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. HOT NATURAL END . ' X V .'>? ' ' Death From Old Age Never in Scheme of Things. * Those wistful dingers to lift who cherish the ignoble ambition of dying ttf old age, if they most die at ail, may be shocked to hear that death from old age is not a natural death. There's a paradox that will bear the light of reason, for It can easily be shown that such a death Is quite remote from the normal operations of * ?? ?-re. i uame xxaiure wueu sue i? icu w ua own devices, says a writer in the Philadelphia Inquirer. Dame Nature would have made Short work of Uncle Johnny Shell, Kentucky's senility freak, who died the other day at the reputed dge of 134, had not the driveling old man's relatives and neighbors, to say nothing of the rustic showmen who some* lines exploited him as?the "oldest man on earth," conspired to protect him from-, the normal accidents of injury or starvation that otherwise overtake the worn-out individuals of any species. No creature is permitted by Dame v Nature to "lag superfluous on the Stage" until overtaken by the dissolution of absolute senility. Wild ani. mala don't live to die of old age. They don't linger along as doddering dependents, Uke the Kentucky Methu\ - selah. v 5 The superannuated elephant or buffalo isn't supported or tended by the herd. It retires gracefully to a solitary state of existence and maintains titself as well as It can with its failing J faculties until It starves to death, ^ stumbles over a Tdlff or is overcome oy enemies. Whatever the end may be, it comes pretty quickly and is considered by Hipe far more merciful than-tlie protracted life that Uncle Johnny Shell - dragged cut for so many years. The efti&iy tiger, no longer spry enough to caters the nimble antelope, becomes a jBaa&ster and poar&e babies <?n the otit$k;rt' of some village. Then some- j my gets op a tiger hunt, and an ex- j flMixe ballet saree It from the trans*disgrace of dying of old age. Who evfcr found a senile or ?o\g/ fee bled rabbit, robin, we*C. bear, ttooi, -/ . /aagSe^ ymsu black bass or minnow^ \( Why, Dame JSsture wouldn't dream <rf aflmrinf her nice, <4een cosmos to be ctuttered up. She ciesras boost with a .broom of Even tlm tree Is net s?isrredto cumber Che earth beyoni the period of Its ability to withstand the normal stress of tfce.elera3Rs. It msy ..' **??'" a California seqtxrta over %000 tears aid or a Cape de Verde bfedbab 5,000 years old, 1ju>d It nay have ~$aased Its period/%;g*pwth ard ?b* tfered its period of th ?- hr? * w?!t * '."" '-. '7? almahofe^e^^^^iviiized man frag pets so that senile epd-ea^tipFG^^ aad cats sre sept 3W^?^ap^neotalists loDg after outMSnfon sense would have'tiilled f'^Bg .tre ditlon of Uncle Johnny Axfee age is not supported by any of||||aH|?cm? records. A scientific investigator lie sought to ferret out the facts., found that he could not honestly de-^ '' dace any greater age for Uncle Johnny p . than a hundred years or thereabouts. Ry '.V- Local tradition always exaggerates g:/: \/ the age of a very old person, as in the case of old Parr, whose boqes crumble in 'Westminster abbey, and whose fame was embalmed in a book entitled 'The Olde, Olde, Very Olde Man." Old . Parr wap a Shropshire peasant who . was reputed JLo be 152 years old when taken to London by the earl of Arundel and presented at court. s He died the same year?1635. Dr. i William Harvey, who. discovered the "circulation ro( the blood, performed an ! B autopsy and found the body in excel-1 ";i - lent condition. He thought death had been caused by the change from aim Bountry fare to tlie rtcn cue* 01 >n high-life. On Old Parr's tomb ecorded the names of ten moo, from Edward IV to Cbaries I, whom he lived. Bat later IflsI investigation threw a strong on the length attributed to his j? Veteran Denies He is Dead. A certain veteran of the World war has a bard Job on his hands.: He recently wrote to the Veterans' bureau, making an appeal for compensation. MYou are dead," implied the o!3cial communication from the bareau. Of \ course, it was not worded exactly that way. but that was the entire drift of the letter. Sb the man has qfrealed to the Bed Cross to tell the bureau that he is very x. ? u..A flIUCI] Jtuve. "I am not dead at all," the veteran continues to assert in letters to tha Veterans' bureau: Ton are dead," replies the bureau. V V s ' Misrepresented. , "People say that you are interested lo some of the industries mentioned in the tariff." *1T? untrue," exclaimed Senator \ ^torghiam. "What I am trying to keep from my constituents is the tact that | am absolutely uninterested and net , Vary well SL" ? % ! v ' I MIGHT BE MONARCH OR CAT ! Official! of Spanish Royal ffafacsa $arefui In Their Investigation if Sounds at Night One day, so the story goes, a member of the royal household of Madrid heard noises below. He rose an? went downstairs. "It most be the cat,** he thought j though as a role the cat was not iw> mltted to wander about the place at Its discretion. They must have for- j gotten to lock it up. Suppose tt should wake the king! Fearful thought I Conceive the royal I ?' mv.,? Affintol hnrrloH through i I JL lie uiuviat v wo"* the dark passages, and at last tracked I the sound to the pantry. "Aha?now I've got you!" he whis| pered, as he opened the door?and be| held the king rummaging around for I food! V If the above story is not true, it is at least founded on fact, for the king of Spain sometimes feels hungry in the middle of the night, and when the pangs become poignant, ha seeks royal joints, as you or I would seek the humbler biscuit. Going into the royal pantry, he will tear off the leg of a cold fowl, or quietly carve himself a slice of meat. "We never know/' said an official i who figures in the story, "whether It is the cat or the king!"?London Answers, RECEIVED DOLE FROM tNEMY i Irish Irregulars Stopped in the die of Fighting to Draw Their , Unemployment Pay. For several years the unemployed - - * ? ?_?. 1 k/un In Ireland, as in omaiu, uuvo ucCU receiving a government dole weekly, relates Niall Ropan In the Ontlook. The prgwkional government has continued this. Despite the difficulties , of distributing it during the recent trouble. K wan very anxious that it should not be stopped, lest any excuse should be gtveo for looting: Oue of the district offices was tbere tte opened?not more than 25 yards fr?4n Moran's hotel, an inegnUr stronghold, now destroyed After several hundred men had Qffietiy entered, undismayed by thb rifle fire from the oat tone I and rebel forees outside, and signed for end icoehrcd tbelf moody, even repsbttcons came calosty across froia jhe hotel, showed that they *em entitled to payment, were paid, end returned to fhebr dottea as ixuaw soldiers at the government when* mousy ley in their pocket*. (Trnwitlfi i Is?rita Man, catting hln.aetf (he master at nature, may yet bo insured in a fitssnd-death struggle with insults for poosession of the gkibe?and in some ways scientists declare Insects are belter fitted tfcaa fof 'SDryivai ^fffl e*rth. ^ed heacaif ^ cMlari^per^ ' tlon ! & tiie plebeian bean to be driven from its present democratic company into the ranks of the aristocracy? This possibility Is suggested by the recent invasion of the southern portion of the United States by the Mexican bean beetle, a bandit pest of the first magnitude that now has gained a firm foothold and is .already at work in a limited territory, underlining natural resources with such telling effect that the final outcome is a matter of grave concern. Beans of all kinds are being attacked by this , bandit?a kind of ladybug?a*d entire jvcrops are being wiped out. That Word "Hysteria." There is a lot of scientific truth pertaining to the physical natjire of woman. ,concealed in the word hysteria. ' The classic origin of the word is the ancient Greek "hysteria," the womb. The sexuaJ or mother natnre of woman is indicated in the word as the origin of^ the laughter, the tears and the contradictory conduct implied by the word hysteria. When a ipan is called "hysterical," therefore, thp Implication is plainly conveyed thai be is acting under the Impulses understandable and excus. able (though sometimes extremely annoying) in a woman, but not permissible in a person of the male persuasion.?Milwaukee Sentinel. t * i .1 i . i Bad Teeth at e\Raelal Tratt. Do poor teeth run iil^ races? According to a report made by Dr. A. W. Schoenleber of the medical department of the Standard Oil company to the Eugenic Research association there Is a racial difference In resistance to dental decay as shown by an examination of 2.758 men of various nationalities. The gleaming whiteness of the negro's teeth is not Just contrast with his hlack skin, these figures show^ as the greatest proportion of perfect teeth was found among the Afro-Americans. on/1 Anotrinn .Tpws showed the next highest percentage of excellent teeth, while English. German, Danish. -Norwegian artd Swedish subjects showed very feeble resistance to decay.. . The Irish had the worst teeth oi> ail. Why Hoover Sent Corn to Russia. Someone asked Mr. Hoover recently why he seut corn to Russia instead of wheat. "Because." replied the secretary of commerce without a moment's hesitation, "for one dollar I can buy so many calories"?carrying It out to the third decimal place?"in coru. and only so many"?again to the third (Decimal tiiaee-?"in wheat. I get about twice as many in corn as in /whedt."--From "Behind the Mirrors." * | AS THE WORLD LOOKi AT :T Much Truth, if Poor Mor*!;ty, in Q'4 Gentleman's Explanation cf Ethics of Today. Secretary Hoover said ax * luncheon in New York: "Let me tell you a story about ridschool morals?the kln<J of tcomU we've outgrown. " 'Pop.' said a little he, 'if i i-teal a nickel out of -your pucker, tiojt'i stealing, isn't It?' "'You bet it is,' said the l:?fle bo. "I father, 'and you'd go t?- JiUI for it ** 'Suppose I bet a nick." 1 on & gaiat ' of euchre and won. that's gambling ! ain't it. pop?' ** 'Sure is. son, and yot know whert 1 gamblers?whad up?gall v.s or pj- ?< I house, every time.' " 'But. pop. suppose I cornere-l *.1' the quinine /in the world, or ?ii t'k chloroform, or all the wheal?si'1 ? thing the world can't gei along v., b out, you know?and sur-nose X rur the price up a thousand per oi j a million per cent, whai would thai be, pop?' "The father's eye beamed, and pat ting his boy on the back, he said wirt ! a proud laugh; [ wtThat would be business genius I sheer business genius. * ouHi Imv< | mankind at your feet if cv>?- so : coroplish that.'n ANTELOPE BEING WIPED 0U1 " - k?' * The American prongborn anfetfope ii approaching extinction. Formerly roaming from the Saskatchewan t< Mexico, and east to the Missouri river it is now confined to a few bundrec wild animals and a few more in .o dosures. - ' . Roving creatures, easiiy the est runners on the continent: IMiij mainly in the open, th:< have be t come easy prey for long*range riflei 1 when fleet-footed enemies were eaa iiy outdistanced. Rven their remarkable ?xgr?niluj system has oat saved"them. Erses Seton-Thompeon has explained how on approach erf seme atranggr ?hjwj the antelope throogh a set of raises with a jerk, rbe hairjf tin white romp patch ? on e&h*"r 5- " 3Th>s flash shines afar ife* p?Td of snow, and the message is ieod hi cQ who bate noses to rewd, fle? ?Hi the flash of hair hi llher^ed as of musk from a glapd iee?9& In t patch of brown batr ta blown. She-flash to gtefi ao** away lisJ 'f?. If the flash to uat stab-'theI keen sense of smdfl out*#* tb? aage area over logg dtek^eag^. What Basoops of RairJjs. One tan of water toi cl rse^ocndi of floor to nature's redpe 6^ iMijl wheat bf^r*feMflg|u> i-aiufirfi pubKshed >y ;iW. j'boJ-.s' hi the Dieparro^ j By controlling the veter supply i: j Irrigation, accurate mc * li I possible, and this estimate is or tn< minimum requirement. Many crop need five times as much water. What becomes of all the w^ter Of a ton of water fall In? on a dozei square feet of soil during the yeai about one-third sinks through and I drained. off underground. Only fj little runs off the surface if (he fie!< Is well plowed. A little evaporate immediately and the res* is hold a the soil. As the surface dries, tin moisture in the soil Soaks up by caj iliary attraction and evaporates i the surface. But by far the groate amount is drunk by the roots or r(i .plants, drawn up Into the lor-c- an breathed back in vast quantities m the atmosphere. One Little Grain of Wheat. One grain of wheat wiil produc 100 hexllllon grains in the tenth yesi an agricultural professor t?>ld a of visiting farmers at the I'e.;r4syly-a?.i State college. He wasn't qn'te sur that "hexillion" was the correct wort .but here is the way he wrote it: 10*1 000,000,000,000,000,000.000. TV-re *, on i be wh^at grains enough, he said. ? string 'four billion chains or it fro: the earth to the sun. Indeed, th crop of wheat, long before ti?j t generation, would be so lege that ?? earth would not be big enough f provide si>ace to replace the entir crop.?Bucks County Daily News, Statue to Red Cro?? Man. Capt. J. A. Pediow, tV America Red Cross commissioner to Bmhtpo is said to he the most popu?:?- man ! tlie Hungarian capital. Our of grat tude for his relief work among Tt; starving war victims, rm' r.;t government has erected a rnotrjmei to him in the city park, which ws:* -< cently unveiled on the seventy fifbirthday of Count Appony . Mi* 'grim old man" of Hungary.?Ti t- Aigonan ! ? Sentiment and Apsc-ilte. , ? "I understand that one <-f your cn "leagues voted for prohibition, ic <pii hf the fact that he personally cm surnes convivial fluids." " l'Yes," replied Senator Sorghw; "tjis heart was In the right place, di his stomach wasn't.'* ) Relief to Friend Husband j "ftas the woman in polit; . ;. ;?ro*\ the conditions of life?" "Undoubtedly," roplie^ enne. "Women now argur !?" tions among themselves making husbands try to clair, outers tb?y do not undergo cd,'' " ?? c*v n??cr*? ? FOR WAR ON "LONG KNIVES" I \ 1 Cache Where Indians Had Gathered Munitions Found in Cave in Wayne County, Kentucky. Ruins of what once was a flourishing: "munitions factory" are sheltered , ta a cave 14 miles east of Mill Springs, ? in, Wayne county, Kentucky, in the opinion of Prof. A. M. Miller, head^of I the department of geology at the Uuli versity of Kentucky. This "factory," according to Pro- j { fessor Miller, produced arrow heads to j ? tip the shafts of Indian braves whose ; no man's land. In the days before the i i squirrel rifle supplanted the bow/ was ; Kentucky. Professor Miller returned recently * 1 from a trip to Wayne county, where he I ! frvr OH VPQ Pfi^tlinrfSPS ?Tld r ; ? ! old Indian village sites, favorable | ' | ground for the finding of extinct mam- j * i malian remains. i "Two rockhouses and one cave were j " ! examined," he said. "In one of these, | 1 ! about fourteen miles east of Mill j r i Springs, numerous arrow heads in vuri- j ^ j ons stages of completion were scat- \ j tered at a shallow depth over the floor, j '.furnishing evidence that this shelter t 1 formerly was an arrow head workshop j of aborigines." ' I The other rockhouse -nlso gave evi5 | dence of having been a popular resort 1 of the aborigines. Human bones found j In the cave lead to the belief that it had been used- as a burial place. ? SCARED BY UNUSUAL SOUND . s Music (?) of Motor Horn Drove Llone r j From Oxen Which Had Seemed > i to Them Easy Prey. . ! . I 1 J The toot of a single motor horn has j * been found sufficient, in Africa, to quiet stampeded oxen and cause a trio - j of flesh-hunting lions to slink away ; Into the bushes. . Two native ^drivers were recently 8 conducting a wagon drawn by sixteen p oxen to the railroad Gamp, In the wilds near Nakuru, the. site of the new Dasin ' r*' -1"* whan the* nYMi u prn b | U10UU I Hill r? uvo4 ^tiv ? n~ ~i. t # .. w. ^ ^ t'! attacked by three lions. The drivers ? | tied to nearby trees. The oxen be '; earn# panic-stricken and dashed dawn 1 the rough road, dragging along the * , body of one ox, killed by the lions. I'..-with tfce swaying wagon behind them.. y ] The Bods followed their prey. f This was the mad precession that i greeted a k>ne motorist at a curve of j the road. Be had no rifle, and ft was I atop* tin nncoooekms tnovement that 1 - took Ms hand to Che bora batten. At tte first sound the Hons aetroed nonf D tawed, The motorist tbsff bttNr load f and long. AM the uncanny and saw k tained ohrtek road above thb clamor of rbe frightened animals the Dens siuak ? j away among the rocks, headed for the I" abetter of the bush, tad the oxen 1 ; swung dear of the dust-covered autofv. mdbite and turn to a step at the aide i. eg tffi road. -? , - .-t ' * t& W**? and 7.Scs, ;f"? "Opportunity," divulged t?:?e hon- j 2 peck, "knocks but once, proving it is a not of the feminine sex." 1 "Might," explained the big man 3 gently to the little man whom he was pommeling rather ungently, "isn't J right, but it helps a whole lot." 2 "Religion," cried the atheist, "is a lazy explanation of mystery." s "Things left unsaid," wept the una successful flirter whose object of flir- j i tation refused to respond with even a , s single syllable, "often hurt more than { a , things spoken." e "Bah, bah 1" answered the hab.v j h when asked his opinion of a piece of ! T free verse juet read him. 1 j r e ' He Auto Look Bad. ii "Good afternoon. Mrs. Joues!" ex- ] 0 claimed Mr. Brown. "What a coinch j , dence, meeting you. I ran into your ; husband an hour ago." "How funny 1" replied Mrs. Jones, j e "And how did you think he was lookr, ingr p "Pretty poorly.'* a "Well, Tra surprised to hear you j e say that Everyone says he Is look- j 1 ing much better lately." >.v "Well, he looked bad enough an j d hour ago," said Mr. Brown. 0 "I wonder why that was," said Mrs. { ? _ Jones. e "Oh. I can tell you that," said Mr. h Brown. "You see, I was in my car e when I ran Into him."?Farm Life. n ?* " 2 Short and Sweet. I Following Is the weekly correepond- : j ence between a wife at the ^seashore and her husband In town. They have } been married a lot of year9 and the letters from the lonely wife are of a j touching nature. They are all alike j and so are the feplies. ^ Dear Fred?Please send check. ! ' Dear Lottie?Inclosed find check.? ; , New York Evening Mail. '! i ' , I Mighty Few Do. 1 "Why don't you join a golf club?" j "Man, I don't know bow to play I golf." { "That's no reason. Ninety percent j of the golf club members don't know j how to play rhe .game, either.'?ue? trolt Free Press. * I | Record Earth Girding. The fastest trip around the world. 1 consuming 31 days. 21 hours and 30 | ndnntes, was made by John Henry I Mears, in 1913. , ^ To Test Jar Covers, | Screw the top on the jar without '*< the rubber. If the thumb nail onn * be inserted between the cover and the " Jass, the top is usually defective. ' i f BAD FOR BRUIN | i Animal Evidently Didn't Know Mule's Capabilities. ? j I I i Two amusing bear ttortes, both j vouched for by reputable eye-witnesses, are going the rounds here, say* a dispatch from Prince George, B. C. Forest -fires in northern British Columbia during the paet month have had a peculiar effect upon some of the wild animate of the woods, judging from some of the stories brought to Prince George. A fight between a fire-crazed bear and a mule. In which , the beur was worsted, occurred at L. Mason's ranch at Bednosti, B. C. * The forest fire routed the bear from his lair, and in its dash from the flames into the open country it collided violently with a mule. The bear was promptly stretched on the ground by a double tattoo from the capable hind hoofs, and the mule calmly resumed its interrupted grazing. Thoroughly angered, the bear picked itself up and cautiously approached the mule from a different angle. The huge paw was brought down with a resounding thwack on the mule's ribs. This was unfortunate. The hoofs were again brought into play, after a quick, accurate maneuver for position, and the fight was called off. so far as the bear was concerned. Mr. Mason, who had witnessed the unusual encounter, doshed to the house for a rifle to finish the bear, should any life be left. Before he could get back to the scene, however, bruin managed to get groggily to his feet and return to the lass exciting environment of the forest iira A fire patrol ranger is sponsor for another bear story. While making a *?1 *v SUJ'vo.v m kic unmnuim ? came upon a young rub Buttering from severe burns on feet aw* body. The youngster was whtmpg&ig from tto' pain and the forester-took pity oo It, tttt&i tt Into bfs wr, and there m?d? It fast with some rope. the patrolman started oa MM jtnr-, n& aaiy to discover that th# arikher tte&x tod appeared and was ta tot pursuit. An me tradk ran upbtB at tWa point, the bea^ making fotff gtrtdes. ?lined ateadlty, and ttoa o?$d tm atprt> egy Was deartf Indicated, tto ftsrestyy took yt initrurftoa? doeft aot uuwa a rttaaflofi g&c)|. as toit the ranger was /efoftrfeCtd and deeMted mat tite best plan would be to throw ?ap cut) overbdlrd. 0fe rttetftpcs to aeuda the knots en the l&fctngs which stoflted the toto#ster fo the n? ditto, howem, pfevsd futfie. Pursuer end porsned came to | fa y&t weeper grade, with the advantage all wfft the former. Finally, wttk caae mighty e#ort, the oW bear 'threw vhgwetf to 9?r srther cfcf^ h^dfiii on by her daws and pews. This is where flic forester decided to retire 2n fsvor dS the enemy. He dived off th? -:-ur, and regained h's feet in time to see !t continuing its journey eastward, wltn a mother and child 1 happily reunited as Its passenger*. Later the car was found, run down and everywhere.lntact, except the side where the cub had been tied, the old bear having torn It out to release her offspring. j Can It Be True? > i Thomas A. Edison, in a recent interview talked about the many advantages of being deaf. ( "For instance," he said, "a motor- 1 ist hurried into a country drug store the other day and" asked if he was on the right road to Brandy wine. " 'Brandy, yes,' said the druggist, who was very deaf. 4N*o wine, but plenty of brandy. I can see you're all right by your looks, sir.' And he poured the motorist a stiff drink orit of a big blue china jar labeled 'Ipecaehuana.' " T don't want that,' the motorist protested. 'I want to know if this is j the best road to the Brandy?' W4The best brandy? Ton bet it's ' ihe best,' interrupted the druggist. 44'No, no ! The Brandywine!'yefled the nwmrist. 4I want to get to the Brandy?' 44 'Thank you,1 aaid the druggist. 1 j don't care if I do.' "And with a gratified smite he J ponded a second stiff drink out ot the ; btue china jar for himself." j - 1 Somethlnfl to Fall Back On. "Suppose you were not allowed to ! write wheezes on prohibition, women's clothes, flappers and the movies?' ! "Well," mused the column condnc- i tor. 44in my younger days I was handy j with tools. Maybe I could get a job j In a garage." Overlooking Nothing. Kls Friend?Great Scott! That's a fine pearl you just found. It's worth at least $500. Mr. Grabtail?Yes, and I broke a tooth on It. As soon as I sell the i>earl I'm going to sue this restaurant keep- ! er for damages. Girls Will Be Boys. "What did the young man say when | you told him you would be a sister to j hlin?" "He declined with thanks. Ho said he already had two sisters who bor-, rowed his golf clothes." , School for Recruits. Sergemt?What :s understood by a theoretical instruction? Been*it?-It's an instruction which is not practical. ALL imSNAKES Members of Uncle Sam's Forestry Service Protected. J ^ Uncle Sam's forestry service Is e ter on the watch against rattlesnakes to the national forests. Arrangements were some time ago perfected for l:ha arming of forest officers and flre-fighters against snake bites. The weapon provided for them la a. small combination tool containing a sharp steel lancet and * receptacle tohnlfl ntirtnonornnnto nf TirwtociK whl/VH. ? v'v* V* yf\S LUOii, TT illVAl Is declared to be the best antidote for snake bites. This remedy may not be altogether popular in districts where from time immemorial the old-time favorite remedy, whisky, is held to have no equal, but. nevertheless, the official sanction has been given permanganate. The necessity for furnishing forest officers with adequate means of protection against attacks by snakes has time and again been strikingly demonstrated in the case of big forest fires. v After the fires were thought extinguished and the men withdrawn it was discovered that the fire had broken out again. Squads of men were dispatched immediately to fight them and on thfelr ' way they ran into a regiment or two of rattlesnakes. In one case It seemed as if the brush was literally alive with snakes. The men consumed the gretter part of six hours fighting snakes beI fore they could get through to the fire, I Several of the men were bitten. | Officials of the forestry service an I sert that rattlesnakes are us plentiful i in Montana as in southern California ^ | forests and in sections of the southern Appalachians, acquired in 1915 under the Weeks law. The little tool with which the forest guards are armed can be carried conveniently in the vest pocket, bdng | only a trifle large? than an ordinary j fountain pen and not as long. IndfcI ?i -J..- 1 /v# I *Tll j VIUUH1 t** CTTO IH UIC vuu?u WMitv j Geological Surrey here been utdflg I these little tools fibr t long time ~?id | with great sneeesa. j Field parties of gestagistg freqaeoBy i sud across flftakea. If afsmd wtfh. * 1 | these rest pocket tlrsiwM lustrajt a bitten man Quickly ?pens up Que j wound with the lancet, shakes In a thtte of the antidote ami rasooea kta | work, apparently none the worse tor I the attack. v timber surrey crews of the foeevfgjr service frequently buttle With mates. It & lettered that they hare the wont time of all to thia relafoo. A Tsoutrtod ConooJsaeSt 1 A Norwegian, John Lasson by narSt, a lumberman had a couple of Swedes J -working for him* (tok^toT'one of 4 the Swedes 'got a little treefc and the N'jrwegian Threw him into the ^ Then the other Swede got into an argument with him, and he. too, went ^ Into ihe river and wais drowned. ? In aix>ut six years John's con- 1 science began to bother him. He went down to the sheriff, Ole Oieson, and said: "Ola, sax yar ago Ay kill a couple I ? * ? l? I Swides, and my conscience i? ve-giu to bother. What skull Ay do?" "Veil, I dunno, John. Ay bane sheriff only 18 months and dunno the rules. You better go and see Knute Nelson, the county clerk. Maybe he know what to do." So John proceeded to the county clerk's office, and there unloaded his troubled mind. Knute, after hearing the story, took down a big book,/ rushed through its pages, then took ^own another book, and studied it Finally, looking a bit puzzled, he spoke up: "There ain't no bounty on them," he said.?Exchange. Alarming. ":A certain actor who shall be nameless here but who has* been known for his matrimonial adventures, ^one day approached a physician and asked for a thorough physical examination* j "I want to see that I'm fil for a good i many years yet, doc," he said. "Ton I know I'm to be married again soon, | for the fifth time." "H-Tn-ro," muttered the examiner as he put the stethoscope to the actors j heart. "Of course this fifth lad/ is the f ! only girl In the world for you, and this ; f i.' j is positively your lasr mammoami ,-p j ventured j? | 4,oh, come, doctor." cried the ; ^ i thesplan, much alarmed. "I'm not as | had off as that, am I?"?American | Legion Weekly. \^jjk Altogether Too Tame. ; ^ One was twelve and the other was v i eleven?Ethel and May let's call them, j * i because those are not their names, j They had their usual weekly one afternoon at the movies and, as it was "J their custom to sit through the reel H for a second showing, they were not ' expected home at the hour they showed up. "Wha4, was the matter with the show that you didn't see it through twice?" was asked. . ; "Oh," was the boreu reply, "the man was mnrripd and hnd n fnmilv and there was no lovemnking." : j | No Fish Stories for Hirru "Why don't you take a rest and go i fishing?" | "I never go fishing." replied Sena! tor Sorghum.- "A nittn in my position I has trouble erough in keeping up hit reputation for strict veracity without j Jeopardising It Id pastims,* y' A p '