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ra They Knew AH About It, "You must have lived in a little gootch town," remarked a busy Lon don woman, "to appreciate the pin points of interest to which a village be reduced and the absolute pub licity of your every movement in suoh ? place." "Once while I wan visiting at home |i happened to be lying down when oilers came, so ray mother did not <|sturb me. At tea time other callers arrived, and by way of making con venation one of them said to me very iweetly: " 'We hear you've been lying down.' "?Harper's Basar. Willing to Walt. A Baltimore clubman tells of two oonvlcts who met for a moment alone la a corridor. And took advantage of the fact for a hurried interview. Said one, "How long are you in for?" "For life," responded the other. "And how long are you In for?" "Twelve years," responded the oth er. ? . ? ? . ; * ' ? ? ???-?? .?'> "Then," said the "lifer/' cautiously extracting a letter from its hiding place, as ho glanced fearfully around, "take this and mall it for me when you get out." Expensive. "How often is your motor over hauled, Dinks?" asked Dusenberry. "Four times last month," said Blnks. "Four times in one month T Geeru salem! What for?" demanded Dusen< berry. "Speeding," said Blnks. "Twice by the bioycle cops, once by a deputy eheriff and once by a plain, common, garden, village constable." ? Judge. DY8PEPTIC. Clubbman ? I see you've been wear lag plaid vests lately. ??. Grypes ? Yes, the. doctor say* 1 muBt put a check on my stomach. How Many. How many men in lifo we meet, Forsooth, day after day. Who every time they talk coirtiive To give themselves away. The Wherefore. "Why do you call yourself a ten torial artist?" "It's this way," explained the bar* 3lSi And then he went on to illustrate with a few cuts. Another Reformer. Her Legal Adviser ? Madam, yen have had three husbands, and every ?m of them either went crazy o^ ?arned out to be worthless. Yet you we thinking of marrying again! Fair Client? Yea, sir; I want a safe tad sane fourth. Effacement. "Did you go away on a vacation to farget your troubles V* "Yes," replied the man who does not care for outdoor life. "There Is nothing that makes you forget old troubles like going out and picking * lot of new ones." Philosophic Resignation. "Does it take two of you to inter* tfew me?" asked Senator Sorghum. . "No," replied the patient scribe; *1 brought my friend along so that you ?uld giro hlyi first chance at the de nial in case your constituents don't fedorse what you say." Its Naturs. "1 heard that the men striking for **>re money, made a descent on ike oftce." '"TbQy merely wemi to preseftt grievances in a procession." > "Well, didn't I say it Was a par laidr' Was a pawn TToket a r?wn I I OK0t "1 can't fill this," said the druggist. ''Don't you carry ordinary lngredi ?ats in stockf* . , carry everything usually carried a first-class pharmacy, but this Iteee of paper calls for a gold watch. GILFADDEN'S GOLDFISH By AMELIA COWAN. Cillfaddcn* wu? hatfti'itltig down the street toward tho dock where he was to take hi? boat to Croats the lake when he caught' the glint of red gold In a shop window. "Kay!" he muttered to hlmBelf r a ha paused and watched a number of gold' flnli darting to and fro In tho clear wa ter. "That's Ju.it tin thing for the porch at the cottage! Nice aquavlum among the fern boxes ? why didn't I think of It before?" <1 11 fadden tramped into tho store and when he emerged ho was tenderly encircling with one arm a globular parcel. It was a large giant* kIoI?- con taining eight goldfish. Tho young per son w^o had waited on him had large and melting eyes and her gaze had so bewildered Qllfaddou that he accepted what she gare him with no question. She had murmured something about our best people never carrying a bowl of goldfish with a wooden handle, so he had meekly taken his slippery bur den under his arm. Everybody bumped into that extend ed elbow and whenever there came a bump there was a splash and some of the water in the bowl Jumped out. The young person had explained that tho top of the bowl must remain un covered to give the flsh air. When Gllfadden reached the dock so muth water had splashed out that he hast- I ened to the water oooler to replenish the supply. "Hey!" called an elderly man with whiskers. "You'll kill 'em! Don't you know that's Ice water, an' ice water Isn't what goldfish llkeT Dip it up from the river!" !/With the assistance of tho elderly philanthropist with whiskers, Gllfad den tied a string to a tin can and low- I ered It Into the river. His hat blew I off while he was doing this and he paid a boy a quarter to fish It out with a pole. Grimly he watered the goldfish and again boarded the boat. I The attendant at the foot of the J stairs leading to the upper deck gazed j suspiciously at Gllfadden's parcel. I "Anything alive?" he demanded. J "Can't take It to the stateroom!" "No." fibbed Gllfadden. "Just a glass aquarium I'm carrying over." To ease his conscience he told himself that I flsh die unexpectedly sometimes and for all ho knew his might be dead as door nails by this time. > | ! Reaching his stateroom, Gllfadden set down the bowl carefully and then, I removing his bat, ho mopped his brow 1 and said "Whew!" Ho had not imagined that carrying a bowl full of water would have been such a I strain on his muscles. Then ho went I out on dcck. When ho came in ho waB greeted 1 by a large and angry man who had the upper berth. I "Wha'd yuh mean," began tho large 1 man fiercely as he stuck his head over J the edge of his bed, ?'by endangering a I [ respectable man's life with wild anl- I 1 mals? I stepped Into that confounded bowl and might have cut myself and I bled to death ? M J 1 "Did you kUl my flsh?" roared Gil { fadden, rushing to ftls pets. J "I hope so!" snapped the large man. J i "Nice thing to step on with your bare 1 foot? a eold, squirmy flsh! I could J | have tho law on you ? "' I "You've Killed one!" cried Gllfad , den, holding the corpse up by tho. tall. "A perfectly good, innocent little gold- I ' flsh! They're. Imported, I'd have you J know, and ^that flsh'll cost you 50 cents! What right have you to inter fere with my luggage? It's a peni tentiary offense ? " I "Aw, go soak your -head!" growled | tho fat man. "And you whlBtle lor that 50 cents, will you?" He crawled under his covers and low rumblings of wrath continued to I emerge. The boat was beginning to roll unevenly and Gllfadden pre- I pared for bed, with one eye on the goldfish bowl. K got rougher and at each pitch water splashed out from, the bowl. Sitting on the edge of his berth, Gllfadden took the bowl In hla arms and cuddled it. By easing I the roll he managed to keep moat of | tho water inside the bowl. Onoe in J a while there would ho a particularly vicious roll and he would receive a splash of the liquid against his chest When this happened -and- he said | "Ouch*" tho large man protested and threatened to call the steward and have Ofltedfen put out.sa crasy. Afc that wretehed, night Gllfadden oto?*} *Ve hSETSf tfoMfish to his b<33m exe?f>t "when he periodically refilled U, Whan dawn came and he gazed at his swimming hod, Gllfadden decided /that he might Just as well have Hnrned the goldfish out on the blankets and 1st them paddle happlr around while he took n nap. Red eyed, disheveled and miserable* Gllfadden disembarked and headed for his hmeh. He slung in his suitcases and as he balanced himself and step ped In the Involuntary contraction of his arm smashed the goldfish globe, already cracked from the adventure with the large man's feet Gllfadden stamped down upon n seat and began tearing off the paper wrappings like mad. The water triokled all over his neat gray trousers. ''Save feml" he tiegged. weakly, of tho stsrtng Tfrnr**?*" soma war terV* On the opened pnper wrappings seven goldfish half-heartedly and expired. ? - "Oea?" said the launch man, still I staring. "Is that some new kind of baltf - ? CHUfcdden was too angry to reply. Lews is a cannibal that feeds on its own kind. Thr vl* ?r? a ft mcji: w<u?i4u 1 rutlc tho % vmury's dciiitoii r *? -jjtj ;ijf to Htagl^h liiwo't m:;?. iUif proved, not by ?i(, hui by Mu fu<*t. 'hut landlord* of u ? tm t?t houses could cut their reuiil In two, keep their houses in gopd repair and cleen, and make > per ceal. oil their investments, Kuskin. who put up a eofllldorttbll sum for her ? x|h i iment to IH64. re ported in 1877 that he hati had it all bank in tntereM. Those who followed lier work imomi oloeely seem to agree that her special effioacy in the getting oi resultu lay in a combination of salutary strictness, which held the tununt to the mark, and a profound humanitarianiam that waa not for * minute obscured by thla strictness. Take an old suitcase, one that show* unmistakable signs of hard usage, and paatu foreign hotel labels all over 1L liub some dirt on the labels aud make a few scratches as If you had tried to remove thein. Be careful, however, that you do not render the lnt>ela Il legible. Go to a public library and, with the aid of guide books, write out atorleB of your experiences at the va rious places indicated by the labels. Commit these stories U? memory and uso them whenever an opportunity arises. Needless to say, you can ere* ate opportunitiea by carrying the suit case with you wherever you go; Peo? pie may not believe all your storlee, but they will believe enough of them to give you quite a reputation as a traveler. Caught Seagull on Salmon Rod. I have sometimes road accounts of birds taking the fly of a fisherman, but I do not remember having heard before of any one catohing a seagull when salmon fishing. This happened here at Dunkeld today, and the lady who was fishing not only hooked the seagull, but after playing It for a quarter of an hour, landed It. The lady was harling for salmon in the Tay, just below Dunkeld bridge, spin ning with a minnow from a boat, tfrhen the seagull swooped under the water and flew off with the minnow. The gull made very good play, and it was only owing to skilful handling that It was eventually "netted." It was of course taken off the hook and flew away none the worse. ? The Field. . A Qlobetrottar. New Ceylon Stamps. The Ceylon Times gives the follow ing definite information regarding the forthcoming issue, of King George stamps. "Commencing from about Oc tober next the treasurer will issue one kind of -stamp only for postal;- judicial and revenue purposes. This Is a con cession to the public, so that ordinary postage stamps may be equally used for judicial and revenue purposes. The new stamps will bear the' bead* of King George V., and as at present the differ ent denominations will be in different colors. The word "Ceylon"will be at the top, thfTyprds "Postage" and "Reven ue" at tii <r left and right of the portrait and the value In the space at the bot tom. There will be seventeen denom> inations, ranging from 2c to 500r." . Monkey Enjoyed Brief Liberty. A monkey which escaped from a shop In Argyle street, Glasgow, Scot' land, the other day, bolted into a fruit and confection shop, where it Jumped about and evaded capture by getting on to a high shelf, from which vantage point it absolutely refused to be tempted with monkey nuts and other eatables. Prom this shelf it jumped on to the fanlight above the door, and in this way took Us departure. It then climbed into an adjoining akiasage manufacturer's, and got behind the counter, where 14 apset many articles. A considerable time elapsed before it was captured. Qtart RsttlssrtaM flMloli. Willi' 'enormous profits am an fa* centive, Colonel r. W. Brown and George S. Ziller of Berkeley Springs, W. Va., have formed a stock oompany to engage in "rattlesnake culture." Ac cording to OtAonel Brown, the da mend for rattlesnake skims is greater than the supply. When tanned the skin of the rattlesnake makes a su perior grade of leather tor purses* belts, women's footwear and toilet ac cessories. An Immense tract in the mountains where the snakes thrive lis been bought by Colonel Brown.? New York Herald. r~r&"~:rr - ^ ? George Ade Hears s Fable. The first time the Washington base ball team played Chicago this season, George Ade, famous for his fables in slang, met a friend in the street, wka said: "Come on, George, and see this Washington team. It's a peach. It's a hummer. It's performance against Chicago will be as finished as the work of Jack Frost tea Georgia peaeh Orchard.** "That," said Ade. without cracking a smile, "sounds to me distinctly like a fable in slangs Popular Magazine. Wen-Behaved. Lulu was watching ber mother working among the fioweis. Itoin ma, I- know why .flowers grow," she said; "they want to fcfct oat of the dirt/*-^Mp|>tnoott*. V Undo Pinsywdee Says. - Brer notice the power of the win? A late New York magnate left one which requires that all his children behave themselves for seven years or they wont got a cent. THINGS ONE CANT LOSE By GENE DUEY. "lloh! Htm a minute, while I fas ten" your ccllar pin, Gert,"- commanded the girl with the snappy black ey?>n. "You'll i>?> io|tng that wonderful good as gold i'iti Htm*' day If you don't koup It fastened." "Thnt'H Just what I'd Hl<<< ?<> an nounced th* girl with the pin ?n<l the Imitation Jrlsh lace waist, "Honest to goodness, Carrie, I've l)ad that pin three years, and I simply can't lose it! 1 lost a solid gold. 18 carat pin one d?y, and I stopped in at a ten, cent fctore and bought thia one to use temporarily, and I've used it ever since. My r<*a| gold pin I had throo iays when I lost it, but this little old cheap ono sticks to me like a mort gage "ii a farm. * "That's always tho way with any* tiling you want to get rid of. You simply can't lone .it. A friend of my mother's gave her a vase for Christ maw oitc year; got it as a premium with Home laundry soap, I guenH. It was tho awfullest looking thing you ev?r Raw, with big, red roses stand ing out on it like doorknobs. Ma said nfie would be so thankful if some body would accidentally tip that thing Off tho mantol and break It. "Well, I pulled It off the mantel once when I was dusting, and It rolled across the carpet and turned Its awful red roses up at me without even a chip in it. And ma has another lit tle ornament that she just sets her heart on. It's clolsonay, I believe1 they call it. Ono day I was just pasH ng the piano and jarred it a lit tle, when down Jt went on the piano bench and chippe^ a big piece out of It, and put a dint in the piano bench as big as your liat!" "It surely is funny the way things stick to you when you don't want them? that's a fact," agreed the young woman with tho snappy black eyes. "I waB going down tho street one "wet day and I had on a pair of rub bers that were just about worn out. One fit them kept slipping off at tho heel, until It nearly drove me crazy, so I decided to kick it off and let it go. I. gave my foot a flirt and ''oft came the rubber, and I trotted along peacefully In the rain, "About half a block down tho street somebody touched me on the &m, and I turned around and thero was a "Beg Pardon," He Says. good looking young man holding oat my old battered rubber. *Beg patdon,' he says, 'but I saw you lose this. May I pnt .it on for., yon?' ? J ? ? "Wh$t could I do but stick out my foot and let that nice young man put j on my old mangled rubber? But I was bo^ mad at him that I wanted to tell him not to meddle with*? my affairs." "If It had been a new rubber there wouldn't have been a soul In sight to see you lose it or to play the fairy prince to your Cinderella," remarked the girl with the imitation Irish lace waist. "You know Mrs. Brown, who runs the boarding house where I lire. She fixes up lunches for me 'to bring to the office. Of course, I pay extra for them, but I get kind of tired of them sojnetimes. One day last week she tied up a lunch in a newspaper for me, and I didn't put the string around it very tight, and before I got over to the station the string was off and I bad visions of myself strewing pifekles and doughnuts all over the train, and I thought I would just ditch the whole package in the station and buy a lunch downtown* "Well, when I went to get on the train I had left the package on the scat in the b .ation and made a dash for the car steps. Just as I was comfortably seated an old lady dash ed hito the coach and squeezed past the crowd until she got to where I was sitting. What did she have in her hands but my lunch, bursting out on all sides of the newspaper! "Of course, I had to thank her. I didn't dare to leave that paokage in the train for fear somebody else would follow mo over to the office and pre Tfeni it to me again. soT had ^o carry the feed over to the office as tender ly as if I loved it. So I had to eat it at noon, after all. If that newspa per had contained something really valuable I'll bet neither wishes, plead* tngs nor threats would have restored it to my aching heart again." "It surejy is the limit, Gert," de clared the girl with the snappy blaefc eyes.- ? Ch?cag> Daily News. REAL ESTATE SELL _ S buy DO YOU WANT TO J UOANqw 1 May Help YoU* LAURENS T. NIIU-S, CAMD?N,?.C. ANG'S PHONE 2 Wfien you think of Groceries, think of Lang's. Fresh this week: "Sunshine" Biscuit, Saratoga Chips, Hams, ' Breakfast Strips, Sliced Bacon. IGH GRADE GROCERY HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW FORD? ? I I. I I I ? ? I | , ,1 ^ . ..-.c- .'.C. ~.V, :r; FORD CARS and a full line of FORD PARTS always on hand COME AND TAKE A LOOK 1 ?? 1 ! 1 . ? 111 1 JMIH in "'I D C. S H A W g - The FORD Man SUMTER, S. C. Opera House ? ? I 1.1 H ? I lit' "? ? MOTION PICTURES BY DOUGLAS & BROWN PROGRAM: FRIDAY NIGHT REELS, 1 and 2. "The Struggle" A Famous Civil War Picture SAFDAY WIGHT REELS 1 and 2. "Saved * Air Ship" Produced b y the Re liable Co., and te c*kl to be one among uieir beet. ContjdGous Performance from 4 to I I p. m. Adults 10 Cents Children 5 Cents