn runs | dent llie River D"e, the plain being flunked time bust and west by bluffs of Meso/.oic nudt ' sandstone, out of which the valley has nudt evidently been carved down to the level donr r?f the primitive rocks that now.form its . walli floor. These old shales aud quartzites | chec are riven by dykes of rhiolite, and tillas through them have evidently come to mail l( the surface geyser springs, deposits from grou which have formed the cone. The water supc lias, besides gold, carried in solution ! are c J silica, iron, alumina, etc. Hut the gold i iliar seems to have been precipitated chiefly ! \ [ in the cup of the geyser, and to be I <]CJU] richest in a large mass of iron ore immi * ivhich, in the form of an inverted cone, j rt?no forms the vertical axis of the mountain, , thcr ^ und in the nodules of iron ore that occur i ,non in certain soft cellular silicious layers. tjie ^ These alternate with more or less ferru- ! a ( I vinous layers, all of which radiate like tone the leaves of a fan, and enclose the iron pjcti >re. Gold occurs in all the layers except (joni , in a silicious earth. j J Tub circumstances under which the by li late Henry Fawcett, the English post- ' for t [ master-general, became blind are nar- in 1 rated by his biographer as follows: He whe was out shooting with his f:ither on i was Harnham 11 ill, and was some thirty j ^ yards in advance. His father was suf- ! r- fering from incipient cataract of one ( (tjim ' eye, and not seeing his son distinctly, i ^ c ' lired at a bird when it was nearly in a ' ' rj, line with the vminrr Tlio hint .'""V 3 was hit by t ic greater rnrt of the 3 charge, hut a few shot diverged and ,r..... r struck Henry Fawcett. Most of them h!nt r entered his chest, inflicting a trivial ! pvt>r wound. Two of them went higher and ; jOJ1(l 1 passed through the glasses of liis spec- j str.^ k' iacles, making in each a clean round wj1(, f hole, but partly spending their force so e as not to enter the brain. They passed ? j straight through the eyes, however, and ' j remained permanently imbedded behind T r them. ' s A max was seized with an epileptic ^00' fit in the street the other day, where- c* a upon a kindly disposed policeman ' a ,rc darted into a neighboring grocery and asked for a handful of salt, which he ; kl!'1 forced into the poor fellow's mouth. ;co1. ~ The operation was approved by some of a * ' the spectators, who complimented'the ? policeman upon his knowledge of "just : au c ^ what to do" in such cases. "Of all j u.'so ^ popular remedies," said a physician who ^'lct j was questioned on the subject, "that of j 'ar ( clioking a man with salt just because , a m he has a lit is the most senseless and j A barbarous. In some cases it would do mov serious injury and might cause death, detc Ilystero-epileptics are troubled with a plyi 1 choking sensation and spasmodic con- to i tractions in the throat, which interfere crec | greiftly. with breathing and swallowing, a at To crowd salt into it is a foolish and supt 1 ignorant proceeding." j it is TnK total tax levy of the city of Bos- ' I ton, for 188?}, is $8,693,747, the rate of I ,u^ I taxation being $12.80 on $1,000. Last ! T , yea** the rate of taxation was $17 on i %, ( $1,000. "While there is a gain of $7,- ' a m l 884,900 in the valuation of real estate, ! -T 1 there is a loss of $5,090,900 on personal ! .e3 property, leaving a net gain of $2,788,- j I>ler . 000. Last year 2,512 persons and con- j usai j cerns paid $1,000 or more into the city s^oc r treasury. This year the number has j , decreased to 1,883, owing to the de- { . creased rate. There are 181 indivld- I , uals, firms, and corporations- that pay j B , $5,000 and upward; 58that pay $10,000 j Pae \ and upward; 20 that pay'$20,000 and Chi r upward; 3 that pay $50,000 and up- i at k ( ward; and one (the Boston and Albany r .'tc Railroad Company) that pays abr peo , | $90,000. * I Chi I Tills innnlnr nntum flint tl,? .! imn i--i- - i i; ants of Chinese cities are uiven to un- j ?!m< wholesome hubits does n-<t seem to be hp111 . well founded. Dr. Dudgeon, in a re- h*3 I cent wortc on the diet, dress and dwell- waa i ings of the Ohincse, says that the peo- som pie have admirably adapted themselves he ^ r to their surroundings, and enjoy a max- 8nil L lmum of comfort. They have a good or 8 i many lessons yet to teach us in respect the L of living and practical health." After , J?icl l an experience of over twenty years with ' at d ; jthem, he says that "they are subject to m?l I fever diseases, their diseases are more &co< I amenable to treatment, and they pos- *ng > sess a greater freedom lrom acute and Go\ [ inflammatory affections of all kinds, if, ftt ? I indeed, these can be said to exist at tug ' all," than obtains among Western na- al1 1 I tions. ' Cap In a report on alcoholism, read before , the Academic des Sciences, M. Lanc-er eaux said that the patients addicted to SCT}1 excessive drinking who were admitted ,into the hospital were mostly from the sflir 5 provinces where pure brandy is largely ? . s consumed. He thought that the use o! ""8 i comparatively harmless beverages should ?"?! i be encouraged. Wine causes rapid *?r ' stimulation of the nervous system, and 1 t the exccss absorbed determines or?. anic the lesions of the nerve ceutres and liver. Punr Alcoholism from wine favors the devel- 8 opmentof tuberculous meningitis. He coul j found that the children of vinous drunk- Peai } ards do not inherit the vice, but this is he v f not the case with those whose parents te?.' I have drunk to excess from the distilled i product of patatocB and the cereals. and . . , , pure Tor metric system of we-'ghts and f 1 measures was adopted enthusiastically a8 ? . In many laboratories when first intro- oua , duced, but is now said to be rapidly jjja f losing ground. It has been the cause pn8S 3 I i>f many serious errors. The fact that [y's i | the misplncetnent of a little dot will - ' turn a comparatively harmless dose of hea( j j medicine into one having a deadly poi- ] r ' lonincr i?owcr. bears stroncrlv nominal ft w . <TJ ?r>?? ? me 3 j Mr. Oscar Old berg, a much respected* the s ! druggist, who formerly advocated the pngfi 9 | lystem, has decided it to bo unsuited to |nn(] 9 , Dur requirements, and this will have i much influence with many people who b felt the defects of the system, but did > not like to reject it. 8tip I A woman was in disgnise and was fleeing from some orime she had com- Ou y caitted. She was traveling in a stage *^ni ? coach and stopped in a country inn. r.ur ' travellers alighted and the supposed got out with the others. All went 10 wash shelf at the ond of the porch. A man was sitting leaning nst the post of the porch. He was :hing the woman in disguise as she led her face and hands, and when was done he at once arrested her. liscovered her sex by her manner of ying the water in washing her face, lien rub up and down and snort, vomen apply the water and stroke ly downward. CTKN8IVE ruins have been disclosed lie boundary survey between Guate. and Mexico. That region was evily densely inhabited in ancient s, but it is now almost wholly de id of soil. That the process of deition had begun before the abannent of the region is shown by the 3 and terraces evidently built to k it, and which still retain small *c patches. The ruins consist dy of stohe floors raised above the nd, upon which, no doubt, lighter ^structures were built. These ruins tonsidcred older than the more famones in Yucatan. very touching message from the I was received at Birmingham, Alaii, a few days since. A feather vator, on ripping open an old feabed, discovered a handsome diad ring. It was sent to the owner of bed, a lady, who, on seeing it. took ad held it to her lips. She then lied an invisible spring and the ure of a handsome young man in federate uniform was revealed. She that the ring was presented to her ier husband in 18(52, before lie left lie army; she placed it in the bed M6l> for safe keeping, and torgot re she had placed it. ller husband kill' n battle. nr.mitku of condemned militia ovcrs sold lately by the Htate of Massasetts went off at such a low price? ach?that the authorities of Framtam bought in a lot and equipped r firemen with tlieni. Other resi:s of Framingham invested in the ncnts, and, in fact, to such an exthat the local paper says nearly y one you meet is clothed in the j blue overcoat of our army, and a i.i i _ i ? - - i \umiiu iju lit ;i IUSS IC> KIIOW ther the town has not been put cr martial rule, or whether every :cn is a veteran of the rebellion. UK negroes of Home, OJa., are now id to put their heads out of the r after dark. Vague stories are cirted of medical students who go >ad in the darkness and seize the victim that comes aloni;, and, after ing him, carry the bod}- off to the csges for dissection. It seems to be ind of craze with the negroes of rgia. In Macon, a few weeks aco, >ld woman was mourning the loss of n, whom she alleged had fallen a im to the body snatchers. A simi;raze prevailed arcund Thomasville onth or two ago. N experiment is being tried at Portsith, in England, with the object of jrmining the practicability of apng liquid fuel ns a steam generator men-of-war. The fuel consists of >sote, which is procurable at a penny dlon. So far the system has proved urior to others previously tried, and believed that the difficulties in the r of the use of liquid fuels are in a way of being overcome. iik London Lou at says that children > are allowed to go barefooted enjoy ost perfect immunity from "cold" iccidcntal chilling of the feet, and ,r arc altogether healthier and linpthan those who in obedience to the res of social life, wear shoes aud kings. A Skipper's Scheme. ully Hayes, a famous captain on the ific, made a contract to land 2o0 namen in Sydney, New South Wales, !40 a head. Now, at that time, some icn years having gone by, the good pie of Sydney, realizing the evils of nesc immigration, had established an nrt. rllif.v ilium Avnrir f'liimiin.in "-lin ~ V.VIJ \/iaiiii?iuuu ? UU led on their shore, in the shape of a d tax of ?50, and ia order to bring speculation "to a profitable issue it necessary for Skipper Hayes to use e"fincsse, a delicate quality in which vas never found wanting. He sot at once for his destination, and six even weeks later the watchman of Coast Guard at North Head, Port kson, adjacent to Sydney,telegraphed lawn that a brig was lying off the ith of the harbor with her yards all ikbill, her sheets unrove and pumpbright water. The liirgest of the two 'ernment tugs anchored in theh-irbor nee put out to save life. Wlien the came along side the brig they found lands turned to at the pumps. The tain jumped on the tafirail and h:iiled tug: You must save life. I have 2.10 pas?ers on board." orthwith 250 Chinamen, with their ity luggage, were tumbled over the i into the tug. The Captain of the ; said that he could keep his vessel it until they coula send another tug him, whereupon the tug put buck, soon] as the tug disappeared inside Heads, Skipper Hayes stopped iping, squared his yards, rove his its, set sail, and was off. In the rse of an hour his topsails disup ed below the horizon. As soon as vas well under way he sent a carpen3own below to reef in a big hose ch he had dropped through a port connected with the bottom of the ip. he Captain of the tug did not fare rell. When he got to the Circular y in Sydney he attempted to land quarter of a thousand Mongolian lengers, but the oUlcer of her MajescuRtoms' refused to accent them lout the payment of the stipulated i tax; ana thus the tug was forced lay off for several days, supporting Chinamen on Government fare until Legislature could be convened 4o i an enabling :>ct to allow them to be led. The consignee of the cargo never known, but he undoubtedly immediate possession of his human ht, and Bully Hayes received tho ulatcd sum. t of seven men who ro* "n'o a. qnnrrol fn lucky only three wire a>>lw to walk ?If, none of theft* were mire how the other, men tot kl)e 1. f ? < THE JOKERS' BUDGET. A L.ITTI.K HUMOROUS HEADING FOlt TilK IjICISI.'KK HOURS. Illn Hat Ofl?The Dead lleadN?Tlie (!?! onrl'M Hn|)|)T Thought ? New Kiij(lund Hoys-llP wns Not Afraid ? Dotti and UaNlisit, Ktc., Ktc. TIIE COLONKIj'S HAPPY THOUGHT. Col. Sumptcr MeBride, of Austin, has been spending several weeks in .New York. A few days ago, being in need J of some money, he applied to a Broad-1 way bank to cash a draft. "What is your name ?" asked the paying teller. 'Col. Sumptcr McHridc, sir, of Austin, Travis county, Texas." "You will have to be identified, Colonel." This was something the Colonel had not taken into consideration. lie knew of nobody who could identify him, and was about to leave the bank when a happy thought occurred to him. He reached into his breast pocket and brought out a photograph of himself, and holding it under the nose of the bank oilicial, said: "There, sir; I guess that settles it.'" "Of course that's your photograph; but liow does that identify you ?" "Well. sir. will you please tell me how I could have my photograph taken if i wasn't myself V?Texas Sijlinyn. NKW KM;I-AND TWIGGS. A Maiden schoolmistress thinks that sonic of her pupils' compositions are funnier than anything of Mark Twain's. From an essay on "Fashion," written by u boy of 12, she cites the following : "Sensible people wear sensible fashions, and insensible people insensible fashions." Another honeful of hm\*i wrifiiia- nn I tl\u subject, "A Kainv Afternoon," < volved from an inner consciousness deeper than that of Josh Hillings, the following sentence : "It rained hard, and I could not go owdoors, and so I went out in the shed and sod some wood." In a little straw frame on her mantle is a sentence from the pen of her youngest and brightest, giving in answer to the request : "Write, in twenty words, a definition of 'Man.'" It reads thus: "Man is an animal that stands up; tie is not very big. and he has to work for u living."?JSoxtun ltccord. A PLACE EOIt EVERYTHING. An Eastern man in Dakota said to a citizen: "Is this Mr. Bulge V "It is," said the citizen, suspiciously. The Eastern man put his hand in his pocket, and immediately the cold muzzle of a revolver was pressed against his nose. "None of that!" shouted Air. Bulge. "Throw up your hands! I've got the bulge on you!" "I w-w-was only a-going to offer yyou my b-b-business card," said the fiight-ened stranger; "I'm from Boston." "Then I beg your pardon," apologized Mr. Bulge, lowering his jvstol; "but when you arc in Dakota, stranger, you should" never carry cards in your hip pocket."?N. Y. Times. ^ A MODEST WISH. Kosciusko Murphy congratulated Miss Esmeralda Longcoffin on the occasion of her recent birthday. "Miss Esmeralda, I wish you everything that goes to make life happy. I want you to have half a million dollars, a villa, fast horses and carriugea, and a?" "Stop now. You have already given me more than enough. Hadn't you better wish something for yourself ?" said Esmeralda. "You shouldn't interrupt me. I was going to say that I wished you to have all those things?and me in the bargain. "? Texan Hi/ting*. AN INEXHAUSTIBLE SUPPLY. A Lincoln coinmer ial traveler, who was glancing over a paper in the Omaha tfain yesterday, threw it down impatiently with the remark: "That'snothing; I don't see why any fuss is made about it." I "What is it ?" asked a man near I v:... AAiua. "Oh, I see a statement that Prof. Riley has donated 22,000 bugs to the Government Museum. The hotel I stopped in at Omaha last night can double that and never miss a bug."? Lincoln Journal. l'OWER OF THE PRB88. <4fYes," said a country editor, as he impaled a croton bug on tho point of his shears, 4,the power of the press is something wonderful. It can make and uivnake men. retard or advance the growth of civilization, open new fields for scientific research, and disclose the hidden mysteries of the universe; it can?" -'I'icaso, sir," interrupted the ottice boy, opening the door, "Mr. Hayseed buy* he's left n bushel o' carrots up at ycjur house, an' he wants crcdit tor 'em on accounts." * EXI'ERT ADVICE. "Is thorc a resident of the State of New Jersey in this car ?" shouted f?n excited passenger, poking his head in the doc*. "I am a resident of that State, ?ir," replied a traveler, straightening himself up. "What can I do for you ?" "A. man in the next car has got delirium tremens. What's best to be done ?". LIKELY TO OET I.KKT. Stranger (to small boy)?C-c-can y-yyou.t-tcll ln-mo wli-when th-thc next tt-train g-gocg n-n-north, s-s-sonny ? Small Boy?Fi' minnits pas' three. StrwntrAv tl.K.liiivn T ? <?-?/?f g-o s"" v-v-?.^w to c-c-catch it ? Small Boy?Not unless you kin wnlk fa?ler'n you kin talk, Mistor. TOUCIIINO CONFH>KNCB. Young Wife?No matter how late George comes in he always tells me where ho has spent the evening. Young Wife's Mother (sarcastically) ?Indeed! Where was he last night ? Young Wife?At his office, pot? fel'*?w, balancing the book*. V "v ^ HIS HAT OFF. The Oregon Legislature has passed a law to the effect that bicyclists must stop riding whenever they approach within one hundred yards of a team, and nfler dismounting remain standing until the team has passed. This law may be a good one, but it doesn't go far enough. It should be amended no as to compel the bicyclist to take olT his hat and remain uncovered while the driver of the team is passing him.?Norristoicn llcrnld. A NEW ONE. "Charles," said Mrs. Spendall, "Isaw a beautiful costume to-day and I should like it ever so much." "And I should like you to have it," replied 'Charles, "but, really, Clara, I haven't the money to spare." "Oh. you great tease! I know better than that, I saw a brand new check book in your desk ouly yesterday, and not one of the checks had been used."?Uotel Gazette. NOT AKIIAID. "My boy is a great coward in one rcspect." "What's that ?" "He's so much afraid of dogs." "Well, that's no drawback. In fact, I consider it a good point in his'favor." "How do you make that out ?" "It's not at all likely that lie 11 develop into a book nwnt."?C.himnn Lei/jcr. CHKAl' CHRISTMAS DINNER. Smith?Fine turkey you've got there, Brown. Brown?Yesh. Smith?About how much did it cost you ? Brown ? T-twenty-four (hie) dollarsh. Smith?Twenty-four dollars ? Brown?Yesh; I won it (hie) at'r raffle. SOFTENED BITTERNESS. Citizen (to country editor)?Your fine obituary notice of poor Brown was a surprise to me, Shears. I thought that j on and he were bitter enemies '( Country Editor (with a sigh)?Ah, yes, we were enemies for a number of years, but in the face of death,-my dear i friend, the heart softens. And, besides, ; I got 10 cents a line for the notice. A DANGEROUS MEDICINE. Young Physician (to Patient)?Did you follow my directions in taking the little pills?one pvery three hours { Patient-Well?er?you sec, doc? Young Physician?Great Heavens! you didn't take them oftencr than that ? ! Patient ? I didn't take any. My little j boy got hold of the bottle in the night I and ate them all up. Youhg Physician (hastily)?Where is : the boy ? | Patient ?The last I heard of him he j was out in the backyard stoning cats. THE DEAD HEADS*. Mr. Tompkins (to Manager SnapI show, who has just returned from Eui rope)?"Did you have a pleasant trip ?" Snapshow?"Oh, yes; but I was very j homesick until 1 reached Rome. I felt i all right there." | Touipkius?"How was that?" Snapshow?"Why. I spent two daya ! in the catacombs, and ihc collection ol dead heads there made me feel aa though I were at home again." THE FULL OF IT. j The bachelor editor of an otherwise esteemed contemporary asks why a baby is filled up from ten to a dozen times a uiij. i uiiL is u liuiu iu wmca no Old bachelor has any business to investigate, but for the sake of easing his tempesttossed soul we w ill inform him that ba^ bies, bless 'cm. should bo tilled up whenever they snow symptoms of hollerness, if it be forty times a day,? Binghamton Republican. extortionate rates. Hotel Clerk (to guest)?Just $7, sir, two days at $:J.50 a day. Guest (from the country)?What's that! Three dollars and a half a day an' no pie for breakfast! Qosh! dots and dashes. "What are the last teeth that cottnV asked a teacher of her class in physiology. "False teeth, mum," replied a boy who had just waked up on the back ?eat. We are asked if kissing is proper be-. tween n ladv nnd ?rr?nt1r?mAr? whn or? not engaged. Perfectly proper bHt impossible. A gentleman cannot kiss a lady without being very pleasantly engaged. Newspaper reporter to President oi company: "Has yonr company taken any steps yet to pay your taxes V "Why, certainly, sir. We have made two protests against the constitutionality of the law." Tramp (at the back door)?Will you please give me something to eat ? Woman?Not a thing. Tramp ?Nor nuthin' to drink ? Woman?Nor nuthin' to drink. Tramp?No cast-off clothes ! Woman?None. Tramp?Well, would you tell a poor, unfortunate man what time it is ? "On, Mr Van Duden," said a young dudine at the opera recently, "doesn't this music make you surge ?" "Ah. yas. I believe it's gwand." "It is so tenderly, wonderfully, exquisitely perfect, it.intakes me wave all over." "High tide,1' said a disgusted listener, and the conversation stopped. 4'How old are you ?" asked a justice of the peace of "Jim" Webster, who was under arrest for stealing chickens. "I dunno," said the darkey. "Where were you born ?" "What am de use ob my tellin' you 'bout my buffday ? You ain't gwino to make me no buffday present." At a school, tha schoolmaster, in a general exercise, wrote the word "dozen" on the blackboard, and asked the pupils to each write a sentence con- * taining tho word. He was somewhat taken aback to find on one of the papers the following uninue sentence: "1 dozen know my lesson." "Pa," said a Philadelphia lad, 4'what is a martyr ?" "Oh, don't bother me." "Ma, what ie a martyr?" "Why, my son, I am a martyr." "You a martyr," exclaimed the husband; "how bo?" "Why this in the ^sUird winrtar I have worn this bonnet, andfta ?varrled to a man too mean to buy *|e ?a<^i^ one."