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mf>" - -1*- VI I THE CAMDEN JOURNAL. AN INDEPENDENT FAMILY PAPER, PUBLISHED BY JOHN KERSHAW. SUBSCRIPTION RATES One year, in advance $2 50 Six months 1 50 ' Three months 75 Transient Advertisements must be paid for in advance. JUNIUS DAVIS, | J ^ ..... . . V . : :_'... . . = I ~~ 1 ~ ^ "~~ : I ~ VOL. XXXI. CAMDEN, S. O.j TIILKSDAY, FEBHUAllY NO. JSC \ ???^. > " - * Attorney at Law .and Trial Justice. r feb 8 tn3 CAMDEN, S. C. . II. DeLORME | WITH Furchgott, Benedict & Co., 844 King St., Charleston, Importers and Dealers in Foreign and Domestic ( DRY GOODS, tHoaks, Shawls, ifosicry, Notions <C* Ribbons Also, Ladies' and Gentlemen's burnishing Goods. A special department for Carpets, Rugs, Mats, Oil Cloth and Matting. BRANCHES OF BUSINESS. I " .1 r>..i Furchgott, Benedict & Co., cor. ivmg ?u.u v?.- ? houn ids., Charleston. & Farcbgott, Benedict & Co., 22 White street, New York. Furchgott, Benedict & Co., Jacksonville, Flu. dec 7-3m "george tupper, BROKER, 0 a Real Estate aM taraice Ajent,. orricx over w. c. fisher's nituc store, g OPPOSITE COLUMBIA HOTEL, MAIN ST., COLUMBIA, S. C. ng 1?ly P griffin, green & co., | Cotton Factors, AND General Commission Merchants, Xo. 122 Pearl Street, X. Y, P. 0. Box G813. J Advances made on Cotton, Naval Stores, kc. ' Two-thirds of value advanced on cotton to be held, and only 7 per cent, interest charged. No charge for purchasing goods for shippers, nor 2tJ-4nios. j ALEXANDER SfKl'XT, JNO. \V. 11 IN.SON, ^ritish Vice Consul. james SHRt.'NT, SPRUNT & HINSON, COTTON FACTORS ( AND . ' - Naval Store Com's'n Merchants, c , WILMINGTON, N. C. DANIEL A. SMITH, 1)F.AI.lMl IN iFTTI^ILTITTTIR/IE,! * ' f I Bedding, Window Shades, Carpets, Arc I IS now located ill his new building on North ' Front street, V I L.MING TON, N. C. I Parties in want of goods in his line will save l' money by purchasing of him. feb 8 3m . s Jon. n. urssKi.i.. w. 11. nktiika, j f Of Wilmington, N. C. Of Marion, S. C. * JOS. B. RUSSELL & CO. < General Commission Merchants,1 a WILMINGTON, N. C. V ? * Particular attention paid to the sale and purchase of Naval Stores, Cotton,. Bacon and other Country Produce. fob 8 3m ^ M. bissLLU ; DENTIST. Broad Street,-Cam den, So. Ca. JAMES KNOX. *OUX GI1L. kHojcIT gill, i Cottofl Factors & Commissioa Merchants' Da 4 Holiday Street, Baltimore, Md. Consignments of Cotton respectfully solicited. I/iborxl CAlSlI advances made thereon by GEORGE ALBEX, Agent. A ng. 14. fimos. X I. MIDDLETON & GO., FACTORS AND COMMISSION MERCHANTS, BALTIMORE, MD.,Having purchased the entire STOCK OF UnnTiQ ^ Afftcaru T. DvS A ttcct'HV UV/VW V* A'xwwaw. vv Co.", trc will sell the same at COST for CASH, And for that purpose hcicby constitute the teeuibera of that firm oat agents to effect such sale. J. I. MIDDLETON & CO. <Tnuc g tf American Watches IX Silver cases; also the celebrated Roscopf Stem Winder, at fifteen dollars, all warranted good time-keepers. American' ClotKS of a variety of styles, from four to-ten dollars each. Jewelry of new patterns: Pocket and Tableknives,-Razors, Scissors, Spectacles and Fancy Goods. J. A. YOUNG. SCHOOL- BOOKS! ALL That arc used in the Public and Private Schools. Blank Books, Paper and Envelopes. Millers Almanacs and Pocket Diaries for 1872. J. A, YOUNG, Jan. 4th ml, ' SATE YOlIt KAfisr 10,000 pounds Clean Linen and Cotton RAGS wanted, for which the highest market j>riee will ie paid. Apply at this office. Extensive Arrivals J^IIE UNDERSIGNED i? now receiving his rALL STOCK OF GOODS, Fresh from the Great Markets of tho East, onsisting in part of Calicos, Ginghams, Delaines, BOOTS, SHOES, HATS. Notions and Fancy Goods, Full Li of each, In Groceries [e is prepared to show a well-selected stock f Family und Fancy Groceries, liucon, Lard, :c., &c. To Planters He is offering Cheap Bagging, Ties and Hope. Buys Cotton, At the liigest mnrkctj-atcs, and lnnkcsrtibcral dvniiccs on consignments. Having bought lor CASH, he is prepared to ell CH2A1' for the sniueivc me a call. No charge for showing ;oods. Tailoring Done in fashionnblc stylo nnd at 'reasonable irices by Mr. C- A. McDONALD. J. w. McCURRY, Agent oct 2C-ly ~~NEW GOODS/ VT the store occupied by A. M. Kennedy, a few doors north of the Market, will be bund a stock, consisting of STAPLE DRY COODS. Iardwnre, Nails, Iron, Steel. Spades, Shovels, Garden Hoes, Ilrady & Elwcll Hoes, l'lotv Moulds, &c., &c. &c. 3-BOCBBIES. 'rushed, Coffee and Brown sugars. Ilio Laguira and Java ('offices, Green and Hyson Teas, Smoked and unsmoked Side and Shoulder Bacon, Hams Bard Goshen Butter, Corn. Oats. Salt, Stone Lime, Fine Super and Extra Family Flour, Soap, Candles, . .% iMilITU, I'fppcr, opitt, \.m mgv. ,. ....... Crackersnnd Cheese, Ne w Orleans Sugar House and W. I. Molasses Canned Fruit, Oysers, Early Rose, Goodrich, Pink_Eyc and Jackou White Planting Potatoes. Irockery, Glasswarek., Sales. Brles, 2jhocs, II lines &c.. All of which will be sold j at the lowest price for cash, and we request , call from all who wish to purchase. A.D.KENNEDY & CO. A. D. KENNEDY, A, M. KENNEDY. # A. M Kennedy will give his attention to-the mrchasc of cotton; is agent for the sale of Etiva 11 Guano, Etiwan Crop Food and Eti wan Ground lone. Feb lotf Marengo Mills. LTJMBEB! 50 000 ft'1101(511 EDGE LUMBEU; 30 000ft*REFLSE lumber? 30 000ft*SQUARE EDGE LUMBEK; Seasoned and Unseasoned, Now on hand and for sale by the undersigned at the lowest possible prices, FOR CASH. All orders addressed to or left with Mr. C. NOELKKN, or with the undersigned, will receive prompt attention. A Iiiimber Yard Has been established on the premises of the above-nuiucd gentleman in the town.o?-Camden, where parties from the town or surrounding country can be supplied at Camden prices by calling on him. H. R. ADAMS, septl4-ly Proprietor Marengo Mills. SHAWLS, HOSIERY, Gloves, &c. ? THE undersigned intending to discontinue the Notion and Fancy Dry Goods Stock, will -11 in or, noroont KRI.OW COKT. sen at iv x -- , Shawls, Gloves, Hosiery ,Corsets, Ribbons, Braids, and all oilier articles iA this line, at the abovenamed reduction, and invito the attention &, purchasers/ D. L. DeSAtSSURE & CO., COM. AGENTS. From the New York Commercial. J2li Perkins -Flirting Girls and Flirting Fellows. Fifth Avenue Hotel February 10th.? Those flirting Fifth-avenue fellow."! Everywhere I go the young ladies arc furious at t he way lirown's boys are conducting themselves this winter. Their chief aiui secuis to get a young lady "on the strings," and then trifle with their affections, they always talk, but tljcy never propose. They fuss around for three or four months with a young lady and then plead poverty and the I-dont-want-to-take-you-from-your nice-home dodge. Now the girls are wUJing to go.? They are wilH.ig to live in a garret with a brave, handsimj. working ycuug fellow, with a heart big enough to kill them with manly love. They don't like these timid, calculating fellows. They like a man who will rush headlong wherever love beckons him, knowing that happiness and wealth will surely follow after. The young ladies begin to get mad. They are tired of waiting. This letter from a joung Fifth-avenue belle came yesterday, and it tells well the syrene tale of love and flirtation: "Fifth Avenue, February 9th.?My Dear Eli.?We Fifth-avenue young ladies have got an idea. You know the New York flirting fellows have been going on dreadfully, lately. We never know when they are in earnest. They keep us waiting, .watching and fussing, but never come right square out and propose. They talk sweet enough, but when we get them right down to the proposing point they just dodge off or remain silent. "Why, only Sunday night, Charley Brown, whom i love?really love too much for anyfinrl Avon he fooled me like the tiling VUI1UU, MMV. V. rest. I'll toll you how it was: "Pa and ma were at church, and sister had gone up to Vassal* to school, when Charley? the dear boy?came. Well, we sat on the sofa, where we always do. Py and by he took my hand; then lie told nic he loved me. This made me blush?not because it was anything new, for the fellows all say that to us, you know. "Do you love me?" he asked, leaning forward so that I felt his head against mine. "Yes. Charley.you know I do," I replied, and then I?why 1 waited for Charley to say the rest. Put he held my hand thoughtfully for a little while, and then dodged off by saying: "Well, Lizzie, I am glad you love mo for I do like to be loved!" "Oh, the mean fellow! I could cry with rage, but I like him, and I like to have him come here, but I do think it was mean to make uie commit myself So. and then lie? why, maybe he'll go right offtmd do the same thing to some other girl to-might." LlZZl K'S IDEA. "This is our new idea. All the girls have agreed to it. We call it t\\Qhonorable doriyc. and we are bound t put through every flirting fellow in New York on it. The idea is ?but I'll tell you bow I practiced it last night, and you'll understand it better. Put you know it is a secret, and of course you are to be trusted. * ' *11 1 ' Well, last night l-retl 1'alincr cajicci; you know lie is an awful flirt. We sat 011 the same sofa where Charley and I sat before.? The gas was low, and pretty quick Fred began to talk "spooney " I jretended to be effected, and then lie said. "What a pretty ring you have, Lizzie." The old dodge, yon know. "Yes. so-so." I replied. "Is that your crest engraved on it?" he asked, takinguiy hand. (Another old dedge you know.) "It isn't half pretty enough for your hand," he continued. "You should have a diamond solitaire. Would you like one?" he asked, looking lovingly into uiy eyes. "Yes," I said, "if it comc3 from the right person.'' "How .vouhlyou like one from nic, Lizzie !" lie asked with a sigh. "Oh! I should be delighted, if 1 thought you loved me," and then I looked down 011 his coat sleeve. "But, Lizzie, you know I do love you?I love vou dearly, I ." "l3o you love mc enough to speak to father about it?" I asked, interrupting him. "Yes. dear Lizzie. 1 will speak to hiin tomorrow," he said, kissing my hand. "No, Frederic," I remarked, removing my hand from his convulsive grasp. "I'm glad you arc willing, hut I'm engaged to Alfred Smith you know, and 1 was on'y seeing how far you would go!" So keep the idea secret a little whi'e, my dear Kli, and we will fool every fell nv in New York. Mum is the word! Yours, Lizzir A Simple Remedy for Dandruff. There arc doubtless lew porsons, especially among gentlemen, who do not sifter from the inconvenience of dandruff. Physicians seem to consider it not of sufficient importance to engage their attention, and the poor victims are left either to practice their virtue of endurance, or for a cure, to try some of the many nostrums advertised in the public prints. The intolerable itching which frequently troublesome complaint, is al.w.i.ru.l,., _ not the only unpleasant feature, as to persons of any pretensions to neatness, the appearance of the white scales on the coat collar and shoulders is very objectionable. The writer, during a number, of years, tried the different alcoholic solutions of castor oil and many other preparations without permanent benelit, and as a last resort, was led to adopt the plan of cleansing the scalp with borax and carbonate of potassa. This proved effectual, but after a persistent treat ment of sonic months the hair became sensibly thinner, and perhaps would have soon disappeared altogether. The belief that dandrufl arises from a dheasc of the skiir, although r physicians do not seem to agree on this point f and the knowledge that the use of sulphur if frequently attended with very happy result1 in such diseases, induced me to try it in nrj own case. A preparation of one ounce o flowers of sulphur and ouo quart of watci 9 r-r?f r. i . 1 ."V ~ was made. tTho clear liq-uid was pSureBwoff, after thc taixturc had been repeatedly agisted during intervals of a few hours, and the head was tjat^rated with this every morning. In a few wjeks every, trace of dandruff had disappeared, the hair became soft and glossy, and now, after a discontinuance of the treaty ment for eighteen months, there is no indication of the^return of the disease. I do not' pretend to- explain tho rriochnopernndi of the trcatmont>. for it. is well known that sublimed sulphur is>"ahnost or wholly, insoluble, and the liquidise was destitute of taste, color or smell. The effect speaks for itself. Other persons tomtom it hos been recommended have ha&lfos same results, and I communinntn mif ATitfrimAntA'in .the lift lief tlW-palujiiio^Tui acceptable to maujf wtiJKy^ suffered in the same manner ; -<A. WrAn E*citinq Railroad Race.?The Richticld Springs correspondent of the TJtica Herald lis the following as having occurred last week: "Four freight, cars, heavily laden with lumber and merchandise, had been brought up-to the junction near Cassville by a coal train. They were carelessly uncoupled on a grade of eighty-five feet to the mile, and immediately began backing toward Utica. They gained momentum at a fearful rate, and all efforts to stop thcin by throwing rails and other obstructions upon the track, were ineffective. A train had left for ^Llrtja but eight minutes before, and every one was well aware that the heavy freight cars would, in a few moments, go crashing iuto its rear. Fortunately, the engine of the coal train stood on a switch, and Engineer Fcrrcll at once determined to give the flying cars a chase. All hands mounted to the post of duty, the signal is given, nnd a fearful race is begun. There is awful danger ahead, for if the workmen should have the rails up, or the flying cars themselves should leave the track, every v.,nn ,i-rtnl/l Ln in nfomit.v in and instant. """* ? Mile after mile the chase is kept up, and the loomoiive gains !n-*h by inch. At last the fugitives arc overtaken?the critical mement has come. A mistake, and all is over; the flying cars will only be hastened in flight by the collision. But the fireman and brakeman are reaching down from the rear of the tender, one with the drawbar ajid one with the coupling pin. The cars $uch; the draw-bTr, skilfully guided, enters t|ic socket, and the pin drops \o its place! The danger is over', the speed gradually checked, aud in a few minutes the engine and the rescued cars arc again climbing the grade to Cassvillc. The deed of the engineer andjiis faithful assistants was one of true-blue heroism, and will long be remembered. hv^tWsc in the crowded passenger tr^Tfflie^Was but a few hundred feet in advance of them, and whose lives they saved at the imminent risk of their own." The Bear and the Lion.?The vast but quiet movements of Russia, down thr'o central Asia, have at length, it is said, caused the British government to bestir itself for the protection of its interests in that section. The stealthy manner in which Russia lots oxtfinded her possessions has prevented much notice outside of those people directly interested In ono campaign lust summer, a territory equal in extent to Great Britain itself was added to the Czar's Empire, with millions of inhabitants and an immense amount of productive soil. This is only one of the many extensions that Russia has been making, absorbing here a Kahnate and there a tribe; and as Central Asia is quite out of the range of usual information and communication, and the people are thoroughly accustomed to subjection and occasional changes of allegiance, the progress of the Colossus of the North has caused little or no notice. The report that the great portion of the Indian-Anglo army is moving to the North, and that the British Government is making up dispatches on the subject, indicate that at length the jealous fears of that nation are aroused as the bear creeps down toward the quarry already under the lion's paw. A Romntic Story About Mo roan.? A singular story comes up from the Western plains, professing to solve the mystery connected with the disappearance of Morgan iu 182G, an event which created intense excitement throughout the whole country in his day, in consequence of the supposition that he had been secretly killed by the Free Masons lor Having puuiisucu tl UUUft. Ubki (IJ ing their secrets. It is now alleged that he was taken n captive in Texas, where he escaped and joined a of band Apaches. Ofcourse he married the Chief's daughter, ftnd in time became the Chief, teaching the tribe military tactics, and initiating them all into the mysteries of Free Masonry. At a good old age he died, leaving his half-breed son to reign in his stead, and is now buried in the "Gold en Mountain," in a tomb, which has become an Apache Mecca, and where all the tribes meet yearly to worship on the 2-lth of June The story is entirely too wild for credence but being the last development of what ha; been au impenetrable mystery, it is perhaps worthy of a passing note. A Whole People's Opinion.?When t nation of forty millions accepts and endorse! as a Standard Restorative au article that i has had the fullest opportunities of test in; during a period of twelve years, who can bi so absurdly incredulous as to doubt the ex celience of t he preparation ? Plantation Hit - - ' ' i : *1., tors has passed tins orueai aim i? now m. most popular proprietary medicine on thi continent. It would be difficult to find ai adult of either sex between the Atlantic am the Pacific, or between the Viorthcast oorne of Maine and theJGulfof Mexico, who does no know, either from personal experience or ol serration that this renowned vegetable reinc dy is the purest tonic and stomachic and til f finest alterative and a regulating mcdicin ' at present before the world. As a prevent; , tive of, and: cure for, diseases generated b ' malaria, and as a specific for dyspepsi; ' rhuematism, and all nervous and bilious a T fections, it is admitted to bo fairly pronoum f ed the Favorite Household Tonic and Altc f ative of the Western Hemisphere. A stob^ott. Youaa Lajwes with a "Xittlb broth$b."-~Tlie moral to the fol-< lowing, told by tfaifuffcrer, is too apparent to mention: YourtgUadieg, will hereafter c ran their brothers out frheu gentlemen call. I'm certain that I wished.; somebody would rj spank the young rascal. We talked of mountains, hills, vales and cataract#?I belidye I said waterfalls, when the boy spoke 8 up- tfhd said : "Why, sister's got a trunk full up stairs; pa says they are made of bosshah\" ? This revelation struck terror into me, and blushes into the cheeks of my fair companion. * It began to be very apparent to me that I must be very guardedin what I sahl,,lest the I boy might slip in his remarks at uncalled . for place\\ in fact I turned my conversation ^ to bin , and told.him he ought to go home with me and see what nice chickens we imd in the countrv. Unluckily I mentioned n s yoke of calves my brother owned. The word I 2 calves ruined all. The little ouc looked up and raid : "Sister's got a dozen pair of them, _ but she don't wear 'ein only when she goes ^ np town on windy days." "Leave the room, you unmannerly little wretch!" exclaimed ( Emily; "leave immediately." "I know what you want me to leave the * room for," replied he. "You can't fool me; you want to ait on that man's lap and kiss him, like you d'd Hill Simmons the other p day. You can't fool me. I jest tell you.? f Gem me candy, like he did and I'll go. You ( think because you've got the Grecian bend c that you're smart. Guess I know a thing or two. I'm mad at you, rnyhow, because papa would would have bought me a ' top yesterday, if it hadn't been for gettin' 8 them curls, dog on yer! You nejdn't turn a so red in the face, 'cause I can sec the paint. There ain't no use winking with that glass eye of yourn, for J ain't goin' out 0' here; now that's what's the matter with the pups, i I don't care if you are twenty-eight years i old. you ain't no boss 0' mine." 1 Freezing Men by Contract.?For years past J. II. Keys* r x Co.. through their agents have had the contract for furnishing the* 0 " j a: a r puDIic UUiiamgs ana mucus wuu aio>co unu i i heating apparatus, 3 heir mode of opera-1 tinn, as is alleged, is novel and profitable. The stoves arc taken out of the rooms in the Spring of the year and are resold t) the city each Fall, thus giving tl e tax-pi y.-re a chance to double their money by buying in their own property once a year. The trick would have remained unnoticed for some time had not Edward II. Marrenncr, one of the agents doing business in Third avenue, near Nineteenth street, taken a large stove from Jeflerson Mq^rket last Spring and returned a ten penny this* Fall. Frank Ilonghtalin ' issued a summons fofr his appearance in tho name of the People of the City and County of New York, and the case will couie up for a hearing this morning. The following conversation actually took t i place at Jefferson Market: An inebriated v Celt had been arrested and placed in the 1 refrigerator. In a short time ho was heard 1 calling, and Officer McCormack went to sco s what was the mutter. I "What do you wantsaid Mae. a "I want a drink of ice-water," was the reply. "Why. what's the matter with you; ain't ( you cold enoughJ "Cowld ! Cowld. is it. ye blackguard ?? * Yis, I'm froze; and I want the ice-water to ? thaw mo out." He was taken to the s'.ove and thawed r out. p t Fruits of Radical Reconstruction.? W. W. lloiden. late Governor of North Carolina, impeached and deposed from office, r a fugitive from his native State. Scott, Governor of South Carolina, openly ( accused of theft, and presented for impeach- c meat by a convicted felon ex-Congressman ( of his party. } llarisson Reed, Governor of Florida, now | impeached by a Radical Legislature for high ' crimes and misdemeanors. Rufus K. Rullock, ex-Gov. rnor of Geor- 1 gia. fled from his Capital, and is a fugitive < frnm justice for theft. Wariuouth, Governor of Louisana, ac used ] by his own party of high crimes and misde- i mcannrs, now before a Congressional inves- ; tigating committee. Davis, Governor of Texas, impeached for* high crimes and misdemeanors ly a Radical ) Legislature. , i Powell Clayton. U. S. Senator an cx-Gov- < crnor of Arkansas, on trial at Washington i i for illegal practices in .-ecuring his electim , ! to the Senate. I Win. B. Stokes, late candidate for Governor of Tennessee, on trial before the United : States Court at Washington, for defrauding i the Government of bounty money. The Woju.d to Stop in 1873.?The fc; cond Advcntists are at it again. At a convention held in Rochester, they have definitely settled the time for the total destruction ! of the world. It is to take place in 1873. . Dr. Barbour, who has prepared several charts from which he has lectured extensively of lite, from Boston to Rochester, on the 1 coming of Christ in 1873, made a speech on 5 t-hn kil'iis of the times, and cited articles in t O t the London\ Quarterly, the Edinburgh lit-view, \ Blackwood'?, and several American magazines. quarterlies and newspapers to show tlie enormous proportion of the Commune?its ^ rapid growth the past year and its present threatening aspect. There were (he said) 500,000 members in this country and inil^ lions in Europe. Woudoll Phillips was a member, and said "in his recent lecture in ? Music Ilall, Boston, that "Europe was resting on a volcano that threatened thcdcstruction of all her thrones." And i ft he Church would not discern the signs of the times, the c world did, and "men's hearts were failing c them for fear, and for looking after the things ^ that are coming on the earth." i. A Memphis mother, finding her son of f- sixteen about to engage in a duel with an c- other boy of the same age, gavo him a severe r- spanking with a paddle, and broko up the affair of honor. - ' i ^ ; I W ' \ ? " - -* - *rter*g# - <^rr^_2EL^2S>S>X^^ ,. ADVERTISING, BUgS^ SrACjs. 1M. 2 M. 311. 6 M. 1 T. ": I I < ->T. .?, ? .Li? I square 8 00 6 00 8 00 12 00 16 00 ! sqaarfes . 00 9 00 1? 00 18:00 20 00 I squares 9 00 18 00 16.00 24 00 86 00 \ i squares 12 CO 16 00 20 00 80 Ot 43 OO \ column 15 00 19 0d 24 ttf 84 Ot 50 00 column 20 0<J 30 00 . 40 00 55 (X 80 00 1 column 3(T0o) 60 00{ 60 Qty 90 OtfMO 00 j .< All Transient Advertisements will w charged ).ve DoM.AS.pcr Square for tie first and 8xve$ r-rivE Cusrsper Square fbr each sttsequent nsertion. r ' ' y i i. PARAGRAPHS. Boston has a ch'anty hospital fc/f the euro if corns. ' ' , iy',, Thefavorite Sultana of his Majesty of ' Turkey is only eleven years old. The oldest man' has died. California; ige 128 years. *. - r Water costs 25 Ants a barrel in' Ssringield. Illinois. . t. Many persons are 'daily dying of starvaion in Persia. ' " ^ ^Tho Kentucky *L6gidTatdre has passed a till to extend thfrcorporate limits of Paradise.' "Horse thieves ate htfng hf Kansas, but anJdercrs get two years intbe penitentiary.: : ' .. W'r ? > a W xMne million? two mmcrrecr ana rnxy mouand buBhels ofwheatfart fcflbat and1 irf store it Chicago. A Pes Moines damsel having offended ? ?, oung man at a leap-year ball,'he threatened o send his big sister to demand an apology. Pomeroy's Democrat humorously says. Grant for President, and Trteed for Vice Resident. The one giveth and the' other akcth. Blessed be their names." "Arc these pure canaries ?" asked a young ;entleman who was. negotiating for a1 gift iv?his fair. "Yes, sir," said the. dealer, onfidentially; "I ra icd them 'ere bi'rdh from tnary seed." ? Fifty Indians recently attacked' a' stajgeoach in Arizonia, and killed two of the pas- f> jngers. If you will capture those Indians, ,nd wash the war paint from their faces, yon Till hud that nine tenths of them will say kcow."?Courier?Journal. At a Long Island seance, a'perturbed sp'rt announced that it would be perfectly happy f it did not owe a Mr. Wilcox 81,50 forgin. ""he little account was- promptly liquidated >y the departed's friends. A young lady of our acquaintance who has , pretty hand, wants to know whether peo>le are more liable than common to burn heir fingers if they happen to be taper ones. Ye cannot say, but we have advised her not o let a spark get at them. The Postmaster General requests that in 'uture. the countv as well as the State be su jerscribed upon all letters, circulars and lcwspapers, &c., to be forwarded by the mail n orderto facilitate the sorting and distribution of the mails. "IIow heavy you walk!" exclaimed M b, tfackwhack, on hearing her husband tumbing up stairs the other night.' "Well,, my lear," was the gruff response^ "If you can ret a barrel of whiskey up stairs with aay ess noise, I should like to see you do it." An intoxicated man in Now York law wo street cars passing him in the evening nth red and blue lights in the front and rear, lis fuddled brain comprehended the cplored ights. and he was heard-to'mutter to himelf, "Must be pretty?sickly in New York iow, they are running drug stores round on vlio?wheels." A funny man in Lafayette, Indiana, playid a funny joke on his landlady by marking lis face and pretending1 he had the small-pox; n'l.Aii l,n rtrna VlimfWl fill ft of* fclie llOUSG ind narrowly escaped, bci,ng knocked down >y his new trunk and oilier personal effects is they descended to the sidewalk from the ccond story window l is enjoyment of the hing was not immoderate. Cincinnati has a retail trade protection igency. the object of which is to collect ''ditto bills" lor small tradesmen. In extreme :ases the agency "wagons" a man, the pro- \ :ess being to send to the' debtor's residence, , >r place of business, a gorgeously-painted vagou lettered "Protective Agency?Bad Debts Collected," accompanied by two colcctors, big enough to deter the mortified MCtim from attempting personal violence.? ft is said that a few applications will fetch ;he worst cases. An irascible old gentleman, who formerly liad heid the positiop'of Justice of the Peace nras one day accosted in the streets by a youth in a manner that did not come up irith his Honor's idea of the respect due him. "Young man," said he, "I fine you 5ve dollars f.ir contempt of court." "Why, Judge," said the offender, "you are not in session." "This court," said the Judge, Phorouehlv irritated, "is always in session, and consequently, always an object of contempt. In discussing tlie financial affairs of Sooth Carolina, the N. Y. Nation gives the case of the State Treasurer, Niles G-. Parkor, who, it says, kept a bar in Navcrhill, Mass., before the war. He entered the army; settled as a carpet-bagger in Charleston; opened another grocery; "went into politics;" was made an alderman ; cultivated the colored people; failed in business; paid thirty cts. on the dollar; rose rapidly in politics; became State Treasurer, and is now reputed to be . worth a million, and has plenty of diamonds! A specimen! Dr. R. V. Pierce, of Buffalo, N. Y., in his book on Chronic Diseases, says in regard to his Golden Medical Discovery, with which our readers are familiar : "From its wonderful power over Consumption of the Lungs, I had thought strongly of calling it my Consumptive Cure; but from the fact that it is a perfect specific for the sore throat and hoarse ncss to which ministers and other public speakers and singers are subjoct, and also for Bronchitis and severe Coughs, and is an invaluable Wood Purifier, I decided not to apply to it a name which might mislead and prevent its use in other disease! for which it is so admirably adapted. ,;It will cure a cough in one half the time necessary to cure it with any other medicine, and it does not by drying it up, but by removing the cause?subduing the irritation and healing the affected parts." This valuable medicine is sold by all firstclass druggists. 4